**CW alnst spoilers for r7, mentions of death**
TILL CHOOSING MIZI KILLED HIM
Before I dump my feelings thoughts: These are my assumptions!! Conjectures!! Opinions!! I just like posting meta, so discussion is welcome, but Iām not picking any fights š„² pls be kind this series has already hurt us all so much
What makes Tillās (alleged) conclusion tragic is the way it parallels the others. Focusing on Ivan and Mizi, simplified, Mizi was raised previously and views the world naively and optimistically, seeing no reason for change; Ivan was raised previously, but views the world objectively, wanting to change his situation (though only in response to Till); Till was raised with cruelty but, similar to Mizi, refuses to change his station in response to Miziās decision, similar to Ivan. While I donāt think it was an entirely conscious decision, Tillās choices have been a result of Miziās existence (not because of her, since sheās more than simply a human to Till).
In the past, Till always looked to Mizi, always envisioning her at his lowest as a source of hope. Many other characters (Ivan and Sua) have confirmed Mizi to be a ālight,ā a person untouched by the darkness of the human experience in ALNST, albeit a condition predisposed by naivety. So itās no wonder that someone like Till, who had a particularly rough life, beaten and oppressed by his alien sponsor as well as the other children, would find comfort in her. It has now been confirmed that Till truly saw Mizi as a goddess of hope, a being inspiring him on, but untouchable. Nevertheless, hope exists for the hopeless to save themselves, not to act as a savior.
To Till, Mizi existed as more of a concept than an actual human. They were friends and had a close relationship, but whether conscious, accidental, or subconscious, Till also created distance between them, a suspension of the person Mizi was and who Till wanted her to be. What started as nerves because of a crush, a warm and kind existence that made him too nervous to approach or maybe even sully, became the foundation for idolization. Though Till loved Mizi, he was not fully able to accept her as a person because that conflicted with his conception of her. This appears as much a protection for him (and his comfort) as well as Mizi.
Till, much like characters such as Ivan and Luka, was not taught love. He additionally struggled to find it intuitively, as his environment was constantly punishing. This might mean that, after Till found love through Mizi, he came to the realization he was not deserving of it. It is difficult for children to reason that their parents (their father, their universe) is wrong and a guardian not showing love is an act of cruelty instead of the consequence of childās misbehavior. Till might have felt that he did not receive love because he did not deserve it and he was definitely not worthy of receiving Miziās love; though this was a form of love and kept Till moving forward, it also inherently destroyed Till, proving comfort while reinforcing the idea he did not deserve it and preventing him from taking any steps to change his situation. Mizi taught Till love, but never challenged his reality and never forced the realization that Till can love and be loved. In a way, Mizi existed much like Sua to Till, a reason to live as well as the reason they continue to never change the way theyāre living, counting to suffer.
Ivan, on the other hand, showed Till very different feelings than Mizi. Throughout the years, Ivan appeared selfish or sadistic or obsessive or irritating, yet never truly harmed Till. What began as a fascination with Tillās pain became a desire to see the pain disappear; what began as interest to observe Tillās existence became the desire to see him, be with him, be seen by him. In the end, though Ivan wanted to exist beside Till, he wanted more to see Till exist as himself in his best state, which (in Ivanās eyes) was when Till was passionate, fighting back to creating music. Neither realized it, but Till and Ivan taught each other what it meant to notice and care about another being, though this manifested itself in complicated ways.
Unlike Mizi, whose love helped him live but never more, Ivan (and his version of love) was able to affect Till, alter his perceptions, his situation, and present the possibility of simply more than managing to live. Ivan nearly brought Till out of Anakt Garden and Ivan losing did allow Till to live, the opportunity to choose what to do next. Ivan was not a grand concept, only a person, and a very flawed one at that. This was not because Ivan was a better, stronger person or held a superior form of love, diverging from Mizi most distinctly in how he made Till respond. Mizi and Till existed on separate planes and though Till wished a lot of Mizi, he could never ask her. Till had crafted such a one-sided relationship; they never expected a response and didnāt really account for one since, in a way, the idea of Mizi was utilized by Till to force himself to accept his circumstances. As long as this was true, his decision would always be decided for him, justified by the idea he was doing it for her sake. Conversely, though Till never wished anything of him, Ivan consistently gave what he thought Till was asking for. The problem was, Ivan was acting on Tillās perceptions, limited by what Till thought he wanted for himself. This doing what he felt Till wanted and never beyond might have been thoughtful, but Till had never been allowed choices, so how was he to know how to make them?
