her fantasy in an embellished estate

She dances in divine trance, peaking her soul with devil's poison and drowning in endless doses of you. That is her ultimate fantasy baby. She lets him fulfills her utmost desire, this is the story of my whimsical doppelganger since 2010.

[psych2go]

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[embellishedestate]

Now do I feel the pressure and difficulty in marrying into another family, esp a family that wants to be more involved in our lives. I’ve always been given the freedom to do my own things and they have instilled strongly in me on the need to be independent. So, they pretty much leave me alone most of the time. They’ll only step in when I ask them to but even so, tt rarely happen. I thought he wld have at least understood, seeing from how my parents hardly get involved in my wedding planning but I guess like anyone else would say, man is not sensitive enough to figure such things out  by themselves. And it does frustrate me when I have to make decisions fast. I need time to think things through so it feels suffocating and unfair to me when he imposes on me to do certain things which of course to him seems perfectly fine or minor. 

I really don’t know why I get easily annoyed now by him and anything related to the marriage and wedding. I guess this is the challenge that everyone has been warning me abt. It’s frustrating how I know that he doesn’t mean to make me unhappy but I just wish that he could sometimes slow down a little and try to hear my perspective first. But it does not help either that I’m always tongue-tied when I’m supposed to explain myself. And the stress at work adds on to this frustration. 

I hate to say this but I feel so depressed and alone. Why?! I’m getting married but I’m not excited as I shld be. Instead, I’m feeling more sad that I’ll eventually leave my mom... Sometimes I wonder if I am really ready to be someone’s wife...

[embellishedestate]

10 Dec: Pre-keto

11 Dec: 16h Intermittent Fasting (IF)

12 Dec: 20h IF + 1hr PT. As expected, weight increased from 68.3kg (10 Oct) to 69.2kg (12 Dec) thanks to my absence from gym and diet in Nov due to assignments and exams. That led me to gain 4kg in just 1.5mth😭! Started Dec at 72kg.

13 Dec: 16h IF + 40min treadmill (5min interval jog). Cheat day: went Mustafa with the man to buy #keto foods. Had Nandos for dinner and cheated with potato wedges. Managed to stay away from the tempting garlic bread though!

14 Dec: 16h IF. Surprised with a LARGE keto reading at the end of the fast! Like finally I'm seeing deep purple! Never feel this happy looking at colours. Lol.

Been hovering between small to moderate for the past 4 days and with the carb laden potato from the night before, I wasn't expecting a deep ketosis at all. So I guess it's true that ketosis takes time and tt a slightly higher carb intake the day before may not kick u out of ketosis as long as u accompanied with IF.

Hoping to drop the weight further this wk but gg on a staycaytion with the man means there's a high risk of cheating with carbs again (gotta start to be strict with him cz he's always afraid tt I'll starve!😂)

Unlike others, I'm not tempted to cheat with sugar laden foods cz I don't really fancy super sweet foods like sodas or chocolates but my weakness involves carbs, mainly breads, pasta and noodles.

[psych2go]

❤ More Self-Care Articles Here ❤ Share This With Your Friends Or Reblog This So You Can Read It Later

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If you like to read topics about Self-Love, visit our website psych2go.net

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[saxx5th-deactivated20200215]

Needed this!

[tjavgnegrohero]

Rebloging please I’d like to see this every single day!

[introvertpalaceus]

For anyone who literally wants to take the moon home this winter. 

You can check it out: HERE

This is the full moon version. 

[cosimababe]

I ordered the 8cm size and it’s awesome! Makes a great portable night light for reading before bed 😊

[mypsychology]

Ψ ♥ For more interesting psychology posts like this, follow @mypsychology ♥ Ψ  

[whatdoes-do]

last one is v importante

[nayyirahwaheed-deactivated20180]

If the ocean can calm itself, so can you. We are both salt water mixed with air.

Meditation, Nayyirah Waheed (via vyperous)

[embellishedestate]

Just so disappointed and frustrated how this is becoming like it's their wedding and not mine. I'm seriously hating this process but I can't do anything except to just stay silent.

