ells

mentally ill girlblogger/jirai lifestyle alt account. gay as fuck

[ellsfuckinggay]

｡･:*˚:✧｡ INTRO POST~ (basic info❣️❣️)

♡︎ I go by Ell or Ells

♡︎ Demigirl (She/They pronouns) & lesbian

♡︎ I'm a minor & happily taken

♡︎ This is an alt account & digital diary... as such, I will mainly post vents/more disturbing thoughts ^^

｡･:*˚:✧｡ INTERESTS/FANDOMS~ (there's probably more❣️❣️)

Doki Doki Literature Club, Class of 09, The Coffin of Andy and Leyley, Lacey's Games, The Amazing Digital Circus, Needy Streamer Overload, Our Life, Kindergarten, Death Note, Madoka Magica, Saiki K, Date Everything, Danganropa, Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing, Roblox, Osora, Superfish, Ginny and Georgia, Shera, Adventure Time, Steven Universe, Gravity Falls, Cuphead, Rick and Morty, Spy x Family, vampires, sirens, mental health, FNAF

｡･:*˚:✧｡ HOBBIES~ (shit I do all the time❣️❣️)

Talking to my friends, talking to my girlfriend, playing videogames, writing poetry, reading sad books, going to therapy, drawing fanart, doodling, painting, baking, going on walks, swimming, playing with my rats, posting on tumblr, watching anime, organizing my room, listening to music, petting my dog, eating food, procrastinating, dressing up, fashion, daydreaming

｡･:*˚:✧｡ FAVORITE STUFF~ (allllll the favorites❣️❣️)

♡︎ Colors: Pink, orange, red

♡︎ Book: how it feels to float

♡︎ People: My gf, my best friends, my siblings, my grandpa, my pets

♡︎ Artists: Rebzyyx, Chappell Roan, and my gf (she's a digital artist)

♡︎ Games: Doki Doki Literature Club, Class of 09

♡︎ Shows: Death Note, Saiki K

♡︎ Foodstuff: Brown sugar boba tea, crepes

♡︎ Aesthetics: Decora, jirai kei, scene

♡︎ Songs: Guilty Pleasure (by Chappell Roan) song *bye cruel world cypher* (by Rebzyyx) and Woke Mind Virus (by Cheap Perfume)

｡･:*˚:✧｡ CHARACTERS I RELATE TO~ (also usually my favorite characters❣️❣️)

♡︎ All the DDLC girls

♡︎ P-Chan from NSO

♡︎ Ame-Chan from NSO

♡︎ Jecka from co09

♡︎ Ari from co09

♡︎ Osora from Osora

♡︎ Arias from Osora

♡︎ Catalina from Osora

♡︎ Steven from Steven Universe

｡･:*˚:✧｡ OTHER SHIT~ (other❣️❣️)

♡︎ DNI if you're conservative, homophobic, transphobic, sexist, mysoginistic, or a dark shipper

♡︎ I love asks!!! Happy to be moots with people, too!!!

♡︎ This blog contains mentions of SH, death, poor mental health, and suicidal ideation. Some posts will be marked with trigger warnings but there's not much else I can do. Block don't report. I don't post pictures of my scars personally!!!

♡︎ Tags listed below!

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ells thoughts = short, daydreamy little thinklings

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ells gay shit = yapping about gay stuff like my gf

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ell vents = venting, angry, sad, whatever

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ell rambles = rambling for a long time about anything

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ells girly shit = girly silly stuff

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ells polls = polls I make that I'm curious about

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ells asks = I answer asks... once I get any

[ellsfuckinggay]

bed.....rotting....……andblades

[ellsfuckinggay]

my friend referred to me as a good person yesterday idk whether to kms or keep living??

[ellsfuckinggay]

haven't posted in forever... feeling like this lately...

[ellsfuckinggay]

dull blades should kill themselves

[ellsfuckinggay]

in another life maybe I'll defend myself consistently and be happy and confident

for now maybe the only solution is to kms lololololz /j

[ellsfuckinggay]

I want to buy pretty jirai kei clothes, but they're all so expensive

Born to be a jirai thru and thru, forced to be only a lifestyle jirai </3

(PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME AHA...)

[ellsfuckinggay]

my friend gets mad when I talk to others

i always fall into patterns like these— apologizing and doing everything to keep my friends happy

i have to lie

[ellsfuckinggay]

tw sui ideation ig.

i'mgonnafuckingkillmyselfiwillchokemyselfandslitmyownfuckingthroatwhythefuckismybodylikethiswhythefuckdon'tihaveachestwhyismyfacelikethatwhywhywhyamisogoddamnuglyliterallyhowevenwilliexistlikethis

[ellsfuckinggay]

tw mentions of sh

me bcuz I always cvt before going out w friends but then I talk too fast and fuck myself over socially (they think worse of me) but it's so funnnn I get so hyper

crappy ame-chan text edit made by me

[ellsfuckinggay]

stupid cute memories of me & my gf I think of a lot

♡ her sitting in my lap as we watched a movie (i forgot what movie)

♡ us texting and admitting to eachother that we were both trynna get stronger so we could pick eachother up

♡ the time we confessed to eachother

♡ her showing me her abs on call... ahfhiehsheiwjs

♡ us walking to class, holding hands & talking about how we were lowkey obsessed with eachother

♡ texting of marriage, honeymoon, future...

♡ her taking pictures of me on the beach and telling me i'm really pretty

♡ our first kiss

♡ kissing at this stupid school dance thing

♡ she won me a plushie at a fair. i wanted to get her one but someone, either her or one of my friends, told me she didn't want one :/

♡ i told her i carved her name in my thigh and she told me it was hot...

♡ she admitted to writing smth about her being a vampire and biting me... and i wrote the exact fucking same thing. wtf is this chemistry. why are we so aligned<3???

♡ us sharing our literature shit w eachother (i ask to see her fanfics, poetry, etc, she asks to see my poetry)

♡ walking the mile together and me asking her stupidass questions

♡ singing chappell roan songs together

♡ her teaching me to braid hair

[ellsfuckinggay]

real image of me (I love rats...)

[ellsfuckinggay]

don't wanna 'get better' when everything's still shitty

i want to get worse and lay in the worseness

or maybe just to die?

[ellsfuckinggay]

Humor so fucking weird everyone ignores me when I send anything that isn't a reply to someone else's message in my friends group chat

(WHAT THE FUCK EVER❣️❣️)

(IDK I SHOULD JUST STFU I GET WHY MY FRIENDS IGNORE ME...)

[ellsfuckinggay]

And at some point, my thoughts are too ugly to be packaged in a pretty box

meowiaowowoaoaoaoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

screaming but in like a tiny little font

[ellsfuckinggay]

tw sui talk

Suicide hotline is fucking USELESS LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO~

A year ago when I texted them, took a good 20 minutes for a two sentence text back

Genuinely ghosted me???

Tbh shocked me out of suicide, or at least made me super fucking impatient enough to be annoyed out of suicide

[ellsfuckinggay]

Probably not gonna post on main anymore— like I have a decentish amount of followers but what the fuck's the point if yapping in the presence of my friends or sharing anything about myself feels like pulling fucking teeth ahahaahhahh.. whoops........

But here feels much safer

I can admire my pretty girlfriend's account from afar, yes, yes