🖤Salem_Valentine🖤

Random shit I guess

[elijahfarmer0826]

So, my headmate that formed over a year ago is now not dormant anymore. I made another blog specifically for them called Raine The Nocturnal🖤

[djpachipikachu]

unfortunate news being aroace does not give you immunity against yearning . sorry. i know . i was disappointed to learn it too

[elijahfarmer0826]

Figured out I am nebulasexual in addition to being nebularomantic. Guess that makes me an angled aroace. Now I am fully aspec in all attractions. (Nebula in all attractions except familial) All the allos fear me as I am the ultimate aspec final boss lol.

[elijahfarmer0826]

Happy early Aromantic Visibility Day!!!

[elijahfarmer0826]

Feeling the random urge to break up with my gf again. I’m not sure if I get these urges because I’m arospec or if it’s because I’m traumatized and don’t think love is something I deserve. However, I’m not going to break up with her because I care about her and there’s way more pros than cons of dating her. I guess I’m getting the urge again because I don’t want to get married or live with a partner in the future and she wants those things. I think I’m afraid she’s going to break up with me for those reasons and so I feel the urge to break up with her before she can. Also, I feel like I’m a bad partner and that she deserves someone better than me. So the urge pops up because of that too. Is it a valid reason to break up with someone for just not feeling like dating anymore? Like, sometimes I think about changing our relationship label to friends that cuddle and fuck sometimes, but I don’t wanna break her heart ya know.

[elijahfarmer0826]

My bingo cards!!

[eroswmorals]

welcome to todays installment of "am i aplatonic or am i so used to social rejection that the idea of putting myself out there and being close with someone platonically scares me so much that as a coping mechanism i became repulsed by it but i am so so so touchy and overbearing but the moment its reciprocated i dont wanna engage but also any time one of my friends acts like they dont like me it feels like my world is falling apart"

today, we are showing a special episode called "the 5876584985748th time sparrow messed up socially and questions if its worth it to stay alive"

[elijahfarmer0826]

So relatable

[elijahfarmer0826]

Happy first day of pride month, y’all!!🥳

[felix-01000101]

Am I afamilial or traumatised?

[i-will-help-you-swim]

Reblog if you think asexuality is a legitimate sexuality.

I'm trying to prove something.

[cmoon-rabbit4-blog]

Reblog if your blog is a safe place for asexuals.

[elijahfarmer0826]

[elijahfarmer0826]

I’m wondering whether I’m really aplatonic because I get really lonely and I have the urge to make friends, but it’s more of a general urge. I’ve had squishes before, but not often. Maybe like less than 5 times in my life? Idk. Anyways I consider myself aplvague currently because I don’t understand platonic attraction (or romantic attraction) because of my various neurodivergent conditions, but is that really the right label? I used to think I was demi/greyplatonic, but that didn’t really fit. Maybe cupioplatonic since I like having friendships? Idk. I guess I can just say I’m aplspec for now since I’m not really sure. I just don’t know whether I even qualify as aplatonic or aplspec because I think I do get squishes sometimes, but I’m also not really sure.

I wish I knew.

[elijahfarmer0826]

I’ve pretty much given up on trying to find friends/ a qpr online. It’s fine because finding people in person is much better anyways. I just hate being lonely. I’ll find someone eventually I hope.

[elijahfarmer0826]

Depressed again. I feel like I’ll never be happy and I’ll never pass enough. I just want to feel normal and look like a cis man.Every time I have some semblance of normalcy, it gets ripped away from me as I enter another fucking mood episode. I’ve done so many things to improve my mood and transition, but it hasn’t made me truly happy. Definitely happier, but not fully happy and normal like mentally stable/healthy people. I feel like nothing is ever going to fix me. I’m just gonna be mentally ill forever.

[elijahfarmer0826]

I think my episode is ending because I slept normally last night for the first time in like a week and I feel less depressed and hypomanic today. Surprisingly, I’m not having a really big crash like I usually do after episodes. Maybe because it’s a mixed episode instead of a hypomanic one?Anyways, I’m so happy it’s finally ending because now I’m not gonna spiral or sleep weird hours. Yay to normalcy!

[elijahfarmer0826]

I’m a bit better today. Still a little depressed and tired, but ok I guess.

[elijahfarmer0826]

I don’t matter to anyone. Nobody cares about me, even if they say they do. I should just fucking isolate and never talk to anyone because then they won’t hurt me or leave. I have no friends that matter to me or I to them. I’m so lonely and depressed. I just want someone to care and want me and hold me until all the pain goes away. I’m just going to be lonely and depressed forever. I’m never going to achieve my dreams because I’m mentally ill and lazy. I’ll be stuck working a dead end job and be a mentally ill failure that lives with their parents for the rest of my life. What’s the point of life if this is all I’ll ever be?