You’re Beautiful-Bill Hargrove x Fem!Reader
Summary: Y/N has been struggling with anorexia and self harm for months. She’s kept it hidden from her family, friends, even her boyfriend. However, the toll it takes becomes too great, and her boyfriend Billy is the one there to witness it.
Trigger Warnings: Eating disorders and self harm depicted, mentions of abuse, mentions of sex
Includes: angst, tough love, comforting, overprotective Billy
The dizziness didn’t start to kick in until the middle of the game. Fantastic. You were expected to be up and twirling and flying through the air when your head was pounding so hard you couldn’t think straight. Honestly, you didn’t think you could walk straight right now.
You spotted your boyfriend, Billy, seated in the student section of the gym with the rest of his friends. He gave you a smoldering grin, as he tended to do when you were wearing your short skirt that was a part of the cheerleading uniform. You did your best to smile back at him, but whether or not it was convincing was something you weren’t very concerned about at the moment.
Just one more big routine. That was all you had to make it through. The buzzer would ring in a couple of minutes, signaling Hawkins’ already quite obvious victory, and then the squad would be expected to do the winning routine. You could do it. You had been keeping up with this pattern for months. Nearly starve yourself, and then eat just enough to keep you going a little longer.
You weren’t sure exactly when food became a problem, you only knew that it stemmed from joining the cheer team. Last year had been fine, but sometime before the start of the season you noticed your uniform has gotten a bit too tight. You’d asked about switching it out for a size up, but then Carol and her bitchy sidekicks had called you horrible names and told you you’d have to find a way to make it fit.
So why not quit the cheer team, if it was that terrible? You tried that too. Your parents, however, insisted that you needed to keep it up and stop quitting when times got tough. They were too attached to their picture perfect cheerleader daughter that had multitudes of friends and even kept good grades. Little did they know, ‘perfect princess’ stopped eating, started cutting, and was swarmed with fake, vicious people all the time.
The only bright spot you had was Billy. He was the one thing that kept you grounded and determined to keep living. He was everything.
The sound of the crowd cheering shook you from your thoughts. You quickly hopped off the bench with the rest of the girls and launched into the fairly elaborate cheering routine. You had never been more ungrateful to be the girl that had to do the more intense gymnastics movements in the routine.
But you made it. You finished up and then started to gather your things as the squad dispersed. Everyone was already gone from the gym by the time you packed up.
Slowly, you stumbled out into the hallway, which also appeared to be deserted. You felt the room start to sway beneath you and you went to grab the wall. Your vision blurred and you heard a faraway voice shout your name as you collapsed on the cold tile floor.
“Y/N! Please, baby, wake up! Shit, you have to wake up for me!”
The voice seemed almost like it was smudged by your ears as you regained consciousness. It took you a couple of seconds before you could see and hear enough to recognize Billy. It seemed you were laying with your head in his lap as he sat on the hallway floor.
“Billy?” You managed to croak out.
You could see the relief flood his face. “Baby, what the hell was that? I was so fucking worried, you just fell down and wouldn’t wake up.”
He noticed you struggling to sit up and gently helped you up. Even now, it amazed you that your boyfriend could be so gentle to you and was so callous towards others.
“I’m sorry I made you worry. I’m fine. I promise.” The lie stung like acid on your tongue, but you had to say it. “Can we go now? Please?”
“Of course, let’s blow this shithole.” Billy looked like he didn’t really believe your excuse, but he was going to take you home anyway. Or maybe to a hospital, he hadn’t quite decided.
You attempted to walk out by yourself, but Billy refused to let you. He slid one arm around your back and the other behind your knees and scooped you up with ease. Too much ease, he noted. He had thought maybe you felt lighter whenever he’d pick you up during certain…activities. Now there wasn’t a doubt in his mind, you had definitely gotten much lighter.
“My house is empty right now, we can go there or I can take you home. It’s up to you,” Billy stated quietly as he slid you into the passenger seat of his car.
You really didn’t want to face your parents right now. You looked about like you felt, unsteady and a mess. They’d accuse you of partying too hard after the game, and then you’d be sentenced to lock down save for cheer practice. They were never merciful enough to take that away too.
“Yours. Please.” You gave Billy a small smile, but he could tell how it didn’t quite meet your eyes.
Regardless, he drove you back to his place with caution you’d never seen from him before. Billy drove you just about everywhere, and normally that entailed him speeding, blaring music, and the two of you joking and talking. This time the car was silent and slow.
When you arrived, Billy carried you into the house as well. Up close, he almost looked scared. Like you were going to break and he’d be left holding pieces. Truth be told, that wasn’t a far cry from reality.
The first thing Billy did after setting you on his bed was get you some water, which you sipped quietly, planning out evasions go the questions he was likely going to start prodding you with. But he didn’t.
“You cut your knees when you fell. You got blood on your outfit, baby. Stay here while I get you something,” Billy said flatly and went towards his dresser.
