emilyoftheroses

Tattoo artist + Toy Tattoo Machine maker... Blissfully mothering a genius baby.....complaining about lots of things.....Trying to survive. @emilyroseart on IG /. Find The Family Stone Tattoo on Etsy!!

[velvetandcelluloid]

depression: i want to die

anxiety: but what if you die

me:

[emilyoftheroses]

Mood...

[arzekoenig]

“I’ve seen horrors… horrors that you’ve seen. But you have no right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me. You have a right to do that… but you have no right to judge me. It’s impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror… Horror has a face… and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. If they are not, then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies!” - Apocalypse Now (1979)

[emilyoftheroses]

Mood af...current events....

[emilyoftheroses]

Mood...

[emilyoftheroses]

The ones I could find on Instagram. A hobby making funny pictures out of my child…..endless hours of entertainment….for your viewing pleasure.

[emilyoftheroses]

I forgot about these.....

[emilyoftheroses]

Me today……and every day.

[emilyoftheroses]

SAAAAME. Still!?!

[emilyoftheroses]

My mom told me that we should give up on our dreams today.....and now I have to go wake this sleeping giant and face my day alone with her.....knowing that I should have given up on things long ago. I hope I never become the type of woman who tells other women to give up on their dreams. I hope I never have to say it to May.

[emilyoftheroses]

When you didn't think it could get worse, and then it does.....trying to maintain a sense of humor about things....

[emilyoftheroses]

The scariest week of my life, how am I even supposed to do this?

[emilyoftheroses]

So, my daughter is two....she has a set of cousins on my stepdad’s side that she loves dearly and sees every now and then at family functions.  A few hours every couple of months we hang out all together and they play.  We’ve been seeing them on a casual basis like that forever in her mind.  We saw them most recently at a Mother’s Day afternoon we all had at our uncle’s lake house.  May has never noticed that her cousins have two fathers.  Yesterday she asked me if they have a mom.  Like she was concerned that they had lost their mother somewhere, misplaced her.  And I said “no, May they don’t have a mom but instead they have two dads” and she thought for a second and looked up at me and said “but I have a mom” and I said “yes, and only one dad because everyone’s family is a little different” and she smiled and said “oh”.  The end.  She wasn’t confused or upset, she wasn’t shaken to the core by some huge realization.  She accepted it and moved on just as quickly as she would if I had told her the sky was blue today.  It was her natural reaction to move forward in her mind with love not hate.  There was no prejudice or fear, no hint of misunderstanding.  They have two dads and that’s that.  Easy.

So, it leads me to think to myself.....how would hate get in there?  She didn’t want to hate them because of the differences in our families.  She wanted to see them real soon and love them just the same.  It makes me wonder if people plant seeds of hate in their perfectly innocent children?  Do they?  They must, that must be how it gets in there to begin with.  I allow my daughter to come to her own well informed conclusions about things, I guide her through conversation to the safest point in reality for her to be, but I don’t feel the need to push her one way or another.  Her thoughts and feelings are her own, her opinions too.  When she asks me tough questions sometimes I respond with a question in return.  It works almost every time.....I just say “Well, what do you think?” and I let her finish her own thoughts.  It’s all there, she already knows to love openly without fear.  She doesn’t hate anything, even the things she’s scared of can be beautiful or interesting to her sometimes.  I’ve never seen her hate anything.  Where does hate come from?

What do children hate?  How do they learn to hate?  

[emilyoftheroses]

I don't know how she's become such a lovely little person.....the Shirley Temple look alike comments are the best!

[emilyoftheroses]

In toy tattoo machine news, I was almost too busy to keep up this week. It was insane so much pink and teal!? I was mostly too busy to take photos and we sold some stuff from the studio so it's been chaos.

[emilyoftheroses]

May in the most beautiful 5$ yard sale find ever.....I mean glorious condition worn once, fancy and her heart had wings...she was just on fire and felt so down to her toes pretty it was amazing for me to see. Good find aunt Becky, good find. Knock it out of the park little secret smile, I love her so much it aches!? (I know I know Shirley Temple, I know)

[emilyoftheroses]

Holy dang, it's slowed down but this picture made it to 320 likes.....and that is absolutely insane to me. I'm overwhelmed right now with orders, messages and emails. Can someone tell me how to keep up? Also, can someone reblog this like a zillion times? Can you tell me how any of this works?

