ELDER MAXSON'S SUPER SECRET BLOG

The deep thoughts, introspections, and daily struggles of a sociopathic dictator.

[eldermaxsonsblog]

***Kkkkkzzzztt*** ………………………… 76556.. 13th44… 56yt32….. ………………………… Recr…uits… ………………………… …Recruits!

This is Elder Maxson…

I, and several elite members of the Brotherhood, have bravely ventured into the literal time stream using cutting edge science.

We’re taking the fight against the abhorrent wasteland back to its roots.

We’re taking the Brotherhood to new levels of glory.

And I’m taking your mother from behind so when you call me Daddy… You God damn mean it…

See you soon recruits…

Max..son out…

[saiyuri-thedragonborn-deactivat]

Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars….

“Fly Me to the Moon” via Bayonetta OST Bunny outfit mod

(Because lately I’ve been hooked on playing Bayonetta, don’t judge me lmao)

[eldermaxsonsblog]

This is an insulting fabrication.

Nothing graces these artistically sculpted curves but emerald sequins. Black? Elder Maxson is no basic bitch.

[eldermaxsonsblog]

Me, you and some knife play on the beach. Excited if it ever happens, my swim suit won't stand a chance. -Deadpool 😘😗💖

I've seen some data tapes on you Mr Pool and I have to say I'm impressed. You and me, two knives, fifty raiders, and enough PsychoJet to kill a Yao Guai. Sounds like a helluva date!Hugs, kisses, and assplay,Hancock

[eldermaxsonsblog]

GODDAMNITHANCOCK!!

I swear as God as my witness, I will skin your leathery degenerate hide and turn you into a pair of hip waders so I don’t get my coat filthy as I WADE THROUGH THE SMOLDERING ASHES OF WHAT USED TO BE YOUR MISERABLE SETTLEMENT!!

You WILL tell me how to remove whatever else you left on here or else.

Maxson out.

[eldermaxsonsblog]

So who here has a hundred caps? Cause I betcha Artie doesn't know how to queue a post. Or delete one. Or find the Institute with a map and a giant ass robot with laser nipples or whatever it shoots indiscriminately at civilians with...

[eldermaxsonsblog]

MY FELLOW BROTHERHOOD OF STEEL I apologize for the communication error that was experienced yesterday and assure you the problem has been corrected. And as a show of good faith, I offer amnesty to the unnamed individuals involved. Alternatively, a message to any of the degenerates still roaming about the Boston Airport looking for their free fix: You have ONE hour to vacate before I vaporize you, stuff your ashes into a mini nuke, and shoot you back over the wall into Goodneighbor.

[eldermaxsonsblog]

Hi there, Hancock! Nice job getting into his blog. ;) I'm working from the inside to attempt to change Maxson's stance on things, so we can actually make the Commonwealth a better place, but it's taking some time. You keep working on the outside.

Inside

Outside

I can work it from any place you want babe

[eldermaxsonsblog]

You guys should see the amount of porn in Artie's inbox. Everyone knows I'M a freak, but some of the messages in here even make me blush. Ya know, if I still could that is. Oh hey, pro tip here, nobody search "sexy Hancock" on their Pip-Boy. Turns out I'm not the only one who uses this name... If tits were days, that woman would have a month.

[hancocksbottombitch]

He’s done!

[eldermaxsonsblog]

Now that’s my kind of freak show…

It’s classy, fun, and sexy. But enough about me, who wouldn’t want to wake up to this beautiful mug every morning?

How’s that jealousy taste maxson?

[mys-archive]

World’s always gonna have tyrants. But I get my way, there’ll be a lot less.

[eldermaxsonsblog]

I’m mason hurr-de-hurr…

What’s a tyrant duhrrr…

[eldermaxsonsblog]

Nice job hacking Maxon's blog. But how did you do it?

Let's just say a nosey reporter sent me Valentine's present. Unless you're cute. Then it was all me.

[eldermaxsonsblog]

Elder, I have never seen you use power armor. Some of the troups are concerned. We know you have you own set but can you use it?

Him? Use power armor?

I once watched Artie stare at a toaster for over an hour.

He misread “bread” as “breed” and thought it was gonna crisp his dick off.

The only mechanical thing about Maxson is he's an absolute tool.

[eldermaxsonsblog]

A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME!! For a shit and a giggle I decided to hack Lord Tightwad's illustrious blog. You know it's a proper title because it has capital letters. So for one day only (or until he figures out where I'm broadcasting from) all asks will be answered by your lovable Mayor Hancock. VERY lovable if you ask several individuals. 😉 Also, there's free Jet and Mentats to anyone who wants them right now at the Boston Airport! So let's get all the mercs, junkies, degenerates, and freaks together to show this Pompous Asshat (proper title) that all his hot air is only good for keeping that blimp afloat!

[eldermaxsonsblog]

Damn Maxon! I thought, I mentioned to you directly before leaving - Purifier is not a giant jacuzzi. I just came back and Lyon's Pride have informed me that we have to fix and clean everything at memorial on our own after your farewell party. LW

First things first lieutenant, I remember your briefing and obeyed every request it entailed. However, I am not responsible for the other Brotherhood members who "may" have taken the "festivities" to unsafe and inappropriate levels. On that note, we are apparently still missing four panties, two pot bellied pigs, and a Pip-Boy. I may not start the party, but I sure as hell know how to end them.

[eldermaxsonsblog]

Elder, a lot of female members of the Brotherhood would really appreciate more women within the higher ranks. Shouldn't you do more to promote gender equality? This is the 22nd century after all.

Don’t you dare. The Brotherhood is based on dedication, loyalty, and hard work. Not one damned thing more.

The last two Sentinels? WOMEN.

Our leading medical officer? WOMAN.

One third of our Proctors? WOMEN.

The cavalcade of moans and repeated slamming coming nightly from my private quarters? WOMEN.

MOSTLY WOMEN.

DEFINITELY MOSTLY WOMEN.

[eldermaxsonsblog]

Elder, On a scale of 1-10 settlements that need your help, How hard do you go in the prydwen?

Are you asking in nautical miles per hour or literal depth?Because the answer is Rocket Knob, the proper noun.

[eldermaxsonsblog]

What are your thoughts on cyborgs. Specifically cyborgs who had no say in becoming one. As in they were unconscious, and now their brain, heart, and spine are now implants. asking for a friend. -totally not a cyborg

I don’t approve one bit.

Sure, having the strength of five gorillas sounds great. But then, because you’re that strong, if you try to pet a kitten, you’d crush it…

Then there’s the x-ray vision and chainsaw hands… Where does it end recruit?

Right goddamn here is where. With a smoldering laser pistol and your lifeless cyborg husk.