If you're looking for some GO fic to read, or you're reading my posted chapters of Trust Fall and want to know what happened before, might I suggest Born of Starlight (it comes in both mild and super-spicy 😏):
I know it might seem odd, if you're in the US, celebrating Pride in a country actively trying to shove us back in the closet and lock the door on us... But I say that's EXACTLY the reason why we SHOULD be out, loud, and proud. Because falling silent will only embolden them.
I say fuck it... I spent too much of my life thinking there was something wrong with me because of who I am. I refuse to be silent, now.
And, on that note... why the fuck don't any of the social media platforms have an ace or Aspec flag?
The more I think about that ending, the more reasons it bugs me.
The newest one popped into my head as I was waking up, this morning.
The running theme of GO has always been to embrace who you are (Aziraphale's embracing of his love of creature comforts, and of a certain demon... Crowley's constant assertions that he's a demon who has no use for Hell, but still embraces minor acts of mischief... Adam's determination to stay in Tadfield, even when offered the entire world to rule... Maggie's love of a record shop that's essentially failing... And I could go on, but you get the point). But in the end, in that pub scene, what GO ended up saying, was "you can only get a happy ending if you become someone you're not." NONE of those people were actually the selves they'd been the whole series. Not one of them. Instead of finding happiness and peace as themselves, they had to become completely new people, to be happy??
I think that's why so many of us were so instantly bothered by it. The GO fandom has always been largely made up of queer and/or misfit people. Those society has deemed mostly "outside" the norm, at various points. GO told us we were accepted and lovable just as we are. It gave us the safety to explore who we actually were, through the lense of characters who were, themselves, unusual or outsiders. And then, in the end, it ripped away everything that provided safety and community for us, and said "you can only be happy if you conform to the status quo."
Excuse the fuck out of me?? Not just no, but HELL, no.
This is yet one more reason for me to ignore the existence of S3.
Back after S2 first dropped, I wrote this novel-length fic, Born of Starlight, to pick up just after the Final 15, and playing out my headcanon (a little about me: I write LGBTQ+ Romance. I believe in love and chosen family. And I've been a fan of GO, and of our Ineffables, since 1993. I saw them, in amongst the story, even back then, and I always pondered the rest of their story, after the end of the book).
Born of Starlight (and the sequel I'm currently writing) is how I see the Second Coming and everything after happening. And yes, I believe the world, and our Ineffables, continues. You can find your choice of smut level, here:
Standard (PG-13) version: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52159429/chapters/131928235
The more I think about that ending, the more reasons it bugs me.
The newest one popped into my head as I was waking up, this morning.
The running theme of GO has always been to embrace who you are (Aziraphale's embracing of his love of creature comforts, and of a certain demon... Crowley's constant assertions that he's a demon who has no use for Hell, but still embraces minor acts of mischief... Adam's determination to stay in Tadfield, even when offered the entire world to rule... Maggie's love of a record shop that's essentially failing... And I could go on, but you get the point). But in the end, in that pub scene, what GO ended up saying, was "you can only get a happy ending if you become someone you're not." NONE of those people were actually the selves they'd been the whole series. Not one of them. Instead of finding happiness and peace as themselves, they had to become completely new people, to be happy??
I think that's why so many of us were so instantly bothered by it. The GO fandom has always been largely made up of queer and/or misfit people. Those society has deemed mostly "outside" the norm, at various points. GO told us we were accepted and lovable just as we are. It gave us the safety to explore who we actually were, through the lense of characters who were, themselves, unusual or outsiders. And then, in the end, it ripped away everything that provided safety and community for us, and said "you can only be happy if you conform to the status quo."
Excuse the fuck out of me?? Not just no, but HELL, no.
This is yet one more reason for me to ignore the existence of S3.
ALL of mine do. It's why I write serial fiction. So readers can keep checking in on characters as time goes on. And no story of mine just abruptly ends. Even if, sometimes, characters die... Their story/ending inspires other characters in some way, to do something impactful to a wider story. I think that's important: that our legacy is in how we influence future generations, both in our lives and after.
In my headcanon I work off of for Born of Starlight, the angel Crowley was (yes, I give his name, but you'll have to read the fic for that) created the very first star, which God loved so much, She preserved it forever in Crowley's workshop (now known as the Starlight Chamber) and declared it to be used as the template for all the rest of the stars created in the universe-building committee. He also, after his meeting with Aziraphale (beginning S2 flashback), he became super curious about Earth, and began doodling designs for what would become the Earth Observer (the globe in Heaven), though it was Saraqael who perfected it after Crowley "sauntered vaguely downward."
I also headcanon that Aziraphale was being modest when he said he'd "seen the plans" for people. I put him on the human creation committee. He's responsible for outlining the biological rules of how people grow from infancy onward and the best ways to care for human children. He's also responsible for the human capacity to love and connect to each other. He's also sort of responsible for giving humans the spark of free will Eve will use to decide to eat the apple.
Anyway, if any of this sounds like something you might like to read, the link to all my GO work is: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EstherMitchell_Author/works
On a meta level, Good Omens S3 was EMOTIONAL ABUSE.