[embellishedestate]

Call me kanchiong but I'm hating this dilly dally-ing in wedding planning. Slots are taken up fast OMG! And why do I feel as though I'm the only one planning? I hope I'm not marrying myself. #tired #iwishheknew

[embellishedestate]

You make me all fuzzy inside

It truly warms my heart seeing how you seem to be making more effort now to be more involved in my life. As much as I'm used to being independent and like doing things on my own just for that sense of accomplishment, it can never beat the feeling of being protected and cared for, all of which I never gotten before you. So, I could only hope and pray that your love stays and grows and so do mine for you. As much as I'm afraid of what lies ahead, of whether I could carry out my new duties and responsibilities properly, I can't help looking forward to building a life of our own with you...

#rainmakesmeemo #justbecauseyougavemeendorphins #butnotenough #weekendplscomefast #ineedhiscuddlessobad

[embellishedestate]

I guess it's true. The pre-marital challenges are real. I almost never disagree with my mom before but because of what seemingly small matters for this engagement, I'm starting to feel the tension. But as much as I can't understand her rationale over certain things, I really feel bad for being such a bad daughter, having talked back at her for all the things that we don't see eye to eye for. And I guess it's true what my bestie told me, that all she intended was the best for me financially and perhaps gg through all the hassle of traditional practices make her feel tt the process of 'handing' me over to him to be more complete and proper. And it hits me too and somewhat made sense to me now that just perhaps she has the slight belief tt the way we handle things prior to marriage may somehow determine the kind of marriage we'll have. Because she did share before how she agreed to get married within just 2 years of knowing my dad, without any engagement whatsoever, no hantaran negotiations and even supposedly no sanding because she wanted things as simple as possible. But despite all the simplicity, he gave her so many problems post-marriage, to her it's as of he took advantage of her low expectations and I think she regretted to have made things so easy for him at the start (unlike what the old folks would have wanted).

It's abt balancing what our parents want and what is good for our partner, as long it doesn't threaten our livelihood. And I guess, there is no use for me to keep fighting my way through because ultimately I still need their blessings. Moreover, that increase in hantaran money isn't a disadvantage to me or even to us at actually since it's literally just for show and we wont lose it anyway.. so I guess like what my bestie advised me to, just go with the flow as long as I still get what's really important to me for the wedding. And I guess for me, it's really the venue and the bridal which I'm already given the liberty to choose.

[jastinoyedrian-blog]

[psychology-studyofthesoul-blog]

jastinoy:

We are what we eat. So yung mga mahilig kumain ng crackers, Alam!

(Galing ito sa facebook)

Interesting. I never heard of this, but interesting.

[embellishedestate]

Haiz and now she said why can't we just round off to $10k. I know she has my interest in mind but I also don't want to make it look as if they are selling me off by putting a price. I do understand her rationale of increasing the amt as it gives her stronger assurance tt he's financially ready but I also don't get it what difference that extra $2k will make because we will still need to top it up aft marriage anw as it'll be used for part of our reno costs. And regardless of how much it is, I still have my share of savings to contribute to our house.

I guess my parents still don't get the new convention of the ladies contributing equally or almost equally to marriage or household expenses. The traditional way is that guys will have to fork out the major portion of the expenses and while I don't totally disagree with tt, it is also my own personal choice to contribute equally, or at least almost equally and as much as I can despite my much lower salary because I feel more satisfied to share the burden. At least in the event of any separation (nauzubillahminzalik!) he can't fault me for not contributing enough to the family.

I think I should not tell him to change the amt alr and if my parents want to increase, they gotta tell his parents themselves. It's also easier for me not having to keep trying to reason with him for putting 10k because he has all along been hesitant about it. While I personally do think 8k sounds rather small in today's context, I am facing the dilemma of ethical justifications whereby hantaran has no bearings in Islam and also the amt makes no difference to me as it will just be for 'show' (I can't even use it for personal expenses but for our house) and not to be given to my parents anw (despite it being culturally 'wrong' which I have decided to ignore already).

[psych-facts]

The worst feeling in the world Is finding out you didn’t mean as much As you thought you did. And you look stupid for caring too much.

(via psych-facts)

[embellishedestate]

It's an eye opener yet sad that only now do I realise tt he’ll still be the first man to come to my rescue, not the friend, not even the boyfriend, not anyone else but the person I hate most, my father..

[embellishedestate]

One of the groups that got me hooked to K-Pop and the first who awed me with his awesome vocals at such a young age... #RIPJonghyun

[embellishedestate]

I need my 2 days 1 night and the Superman babies pls can KBS pls sort things out fast?!!