E L Y @elylikesbluepills - Tumblr Blog

I am so tired of your attitude.

Whatever. </3

I missed winter so much. I can't really handle cold weather, but idc. I love snow. I just had to go outside. It made me happier today.

It hurt me so much when you saw it and I knew that it made you sad. You looked so hurt when you saw my bruises and I'm so honestly so sorry, I can't describe it. I feel guilty, but my mental health is getting worse. I have cptsd and it makes my life hell right now and sadly it's also hell for the people who try to help me. This just makes me so sad! I wish I could go to therapy - but I have to wait a few more months for it and I just don't know how I am supposed to get through that time of waiting. I'm having panic attacks all the time, flashbacks at night, I'm scared, I can't sleep really well but I'm always so tired. The world feels blurry. I just hope that I will get help soon...

Sadly this is the only place where I can share my thoughts. I'm so scared to be judged by people around me. I feel like there's just a little bit left of me and it's buried deep down in my body. Everything I do is not me, it's just my trauma. There's only two people who see a little bit of the "real me" and I'm glad, that they can see me and not only the person I am pretending to be for the world.

I'm so happy that I saw you again. It makes me feel a bit better. Although a lot happend in the past few days. But somehow my feeling about wanting to end it all doesn't change and it hurts so much. I already miss you a lot... I still feel your touch. You're so careful with me and you're so cute when you hug me. It makes me feel special. It makes me wonder if that's the feeling that I was supposed to have all the time, when I liked someone. It makes me happy.

How can someone be so beautiful in every fucking way?

I wanna be happy.

I miss summer.

I love you.

I love you so fucking much and I always did and I always will. If you read this you'll know that this is meant for you. :( I'm really sorry how everything turned out. I wish everything could just be beautiful...

It hurts my heart so much to think that someone I know and love will read and see everything I posted once I'm gone.

Thinking about suicide rn.

Can't get it off my mind.

There's no one i could talk to and even if I could talk to anyone it wouldn't help - it only triggers me even more.

I tried to find a therapist. I have to wait for months until I get help. I can't do that anymore. I can't sleep anymore. My whole body just hurts, I can't move, I can't do stuff, I'm happy when I can just get up once a day.

I don't know where this will end. But I have the feeling that it won't be a happy end.

Beautiful graveyard I saw today.

#Death #Grave #graveyard

Explained technology to some goats.

#baby goat #goatlife #Goat #animals

Cool pictures of shoes :b <3

I was homeless for three years and I used to live and sleep here in that left houses for nearly a year straight. I'm glad that I'm out of that situation and I finally have an apartment after years of struggling, but I still love this place with all my heart and it still feels a little bit like home. I miss spending the summer here with the other kids that lived in that houses. I also found a lot of stuff I forgot there when I "moved away" and it's not even damaged! So I took some of my old things with me and I'm so happy that it survived such a long time there and that I got it back! It means a lot to me.

"I wanna end me."

2017 Me.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

E L Y