... Meaning, I'm pretty sure Neil Gaiman did it ON PURPOSE, knowing how much it would upset the fans.
Neil knew how badly we wanted Aziraphale and Crowley (OUR version of Aziraphale and Crowley---the specific version of them we met in Season 1) to be together. He knew we wanted to see them resolve their issues and ultimately choose to be with each other in the end.
Instead, Aziraphale and Crowley forgo that emotional journey in favor of unnecessary pain. Neither of them experience real character growth in the finale; they are shown to be the worst and unhappiest versions of themselves, without getting a real shot at redemption. They never fix their communication issues. They don't express their true, authentic feelings for one another (don't @ me with that bullshit hand kiss thing). They never manage to get on the same page emotionally---even when they both agree to commit suicide (which I'm pretty sure was not the "one thing" Aziraphale wanted).
"Why give me Crowley? Why make me complete and then take it away?"
EMOTIONAL WITHHOLDING is a common abuse tactic utilized by men like Neil. They enjoy creating ATTACHMENT in their victims and then "TAKING IT AWAY".
It's easy to see how much Neil enjoyed frustrating his fans in retrospect. He actively taunted us on social media with the catchphrase "WAIT AND SEE" and threatened to make Aziraphale and Crowley kiss---but in a way we "wouldn't like". He loved dangling the implied promise of a happy ending over our heads, which we now know he never planned to deliver on.
Neil was unkind to his audience. He was also unkind to his characters. Aziraphale and Crowley are treated as punching bags throughout the entire series---shown to be "messy" for the sake of entertainment, but not as a real obstacle for either of them to overcome. God herself says she enjoys seeing how much Aziraphale values his relationship with Crowley. And this turns out to be her justification for "taking it away". (Tell me THAT isn't some fucked up shit.) Aziraphale and Crowley experience real emotional pain as the result of her actions---and this is constantly demonstrated by the incredible acting of Michael Sheen and David Tennant.
Neil explicitly sold this as "a love story" when he created the show. Based on the tone of the book, an eventual union between Aziraphale and Crowley would have made the most narrative sense. It would have emphasized the overarching themes of love, agency, and the futility of "choosing sides". But that would have required Neil to possess the same ethos as Terry Pratchett---meaning LOVE AND RESPECT FOR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS.
We were never going to get a good love story out of Neil. Men like Neil get off on "PUNISHING" people for no apparent reason; he obviously did this with our beloved characters, to disastrous result. Nonetheless, we still manage to ascribe deeper meaning to Aziraphale and Crowley, thanks to the phenomenal acting team and the dedication of this fandom. Aziraphale and Crowley remain the greatest love story of all time, not because of anything Neil actually wrote, but because of everything that was projected onto them by the people who cared. We assigned their relationship a depth "Neil himself" never could have imagined---one that exemplifies our maximalist ideals of love and the decision to choose it again and again, in spite of everything. It is never going to "end" on Neil's preferred terms. In this rare instance, fan interpretation STILL MANAGES TO ECLIPSE THE SOURCE MATERIAL---and that is because LOVE is always a more powerful story than ABUSE.
The only pushback I would give is that, while I understand and agree that the finger kiss wasn't enough, based on everything they, and we, went through to get to a point of reconciliation, I do think it COULD have been the most romantic gesture ever, in keeping with Aziraphale's Austen-influenced ideals of romance, with just a little tweak (aside from it not essentially being "goodbye forever"). Had we got to see Aziraphale head-on as he pressed his fingers to Crowley's lips, and he had mouthed "I love you" it would have been a moment of brilliance and heart-melting (again, if not paired with mutual destruction).
Other than that, I agree with you completely. Terry spent 40+ books showing us that love and hope conquer all, and there's no way anyone can convince me that ending was anything he'd condone. And ESPECIALLY not the way it abused the fandom.
lol! I told you not to @ me with the hand kiss thing!
Yes, I do agree with you---all of those tweaks would have made the scene more emotionally explicit, which is what the story needed, and what those characters deserved.
I really don't love this trend of authors "resurrecting" themselves on social media (shoutout to Roland Barthes---"Death of the Author"). In retrospect, it's kind of creepy how Neil felt the need to insert himself into reader discussion. He could have let us have our own headcanons and admittedly unhinged blog posts (ahem). But no---he was adamant on his own authority. I almost think he was JEALOUS of the amount of depth we were able to assign to Aziraphale and Crowley. It seemed like he wanted to claim those interpretations for himself.
I really do believe anything past Season 1 was an attempt to capitalize off the fandom. They knew we had a good thing going here; they wanted to cash in on it. (What a weird era of capitalism we're living in---where creators actively plumb the metadiscourse in order to sell our own story back to us.)
😏 I'm a demon. I can't help myself. I must @ when specifically told not to. 😈
Seriously, though, I wasn't actually coming @ you. Just rambling out loud. 🙂
I agree S2 had elements of trying to capitalize on the fandom headcanons, but honestly, I'm not mad about it. S2 was a lot of fun (until the Final 15), and though it had plot holes, they were fun to imagine scenarios by which they might be resolved in S3.
