I'm Living.

All of MY poems and feelings for the world to see

[eloquence-poems]

Does she make you happier?

Is she the one you want to get to know?

Do you love the way her hair falls or the way her blue eyes glow?

My brown ones never captivated you; that I always knew.

But I believed you when you told me they reminded you of sweeter times back home where you grew.

If I’m not mistaken, I want you to let me know,

I’ll just have to handle the heartbreak as my summer heart fills with snow.

[eloquence-poems]

I am sorry to the people who I've hurt. I'm sorry to those who I've made cry or feel alone. I'm sorry if I made it seem like I didn't put enough effort in. Im sorry if I didn't ask how you are often enough or how your parents are doing. I'm sorry if I ever made my problems seem larger than yours. Im sorry if me telling you my feelings made you uncomfortable. I'm sorry if I declined that call or canceled those plans. Im very sorry.

[eloquence-poems]

Some nights you dance with tears in your eyes, it makes enough water to fill the seas or the skies. But you make the water calm in so many ways, realize that people need you to stay. I know it seems hard because what you're putting out in this world is not what you're bringing in but this world is mysterious and will commit sins. I'd like to think that it is sorry for the suffering of your heart but look what it's helped with; you're writing art. So someday everything will make perfect sense but for now wipe away your tears and focus on the present tense.

[eloquence-poems]

He kissed the moon and the sun got mad so she rose until she had more lovers than he had. People envied the beauty the sun showed and it was the kind of the jealousy she wanted this boy to have to make him come home. It seemed quite pitiful to want this kind of thing, but the sun loved the boy but not the hurt that he would bring. One day in the sky as the sun watched the boy, she realized he was lost in a love infested ploy. The moon wasn't the only one the boy had kissed and now the sun realized there was so many opportunities missed. You can't keep a person who doesn't want to stay so the sun went down and let her brightness fade away.

[eloquence-poems]

I sit on the bed with my best friend as she talks to me about her now ex-boyfriend. She tells me she doesn't care about him anymore but all night she's been checking his locations and trying to post things in hopes of him seeing it. I hurt for her as she tells me that there was so many more things that she wanted to do with him, that they always talked about their future together and that he promised he would never leave her no matter how rocky the road got. But it makes me realize that not all promises can be kept and no two people are guaranteed a forever together.

[eloquence-poems]

Can anyone else relate to those times when you're just so fucking sad and all you want is to be with people but you also just want to be alone and you want someone to care and ask you how you're doing but you also don't want anyone to cause you know that they'll apologize for how you feel and they'll be stuck on what to tell you cause they know it wont cure you or its nothing they haven't said before. So you start to feel guilty for opening up cause now you've put this sort of burden on someone else to try to help with the sadness that belongs to you so you feel even more sad.

[eloquence-poems]

She's seen so much but not all pleasant, heard so much and not all kind. She talks to you, only with her empathetic and open mind. You can practically see her heart on her sleeve as it's outgrown her body by 5 times. Treat her like a delicate flower but know that she has the capacity to bloom. Show her that this world can be fair, even after she knows how it is to feel alone in a busy room. Let her see you are the fresh air after the settled debris and that she is what this world really wants and needs.

[eloquence-poems]

I see you in colours that don't exist.

When I first heard your voice over the phone, I saw yellow, but not yellow. More of an orange kind of yellow, but not orange yellow.

When you're frustrated, I see you in red, but not red. More of a maroon kind of red, but not maroon red.

When you kiss me I see blue, but not blue. More of a royal blue, but not royal blue.

I've spent so long trying to name the vibrant hues of the love I feel for you but I can't quite put my finger on one and choose.

[eloquence-poems]

There's people in this world that you'd jump in front of a bullet to save but one day you realize that they're the ones pulling the trigger. Sometimes you can't be the mediator; you can't make them put the gun down so you just have to walk away.

[eloquence-poems]

I take you for better and for worse. For the days when you don't want to do anything but lay in bed and for the days when you want to go out and do something crazy. For the times you really frustrate me and for the times you make me laugh until I cry. Because having you in my life and pushing through the thick and thin is easier than not having you at all; which would be really fucking hard.

[eloquence-poems]

Your lips on my lips,

gentle hands on my hips;

Dance with me in the pale moonlight.

I'll look up at you,

as you stare down at me;

And know that life is going to be alright.

[eloquence-poems]

There are people who think the world owes them something. You are where you are today because of the decisions that you've made and you are not entitled to a fast pass that grants you the easy way out of things in life. So don't expect a round of applause or standing ovation for being young or old in this world because no one owes you one.

[eloquence-poems]

I just scrolled through my Snapchat stories and all of them were of people I know, partying. It just makes me kind of sad to think about how different things are nowadays; everyone is so caught up in the drinking and smoking and partying. I know I'll go to school on Monday and listen to people tell me how "fucked up they got this weekend" and I guess that's just the normal now.

[eloquence-poems]

It scares me because there's going to come a day when you look at me and don't see the same beauty you've seen for all this time. You're going to grit your teeth and bear it as I carry on with my everyday habits; when at one point you would tell me how cute you thought they were. It scares me to think that there's going to come a day when my name will not signal church bells in your mind but instead will bring you great discomfort. I'd be the one you loved but you'd be the one I lost; and I'm scared for that.

[eloquence-poems]

I pray to God that my kids don’t go through half of the shit I did. But I promised myself that my kids will never feel like they can’t come to me when they need to talk. I am devoted to not just accepting their first “I’m fine” when I ask them if everything’s okay. I will never push them aside or brush their problems under the rug no matter how minuscule they seem. Because I know how it feels to be told that the struggles you have internally are not worth the time from the people who are supposed to care the most.

[eloquence-poems]

Shattered by the summer

It was a late night in August. We drove around the city and ended up in the parking lot of a convenience story sipping on lemonade. I tried to remember back to the beginning when you weren't in my life and it seems so grey. Just a bland cast of time that I lived through everyday. You showed off your quirky smile as we leaned against the hood of your car and it reminded me of just how much I cared about every last inch of you. I reached out to grab your hand and you said "hey you know, I love you, but not in that fucking way." My heart broke in that moment. I just wanted you to stay but you told me to get in the car and you'd drive me home because it had just been a long day. I slammed the door as I left and you knew exactly why. You knew that through my eyes, you were no ordinary guy.

[eloquence-poems]

Today i cried in my room for the fourth time this week. My mother thinks she's losing me. I hear her talk about me to my father about how she's worried and my father tells her that I just need some time. I have never blamed my parents for not knowing what I'm really going through; I guess I should blame myself for constantly telling them I'm fine. But I have a fear that if I really did tell them everything, that my mother would never let me go and my father would feel guilty for all the times he told me I just needed to calm down or stop over exaggerating.