LIFE THROUGH A 50mm LENS

life through a 50mm lens is a diary, a snapshot of my life...its honest, its real...its a poem, its a painitng, its music, its words, its small polaroids of me... elmoem

[elmoem-blog]

Finally after three years of waiting I managed to watch this documentary on Netflix. This film encapsulates the lives of these two psychonauts in the most poignant and moving way. It literally covers birth, life, death and the soul through their lives and the many chapters and layers one may experience in life. At the end I cried. The beautiful and moving depiction of Timothy Leary’s death was just so remarkable. I cling to every word and rewound the video on numerous occasions. I hope one day I may be as brave.

[elmoem-blog]

Love. I love you

Once upon a time we lust

Two strangers of fear

you taught me what it is to love

to lust myself

For us it was taken away

Too early

Then we lived in fear

In fear of love

You opened me

Removed the shackles

Unlocking my heart

Prising it open

You took away the fear of myself

The self doubt, the sadness

Love floated out the other side

Fear, slid away

I heal

For the first time I cry

I grieve you

Understand and realise

I wasn’t hurting you

I was scarring myself

Love

I love you

[elmoem-blog]

Connecting the dots

Ok so Buddha means life and my subconscious has been validated. Exactly 18 months ago I asked myself the age old question in a lucid dream: "What's the meaning of life?" My response was to look at the picture of a Buddha in the sky. I had no idea what this meant and nor did I consciously seek the answer. However on Thursday 1st Sept 2016, I was able to confirm that this is indeed the answer... Buddha actually does mean Life!

[elmoem-blog]

Buddha means life

So I’m on the Ryanair flight to Madrid from London with Irene. I’m reading a book I bought from the LIPC shop, it’s called ‘Waking the Buddha’. At a certain point I read the following:

“And if it can be stated simply, it is useful. This fact has been understood by reformers throughout the ages - from Shakyamuni Buddha to Jesus of Nazareth to Martin Luther King Jr. Using this criteria it is hard to imagine a simpler, more profound, or more useful truth than the one arrived at in March 1944 by Toda as he struggled with a passage from the Immeasurable Meanings portion of the threefold Lotus Sutra. According to the Immeasurable Meanings Sutra, the body of the Buddha was

Neither existing nor not existing Neither caused nor conditioned, neither self nor other, Neither square nor round, neither short nor long, Neither appearing nor disappearing, neither born nor extinguished…

It was then that a single word flashed suddenly through his mind: Life”

Pages 70-73

[elmoem-blog]

Happy

It’s 5:23am and I’ve been awake for a couple of hours. It’s really weird I’ve been writing my Evernote diary on Buddhism and remembering some notes of things I need to do that came up during the Tozo. I then decided to listen to the sports radio, hoping to hear some footie to distract me and quieten the excitement in my mind. </p> <p>Alas no footie, it was all about the olympics and tennis. As my mind wondered I decided to try to find the date that I had my lucid dream (the night of the fast growth forum). So I searched through LinkedIn to find the Ben, searched my BB email to find the name of the event and eventually searched the web to find the date. 24th March.</p> <p>I was surprised by the date. It felt later in the year. I decided to find the diary entry and wow how amazing was my entry, so much more depth and detail. So different to my account of the moment now. So much information wasn’t known, my descriptions of the people. The details I found significant/ important. So so interesting. I had also been trying to find the dates in my calendar and I started writing my Buddhist story, so came on here to get a link to my dream diary and found so so much more!</p> <p> I thought there was no way I’d find the date of the evening in the pub, but to my amazement there is another entry here. The very night of the Buddha exclamation from Nico (the night I met him), I had another Buddhist dream and recorded this in my dream diary. </p> <p>I also decided to read through all my entries on here, my diary is so beautiful. In many parts it is extremely sad, it’s sad that I mainly focus on recording the dark/ hard times, but it’s also amazing to see how beautiful these entries are…so so beautiful. In fact I want to cry, it’s not that I’m stopping myself, I’m not but wow I really just want to cry, I was so numb back then…so so sad.</p> <p>Anyway the reason I originally set out to write this blog post is to record how happy I am. Of course there are challenges, there are always challenges…like is a grand old challenge, but that’s what makes it so amazing. Without these challenges we would be nothing.</p> <p>The last 6 months or so have been so rich, so beautiful. My life state is one of happiness. I’m so so happy. My life has changed so much through Buddhism. The way I see life, my perspective. Everything. I know I should write more to keep the flow and end it in a musical rhythm, but I won’t. That’s all I have to say…I will put down my metaphorical guitar and walk off the stage.

[daesyparts]

that kinda lovin’

[elmoem-blog]

What a tune and what a video - Liv Tyler is just...

[elmoem-blog]

Buddha Dream

A small note - a reference to Saturday morning.

I had a lucid dream but quite a strange / different one. The awareness that I was dreaming came over me and with my eyes closed and blackness ahead I lay still. All of a sudden a small black and white Buddha appeared and went across my ‘screen’ (my vision). I wasn’t scared, I didn’t flinch but I soon opened my eyes as it faded away.

The day before I had been out with my colleagues and a series of events occurred before it transpired that one of my colleagues and s man behind a bar were practising Buddhists. I spoke about some of my spiritual experiences which prompted their disclosure and coincidental common trait. The bar man even went as far as to say that my journey was just starting and something to the effect of 'it was meant to be’.

So of course my dream in this context was quite an interesting one. It certainly proved to me that my inner self does seem to reflect my outer self for specific things, especially spiritually.

[elmoem-blog]

VR

Just had a dream about VR - virtual reality. Not sure where I was or with who but I remember being with a bunch people and testing out this new game. I then remember having a headset and jumping from the top of a building aware I’m in a VR world. But when I drop the weirdest thing happens…there is no gravity and I’m suspended in the air falling slowly to the ground. I think there is also a bit where I’m using the VR controls of tapping/ rubbing the side to move, but that’s all I really remember - no real details.

Just remembered that I smashed my phone at some point in the dream...I remember having a smashed iPhone 5 and it being new and wishing I'd bought a 6 as it wouldn't have happened otherwise.

[elmoem-blog]

Stevie G

Wow I had a very interesting dream that featured Stevie G. So I was at his last ever game in the premier league, in fact I was behind the scenes for some reason with AAA privileges. I saw him in the tunnel relatively free and I decided to go and have a word. I walked over to him and honestly how I feel as a non Liverpool fan. I told I supported a fierce rival and he replied that he could tell from my accent. As I had to leave I asked for his autograph as a momento, he started signing the t-shirt I was wearing and then told me to call the brother of one of his fellow players. At this point some of those guys were around.

[elmoem-blog]

JayZ

Wasn't gonna write down my dream last night but it was so real that I really outta. I dreamt JayZ died and that Beyonce would become a woman similar in nature to my Mum and all other women.

[elmoem-blog]

1 Wedding, 2 Girls and a telephone chat

The main dream I remember was K and I crashing Ds wedding and eventually running out after we were spotted by the bride. She looked stunning had lost lots of weight and they both looked extremely happy. However part way through the ceremony the bride spotted us and chased us away. The second part of the dream was the revelation that they had lost a child - a little girl and that the reason they lost her was because of the negligence of one of the doctors in a hospital. Apparently he did something wrong and after a while of them thinking it was natural causes they found out his mistake. They had then had another baby who was a girl and I remember thinking phew. It's a girl and feeling good about that. The reason due to my first nights A experience. I kept drifting in and out of dreams and although I can't completely remember all of them I do remember thinking wow I'm experiencing something each time I close my eyes. The last dream I remember before waking up is a dream I had talking on the phone to Chris S and his wife in Doha. It was a telephone call in which I didn't expect her to be on the line. I spent my time talking to them about my A experience - Chris knew about it which I was surprised about. As I revealed aspects of it I was wary of saying too much whilst explaining lots about the spiritual nature of it whilst realising I was being judged at the same time. It was a strange dream...

[elmoem-blog]

Syco?

Ok, so some sort of show where a whole load of management companies and other companies (middle men) got together and joined forces to create z massive company to look after a whole load of artists. Simon Cowell had something to do with this. One of the companies involved had an energetic and vibrant woman. Someone who we had made friends with, someone new. I couldn't associate her with anyone else, she is a completely new entity. So we did a deal with her where they used us to manage the social media and community management for a whole load of artists in exchange for other services/ cash. It was very life like and very real - could be linked to the meeting on Thurs...

[elmoem-blog]

Princess

Had a dream about 'princess di' last night, I went to see her and asked her how she was doing and she was in recovery doing well and on the mend. Looking at her face I could see the scars from her experience with cancer. It was weird, it was like she had burns on her face. Also had initial dreams about G and our recent conflict as well as other dreams which I can't seem to remember at the mo... This was thurs 2nd April.

[elmoem-blog]

Chicks

So I was just watching 'The lie we live' an 8 min video on YouTube that 'Monk' asked me to watch. It's a fantastic summary of the world we live in and the illusion we are all a part of. Anyway there is a scene within that film of little chicks and it helped me recall one of my dreams from last night. I think I was looking after some chicks that hatched in my flat, even though I have a massive phobia of chickens I was looking after them someone even made the point to me "what will happen when they develop into chickens?" But I didn't care I was looking after them, feeding them and not thinking of the future.

[elmoem-blog]

Dream Diary: The Internship

A dream with Hannah in it. I think Giulia and I were in New York for some reason. Not exactly sure why. I remember us bumping into Hannah and her setting us tasks to do. I remember now that one of the reasons we were there was to do some sort of internship at a company. For some reason certain people in specific places in NY were being treated like slaves or at least being worked really hard. One of those people was Andre. One of the last things I remember was me at some sort of port. A lot of people -I think Italians were driving really expensive cars and having to go through some sort of customs. I think having a flash car was some way of getting out of the internship...I remember the feeling of models or at least that there was some making New York theme. Then the last thing I remember was taking hold of a meeting room that a few people were in and is doing it by taking advantage of their lack of awareness and booking it with them inside. The woman who did that was blonde and reminded me of the blonde woman from LIVE NATION. The group inside the meeting room came out and sat on the floor outside the room and asked for permission to do so.

[elmoem-blog]

Lucid Dream Breakthrough

I think I was in a car going somewhere, no I was walking with Edurne I think and number of Somalian or Turkish girls in a car and we were going to a climbing wall or taking them to do some sort of activity. Then for some reason I was walking past a large number of kids who were screaming and just seemed to be in the way. As I ran past the initial group and pushed past them the lucidity started and I realised it was a dream. Running past kids and people and the kids and people annoyed me and I started pushing them out of the way and then somehow I realised I was in a lucid dream. I started to ask questions: 1. What is the meaning of this dream? Black characters wrote across the scene: 'A dream I like' 2. What is the meaning of life? I saw a poster that symbolised Buddhism. In fact it was an image of a golden statue. I then approached a boy who initially looked intimidating and then confronted him and he looked terrified of this and then said 'don't do it' told me not to do it - 'you don't know what you're doing' or you don't know what this will do or something like that. So I stopped the aggressive intention and turned my attention towards other things - I wanted to fly and explore my environment I don't think flying worked so instead I chose to see my loved ones and they came to me streaming through from around the corner. I wanted to fly and then settled on seeing my loved ones. I then requested to see the people I love and care about and as looked into the distance or around the corner I saw a stream of loved ones: Edu, Amal, Kat, Kat's family were there, Amirah etc. They all came towards me and I embraced them. I looked specifically at their faces and they were real. This lucidity was amazing. I think I then just wanted to record and remember it so I chose to wake up. I need to try to keep these dreams for longer periods.

[elmoem-blog]

Dream Diary: Snowboarding

The only dream I can really remember from last night was a trip snowboarding. I ended up at a ski resort and there was L and her boyfriend. I don’t know who I was with but they knew who L and her boyfriend were and showed me them out on the slopes. They were both amazing and after closer examination it was clear that not only were they awesome snowboarders with super human skills but they were also not really snowboarding at times (in some cases they were navigating over buildings). Anyway I rejoiced in seeing them, in being associated with them…it was weird…but incredibly vivid.