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@anattractional-safe-space
To start this blog off,
Hello!!! I'm Marsh (They/Them).
(Main blog: @marshmellow-oxo )
I made this because while I've seen many arospec and acespec blogs for users to share their experiences, I haven't seen any blogs focused on the whole anattractional spectrum. I felt like making this for any loveless aspec people or any one who is on the aspec for one of the many attractions.
Feel free to share your experiences.
Hitting every character we see with the anattractional beam / silly
I agree with doing this. >:3 Thank you for sharing!
(Asks are always open!)
i keep complaining about how no one seems to understand the aspec community outside of asexuality and aromanticism but i don't think the (only) solution would be educating them on the rest of the community
i don't want to feel like an additional group. i don't want it to be "asexuals and aromantics" and then "the rest of the community." i don't like that divide
i want "the aspec community" to mean the aspec community. i want it to feel whole where we're all equally considered
i hate. how my own space feels like two communities and a subgroup. the "everyone else." i hate the term "tertiary attraction." the other, less considered attractions. the accepted heirarchy
i just want "aspec" to mean "anattractional spectrum."
i don't want to be an afterthought.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I have to say that I completely agree. While I do understand why we use the term tertiary attraction for non-romantic and non-sexual attraction, I agree that it does feel othering. Along with the fact that anyone who is aspec and not necessarily acespec or arospec is forgotten and most people do no care to try to understand us. Hopefully that changes in the future. :(
(Asks are always open!)
i like all the posts that are like "aros, aces, arospecs, and aspecs" cause i know they meant "acespec" but it's a nice thought, right?
that they tried to include me
Thank you for sharing your experience.
I understand how you feel. It is unfortunate that aspecs which aren't arospec or acespec are treated as afterthoughts in the community. </2 Hopefully that will change in the future.
(Asks are always open!)
We find relationships of most kinds cause us to be repulsed. That's it, hello most relationship repulsed people! :D
Thank you for sharing your experience! ^^
(Asks are always open!)
I wish that “lone wolf” type characters in media were sometimes more than “secret yearner with a lot of shame”. I just want to see one (1) lone wolf that is actually a lone wolf and not a lost puppy wearing a coat
It’s always a kick in the gut whenever I see them get matchmade or dragged into found family or pushed to socialise or get forcibly hugged and they end up liking it. I’d loathe nothing more personally
Consent message issues aside, it sucks that there’s no representation for people that don’t secretly want you to try harder because they just don’t vibe like that
Thank you for sharing your take! I have to say I agree completely. It's sad media chooses not to do so. 😔
(Asks are always open!)
Hello,
To the person who sent that one ask about a certain controversial topic starting with the letter p(you know who you are), I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable with posting it.
Thank you for understanding.
- Marsh (Mod)
idk if this counts because im not necessarily anattractional but aroaceapl+asocial
im so tired on people telling me to socialize or else im abnormal and cant do anything in life, that im depressed because im not social or whatever. i hate it when they act like they know me better than i do.
...
(Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm not sure if it is polite for me to add anything onto this, but let me know if you'd like an opinion. Ask box is always open).
it makes me sad platonic is basically the only tertiary attraction the broader community gives the time of day. even as someone who's strictly aplaroace, rose averse, and friendship favorable i feel othered by how platonicism is put on a pedestal. the only two attractions i feel are alterous and aesthetic but few ppl seem to share my enthusiasm for them :/
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Honestly, I agree. The lack of attention given tertiary attraction by people is just sad. :(
(Ask box always open!)
being omniaspec, bold stripe anatt with the exception of mesi anae, is such a weird experience. eriattraction identities aren't well known so i often feel isolated from relating to anyone since most focus is on aros, aces, and certain relationship types get propped up as a way to "make up" for being one or both i've lived the vast majority of life as panaspec. only felt aesthetic attraction 3-4 times for a few minutes tops. i feel shame for being a "walking paradox" as some say. i feel enough attraction to consider myself gay, yet feeling disconnected from the concept of attraction as a whole the shame often manifests as internalized amisia or homophobia. i relate to panaspecs but don't feel justified in using the term bc i know it'll be used to say i can't call myself gay. i feel like i'm stuck between two worlds and neither want me. sometimes i wish i was bold (pink?) stripe anae or allo across eriattractions so i'd be a "true" anatt or "somewhat" gay. but since either is my reality i feel guilty for taking up space at all
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(I'm not sure how to respond to that, but I appreciate you sharing your experience. I hope by posting this, you see others with similar experiences or vice versa, and it can aid you with understanding that you're not alone! You're completely valid! <222 Ask box always open!)
