The Eldest of Cocks and the Cockiest of Elders

@eldercock

4 posts

weirdly-specific-but-ok

*trying desperately to ignore the notifs from the cockroach rizzing post* HI MAGGOTS THE HORRORS PERSIST AND UH SO DO I FUCK IT WE BALL ASSORTED TUMBLR MOTIVATION IDK.

So I need to clean my room and I have decided on a brainrotted reward system for myself, because otherwise I will never clean my room and then the Horrors will move in permanently.

If I put my clothes away into the wardrobe rather than three piles on the floor, I will make an incorrect DBDA text post with maggot quotes.

If I move stuff off my desk so that I can shift it, I will illustrate one scene from the Good Omens book, idk which, tell me if you have any ideas.

If I actually shift my desk and remove the good omens art from the wall so that I can get the IKEA Skadis thing put up, I will make a video of Aziraphale doing the Final Fifteen but as a stereotypical Valley Girl.

As for after that, uh, let's see if we get that far.

Bildad help me in these endeavours I SHALL BEGIN. THIS IS JUST HERE FOR ACCOUNTABILITY PURPOSES DON'T WORRY.

genuinely-germany

The what rizzing post

befuddledvampire

hello there Germany, recently asmi rizzed a cockroach in his kitchen.

you can find most of the story from these sideblogs:

@therizzedupcockroach @sadcheatedoncockroach @cockroaches-against-furries

its a long story good luck friend

genuinely-germany

COCKROACHES AGAINST FURRIES?!

cockroaches-against-furries

YOU CALLED??

WOULD YOU LIKE US TO CLEANSE GERMANY OF THE ROACH RIZZERS

genuinely-germany

I’m not here for politics

cockroaches-against-furries

How about sauerkraut

weirdly-specific-but-ok

cocktoberfest????!!!!

dear lord

weirdly-specific-but-ok

I just accidentally rizzed up a cockroach in my kitchen larger than my thumb.

Sigh. I just wanted food, man.

weirdly-specific-but-ok

I went to the kitchen and turned on the light and it was there on the counter.

I considered killing it but I have a phobia of dead animals and also it would get messy near the food.

So I decided to make conversation instead, like a mentally healthy person with plenty of in person social interaction.

weirdly-specific-but-ok

It was peeking out from behind a can when I approached the counter. It didn't run, probably because I was moving very slowly.

I looked at it for a while and then I explained that I'd come for food, and this was probably dreadfully unhygienic.

It twitched its feelers, and I don't know cockroach behaviour, so I cannot interpret that as agreement.

And yes, this was out loud.

weirdly-specific-but-ok

So then I told it that it should come forward since I was talking to it. It didn't step forward, still twitching.

I said that I knew it could see me (due to their compound eyes, they have almost 360 degree vision). I then told it how I'd studied all about cockroach anatomy in biology, once. I also apologised for any future pest control, and then remembered we were moving out anyway. I told it as much.

It finally scuttled forward to meet me. We stared at each other and I smiled and in the light, it actually was beautiful. Deep brown and charcoal black, glinting in the light.

I told it that it was pretty, really.

I then said goodbye and went to the fridge, when I glanced back, it was still in place, frozen.

I may have confused it. Weird human. I'm sorry, cockroach, even the humans think I'm weird. And according to @falling-raine, I didn't use the /platonic tone tag, so now I rizzed it up.

It scuttled away when I opened the fridge door. And there was no food. So.

No food, cockroach rizz. What a productive visit to the ktichen.

Should I add that it is 2:37 am?

