At first her words only want to make him back up more. All of it, the anger and accusation, it was completely and totally deserved. So he didn’t. He just stood there dumbfounded and afraid and unable to offer any sort of explanation or justification to her. There wasn’t any.
He had dragged her and Jared into this mess, and it wasn’t fair to either of them. He didn’t want them to be hurt. He’d been such a terrible friend to the both of them. Such a terrible friend. Nothing could change that or undo it. He’d made his bed and he had to lie in it but that didn’t mean they should have to deal with the fall out.
Watching her cry, Evan felt sure there was no way he could ever in a million years live this down. No matter what his mom said he didn’t know how this would ever go away or seem small and distant.
“I don’t want to tell anybody else,” he told her. “Not if it’s gonna hurt you and Jared and especially the Murphys. I just can’t lie anymore. No more videos, no more speeches, no more fundraising, no more blog posts, I can’t…I can’t keep telling everyone that I that we were…I can’t Alana. That’d hurt them even more. I should never have…”
Never have what? Sent her the letter? Was that was he was going to say? Because was that really the issue here? It was true but beyond that there were a lot of things he shouldn’t have done way before that point.
Alana tried desperately to stop her tears. This was shameful. She should never act this way. Not in front of other people. It was better for her to smile and act happy, even if that was not true. She should know better than to cry like this. It was so ugly. She hated herself for this.
Evan did not need to see her cry. It was too personal. He probably did not consider her a friend.
“ So....” she bit her lip to stop herself. No. Do not speak. She had to collect herself. A shaky hand pulled out a handkerchief and tried to dab her eyes. The contacts were beginning to slip.
She knew it was selfish of her to ask these things of Evan. She made some mistakes too, but she did not want to suffer past graduation over some stupid mistake in High school. Evan probably should not have to either. Alana stared at Evan with a semi-dry face. That was probably fair of him to want. But she flinched at the unfinished words.
Her brain filled in the blanks. ‘ Never should have spoken to you’. Or was it that he never should have included her? Both options were fair. Her life would have probably kept on without him the same as ever. With her barely able to keep her head above water. That same dumb smile she always wore on her face and that forced cheerful attitude that made everyone else hate her guts.
“...Alright. I won’t make any more posts that mention you. But I can’t just... delete mentions of you, people would, “ she paused to wipe at her eyes again. “ They’ll know something is wrong and question me about it. “
Alana looked down at her fingers and sighed to herself. “ You should really talk with Jared since he’s involved in all this. Tell him the plan at least. “
yousharknotpass
romaincrisis
2087
germansingergirl