Anattractional culture is screeching
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(I don't feel that there is anything to add on to this. Ask box is always open).
i'm curious if anyone else here has felt a type of attraction without the attraction? like for example i have sexual feelings towards someone but i dont exactly feel. pulled to do sexual things with them? maybe the pull is just extremely weak but idk am i making sense
Although I haven't felt this myself before, it's definitely possible. If anyone else relates to anon, feel free to share your experience to show them they aren't alone. ^^
The closest thing to this I am aware of is probably Orchidsexuality? Orchidsexuality is an identity in which one experiences sexual attraction but does not desire a sexual relationship.
Here is a helpful link:
Orchidsexual is a microlabel on the asexual spectrum in which an individual experiences sexual attraction, which is an involuntary urge to b
I hope that helped with validating your emotions even a little bit. Asks are always open for you, should you want to share more. Anyone else is also welcome to send asks about any of their questions or experiences. ^^
i often feel excluded in aspec communities because im romance and sex favorable/indifferent but very repulsed by qprs and friendship and family and all that. people like to act like they are sex positive but then talk about how gross sex is and how weird it is that people could even like it at all or how platonic relationships are somehow more pure/valid/loving/etc and how sexual or romantic relationships are shallow or how stupid and weird shipping is and acting like its a lesser way of being in a fandom. it doesnt act like its immoral (usually) but when you constantly talk like that it really only makes those of us who do like those things feel bad about ourselves. i dont want a qpr and dont feel represented by them. i like shipping and find it fun. people talk about how lacking attraction is a spectrum but they only want representation for their part of the spectrum and call representation not catered to them erasure. we want representation too. we arent even acknowledged outside of people supposedly mentioning us when shipping aspec characters but i havent seen anyone actually say that and only have seen people talking how its problematic and aphobic for aspec characters to be written as anything other than aroace sex-repulsed romance-repulsed people who have qprs.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I don't believe you wanted advice, but if you ever need to rant or vent, feel free to do so.
(Ask box is always open).
Idk if I'm anattractional or not. Even though I use the label. I feel like i might feel some but at the same time i feel none? Like they layer on top of each other. The "attraction" on the bottom and the non-attraction on the top.
But at the same time, what if my anattractional-ness is just the development of a potential personality disorder? Cause I know that a lot of how I feel towards people can be on the line of, well, a bunch of personality disorders. Which I wouldn't like because a bunch of people already think a-specs are mentally ill!!
If you feel comfortable using the label, you can continue using it. The complexity of your anattraction is valid, despite some attraction seeming to be underlyingly present. Don't feel guilty for your disorder. Just because you have the disorder and identify as aspec does not mean that you will be spreading that stereotype. I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I hope you have a good day regardless.
(Ask box is always open.)
Okay, so I keep getting into relationships. I like having friends, etc. But rn I'm dating my bf (he's wonderful) but I can't seem to wait for him to break up with me. Like, I can't wait. I complain about being single when I am. But hearing this dude go on and on about *our* future plans? It makes me feel sick. I feel so bad though. He is so sweet. I wish I could just date without future plans. Yes I plan to marry someone, for financial reasons and benefits. But he's talking about kids. He says not with me. He agrees that we will have separate houses like I want. He says I don't have to interact with his kids. But it still seems like he wants me in that world??? I can't break this to him, but I don't want to be in that world. I'm okay with casually dating with mutually not liking each other romantically. (He says this is mutual). But I can't tell anymore if it is. I'm sorry for using this to vent/rant but I genuinely feel like I'm gonna cry at the thought of having a future with this dude. I wish I could just casually date. Aaaaaaaaaaaa. Plus, if I did get married, it would be an open marriage. I'd go on dates casually. Cause I like that. I like dates. Kisses. But I don't like futures. I keep going on and on I'm sorry.
Maybe I'll just wait until he breaks up with me. I mean, it's only inevitable. Hopefully. Cause I don't wanna be rude. I went along with his future planning cause I felt bad. And now idk if I can back out without seeming rude. And we've barely been dating.
We started like 10 days ago though!!! This is so weird even if I did want permanent dating. I don't like how I accidentally keep finding weird people to date. Like he's very cool, nice, everything. But, c'mon now. It has been ten days.
Idk if this is a valid thing to "ask" but yeah. I needed somewhere to vent. Especially when it relates to my anattractional-ness
The ask is valid! Feel free to vent whenever you need. I cannot offer any comforting words or help you with the issue but I do understand that the other individual is being a bit... fast, to say the least. I hope everything goes well.
(Ask box is open for anything.)
I feel broken for being on the anattractional spectrum. I can only experience aesthetic and solaic attraction only after a deep bond is formed.
I don't know if I experience queerplatonic attraction anymore
Thank you for sharing your experience. I do not trust myself with comforting you, but I can tell you that despite the fact that you do not feel attraction, you are not broken. Attraction cannot be forced and you are perfect just the way you are. <2
(Ask box is always open for anything.)
ancute / acuteexi culture is getting confused and feeling like something is missing bc i dont find things cute. i dont get it guys why are you all attracted to this
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Asks are always open for other experiences or questions.