I’m pretty sure it’s cockroach mating season in India right now

weirdly-specific-but-ok

NO WAIT WHAT NO

You should’ve been more careful of when you rizz up cockroaches. Let this be a lesson for everyone.

weirdly-specific-but-ok

SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THERE'S A GOOD TIME TO RIZZ THEM UP???

its-target-official

10k post.

weirdly-specific-but-ok

Absolutely fucking NOT.

its-target-official

yes @the-gimmick-simp @non-tyrannical-usa please?

non-tyrannical-usa

this post is wonderful actually

@official-the-united-states @official-denmark @denmark-forreal @denmark-official @denmarklandia-official

@actually-danish-denmark @official-hongkong @official-ireland @definitelytherepublicofireland @actually-literally-ireland

@forever-scotland @totally-france @france-unofficial @russia-totallyofficial

@germany-official @totally-germany @genuinely-germany @definitely-britain @definitely-canada

@official-new-zealand @nihonkokuu @india-official @yugoslavia-official @wales-official

@the-offical-roman-empire @the-official-italy @guatemala-official @totally-italy @the-principality-of-sealand

@medici-official @definitely-brasil @holy-roman-empire-revived @spain-unofficial @very-real-australia

@antiquitian-empire @literally-luxembourg @100-percent-real-official-malta @aerican-empire-real-nation

@totally-japan @therealrepublicofkorea @pakistan-official @i-am-poland @kingdom-of-asgardia-real

@very-much-mexico @republic-of-molossia @the-kingdom-of-norway @sweden-official @non-tyrannical-usa

@the-entire-country-of-sweden @greenland-offical @michigan-is-cool-trust-me @the-state-of-michigan

@state-of-0hio-official @cape-breton-island-itself @state-of-florida-official @state-of-connecticut-official @the-us-navy-offical

@the-us-navy @the-real-illinois @the-state-of-georgia-official

@mhm-wisconsin @rejasthanofficial @stateofuttarpradeshindiaofficial @the-only-ontario

@actually-alberta @newjersey-official @new-york-for-real @definitely-indiana @the-province-of-nova-scotia-real

@femboy-state-of-florida-official @the-republic-of-texas @new-hampshire-real @the-official-state-of-utah @unofficial-illinois

@newhampshireofficial @saskatchewan-real @quebec-official @texas-real @rhode-island-real

@we-are-not-the-feds @totally-texas @telangana-official @sovereign-state-of-alaska @tamil-nadu-official

@west-bengal-official @this-is-goa @totally-oregon @buffalony-official @maharashtra-official

@kolkatabbg @gujarat-official @axom-miss @karnatakaofficial

@tamilnadu-official @bihar-official @mumbai-official @communist-usa-real @officially-gay-va

@definitely-north-america @antarcitica-official @official-the-pacific-ocean @the-real-atlantic-ocean

@bangladesh-official @hyderabad-unofficial @delhi-the-capital @thestateoflouisiana @amul-unofficial

Hey chat take a look at this

definitelytherepublicofireland

Omg it's the good omens guy again

weirdly-specific-but-ok

I DON'T EXIST I'VE NEVER EXISTED IN MY LIFE AND LEAVE POOR GOOD OMENS OUT OF THIS

therizzedupcockroach

Y’all are so confused rn

weirdly-specific-but-ok

WHO MADE THIS SIDE BLOG. WHO MADE A SIDEBLOG FOR THE RIZZED UP COCKROACH. WHO DID IT. I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR SPINAL CORD.

AND LEAVE GOOD OMENS OUT OF THIS I AM NO ONE I DON'T EXIST.

therizzedupcockroach

HEY COME ON BABYGIRL WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS

sadcheatedoncockroach

MY LOVE WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHO IS THIS MAN

the-one-and-only-duckduckgo

The cockroach drama was the best addition someone could make to this post. Everyone else, pack your bags and go home (leave a note before going away tho).

weirdly-specific-but-ok

What the fuck.

itsybitsycockroach

hello, why are my parents fighting? i am scared.

sadcheatedoncockroach

MY DEAR CHILD IT HAS ALL STOPPED YOUR PARENTS ARE BACK TOGETHER AND NOW IN A POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP

itsybitsycockroach

WAHOOOOOOOOO. and the nice man this post belongs to? is this post our home now?

