E's Mind

[elijahsmind]

elijah - he/him - 24

ocd?

this blog is for my vents and my obsessions...

trigger warning for multiple ocd themes: existential, false memory/real event, harm, pure, zocd, pocd, religious, sensorimotor...

[elijahsmind]

the hyper focus of bodily functions is so exhausting.

[elijahsmind]

I was able to take a shower today successfully despite my latest panic attack from intrusive thoughts the other night.

I have a hard time with showers and I think a lot of it has to do with maybe an pool incident that occured when I was little. It could also be from the extensive fear of water. I've always had trouble with showers due to the water. It also could be from when I had my first panic attack when my mother put me in the bathtub to run water over me to calm me down because I wasn't aware of what was going on at the time which was a panic attack and the shower made it worse.

Ever since, showers are difficult for me and it is always something to celebrate when I have one with no panic attacks or when I don't let the intrusive thoughts control me.