[emilyoftheroses]

This day, this week. Today I have to balance an overwhelming amount of painting against an overwhelmingly brilliant two year old and I have to also prepare our house for my mother to be home for a week. My mother and stepdad and a dog. Here they come! I have so many things to do today I feel like my head is going to pop off and my hearts going to bounce itself right out of my mouth somehow. My family and I are in all reality....homeless. We live in my mother's home while she and my stepdad live out their retirement dreams in an RV....seeing things and getting out in the world. When they decided to travel we were in a precarious living situation. In an unsafe home with a tiny baby and our landlords we're going to raise the rent on us. We were having a hard time paying rent at the shop and at home, almost 2000$ a month just in rents for us that year. We just couldn't pay more money for a house that could kill us any minute. I loved that house, it was my dream house and I mourn it often. But we had to leave, and my mother needed someone to house sit while they had planned trips. So we did it. It's quite the non traditional living situation, but it's what we have to work with. The hardest part for Drew is never feeling like anything is his, like he doesn't own any of this stuff it's just here and he's allowed to use it. We do have to live with some impossible standards of clean and tidy. I have a hard time telling May 'no' all day. We have divided the house in two sections, one is baby friendly and one is not. When we are all in the same house we sit on separate sides of the fence, us on our side and them on theirs. May has a hard time with that, she doesn't understand why we can't all be together all the time. She doesn't understand why she can't touch this or why she can't play with that. It's like living in a museum, we have to be so careful with everything that we end up talking about not messing up grandmas stuff because she'll be mad waaaay more than we should. Drew and I hope and dream we can live in our own house someday. But we know that might not ever happen. For now we wait for them to show up for a weekend here and there and stay on our side of the house. And May sleeps in the bedroom I had as a kid. Today I have to get ready for their arrival. I also have to care for May, answer all the questions and get her ready for Martha's homecoming. And finish laundry, dishes, floors, toy duty....oh and I'm swamped with orders and need to paint 1000 tiny things. I also need to be sanding some. And building. Also I'm out of boxes, so I should do that too. And juice, were out of juice.

[emilyoftheroses]

I've never had this much attention for a toy, it's crazy to me, that's 300 likes for a toy tattoo machine and its accessories. That's validating but also....terrifying.... I'm not someone who ever wanted to be rich or famous, I'm not someone who enjoys attention. I'm a mom trying to empower kids and parents from within the tattoo community. I think if parents can feel safe to involve their kids in tattoo shop life with idk say, a toy....maybe they'd open a new avenue of learning and bonding for said children. Maybe new levels of closeness can be attained by allowing your children to feel involved in your work. For tattooers it's such a joy and a passion I hated feeling like I couldn't share it with my child. I'm hoping to send out toys to people, to make them happy. I'm trying to make enough money to survive and I'm doing my daily best. It only took 2 days for someone to decide I wasn't answering messages fast enough....and bam!? All that excitement about all those orders turns into abject fear. Anxiety is a cruel circumstance to live with. Making every single body happy is literally impossible. Some breathing room would be nice. This is hard.

[emilyoftheroses]

We had a surprise party for my stepdad this past weekend. It was small and easy, it was May's perfect day. She was the only one in the water, or in a bathing suit at all....but she thoroughly enjoyed every minute of that cold ass water. She was overjoyed to be spending time with family and being at the lake seems to be her best time. I'm happy to know someone who owns a lake house, I know I'll never live that way but it's nice to visit. She's talked about it every day since.

[emilyoftheroses]

The most amazing thing has been happening in my neck of the woods. I did an interview for a blog....Things and Ink....it's the first one I've ever done, it's strange and I honestly can't bring myself to read it yet. I'm too anxious to read it, too nervous, I always say the wrong thing. I just know I say too much or not enough, I always kick myself later. So today I'll read it? If I can muster the courage to make some damn clicks on my phone and settle my stomach enough to read I will. But how exciting that it's directed a whole slew of new people my way! It's been crazy to watch all the activity and to know I'm doing a good job. For people to respond so vigorously they must really appreciate it. I mean 200+ likes is a lot to me.....and it's a picture of my work, something I do pour my heart into every day for no reason other than the satisfaction of doing it. I made more than 200 people interact with that photo, that makes me feel validated....and what's more I had a swell in orders so I'll be quite busy this week to boot! If I could keep this consistent. If only. I'll just keep plugging along...