The tone in his voice…he almost seemed angry at you. But why? How could he switch from fear to anger so quickly?
“Here,” He handed you a plain t-shirt to put on.
Your arms ached from falling so hard as you moved to undress. “I’m sorry, you’ve already done so much and I’m acting so useless, but could you help me get this off?” Your voice quivered as you clawed at the zipper on your uniform. Your head was still fuzzy and your fingers felt like they were fumbling entirely too much.
Instantly, Billy was at your side, unzipping your top and skirt and tossing them on the floor. He didn’t say a word, and it saddened you because he normally would’ve made some flirty joke about undressing you. Tonight, however, everything felt somber.
The confusing part was the hitch in Billy’s breath as he looked at your naked figure. It shouldn’t have shocked him, he’d seen it before. Nothing had changed.
But, with your clouded mind, you had forgotten he would see them.
“What the fuck are those?”
Billy’s eyes took in the thin white lines along the sides of your upper thighs. They were too neat to be from suspicious accidents. He may not have tried at school, but he wasn’t a dumb man.
It made sense to him now. Why you seemed perfectly content with having sex almost fully clothed most of the time. Or why you conveniently wore so many skirts on dates for easy access for a quick fuck. He cursed himself for not noting the multitude of times you tried to keep yourself as covered as possible.
He cursed himself in general for letting this happen to you.
“What did you do?” Billy asked, voice shaking slightly.
“Billy, it’s nothing! Those are nothing! I swear!” You jumped on the defensive and pulled on the shirt as quickly as possible.
“Don’t lie to me right now! I need you to tell me what’s going on, baby. I need the truth, all of it.”
You took a deep breath and quietly explained all of it. The not eating. The scars. The dark thoughts that clouded your mind some nights. You could feel the tears flowing down your cheeks, but you didn’t stop talking until you had given him the whole truth. You owed him that much.
Billy sat there for a moment after you finished. He didn’t say anything. He just stared off silently at the wall.
“Please say something. I’m sorry, just please talk to me,” you begged him, still sobbing softly.
“Don’t fucking apologize anymore. None of this is something to apologize for. I’m the one who’s sorry. I didn’t pick up on any of this. I let you hurt yourself. I didn’t protect you like I promised I would.”
He stopped you again. “No, it is my fault. I’m around you constantly and I almost let you slip through my fingers. I failed you. I failed my job of letting you realize how important you are, how fucking incredible you are. You’re beautiful, baby! You don’t need to wreck yourself for those assholes because they don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve you. Yet here I am, about to fucking lose my mind because I almost lost you and that means I’d lose everything. You’re my everything and you’re perfect, so please stop doing this to yourself.” Billy’s shouts dissolved into tears and your heart broke at the sight.
You flung yourself forward, wrapping your arms around and burying for face in his neck. You sat there crying, holding onto each other for dear life, for what felt like hours. You couldn’t bring yourself to stop clinging to him just because he was the only thing that kept you holding on. It’s not like he would’ve let you go anyway. Billy clutched you tightly, and he never planned on letting you slip away.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He whispered against your head.
Your heart sank. You didn’t want to make him feel like it was his fault, and you could feel that no matter what words you said he would take it as his doing. But it wasn’t, none of this was because of him.
“I couldn’t for a lot of reasons. One, I was scared to have people know. Two, I was ashamed of the fact that I was tearing myself apart. Three, you have your own shit to deal with. Your dad beats you and insults you, you don’t need your damaged-goods girlfriend adding something else.” You let the words flow out, lifting your head slightly from his neck.
Billy moved back just enough so that he could see your face. Pain coated your expression just as it coated your body. He did the only thing he could think to do, he kissed you.
This kiss wasn’t like the usual hot, passionate ones you shared. This one was full of all the emotions flowing between the two of you. It was comforting and deep and told you he wasn’t letting go of you.
“You’re not damaged. You shouldn’t be ashamed. You definitely don’t need to be scared. I’ll never leave you, it doesn’t matter what happens. You’re the only good thing in my life, Y/N. You’re it for me.” Billy rasped, finally breaking the kiss.
“I wish I could just stay like this. Just me and you. You’re the only thing that makes me feel safe,” You admitted.
“Then let’s leave.” Billy blurted the words so instantly you were sure you’d misheard him.
“Let’s get out of here. We have my car, I have some money, so let’s leave this shithole and all the people in it.” Billy’s expression was completely serious.
“Billy, we can’t just run away.”
“Why can’t we? Why should we have to live like this when everything would be so much better if we just went somewhere with just the two of us?”
You thought for a moment. “Okay.”
His eyes grew more joyful in an instant. “Okay?”
Without warning, he picked you up off the bed and spun you around, causing you to start giggling.
“We have to graduate first. After graduation, we can get as far away as you want,” You added in between laughs.
“Just me and you, baby,” Billy set you down and kissed your forehead. “Before you know it, just me and you forever.”
