MY SO-CALLED SCARFACE

Don't call me no fucking dishwasher.

[elvirahancock]

When you’re trying to delude yourself into believing in a universe in which you could ever possibly look good in Everlane wide-leg crops.

[elvirahancock]

Summer Trends for 2020 = Sourdough bread and masking your authentic self on Zoom calls.

[elvirahancock]

Watching the client changes come back on a 3-line email.

[elvirahancock]

When you finally update your LinkedIn after taking 6 years off.

[elvirahancock]

When you go on a site to buy some trash bags and the Live Chat just assumes you’re best friends now. 

[elvirahancock]

When you see a dog you want to pet from across the bar but you’re trying not to act too drunk.

[elvirahancock]

When it’s hot af and you’re hoping setting powder will solve all your problems.

[elvirahancock]

When you finally get a full grasp of your dining options at any small regional airport.

[elvirahancock]

When you live with someone who’s obsessed with loading the dishwasher and they hear you loading a cup from across the apartment.

[elvirahancock]

When my boss stops by and I'm looking at Facebook but I’m answering his question totally seriously even though we both know he can see my monitor.

[elvirahancock]

When I’m drunk with power after bringing my lunch to work for an entire week.

[elvirahancock]

Me, explaining my Walgreens bills to my husband. 

[elvirahancock]

Me in every morning scrum.

[elvirahancock]

When you walk into Banana Republic and the employee greeting you is on the edge of losing it. 

[elvirahancock]

When we’re going around the room introducing ourselves and I try to put to work everything I’ve read about being a being a boss ass bitch and the importance of self-branding.

[elvirahancock]

When a choice dog meme is going around and the fam doesn’t make you aware of it.

[elvirahancock]

When you’re waiting in line at Taco Bell and someone asking is detailed questions like the cashier is some taco sommelier and they need to smell the gordita cork.