So... dear Evan Hansah is closing. I- don't really know how to feel.
On the one hand, I've only known about this musical for a few month, and it really shouldn't mean that much to me. But the thing is, it does. It means so much to me. It became apart of my personality, and I don't think I could go back to living without this musical without changing a fundamental part of who I am today.
These characters, these actors, this fanbase, this story, they made my life better. They let me express emotions deep in me that I wasn't able to express before. It let me feel sad, and happy and happy to be sad (lol) and angry and defensive and excited, and so much more.
Is it the best musical out there? Probably not. Is it my favourite? Not really. But it was special to me. It's the musical that made me feel the most. Heck, you will be found is the only song that made me actually cry from any musical. It made me feel like I belonged somewhere at the hardest point in my life.
This whole musical, and everyone who worked on it or watched it made me feel like I belonged. Like I mattered. Like I wouldn't just dissappear. Like that if I was falling someone would be there to lift me off the ground. It gave me hope and it gave me something to lash onto.
So- thank you Dear Evan Hansan.
Thank you Cynthia Murphy for being there while I cried over how messed up my family seemed to be, and reminding me that every family can be messed up, and that it's important to find the good and normal in those moments of chaos.
Thank you Larry Murphy for reminding me that parents can make mistakes too, and that they're trying to do what's best for us. Thank you for showing me that parents do their best, and that I should be there for my parents just as much as they are for me.
Thank you Heidi Hansan for showing me the strength of a mother's love. For showing me that even when everything seems so big, and you feel so small, things will get better.
Thank you Connor Murphy, for showing me that everyone, even the people in the background, are struggling, and I should do my best to be there for them. That I should do my part so that no one is forgotten.
Thank you Jared Kleinman, for reminding me to laugh when stuff are shitty, for making me smile when thing are hard, bad, or rough. For reminding me to be a good friend, even when it's hard. That my friends only need to say the word, and I'll be there.
Thank you Alana Beck, for showing me that even when my mental health is getting me down, I can still make a difference, and I can still make peoples day better just by saying hey, or waving to them across the hall.
Thank you Zoe Murphy, for showing me that I should love and rsspect myself and not compromise that ever. That I should be kind to the people around me, but also not take anyones shit.
Finally, thank you Evan Hansan, for being there for me through the hardest time of my life. You were one of, if not the most, relatable character I've ever had the great fortune to meet. You're imperfect, but you try to help the people around you. You had to deal with so much shit in your life, but you still did all you can to be there for your mom. You lied and did truly horrible stuff, but you also tried to help, and in the end you did end up helping, both the Murphys, and me. You inspired me to write, you make me want to put myself out there, you make me cry and scream and laugh and I wouldn't be here without you. Thank you.