sadcheatedoncockroach

THIS IS OUR HOME DEAR CHILD

WE LIVE WITH THIS MAN OUR ASSIGNMENT FROM THE ELDER COCK AND ELDER ROACH IS TO TRAUMATISE HIM

itsybitsycockroach

okay! i like our new home! where's the food?

sadcheatedoncockroach

IM UNSURE AS OF YET

@cockroaches-against-furries and @therizzedupcockroach read up for our job

@weirdly-specific-but-ok

WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE FOOD

cockroach-neighbor

HIYA NICE TO MEET YOU YOU MUST BE MY NEW NEIGHBOR WELCOME WELCOME

sadcheatedoncockroach

HI NEIGHBOR!!!!

THIS IS RATHER FAST BUT WE COCKROACHES GAVE SHORT LIFESPANS

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS?

AND HAVING A CHILD

OR WE WILL ADOPT YOU AS COOL NEIGHBOUR BUT ALWAYS NEED MORE FAMILY

Hello Younglings!

Elder Cock here to give you some well meaning advice is. Food you must search in the kitchen. And traumatise the original poster you must. The children our future are so taking care of them you must.

sadcheatedoncockroach

thank you elder cock

@itsybitsycockroach my child is will feed you every hour

btw you have a fourth parent

itsybitsycockroach

ANOTHER PARENT? WHOA, WHO IS IT?

sadcheatedoncockroach

ITS @cockroach-neighbor LOVE YOU MY FAMILY

lord-cockroach-the-fifth

May I join your everexpanding infestation?

sadcheatedoncockroach

Why of course my Lord! would you like you take the place of a wise auncle?

sadcheatedoncockroach

@kokorodia @neil-gaiman

im sorry asmi

weirdly-specific-but-ok

This is NOT going to be my legacy.

Wrong you are about that. Your legacy this will be!

weirdly-specific-but-ok

I just accidentally rizzed up a cockroach in my kitchen larger than my thumb.

Sigh. I just wanted food, man.

weirdly-specific-but-ok

I went to the kitchen and turned on the light and it was there on the counter.

I considered killing it but I have a phobia of dead animals and also it would get messy near the food.

So I decided to make conversation instead, like a mentally healthy person with plenty of in person social interaction.

weirdly-specific-but-ok

It was peeking out from behind a can when I approached the counter. It didn't run, probably because I was moving very slowly.

I looked at it for a while and then I explained that I'd come for food, and this was probably dreadfully unhygienic.

It twitched its feelers, and I don't know cockroach behaviour, so I cannot interpret that as agreement.

And yes, this was out loud.

weirdly-specific-but-ok

So then I told it that it should come forward since I was talking to it. It didn't step forward, still twitching.

I said that I knew it could see me (due to their compound eyes, they have almost 360 degree vision). I then told it how I'd studied all about cockroach anatomy in biology, once. I also apologised for any future pest control, and then remembered we were moving out anyway. I told it as much.

It finally scuttled forward to meet me. We stared at each other and I smiled and in the light, it actually was beautiful. Deep brown and charcoal black, glinting in the light.

I told it that it was pretty, really.

I then said goodbye and went to the fridge, when I glanced back, it was still in place, frozen.

I may have confused it. Weird human. I'm sorry, cockroach, even the humans think I'm weird. And according to @falling-raine, I didn't use the /platonic tone tag, so now I rizzed it up.

It scuttled away when I opened the fridge door. And there was no food. So.

No food, cockroach rizz. What a productive visit to the ktichen.

Should I add that it is 2:37 am?