I don't think we would have got any satisfactory resolution in S3 even if we'd been given the full 6 episodes. Not after the women he abused started coming forward. The moment we did the right thing and believed the survivors, I think we sealed our fate on getting anything remotely like the payoff a comedy (especially a romantic one!) is supposed to come with. After that, his vindictive, petty, cruel side came out in the open, and he was determined to make us suffer by attacking something we love.
On a meta level, Good Omens S3 was EMOTIONAL ABUSE.
... Meaning, I'm pretty sure Neil Gaiman did it ON PURPOSE, knowing how much it would upset the fans.
Neil knew how badly we wanted Aziraphale and Crowley (OUR version of Aziraphale and Crowley---the specific version of them we met in Season 1) to be together. He knew we wanted to see them resolve their issues and ultimately choose to be with each other in the end.
Instead, Aziraphale and Crowley forgo that emotional journey in favor of unnecessary pain. Neither of them experience real character growth in the finale; they are shown to be the worst and unhappiest versions of themselves, without getting a real shot at redemption. They never fix their communication issues. They don't express their true, authentic feelings for one another (don't @ me with that bullshit hand kiss thing). They never manage to get on the same page emotionally---even when they both agree to commit suicide (which I'm pretty sure was not the "one thing" Aziraphale wanted).
"Why give me Crowley? Why make me complete and then take it away?"
EMOTIONAL WITHHOLDING is a common abuse tactic utilized by men like Neil. They enjoy creating ATTACHMENT in their victims and then "TAKING IT AWAY".
It's easy to see how much Neil enjoyed frustrating his fans in retrospect. He actively taunted us on social media with the catchphrase "WAIT AND SEE" and threatened to make Aziraphale and Crowley kiss---but in a way we "wouldn't like". He loved dangling the implied promise of a happy ending over our heads, which we now know he never planned to deliver on.
Neil was unkind to his audience. He was also unkind to his characters. Aziraphale and Crowley are treated as punching bags throughout the entire series---shown to be "messy" for the sake of entertainment, but not as a real obstacle for either of them to overcome. God herself says she enjoys seeing how much Aziraphale values his relationship with Crowley. And this turns out to be her justification for "taking it away". (Tell me THAT isn't some fucked up shit.) Aziraphale and Crowley experience real emotional pain as the result of her actions---and this is constantly demonstrated by the incredible acting of Michael Sheen and David Tennant.
Neil explicitly sold this as "a love story" when he created the show. Based on the tone of the book, an eventual union between Aziraphale and Crowley would have made the most narrative sense. It would have emphasized the overarching themes of love, agency, and the futility of "choosing sides". But that would have required Neil to possess the same ethos as Terry Pratchett---meaning LOVE AND RESPECT FOR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS.
We were never going to get a good love story out of Neil. Men like Neil get off on "PUNISHING" people for no apparent reason; he obviously did this with our beloved characters, to disastrous result. Nonetheless, we still manage to ascribe deeper meaning to Aziraphale and Crowley, thanks to the phenomenal acting team and the dedication of this fandom. Aziraphale and Crowley remain the greatest love story of all time, not because of anything Neil actually wrote, but because of everything that was projected onto them by the people who cared. We assigned their relationship a depth "Neil himself" never could have imagined---one that exemplifies our maximalist ideals of love and the decision to choose it again and again, in spite of everything. It is never going to "end" on Neil's preferred terms. In this rare instance, fan interpretation STILL MANAGES TO ECLIPSE THE SOURCE MATERIAL---and that is because LOVE is always a more powerful story than ABUSE.
The only pushback I would give is that, while I understand and agree that the finger kiss wasn't enough, based on everything they, and we, went through to get to a point of reconciliation, I do think it COULD have been the most romantic gesture ever, in keeping with Aziraphale's Austen-influenced ideals of romance, with just a little tweak (aside from it not essentially being "goodbye forever"). Had we got to see Aziraphale head-on as he pressed his fingers to Crowley's lips, and he had mouthed "I love you" it would have been a moment of brilliance and heart-melting (again, if not paired with mutual destruction).
Other than that, I agree with you completely. Terry spent 40+ books showing us that love and hope conquer all, and there's no way anyone can convince me that ending was anything he'd condone. And ESPECIALLY not the way it abused the fandom.
You know who would love it if we became a fractured-beyond-repair fandom? If we became a fandom who harasses people?
That Fucking Man.
So. Hate the finale, love the finale, be somewhere in the middle about the finale, headcanon the finale away—
But be kind to each other.
And be kind to the cast, crew, and other people who worked under VERY tough circumstances with what they were given. Or at the least, simply avoid interacting with those folks.
(The only one we don’t need to be kind to is That Man)
Please, please, speak kindly and respectfully to, and about, each other. Everyone who’s not harassing someone has some kind of valid point. Everyone feeling strong emotions is valid in those feelings. Avoid content that throws off your equilibrium, but comfort each other whenever you can.
