louis & lestat | the albatross
i'm the life you chose, and all this terrible danger

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@emilyaxford
louis & lestat | the albatross
i'm the life you chose, and all this terrible danger
cleaned my room and it’s crazy how much more peace i feel when my bedroom is neat and tidy. i will not learn anything from this experience.
Thomas Bossard (French, b. 1971)
honestly, i think what trips people up about iwtv/tvl is that the show just isn't interested in the logic of punishment. all these characters have suffered, have caused suffering, are suffering. none of it is fair. to try and point out who is good or bad, or to cast all of them as evil, is frankly, missing the whole point.
if anything, the arguments presented by iwtv and tvl are that nobody comes to violence on their own. hurt people, the show argues, hurt people. and perhaps most difficult to accept in a society like ours: harming other people can be, itself, traumatic.
this is a story about cycles of trauma and abuse, and it posits that breaking out of it is a choice a person has to make, for one. and two, that someone's ability to make that choice depends on the tools they have at their disposal (for example: louis and lestat finally realizing they gotta work on themselves AND understanding that they lacked a lot of the tools to arrive at that conclusion because of the time they were born in). yes, there's systemic shit, but individuals also have power within themselves to Choose to Stop, to be and do better.
worth noting, though, that the show isn't arguing for a can't we all just get along vision of breaking the cycle. sometimes you have to carry the fact you caused harm that won't be neatly resolved (like, say, daniel and his daughters). some bridges are burned (perhaps) forever, but that also doesn't mean the people that were hurt are caught up in their own pain. you don't need to forgive to move on, nor do you need to be forgiven to move on.
yet, i don't think the show is arguing against the possibility of reconciliation, either. the argument seems to be that there can be no reconciliation without acknowledgement that people have a right to self-determination. and perhaps the way to get there is through compassion.
ultimately, compassion seems to be precisely what the show asks of the viewer and the characters both. it does so by eliciting sympathy through interiority. that is, by exposing the private selves of these characters. through that exposition, the show invites the viewer to reflect on what suffering does to people as well as what it leads people to do.
iwtv is a thought experiment, in a way, and the narrative really opens up once you allow yourself to engage in it.
my cousin has officially passed her expected due date and she's the first pregnant person i have known who didn't have a planned c-section so it's really making me realize how crazy it is that you can just be waiting to have a whole ass baby. the suspense would be killing me
my cousin had a girl :)
rip to hayden 🕊️💔
MON "CRASH OUT" MOTHMA in ANDOR | S02E03
i was walking in the park and i stepped in a hole and fell forward onto the sidewalk. luckily i caught myself wrists-first but didn’t land badly, so the impact went hands -> knees -> chin. i didn’t realize as it was happening but to protect my teeth i automatically pursed my lips and then i thought “wait why the fuck am i kissing the sidewalk”
luckily i didn't secretly fuck up my ankles or wrists or anything but my upper arms (where i took the brunt of the impact bracing myself) are so sore. it feels like when i got my flu shot and covid booster in the same day
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN (2005) dir. Ang Lee
the montreal metros would eat apollos cattle despite shanes warning of their doom
I have in the recesses of my mind this like novella length fic where for some reason Ilya has a really serious mental health issue after the draft but before the ccm shoot. And accidentally on purpose attempts suicide and Shanebug kind of awkwardly visits him after as a result of his big bleeding shaneheart. Shane and the public think it was an accidental injury + Ilya will start his rookie year like nothing happened but of course Sveta knows and Shane begins to suspect after he finds out Ilya’s staying in Boston all summer instead of going home. and they’ve been texting for a bit about hockey and stuff and so Shane is like I’m staying in Ottawa at my apartment so you could like. Come hang out. This summer. Um. Or whatever. And Sveta is being insanely protective and is like Ilya you do not know this boy but Ilya’s like it’s a week or two I’ll call you every night. So Svetlana is finally like fine but every night means EVERY night. Meanwhile of course yuna drops in unannounced and hears Shane laughing a laugh so free and big that she’s never heard before, walks inside and sees him and Ilya sitting on the floor playing grand theft auto. Shane who has by now definitely figured out what happened with Ilya bc they’re best friends now and kind of keep falling asleep together on the couch and waking up cozy noses pressed together don’t worry about it shoots to his feet and is like (murder in his eyes) Mom This Is Ilya He’s Staying With Me This Summer Don’t Make It Weird He Is My Best Friend Ever. Conflict comes when yuna is like you’re being taken advantage of and Shane overhears an Ilya/Sveta phone call and thinks they’re together. Anyway it all works out when yuna insists Ilya comes over for dinner one night and sees her awkward lonely son so at ease and happy around this young man who’s healing from something very hard and obviously head over heels. She looks at David and they have a whole conversation with their eyes where she’s like this is going to be really hard as their careers start and David says back with his eyes but it’s going to be worth it
Mark Krzepis (Canadian, 2001) - Toronto Love Line 1/2/3 (2025-2026)
one of the lesser-known evils of being obsessed with supernatural as a teen is that you'll hear an iconic song or movie title or line of dialogue and go "oh just like the supernatural episode"
"A homoerotic Vietnam War thriller starring Jonathan Groff and Daniel Radcliffe is headed our way.
The film, entitled Trust the Man, was helmed by non-binary writer-director Will Graham"
I don't have much experience with fever dreams, but I feel like this succession of paragraphs is a pretty close approximation. WILL GRAHAM??
The universe really said my child you have suffered so much sit down here in the shade and enjoy your Daniel Radcliffe Jonathan Groff homoerotic Vietnam war thriller
Jimmy Stewart and Cary Grant The Philadelphia Story | 1940
i was walking in the park and i stepped in a hole and fell forward onto the sidewalk. luckily i caught myself wrists-first but didn’t land badly, so the impact went hands -> knees -> chin. i didn’t realize as it was happening but to protect my teeth i automatically pursed my lips and then i thought “wait why the fuck am i kissing the sidewalk”
i have been an avoidant flop and a half this week but it ends today i’ve decided