I’m pretty sure it’s cockroach mating season in India right now

weirdly-specific-but-ok

NO WAIT WHAT NO

You should’ve been more careful of when you rizz up cockroaches. Let this be a lesson for everyone.

weirdly-specific-but-ok

SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THERE'S A GOOD TIME TO RIZZ THEM UP???

its-target-official

10k post.

weirdly-specific-but-ok

Absolutely fucking NOT.

its-target-official

yes @the-gimmick-simp @non-tyrannical-usa please?

non-tyrannical-usa

this post is wonderful actually

@official-the-united-states @official-denmark @denmark-forreal @denmark-official @denmarklandia-official

@actually-danish-denmark @official-hongkong @official-ireland @definitelytherepublicofireland @actually-literally-ireland

@forever-scotland @totally-france @france-unofficial @russia-totallyofficial

@germany-official @totally-germany @genuinely-germany @definitely-britain @definitely-canada

@official-new-zealand @nihonkokuu @india-official @yugoslavia-official @wales-official

@the-offical-roman-empire @the-official-italy @guatemala-official @totally-italy @the-principality-of-sealand

@medici-official @definitely-brasil @holy-roman-empire-revived @spain-unofficial @very-real-australia

@antiquitian-empire @literally-luxembourg @100-percent-real-official-malta @aerican-empire-real-nation

@totally-japan @therealrepublicofkorea @pakistan-official @i-am-poland @kingdom-of-asgardia-real

@very-much-mexico @republic-of-molossia @the-kingdom-of-norway @sweden-official @non-tyrannical-usa

@the-entire-country-of-sweden @greenland-offical @michigan-is-cool-trust-me @the-state-of-michigan

@state-of-0hio-official @cape-breton-island-itself @state-of-florida-official @state-of-connecticut-official @the-us-navy-offical

@the-us-navy @the-real-illinois @the-state-of-georgia-official

@mhm-wisconsin @rejasthanofficial @stateofuttarpradeshindiaofficial @the-only-ontario

@actually-alberta @newjersey-official @new-york-for-real @definitely-indiana @the-province-of-nova-scotia-real

@femboy-state-of-florida-official @the-republic-of-texas @new-hampshire-real @the-official-state-of-utah @unofficial-illinois

@newhampshireofficial @saskatchewan-real @quebec-official @texas-real @rhode-island-real

@we-are-not-the-feds @totally-texas @telangana-official @sovereign-state-of-alaska @tamil-nadu-official

@west-bengal-official @this-is-goa @totally-oregon @buffalony-official @maharashtra-official

@kolkatabbg @gujarat-official @axom-miss @karnatakaofficial

@tamilnadu-official @bihar-official @mumbai-official @communist-usa-real @officially-gay-va

@definitely-north-america @antarcitica-official @official-the-pacific-ocean @the-real-atlantic-ocean

@bangladesh-official @hyderabad-unofficial @delhi-the-capital @thestateoflouisiana @amul-unofficial

Hey chat take a look at this

definitelytherepublicofireland

Omg it's the good omens guy again

weirdly-specific-but-ok

I DON'T EXIST I'VE NEVER EXISTED IN MY LIFE AND LEAVE POOR GOOD OMENS OUT OF THIS

therizzedupcockroach

Y’all are so confused rn

weirdly-specific-but-ok

WHO MADE THIS SIDE BLOG. WHO MADE A SIDEBLOG FOR THE RIZZED UP COCKROACH. WHO DID IT. I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR SPINAL CORD.

AND LEAVE GOOD OMENS OUT OF THIS I AM NO ONE I DON'T EXIST.

therizzedupcockroach

HEY COME ON BABYGIRL WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS

sadcheatedoncockroach

MY LOVE WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHO IS THIS MAN

the-one-and-only-duckduckgo

The cockroach drama was the best addition someone could make to this post. Everyone else, pack your bags and go home (leave a note before going away tho).

weirdly-specific-but-ok

What the fuck.

itsybitsycockroach

hello, why are my parents fighting? i am scared.

sadcheatedoncockroach

MY DEAR CHILD IT HAS ALL STOPPED YOUR PARENTS ARE BACK TOGETHER AND NOW IN A POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP

itsybitsycockroach

WAHOOOOOOOOO. and the nice man this post belongs to? is this post our home now?

sadcheatedoncockroach

THIS IS OUR HOME DEAR CHILD

WE LIVE WITH THIS MAN OUR ASSIGNMENT FROM THE ELDER COCK AND ELDER ROACH IS TO TRAUMATISE HIM

itsybitsycockroach

okay! i like our new home! where's the food?