The definition of ācareā and āloveā had long been warped by the segyein, if defined at all, so itās no wonder that āhateā was confused with them. In Tillās world, love (moments with Mizi) was fleeting, but hatred (at his abusers) was a constant. Till probably did not trust something as foreign as kindness; when Ivan offered his hand to run away with Till, how could he take it? Running away with Ivan meant leaving Mizi, his only solace, as well as buying into an uncertain ideal that merely tricked him leaving himself vulnerable, tricked him into making the pain worse. I believe this was a very decision very complicated for Till. No matter whether because of her influence of her being itself, it can be reliably assumed that Till rejected Ivanās plan to run away partially because of Mizi. There is no confirmation that running was the better choice or truly how much of Tillās decision was due to Mizi, but is notable that Miziās existence (presumably) impacted Till enough to choose to stay in Anaktās Garden, no matter the hardship, rather than escape and take his chances. All the same, the result was inevitably that Till chose what was familiar and consistent and that happened to all be represented as Mizi.
In Unknown(Till the Endā¦), āDon't even think this times enough/Cause you baby still it's not enoughā seemed to imply that Till was looking for more from Mizi, that he needed something more from her. Maybe, instead of wanting her affection or reciprocation, he was implying that the concept of her alone wasnāt enough? That, although Mizi kept him going, this wasnāt enough to save him? Mizi was not willing to give all of herself and Till was not willing to take all of her to survive, but Ivan was willing to. Ivan and Tillās song is literally called Cure. At first glance, Cure leans more into Ivan; Till provided him solace, gave meaning to Ivanās life and his eventual end, no matter how selfish his sacrifice was. Till existing beyond Ivan was enough, but Ivan also wanted to continue being seen. What better way than for Till to make use of Ivan to survive? Ivan literally begs him, saying āė¤ź² ė¬¼ė¤ź²ā // āIāll drown in youā and after they both sing, āė§ģ
ģ¤ ė ā // āconsume me,ā Ivan concludes solo with āź·øė ė ģ¤ģ¤-ā // āyes, me.ā
In the Final, Luka, repeating his strategy from round 5, relies on the memory of Ivan to incapacitate Till. Till loved Ivan (in his own way), except, unlike with Mizi, Ivan was more than a concept. Mizi could possibly exist after she was gone because, to Till, the concept of her was comforting. Ivan was more than a concept to Till; to Till, the living being of Ivan was special and him passing meant all of Ivan would never again be able to comfort Till. The thought of Ivan crippled Till because his entire being was important. More so, Ivan showed him a different life, a reality that was impossible. In Alien Stage, humans arenāt afforded happiness and any love has no way of surviving; this is no happy ending for love. Mizi loved and believed in Sua, but all that resulted was despair and grief, a constant reminder that love, even if exists, will be taken away. Love is a reminder of loss, not an existence of hope. In the last round, Till has lost both Mizi AND Ivan, all forms of love and comfort present in his harsh life, now gone.
Then Mizi appears right before Till, in his darkest hour and, once more, Till is able to forget the darkness he lives in. But Till is only able to forget, only able to exist in the moment without worry, because Mizi, the hope she brings, it doesnāt actually change anything the situation. No, Mizi did not kill Till. In Alien Stage, what power do any of these humans actually have over their fate? He would have been shot at the end of the round regardless of whether he specifically reached out, but this can be taken as exemplifying their relationship and its tragedy. Mizi was only a person and Till was never able to acknowledge that. In her own way, Mizi saved Till; amongst his horrible life, her acts of kindness and cheerfulness gave him reason to keep living. However, that is the extent a human, especially a young child, can give. Mizi was a girl but Till expected a goddess, relinquishing any frustrations over a lack of autonomy to place an extreme faith in the visage he had crafted of her. Till wanted āneededā someone to rescue him (remember around 6, Till hallucinating Ivan as Mizi, taking him away and releasing his collar), but Mizi was simply a girl (one kept unaware of the horrors transpiring, allowing her to shine brightly at the cost of the power and awareness to help others.) Tillās blind faith seems especially level with the themes of religion and faith that dominate the narrative.
At the end of it all, Till let go of Ivanās hand and reached for Miziās. Till let go of Ivanās hand, turned away from him, and never reached for him again. Till accepted all of Ivan, fought back again and again but never against Ivan, accepting everything he hid (even being choked at his hands), almost expecting him, but never reached for him. Then Till, reaching for Mizi, (assumedly) is shot dead. Till reaches for a savior (his savior, his brightness) who could not save him (or anyone). Till persisted in his suffering at the ignorance of opportunities for change. This continuous, helpless choice sealed his fate, chooses made because of Mizi, because of Ivan, because of the Segyein, but made by him all the same