The real Good Omens always were the friends we made along the way. Let’s stay that way. To our world. 🤍🥂🖤
Be as horrible to NG and his horror-writing cronies who couldn't be bothered to get to know our Ineffables and the World we all loved as you want. Don't care if you fill THEIR socials with horrible crap back.
But leave the cast, crew, Rob, and Rhianna alone. I think they did everything in their power to mitigate that dumpster fire of a finale. I think (just my own theory, based on his past history) NG NDA'd everyone involved within an inch of their sanity in exchange for supposedly "walking away" (he clearly didn't, as he's listed TWICE on the writer's credits). I think those NDAs are the reason anytime cast or crew talk about the show, they do so in a tight-lipped, clearly forcing praise out kind of way. They don't deserve our ire, or any kind of harassment.
And nor does anyone in the fandom. If you see a post you don't agree with the opinion of and you can't be kind about it, just keep scrolling past. Remember the real point of this fandom is appreciating GO, our Ineffables, the World they (and we) love, and each other. We made it through COVID holding up S2 production for 2 years. We held each other (virtually and physically, depending) through the Final Fifteen. We endured 3 years of not knowing if or when we'd even get S3 by creating our own art, fics, and theories. We closed ranks around the survivors when the allegations broke, and proved over and over that we're at our best when we're kind and protective of victims and survivors. I believe we are capable of coming together, now, too. We are capable of being on OUR side, on the side of our Ineffables, no matter how we feel about S3.
can't stop thinking about how a finale ostensibly in tribute to Pratchett ends with the obliteration of memory--and with it, the existence of the characters he gave us. given the craters left by Alzheimer's, in his life and the lives of those who loved him, that ending strikes me as especially cruel.
something else that occurs to me is how one of the first things to emerge, when the allegations against NG went public, was his text to a victim. after she confronted him with what he'd done, he told her she couldn't trust her memory--that she was mentally unstable, and her recollections reflected that.
I think that memory is a terrifying thing for abusers--the thought that we know and hold the true narrative. the one who remembers takes power from the abuser by rejecting their omnipotence. you can't rewrite reality; I was there.
this puts a very different complexion on the finale, for me.
Good Omens 3 says "don't worry about that. it was all just a dream, something you imagined. all the trauma that you endured? it never was." that's NG's big message, and I encourage you to consider how horrifying it is in the context of what we know about him.
All of this, and my own history with trauma associated with abuse and gaslighting, is part of the reason I flat out reject S3 as part of the Good Omens story. It's part of why I will ALWAYS reject S3 as part of the Good Omens story.
I refuse to let another manipulative, abusive asshole tell me what my reality has to be. Even if the script for S3 hadn't been as completely problematic and horrible from a purely narrative and writing aspect, had it still ended the way it did, I would STILL be rejecting it, because of the manipulation being perpetrated by an abusive, manipulative asshole.
I was really hoping, after NG was supposedly removed from the project completely (hah! What a joke. Amazon lied so hard on that one), that whoever they found to write S3 would give us something uplifting, that ended on a bright, hopeful note (much like S1 did), and could give us as a fandom and perhaps the survivors of NG's direct abuses a feeling that we, coming together as a community and protectively shielding the women he abused, were able to finally triumph over the systems that allow women to be abused by powerful men and create something that had the power to uplift us all and give us voice.
Instead, they hired two white, cishet men who are friends of NG and who write dark, horrific fiction, and who seemed to give not even a fig what Good Omens was SUPPOSED to be about (or who the characters really were, for that matter) before presenting us with NG's version of an ending that presented the world of fiction's biggest "Fuck you" to the fandom that has stood by this series for decades, starting with the book and leading through the agonizing wait between S2 and S3.
And now, it seems, we might implode, because of the division between those who enjoyed S3 (you're allowed to if you do), some of whom keep trying to call those who can't get past the betrayal and flaws in the script stupid for seeing what we see and feeling what we feel (you are NOT allowed to be rude to, threaten, gaslight, or hurt other people because they don't agree with you)... and those who absolutely hated it (I'm one of those), some of whom keep trying to insinute that those who enjoyed it are stupid (see above notes on what you're NOT allowed to do) or are harassing members of the cast/crew over S3 (leave them alone! The cast and crew are NOT responsible for this train wreck. In fact, I daresay they tried to mitigate what they could. The responsibility for S3 being a train wreck rests solely on the shoulders of the writers, and most especially on NG. If you want to be angry at someone for what happened, be angry at HIM!).
What we NEED to do, as a fandom, is find the common bonds on which I KNOW we all agree... our love of our Ineffables. Whether or not you see them in Asa and Anthony (I don't, personally, but if you do, I sincerely think that's a wonderful place for you to be), whether you accept or reject S3 as canon, etc... we ALL love our human-shaped celestial beings, and we all love that THEY love each other (whatever form you think that love takes), and we all love that they love their messy, weird human world and the human beings who inhabit it. THAT is what this fandom is about. There's enough room for all of us to have feelings and opinions about S3, but to be RESPECTFUL of them. Because if our favorite duo should have taught us anything, it's that we don't HAVE to have opposite sides. We can all CHOOSE to be on our own side. An Us.