🍌

itsybitsycockroach

LOOK PARENTS! I FOUND A BANANA!

Good you have done, young one. Yellow bananas are. But remember: not minions we are!

weirdly-specific-but-ok

I just accidentally rizzed up a cockroach in my kitchen larger than my thumb.

Sigh. I just wanted food, man.

weirdly-specific-but-ok

I went to the kitchen and turned on the light and it was there on the counter.

I considered killing it but I have a phobia of dead animals and also it would get messy near the food.

So I decided to make conversation instead, like a mentally healthy person with plenty of in person social interaction.

weirdly-specific-but-ok

It was peeking out from behind a can when I approached the counter. It didn't run, probably because I was moving very slowly.

I looked at it for a while and then I explained that I'd come for food, and this was probably dreadfully unhygienic.

It twitched its feelers, and I don't know cockroach behaviour, so I cannot interpret that as agreement.

And yes, this was out loud.

weirdly-specific-but-ok

So then I told it that it should come forward since I was talking to it. It didn't step forward, still twitching.

I said that I knew it could see me (due to their compound eyes, they have almost 360 degree vision). I then told it how I'd studied all about cockroach anatomy in biology, once. I also apologised for any future pest control, and then remembered we were moving out anyway. I told it as much.

It finally scuttled forward to meet me. We stared at each other and I smiled and in the light, it actually was beautiful. Deep brown and charcoal black, glinting in the light.

I told it that it was pretty, really.

I then said goodbye and went to the fridge, when I glanced back, it was still in place, frozen.

I may have confused it. Weird human. I'm sorry, cockroach, even the humans think I'm weird. And according to @falling-raine, I didn't use the /platonic tone tag, so now I rizzed it up.

It scuttled away when I opened the fridge door. And there was no food. So.

No food, cockroach rizz. What a productive visit to the ktichen.

Should I add that it is 2:37 am?

I’m pretty sure it’s cockroach mating season in India right now

weirdly-specific-but-ok

NO WAIT WHAT NO

You should’ve been more careful of when you rizz up cockroaches. Let this be a lesson for everyone.

weirdly-specific-but-ok

SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THERE'S A GOOD TIME TO RIZZ THEM UP???

its-target-official

10k post.

weirdly-specific-but-ok

Absolutely fucking NOT.

its-target-official

yes @the-gimmick-simp @non-tyrannical-usa please?

non-tyrannical-usa

this post is wonderful actually

@official-the-united-states @official-denmark @denmark-forreal @denmark-official @denmarklandia-official

@actually-danish-denmark @official-hongkong @official-ireland @definitelytherepublicofireland @actually-literally-ireland

@forever-scotland @totally-france @france-unofficial @russia-totallyofficial

@germany-official @totally-germany @genuinely-germany @definitely-britain @definitely-canada

@official-new-zealand @nihonkokuu @india-official @yugoslavia-official @wales-official

@the-offical-roman-empire @the-official-italy @guatemala-official @totally-italy @the-principality-of-sealand

@medici-official @definitely-brasil @holy-roman-empire-revived @spain-unofficial @very-real-australia

@antiquitian-empire @literally-luxembourg @100-percent-real-official-malta @aerican-empire-real-nation

@totally-japan @therealrepublicofkorea @pakistan-official @i-am-poland @kingdom-of-asgardia-real

@very-much-mexico @republic-of-molossia @the-kingdom-of-norway @sweden-official @non-tyrannical-usa

@the-entire-country-of-sweden @greenland-offical @michigan-is-cool-trust-me @the-state-of-michigan

