reblog to get a perfect 1600 on your SATs
Whom the f-

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reblog to get a perfect 1600 on your SATs
Whom the f-
You come home one day to find a monster, beaten and bleeding, lying in your bedroom. It’s the monster under your bed, and something has kicked it out. Something much worse.
It was me. I hired an exterminator. I’m going to live under my bed from here on out.
6 hours of sleep but i can still go beep beep
Beep beep
Villains with cats
How do they not get caught?? They should have hair all over them, at all times. It doesn't matter what they try. Then a detective comes on scene and you're telling me there is NO hair to be found???? How?? I need answers.
(Crowley randomly appears)
Dean: I didn’t summon a demon.
Crowley: Then what did you summon?
Dean: An asshole.
Crowley: Why? You've got Castiel in the other room.
Dean: ...
Social Anxiety in a Nutshell
I've realized that I would rather suffocate when water goes down the wrong pipe than have to cough in a relatively quiet class.
I literally held back my coughing as much as I could yesterday
And I just sat there
With my lungs burning from water.
My friend is a published author??
She wrote "Magic Muffin" by S. Larned in the third grade and the teacher liked it so much that she had her mom publish it?
This is girl is so successful honestly.
The human brain is so complex that it struggles to understand itself.
i enjoyed this very much, thank you andrew huang.
So that’s what a unicorn sounds like
Fake News.
Actually though, the stupidest ploy of Republican/right-leaning news websites is that opinion articles are not separated. Opinions are kept with "fact," if there actually is any, so any reader is less likely to question its truth.
(Left-leaning news has an entire subdivision you can go to labelled "Opinion." The rest of their articles are meant to display facts without the input of the author every now and then or in the title.)
Get ready
My anus is ready, Fish
They’re ready, Fish. Don’t let them down.
Was it your birthday, fish?
After being stranded on an island for several years, a castaway discovers that the other side of the island was inhabited the whole time
I had been stranded with Jeremiah the Crab for a while now. I had been here for a few years, but it was near impossible to keep track. I thought I would be rescued quickly, thought this wasn't real, but now I know that it is. As for Jeremiah, I found him a few months ago. He was just laying on the beach like he didn't know what to do either. At the moment, we were settled down to watch the sunset for a bit. It was our own, personal TV.
I let silence fall and listened to the waves crashing against the beach for a bit before asking, "Hey, do you think we'll ever make it home?" There was no response. Jeremiah didn't like to talk very much. He also didn't like being touched because every time I tried, he got sensitive and started getting these weird lines all over him. I was like his shell was made of paper.
By now the sky had turned purple and dark blue was seeping down ever so slowly. It wouldn't be long before it was dark.
"They'll come in a few days Jeremiah. Don't worry. Now, could you help me make a fire?" I asked. Again, nothing but hollow emptiness staring back at me. I was starting to think my partnership with Jeremiah wouldn't be very helpful.
I walked back up across the shoreline, to were the sand meets grasses, and began gathering wood and the like. Out of the corner of my eye, I say a flash orange and paused. The orange light flickered, just a little, almost like a fire. "But how could that be?" I asked myself.
I started creeping closer, trying to stay quiet in case I was wrong about the fire, about actual people. Jeremiah didn't follow. He was smart to keep a look out.
As I approached, I started hearing noises, animal-like and random. I carefully pulled a rock from the sand and held it in shaky hands. The closer I got, the louder the sounds became, and it was clear that this fire was man-made. Still, where were the people? Had they left their future supper here, half dead? Why hadn't I seen them before?
Slowly, hair began to come into view from behind a boulder that was buried in the sand. The hair was messy and brown, almost matted. I braced myself to face this poor, wounded creature. When I rounded the boulder, it was worse than I imagined, and I dropped my stone. I dropped my only defense.
Eyes stared back at me, blackened and impossible to decipher as a million thoughts ran through my head. I had found not one, but two people. And they were half-naked. And making out... or at least, they had been, but now the girl was rushing to put her shirt back on and the male was buttoning his pants.
I was as ecstatic to have found someone as I was scared they would be mad at me for appearing out of nowhere. I just kept staring. "What do I do?"
"Dude what the fuck is wrong with you!? Stop staring at my girl, you creep!"
I backed up slowly, hands in front of me. "I'm sorry, I just, I didn't know anyone else was on this island!"
