There are things I feel lm never goong to tell neither explain them deeply to you even when sometimes I feel I should yell them right on your face. Like how much I hate being the victim, and at the same time how much I would never want u to go through something like this, in fact.
How much I hate my heart is so soft like in general that’s just me, that i never wanna make you feel bad about everything that happened and that’s still happening to me.
How bad I feel everyday, how much it bothers me to cry all day and at ANYthing that has a blue sad feeling even if its a lightly touch.
How angry it makes me feel that i have to do all this healing journey bc its so hard, how bad i ca not remember myself before this. How bad my mind gets just thibking, imagining
How bad i sleep and that i barely dream, i do in fact have more nightmares than “dreams”.
How much vulnerable i feel to anybody that shows me love and at the same time i feel everyone lies to me, i developed trust issues badly
How mad it makes me to not believe anything you say. How much i hate having to convince myself I didnt mean that little to you, i hate how desperate i get when you communicate, i hate so much how you dont feel like my safe place anymore, i doubt at everything you say and do, everything triggers me.
I hate feeling lonely even if i have always been, and i always bragged ablut how much i loved it and i realized it was bc I had you, at distance so it felt like it was only myself.
I hate kinda getting to realize now you were probably the reason i believed in myself so many times ans got to achieve everything i have achieved.
I hate to think the pain could last forever it will just hide. I hatw to think nothing bettwr is coming, i hate to think i will never find something like what we had, and i definetely hate thinking no one will be in love with me as much as you were
I will get over it


