I firmly believe they should have brought together a team of fans to script S3 of Good Omens. There are so many amazing fics surrounding what we hoped and speculated on for S3, back after S2 ended on that Final 15.
I'd like to share my take on how I saw the reunion between Aziraphale and Crowley going, from my fic Born of Starlight. Hope you all enjoy, and it helps heal some of the bad feelings the televised S3 left with us.
Here it is:
The nearby screech of brakes and irate honk of a vehicle brought Aziraphale's attention around in a flash, and he very nearly sagged in relief as a familiar dark Bentley came to an abrupt halt just down from the café.
Crowley.
The Bentley's driver-side door popped open, and a shock of deep red hair appeared, before Crowley unfolded his lanky frame from inside the machine and swung about toward the bookshop. Through the window, Aziraphale knew the exact moment Crowley noticed him when the demon slowly reached up and removed his dark shades, his yellow, serpentine eyes gleaming in the daylight as they locked gazes and Aziraphale forgot his corporeal body needed air for just a moment, while his immortal soul finally remembered how to breathe.
With a smirk Aziraphale couldn't be sure was pleasure at seeing him, Crowley shoved the dark glasses back onto his face and sauntered toward the bookshop.
"I'll be leaving now," Aziraphale informed Muriel, already on his way to the front door. "Keep up the good work, Muriel."
"Um... Okay. I will." Muriel sounded confused, and given their vantage point, Aziraphale couldn't blame them for not understanding. Muriel no doubt looked at Crowley and saw just another demon. They couldn't possibly understand the difference, and he didn't wait around to explain, either. He and Crowley had a lot to discuss, and as much as Aziraphale wished they could hash it all out inside the bookshop, where he was now certain Crowley would be safe, he doubted Crowley would be all that keen to step inside, just yet.
There'd already been far more pain than he'd ever intended to happen, in this place he'd created to be a sanctuary for them both, and he'd have to win back the demon's trust. Hopefully quickly, or nothing Aziraphale had done to safeguard Crowley would matter.
He stepped outside just as Crowley reached the pavement. An attack of nerves slid over Aziraphale as Crowley's gaze raked him up and down but gave nothing away behind those dark glasses, though his mouth did twist downward. Aziraphale fought the urge to wince, afraid of what Crowley must be thinking.
"Leaving already, O Supreme Archangel?"
Aziraphale flinched as much at the pain he heard behind the sarcasm dripping in Crowley's voice as the words themselves.
"Don't call me that. I thought perhaps I might convince you to accompany me to St. James's Park. There's something we need to discuss."
Crowley looked like he might actually deny him. After a long moment and a heaved sigh of exasperation, the demon swung around on his heel and stalked back toward the Bentley, instead. "Well, come on, then. I haven't got all day."
******
St. James's Park, London -- Ten Minutes Later
Crowley slouched onto their bench as if poured there and stared hard at his angel as Aziraphale rambled and stumbled all over his words, just like he always did when nervous or excited. The angel hadn't shut up since they got in the car, but Crowley still hadn't figured out a blessed thing he was saying. Maybe it'd make sense if he could actually hear the words over the beat of his own heart. His heart pulsed loud in his ears and pounded against the inside of his chest like a bloody bird trying to beat itself senseless. He shouldn't be feeling so... so... so damn relieved, right? He figured the angel expected him to still be completely, bloody raging about the whole argument and jaunt off to Heaven in the first place. Only...
Only, how could he be angry when he finally had his angel back and that familiar, soothing voice flowed over him? He didn't imagine Satan Himself could be furious very long, with the soft notes of every word leaving Aziraphale's mouth.
Ah, for bloody... Scratch that thought. He wasn't letting anything in Hell anywhere near his angel, ever again. Heaven, either, if he had anything to say about it. After just eight months, Aziraphale already looked thin and haggard, and his eyes were so sunken in, so full of pain and fear Crowley hadn't been able to look at them longer than it took to clock that pain.
What have they done to you, angel?
He forced a smirk he didn't feel across his lips, aware he was playing the role of the jilted lover, here. No room in that role for wrapping himself protectively around his angel and hissing like a feral thing at Heaven.
"So, angel," he let the endearment roll off his tongue, the rightness sinking through him. There wasn't going to be any more of this months without talking shit, ever again. Still, he was a demon. He couldn't help a needling, "how's that 'making a difference' thing going for you? Single-handedly avert the end of the world, yet?"
Aziraphale stuttered to a stop, and the distress on his face had Crowley wanting to rewind time just far enough to cage the hurtful words before they escaped. After all, he knew just how painful words could be, didn't he?
"Sorry, angel," he muttered, his words lost beneath Aziraphale's sudden onslaught of miserable speech.
"Oh, Crowley," his name, spoken with such heartbreak in that beloved voice, captured his attention so fully it took him a moment to realize he'd missed half of what else his angel said.
"Wot? Come again?"