They looked at me with a mix of bewilderment and confusion. "You're fucking weird man. Whatever drugs you're on, they're messing with your brain. Come on Breanna, let's go." He held her as they walked down the shore together. They were a bit ahead when I heard him whisper to her, asking, "Bluer still gonna glow me, right?" I mean, what does that even mean??
I started following them once they were a safe distance away. I couldn't lose my new friends. After about 15 minutes, I started seeing lights and hearing rather loud noises. What on Earth? I ran as fast as I could, past the teens and onto a path that began to form. Within minutes, I was standing at the outskirts of a little town with beach souvenir shops at ever corner.
I just stood there. I couldn't believe this was waiting here that whole time. Why had no one found me?! This wasn't right!
A man tapped me on the shoulder and I nearly jumped out of my skin. "A little late, isn't it miss? Perhaps you'd like to stay at my hotel? Finest in the town, and the prices are waaay down since its off season." I nearly slapped him. Does he have any idea what I've been through? Jeremiah would have never said something so foolish.
And that was when I realized. I had killed Jeremiah. He stayed back as a lookout, but he would never have survived this long. I ran back and sure enough, he was no where to be found.
I would gladly go back to being stranded if I could be near Jeremiah, just one last time. If only I could touch his red shell once more, and stare into the empty hole that was his face.
As a tear slipped down my cheek, I turned back to the town. That place would save me, but at the cost of the best crab I would ever know. "Poor, sweet Jeremiah," I thought to myself as I walked, not noticing the moans from just off the path. "At least, he died under the stars," I thought, not noticing the wet sounds behind me.
Now I live for Jeremiah.
Get ready
The devil got his name because he truly lived
Parties, women, cats, persephone, stood up to his boss, constantly doing what he wants.... the devil lived it up, and he got punished for it.
You are born with two names tattooed on you body somewhere, one of your soulmate and one of the people that will eventually kill you. There is no way to tell who is who.
Everyone keeps saying "wow imagine if you had only one and your lover killed you!!." Imagine this.
You won't be murdered! You died of old age or drowned or were mauled by a wild animal.
You'll never find love! You died before you were old enough. You're asexual and aromantic so "screw it" you say. You fell in love with someone else and though you aren't 'soul mates,' you're hella in love so you make it work.
Just my take ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
You are born with two names tatooed on you body somewhere, one of your soulmate and one of the people that will eventually kill you. There is no way to tell who is who.
Everyone had their tattoos. They were a dark stain on your skin, maybe a delicate scrawl, or simple, block-like writing. In each name held a person's future, one was their lover and the other the cause of their death.
I spent hours imagining which tattoo held the name of my savior and which held my murderer. "Kyle" shone on the base of my back, heavy in a medieval font, and "Christopher" traced down to my ankle in a curling vine, but for the longest time, all I could do was wonder.
It wasn't until I bumped into a man at starbucks when I was twenty-three, spilling coffee all over his sweatshirt, that I finally met Christopher. It was practically love at first sight, the awkward, bumpy kind where you laugh and kiss and stumble and get back up again. For the first time, I stopped worrying about my future and soaked up the bit I was given.
Years later, Christopher and I were still together, living in a small apartment with our two beautiful children running around. We would have to move soon, but for now, I loved watching them flop in circles with their bouncing black curls. We began the search for a bigger place.
At 34, I was pregnant with our third child. Each day, my belly grew heavier and I, more tired. Christopher stayed home to help me, and we spent most days watching old movies with simple dinners he had cooked.
When it was time, he rushed me to the hospital. My savior, my knight, driving his modern steed through our bumpy city streets. This time though, it was different. Something felt off to me, but when you're screaming from contractions, there isn't exactly time to stop and chat. Our baby made it out unscathed; I didn't.
It's funny how life can turn upsidedown, take every reality you've constructed and turn it to ash. All those years I spent wondering, and not once did my mind fall upon an outcome like this.
I flatlined while they performed the c-section. Christopher could barely stand the news.
He gave the baby up for adoption. He was my soulmate, but he couldn't handle the heartbreak every time he looked into that baby's eyes. Despite his pain, he did his best to find our son the perfect home and settled on two women, Penelope and Clarisa.
They named him Kyle.
If humans suddenly lost the ability to tell lies, the world would be in flames in a matter of hours.