ok so my chosen name is a traditionally male, muslim name (because im male. and a muslim). i really love my name. i love what it means and the way it sounds in every accent ive heard it in. the only problem is that to my fellow americans 😭, it apparently sounds way more feminine than i thought it would. i dont pass at ALL and im getting real tired of having yet another thing of mine be solely associated with femininity. and it seems like the only ways around this are either to a) overexplain and out myself to everyone or b) to adopt an anglicized nickname. i hate both of these. i'll probably go with the latter. im so fucking tired of the microaggressions why cant we all just consider that MAYBE some people have different cultures
actually im putting this on my big blog too yall please if you meet someone with an odd/rare name consider that it might only seem odd/rare to you. besides, we shouldnt be making assumptions about someone based on their name, period! thx yall 🐌💖
This is a long one, sorry in advance.
Context: I’m nonbinary but I also identify as transmasc. I prefer to be referred to neutrally, but if I have to be gendered in a binary way, I’d rather be ‘sir’ than ‘ma’am’. I was born female tho.
So my birth name (not quite dead yet 🥲) was a unique name. It was a feminine British name. I am not British. I have lived in the US my whole life. So have my parents. I don’t have any British blood, but my mom was a huge anglophone so she picked a British name for me.
All my life, it was mispronounced. Every first day of school. Every substitute. Every friendship. Every coffee place. I honestly have some pretty funny stories of how bad my birth name was pronounced or of adults trying to tell me that ‘actually’ it was pronounced a different way (not according to Google or how I was raised, thank you. -_-)
When I transed, my name actually wasnt the first thing to go/change. Bc it was a foreign-ish name, most people didnt exclusively read it as feminine. But I still didn’t feel attached to it and felt … off. I liked how it was unique! How I was always the only one with that name in my class! But it wasn’t… mine.
Well, years and years of correcting people on my name got me to thinking I should pick a name that’s easier. Something I can give to the coffee barista and not have to spell out slowly. Something I wouldn’t take the shame of every time along with explaining my pronouns.
I went through trying sooooo many different names. None of them stuck. I felt gross when people called me that. Like an unfortunate nickname would feel.
One point, I tried Tristen bc I liked the sound and feel. Until I gave the name to a coffee store and it came back as Christina (I cried so hard).
Finally, about 2yrs ago, I was looking through some old Irish names for a character I was making. And I stumbled across this one name that just… stood out to me. It had an /accent/ and it started with a vowel and it was so pretty. I looked up pronunciations and really liked it. I looked into history n stuff and it actually has male connotations tho no one is gonna be named that kinda name here.
I tried to avoid it actually. Put it out of my mind. No one would pronounce it right first try! I’d be in the same place as before! Plus, even if my last name is Irish and I have some distant Irish roots, can I really claim an Irish name?
But. It stuck. And now that’s what I go by in every part of my life.
And I still explain to every stranger how it’s pronounced. And I occasionally have to explain how I came unto the name. And it sucks. And I’ve had some pretty bad times of needing to explain it. But at least it’s my name. At least I like explaining it. I know it’s masculine. I know it’s mine. Id rather explain the name I chose than the name I was given…
Idk. Not really going anywhere with this. But if youve found a name you like, let it be yours. The people who matter will get it and pronounce it correctly and know it’s masculine. It’ll feel better to explain something you’re proud of than something that feels bad. Hope my two cents story helped in some small way 😊