"I said," Aziraphale huffed out with a glare that was quite possibly the most wonderfully ineffective display of annoyance in all Creation, "I'm afraid I've rather made a mess of things, Crowley."
A sardonic smirk he couldn't contain flickered at the edges of Crowley's lips as eight months of hurt bled through for just a moment. "Finally work that one out, did you?"
Exasperation darkened Aziraphale's cerulean eyes, chasing away the pain and exhaustion for just a moment. "I'm serious, Crowley. I'm trying to apologize."
Glee at matching wits with his angel again tangled with memories of watching the angel fumble through that silly little dance he created to help remind them both how dangerous leaving each other to face potential catastrophes alone was. Crowley's heartbeat thundered as he fought to stay in his careless sprawl. He eyed Aziraphale where the angel sat stiffly on the bench beside him -- careful, Crowley couldn't help noticing with a pang of disappointment, to keep significant space between them. He shoved that disappointment down deep, and bantered back, "It's going to take a lot more than a ridiculous little dance to apologize for leaving me, this time, angel."
He heard the sharp intake of Aziraphale's breath, watched emotions chase each other across the angel's expressive face, not settling on any one long enough for Crowley to read. What the Heaven was his angel thinking?
"I didn't leave--"
"Sure bloody looked that way to me, angel."
"Well, yes, technically, I mean, I did leave, I suppose, but I... I didn't want to go." Aziraphale drew in a deep breath, his eyelids squeezing together tightly for a moment, before he released his breath on a sigh, his normally properly aligned shoulders drooping as his head hung forward. Crowley had to strain to hear his next words, and even then he wasn't sure he could trust his own ears. "I did it for us, Crowley."
This jerked Crowley forward and onto his feet, uncertain if what he felt was more anger, joy, or disbelief. "You wot? You fucking think that was for us, angel? You barely stopped to take a breath before--"
"I forgave you." Aziraphale looked up at him with earnest blue eyes that nearly discorporated Crowley where he stood with the sheer need in them. The hunger. The plea for him to understand something he figured out for himself five months ago, and kept rehashing to the point of madness, ever since.
Still... His angel was expecting him to be angry. Leaning into the only role Aziraphale would allow him right now, he took hold of the lapels of his angel's pristine white jacket in trembling fists and got right up in his face. Satan help him, he wanted to kiss the pain off his angel's face so bad.
Instead, he bared his teeth and seethed, "Did I ask to be forgiven? Have I ever asked to be forgiven, angel?"
"No."
"I don't want your fucking forgiveness, angel." The words flew from him, shoved out by eight months of twisting emotions and empty need writhing in his chest. "I wanted you to choose us. To choose me, just as I am." He let go, backing off a step as he fought to contain himself. He wasn't about to do this. Not again. Still, the words wouldn't stop. Unlike last time, he couldn't trammel them in. He had nothing left to lose. "But I was never good enough, without Heaven, was I?"
He took a quick step back in surprise when Aziraphale bolted up from the bench, shock and agony on his soft features. "That's not what I meant, Crowley. I did choose you. I've always chosen you. I was just trying to warn you..."
The angel sighed heavily, his eyes downcast as he shook his head. "Everything got all messed up, that day. I didn't have a choice but to go, and I needed you to go with me. I needed to know you were safe. And," he flushed, his gaze still averted. "I just ... I wanted the world, and Heaven, to see you the way that I do. I want them to see your heart."
Aziraphale's hand lifted, coming to rest right above Crowley's heart, and Crowley feared for one second his angel might feel the thundering he heard in his ears. Aziraphale lifted his gaze then, peeking up at Crowley through his lashes as he patted Crowley's chest with a murmured, "Your very good heart. I was so afraid for you, I almost didn't go, you know. But I thought... You looked so angry when you left, when I saw you standing there, I wanted to let you rescue me, so you'd be happy again, but I needed you to trust me, too. I..." The angel stopped, his mouth trembling as if he was moments from crying, before he drew in a deep breath, and his blue eyes connected with Crowley's. "I miss you."
As apologies went, it wasn't half bad. Crowley turned away, breaking the contact between them and trying to gather himself before he did something utterly stupid, again. He already knew his angel wasn't back on Earth permanently, and as long as that remained true, there was nothing for them. He ground his teeth together and did as he learned from the humans, counting backward from ten before turning to ask, "Why'd you come back?"
Aziraphale didn't even miss a beat. "How else was I supposed to apologize? How else was I supposed to say..." He bridged the space between them and his hands connected with Crowley's chest again in a soft touch the demon had missed every second of these past lonely months. "I love you, Anthony. Just as you are."
Time hung between them, broken only by the warbling song of a nightingale, as the shards of a vessel shattered millennia before fused back together under the radiant, golden touch of his angel. Swallowing back tears that just weren't demonly to shed, Crowley managed a hoarse, "This mean you're coming back forever?"
A pause. Then Aziraphale sighed heavily. "I'm afraid not. Not yet, at least. But I need your help, Crowley, or there won't be a world to come back to."
The more I think about that ending, the more reasons it bugs me.
The newest one popped into my head as I was waking up, this morning.
The running theme of GO has always been to embrace who you are (Aziraphale's embracing of his love of creature comforts, and of a certain demon... Crowley's constant assertions that he's a demon who has no use for Hell, but still embraces minor acts of mischief... Adam's determination to stay in Tadfield, even when offered the entire world to rule... Maggie's love of a record shop that's essentially failing... And I could go on, but you get the point). But in the end, in that pub scene, what GO ended up saying, was "you can only get a happy ending if you become someone you're not." NONE of those people were actually the selves they'd been the whole series. Not one of them. Instead of finding happiness and peace as themselves, they had to become completely new people, to be happy??
I think that's why so many of us were so instantly bothered by it. The GO fandom has always been largely made up of queer and/or misfit people. Those society has deemed mostly "outside" the norm, at various points. GO told us we were accepted and lovable just as we are. It gave us the safety to explore who we actually were, through the lense of characters who were, themselves, unusual or outsiders. And then, in the end, it ripped away everything that provided safety and community for us, and said "you can only be happy if you conform to the status quo."
Excuse the fuck out of me?? Not just no, but HELL, no.
This is yet one more reason for me to ignore the existence of S3.
All of this. But not just misfits. I think many of us are trauma survivors. I think many of us saw our own broken pieces reflected in Crowley and Aziraphale. Being able to love them tricked us into loving ourselves. Seeing them devoted to each other gave us hope of a brighter future. Something about the ending said to me at least, some things, some people, are too broken to be fixed or loved so we better chuck it all out and start over. And that was heartbreaking.
Truth. Many of us are survivors of some kind of trauma. And we found meaning in the "nothing's so broken it can't be loved enough to fix" underlying theme of GO. And then S3 came along and told us "you're only worthwhile as long as someone needs you" (thanks, I didn't spend decades and loads of $$$ in therapy getting rid of THAT particular trauma just to have it resurrected by the GO Finale). And then they topped it all off with "the only way you make the world better is by dying." To someone who has spent 40+ years battling that very phrase in my own mind, and struggling to overcome the thoughts and attempts and near-successes (of some of those attempts) of my past, that whole scene made me literally retch. It wasn't just heartbreaking for me. It was a violent psychic attack on my mental health and my healing journey.
Which is why I didn't mention the trauma part in my initial post. The trauma response is STILL too real and visceral, for me. But I'm healing by working on my post-S2 fanfic, and proving to myself just how healing love can actually be. 😌
No wonder nobody could find you. This is where you were keeping all your memories. All your... you.
It's This. Beelzebub isn't even looking at the man next to her. That's not the person who is their hell and happiness. He's not in there. He's where his memories are -- in the fly.
In the finale ending we were given, I can see the power of Crowley's Choice, the incredible love for humanity in their sacrifice, and the beauty of Aziraphale's willingness to disappear into Nothingness with the one Being that makes him feel complete. And my little ace/grey heart is satified without a big show of physical affection, so I'm not sulking over the absence of a Kiss.
But this world, this story, told us that memories are what makes you You. That shiney new children can't just replace the children you already love. That other couples lives might mirror your story, but aren't actually You. That we build off of what is broken, and work to fix it as best we can. That brokenness is still lovable, deserves love and can find love.
Crowley told us the rules of the Book of Life, that what gets erased will have never existed. God contributed another worldbuilding rule, a coldly finite and absolute statement, in Her response to Crowley and Aziraphale's decision -- a Hobson's Choice, btw.
Eventually there'll be humans and life, in all of its mundane glory. Something that both of you will neither know or experience, though.
This is what many of us are struggling with. As much as we love this show and respect Sir Terry, this finale only gives Our Ineffables a happy human ending if the show unravels nearly every rule they ever told us -- including the last words God spoke moments before Asa and Anthony meet.
According to everything we were told, Aziraphale and Crowley are gone. It's a beautiful love story echoing throughout time and space, but it's not theirs anymore. What made them.. Them... is gone.
It's okay if you see it differently.
But many of us are stuck here, trapped in a limbo where our minds and hearts are faced with our own Hobson's Choice. Unexpected. Impossible. Heartbreaking.
THIS. If I step into the narrative to view S3, this is what I'm left with: a narrative that erases its own rules, then tells us we're supposed to be happy with the consolation prize. That we're supposed to be giddy over a participation trophy. Never mind we didn't win.
If I step OUT of the narrative and view it through a writer's lens, it's poor writing. It's a writer abandoning their plot, their characters, and their audience. Whether from malice, laziness, or boredom, we'll probably never know.
Either way I view it, S3 falls apart under the weight of its own established canon and lore. Its own themes and rules. I respect that some people enjoyed it. I'd never say those people are wrong for their feelings, because all opinions can be simultaneously valid. That's the beauty of opinions, and why fiction isn't called fact.
For me, I can't abide by or accept a storyline that divorces itself from its own established lore and canon.
Rant About Good Omens S3/Finale and Some Fellow Aspec Reactions
Before I start my rant, let me just warn you: I'm about to lose my shit over something, so if you're easily offended, or think you might get defensive about the subject matter, just keep scrolling and don't open the cut. I won't be entertaining any argument on this rant, because this is my blog, and my post, and these are my feelings. You don't have to like them for them to still be true, and I put the cut there so you don't even have to read them, if you don't want to. As such, I won't be entertaining any arguments in the comments, etc. I'll just shut down your access.
(Oh, and I swear a lot when I rant... so if swearing bothers you, don't read this.)
So, if you're still interested in my thoughts after that, you can keep reading below the cut.
The Rant:
Y'know something? I'm all for community and solidarity. But since the Aspec community is an umbrella, under which lots of different type of ace and aro people are found, can we make a little interior-to-Aspec community agreement?
I (panromantic demi/ace) won't speak for you, as my fellow Aspec person, and you don't act like you speak for the entire fucking Aspec community. Deal?
I'm completely sick and done with reading "Ace and aro people don't want (any romantic gesture/words), so we like the GO finale."
Really, Karen? You got a mouse in your pocket you're speaking for? Because I didn't give you permission to speak for me.
Aside from my sexuality, I'm an author. And I'm fucking disgusted with the S3/Finale.
See, I love romance. I write queer romance for all different stripes of the LGBTQIA+ community. And I don't have to be interested in having sexual contact, myself, to appreciate romantic gestures like kisses, hugs, and "I love you"s. And I believe in fairness and justice so hard I can't even fully articulate how important it is to me. All I can say is, read my books, and you'll get how important the concepts of fairness and justice are to me. And there wasn't a goddamn thing fair, just, or romantic about that S3/Finale. And don't fucking start on me about "life isn't fair." I goddamn know it's not. I've lived with a body that's been trying to kill me since I was born (I'm a Gen Xer, so that should give you a general idea how long that's been), a psyche that's had to deal with S.A. and torture as a child, Evangelical Fundie parents who were determined to "beat the sin" out of me, and the early loss of both my baby daughter and the love of my life, right before my eyes. I know exactly how unfair life can be. Which is why I believe so strongly in fairness/justice and the power of love to overcome, in fiction. I believe it is a writer's duty to provide what they promise to their audience. If you promise love, and a happy ending, then you better well deliver. especially if you're making that promise to a community that has been continually betrayed by society as a whole.
That betrayal of the queer community at large, who were strung along for six years, complete with a canon kiss (whatever its reason), and promised for 3 of those years that there was a happy ending for our queer-coded characters, only to watch those same queer-coded characters be obliterated infuriates me, yes. White hot rage, infuriates me. However, isn't the only part about S3 that disgusts me.
Oh, no. That combo of nauseating disgust and boiling fury is reserved for the absolute dumpster fire of a script, beginning to end. As far as I'm concerned, it's an insult to good writing, to good fiction, and to good representation. I've been over this in depth, and reblogged others who managed more rational analysis while I was genuinely lamenting my inability to create rage lightning. But I've managed to get side-tracked. None of that's what this post is about, and I'm sorry for my getting distracted by my fury, again.
This is a "don't make sweeping statements about how an entire group feels" PSA.
You're entitled to like Good Omens S3/Finale if you want. But you don't get to speak for me, or anyone else in the community. And you certainly don't get to call people elsewhere in the queer community stupid or idiots for their feelings of betrayal, heartbreak, and anger.
You are fully within your rights to use your own asexuality or aromanticism as the reason you happen to like what's been presented. But stop saying "we in the ace community..." and "ace people don't care whether or not they kiss" or "aro/ace people are just fine with how it ended."
Not all of us are. In fact, some of us (speaking for myself only) are very, very not okay with any of it.
I want to ask what they were thinking using a team of allocishet white men who specialize in dark fantasy and horror to write a queer comedy in 2026, but I suspect the reason is no one respectable would touch Neil Gaiman's work after we found out about his rapist history.
And it'd be nice if they gave a fuck, but they don't even care enough to watch it.
And now we know what was wrong with Good Omens 3, and I am so sorry for all of us it let down. Both the fans and creative team who loved it and did their best.
So much for "the finale's in good hands." People, we spent 3 years being flat-out LIED to.
We were told NG wouldn't be involved in the actual script for the finale. His name appears TWICE on the writing credits screen.
We were told the story would be handled by people who cared about GO as much as we did. And THIS jackwagon couldn't be bothered to even watch the POS finale he helped fucking write, which in turn tells us he neither read the book nor watched S1/S2.
I'm so angry I could scream (if only I COULD scream... Lost that ability decades ago).
*draws a deep breath and counts to ten, really wishing I could summon lightning*
I refuse to let them win. We might not get an on-screen canon ending befitting our Ineffables, the humans who make up their actual world, or the world they all loved so much... But we DO have the option to reject what was never real, and continue the reality we love, fight for OUR Good Omens world.
I'm doing my part, by continuing my own S3 version, in which our Ineffables, along with all the modern humans they know, Jesus, and several very good angels, manage to save Earth and Heaven both, and you actually get to hear "I love you"s and see our demon and angel actually get to be a REAL Us.