I’m gonna vent for a second bc I know no one will see it here. But I just need to get this out.
I’ve had the worst last two weeks ever. I feel like I’ve gotten to a point where so much has happened that no can even provide empathy for me anymore? And that sounds selfish, I don’t mean it to. I just don’t know how else to describe the way everyone is acting right now.
I lost my job and have been relaying on government income since the beginning of November. I haven’t been able to pay my bills on time because I only get $300 a week so I have to wait until I get the money to pay the bill. I finally got my job back, but my boss has decided that he hates me this time around. Idk what I did to him other be the only women in my company. And I mean that. I’m literally the only woman in my construction company. He only gave me 8 hours of work last week and ignored me when I reached out to him. Because of this I only made $200 last week, $100 less than my unusual government paycheck. So they canceled my car insurance today because I was unable to pay it. When I called and asked if I could just ride to my dad’s job he told me to stay home and don’t work at all. Jokes on him, that’s illegal to do in a labor union. He legally has to give me my hours. But now I’m getting in trouble and could potentially lose my job again for standing up for myself.
I’ve been getting physically harassed at my apprenticeship school for the last two years and the man has started getting worse and worse with his touching, grabbing my lower back and butt and hips. I finally had enough of it last Tuesday and moved his hands off of me and told him to stop touching me. He got mad and grabbed me and ran his hands all over me in retaliation. There is a stigma against girls that speak up after being harassed in this line of work and now I’m always going to be the untrustworthy girl that now one wants to work with.
Not even ten minutes after he do that though I was rear ended trying to leave the school and the guy that hit me sped off before I could even see the color of his car. My car is okay, but it’s scratched of bad and my tag is dented in.
Which doesn’t matter bc I can’t drive it anyways! I have no car insurance until Friday!
I also came down with bronchitis out of no where and I can barely talk or breathe right now.
It’s just been a lot, my sister is manic again and we are on suicide watch 24/7 for her. We also just confirmed that she had Bipolar 2 and there is a 50/50 chance that she’ll kill herself at any point. We’ve been in and out of the hospital with more attempts than I can count for her, it’s only a matter of time before one attempt succeeds.
Everything is building up on me right now and I’m so stressed out that I keep crying at every little thing that happens now. Traffic? Crying. My friend buys me a man energy drink? Crying. My bf stays he loves me? Crying. Everything has me emotional. I can’t stop shaking, I’m having a constant anxiety attack and to top everything off I have a massive cyst on my ovary (thank you PCOS) that hurts when I move and when it ruptures it’s going to put me out of commission for a whole day. I’m so tired of living with chronic pain. I’m so tired of this stress. I just want to work to live normally and move out of my parents house. I miss my boyfriend. I had such a good year last year, it’s like life just decided it need to make up for the good year I had by fucking me over as much as possible all in one week. I’m not suicidal, I have no plans or real wants to take my life but lately I’ve been thinking about it a lot which is a tale tell sign that my depression is getting really bad. I’m worried that I’m gonna have a dissociative episode and go catatonic . That’s the last thing I need right now but it’s looking like that’s where I’m heading if life keeps up like this. I just don’t know what to do. What can I even fucking do? I’m stuck right now. If they lay me off then I can go to another company, but I’m stuck until then because I’m an apprentice. But if they don’t lay me off then it’s gonna be more misogyny and hatred until I make enough money to quit. 
But with each thing that happens it’s like my family cares less and less. My dad straight up told me to “suck it up, what that guy did isn’t as important as the job now” and that really fucking hurt. I just want a hug and all either my mom or dad can do is grimace and say “damn, I’m sorry” now. Not even reassurance. I’m not asking for much, but some emotion behind your words to show you care would be nice. But they can’t pull their head out of their phones long enough for that. I haven’t asked for help, or money, or advice, or anything. That’s selfish of me, I know. They have their own stuff they are dealing with. Which just makes me feel like even more of an asshole for thinking that.
I just wanna lay down and sleep forever
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