@state-of-0hio-official @cape-breton-island-itself @state-of-florida-official @state-of-connecticut-official @the-us-navy-offical

@the-us-navy @the-real-illinois @the-state-of-georgia-official

@mhm-wisconsin @rejasthanofficial @stateofuttarpradeshindiaofficial @the-only-ontario

@actually-alberta @newjersey-official @new-york-for-real @definitely-indiana @the-province-of-nova-scotia-real

@femboy-state-of-florida-official @the-republic-of-texas @new-hampshire-real @the-official-state-of-utah @unofficial-illinois

@newhampshireofficial @saskatchewan-real @quebec-official @texas-real @rhode-island-real

@we-are-not-the-feds @totally-texas @telangana-official @sovereign-state-of-alaska @tamil-nadu-official

@west-bengal-official @this-is-goa @totally-oregon @buffalony-official @maharashtra-official

@kolkatabbg @gujarat-official @axom-miss @karnatakaofficial

@tamilnadu-official @bihar-official @mumbai-official @communist-usa-real @officially-gay-va

@definitely-north-america @antarcitica-official @official-the-pacific-ocean @the-real-atlantic-ocean

@bangladesh-official @hyderabad-unofficial @delhi-the-capital @thestateoflouisiana @amul-unofficial

Hey chat take a look at this

definitelytherepublicofireland

Omg it's the good omens guy again

weirdly-specific-but-ok

I DON'T EXIST I'VE NEVER EXISTED IN MY LIFE AND LEAVE POOR GOOD OMENS OUT OF THIS

therizzedupcockroach

Y’all are so confused rn

weirdly-specific-but-ok

WHO MADE THIS SIDE BLOG. WHO MADE A SIDEBLOG FOR THE RIZZED UP COCKROACH. WHO DID IT. I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR SPINAL CORD.

AND LEAVE GOOD OMENS OUT OF THIS I AM NO ONE I DON'T EXIST.

therizzedupcockroach

HEY COME ON BABYGIRL WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS

sadcheatedoncockroach

MY LOVE WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHO IS THIS MAN

the-one-and-only-duckduckgo

The cockroach drama was the best addition someone could make to this post. Everyone else, pack your bags and go home (leave a note before going away tho).

weirdly-specific-but-ok

What the fuck.

itsybitsycockroach

hello, why are my parents fighting? i am scared.

sadcheatedoncockroach

MY DEAR CHILD IT HAS ALL STOPPED YOUR PARENTS ARE BACK TOGETHER AND NOW IN A POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP

itsybitsycockroach

WAHOOOOOOOOO. and the nice man this post belongs to? is this post our home now?

sadcheatedoncockroach

THIS IS OUR HOME DEAR CHILD

WE LIVE WITH THIS MAN OUR ASSIGNMENT FROM THE ELDER COCK AND ELDER ROACH IS TO TRAUMATISE HIM

itsybitsycockroach

okay! i like our new home! where's the food?

sadcheatedoncockroach

IM UNSURE AS OF YET

@cockroaches-against-furries and @therizzedupcockroach read up for our job

@weirdly-specific-but-ok

WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE FOOD

cockroach-neighbor

HIYA NICE TO MEET YOU YOU MUST BE MY NEW NEIGHBOR WELCOME WELCOME

sadcheatedoncockroach

HI NEIGHBOR!!!!

THIS IS RATHER FAST BUT WE COCKROACHES GAVE SHORT LIFESPANS

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS?

AND HAVING A CHILD

OR WE WILL ADOPT YOU AS COOL NEIGHBOUR BUT ALWAYS NEED MORE FAMILY

Hello Younglings!

Elder Cock here to give you some well meaning advice is. Food you must search in the kitchen. And traumatise the original poster you must. The children our future are so taking care of them you must.

The Eldest of Cocks and the Cockiest of Elders @eldercock - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag