Let me settle the 'is it fetishism and is it bad?' debate once and for all:
Being attracted to any kind of body is normal. Fat bodies. Trans bodies. Disabled bodies. All normal. Being extra attracted to a specific kind of body is normal too. Totally normal to have a type.
Not unlearning the societal stigma attached to those kinds of bodies, the people who inhabit those bodies, and the people who fuck them, to the point where you do any of the following:
Only want to date/fuck the person in secret.
Reduce the person to the feature that you desire and ignore the rest of who they are as a person.
Expect the person to be a walking porn fantasy instead of a real person with their own sexual preferences and boundaries.
Would no longer love the person if the stigmatized aspect of their body changed.
Consider yourself superior to the person, think the person should be 'grateful' that you love their body, etc.
See the person as a temporary adventure while planning to eventually settle down with someone whose body isn't stigmatized.
Is bad and harmful and you shouldn't be dating anyone until you've worked on your shit, because this makes you a very terrible partner. This doesn't mean you are a bad person with bad-fetishist-desires who can only desire people badly, it means you need to unlearn societal stigma so you can be a better partner to the people you desire.
Thank you for coming to me ted talk.
And please don't describe your interest in a marginalized human body shape as 'kinky' or 'being into some freaky shit'.
Imagine what it means to tell a person that sexual attraction to their body isn't normal.
I love kink but liking a type of body is NOT kinky and it sure as hell isn't freaky. It's regular human-to-human attraction. It's as vanilla as it gets.
#frankly this is how people treat women (in varying ways depending on numerous axes but all stemming from baseline misogyny) #women are essentialized as merely a body by dint of the sexgender-class #of course this veers off from the premise of fetishism vs attraction to an extent but I wanted to draw #a connection to how being a woman whatsoever you are treated as a fetish (an object) (meant for sex sans interiority/essential humanity) #(disposable & easily damaged + replaced)
Oh yeah that's accurate.
Some of the items on the list are specifically about the stigma of 'I shouldn't desire this person' (like only want to date/fuck the person in secret and planning to eventually settle down with someone whose body isn't stigmatized)
But a lot of them also just come from seeing the other person as inferior, not a complete person and certainly not as important as your needs and desires. That is also how plenty of men see women.















