Course Leader in Graphic Design, EdD candidate

[emmafestudy]

Half term and the break is sorely needed. Teaching online is taking its toll and my brain just needs a break.

There is nothing better to soothe my soul than this fluffy little bit falling asleep on me. All the stress just melts away 😊

[emmafestudy]

Hey, I just found your blog and I enjoy it a lot! I think your career is super neat and I’ve never really heard anything from people working in prisons except guards and the like. I admire how open you are with your life and I wish you the absolute best for your health and stability.

Hey, I don't know when you sent this, but I have *just* found it in my ask box now... I am so, so sorry!!

Thank you so much for the kind words and support! Working in the prison was such an interesting chapter in my life (I am no longer there, now in a college closer to home, so less health issues!!), and I absolutely loved my time there. It has certainly opened my eyes to how education is presented across the different channels, and it has inspired me to look deeper into the issues faced by prisoners regarding education. I am starting my PhD program in education next year, and this is one area I would love to look at!

Thanks again and I am so sorry for the very late response!

[emmafestudy]

(Personal opinion, all thoughts are my own and not my organisations')

As a teacher, i normally love this time of year, as it's always so lovely to see students getting fab grades and realising that they can pursue their ambitions... Not this year.

I've seen more students heartbroken and destroyed by the results they have received (if they've received any at all, unlike some of my students!) than those who are celebrating and it is just upsetting. My heart goes out to them, and I wish, as a teacher, that I could help.

Why do the government and exam boards insist that they know better than the teachers that have taught them for years? Why should results be required to be "in line" with previous years, otherwise it's obvious that teachers are inflating grades? I'm sure that there are some teachers out that that have done this, and those schools/colleges should be investigated on an individual basis, but to ignore teachers' predictions across the board just to make sure that the results 'fit' with the previous years range, it's unbelievable. Why is it so hard to believe that our children are clever enough to achieve high grades? That they actually work hard?

You, the government, begged us to keep this country's children going during such a difficult and unprecedented time, you forced us to move all of our teaching and resources online within 2 days and expected us to deliver the same standard of teaching and learning as we do in our normal environments. You told us that we had to stick to curriculum, deadlines, and then told us that any work completed during the pandemic doesn't actually count towards final grades... We made sure to mark our students work regardless, encouraging them to keep submitting work because it did matter. We based their grades on the work that they did, which is what always happens.

And while i'm ranting about the state of education in this country, i also want to point out that it is very, very clear now that the government does not value, acknowledge or care about FE teachers, since we don't qualify for the pay increase like the rest of our school colleagues (and before you comment, I fully believe NHS staff deserve a pay increase more than anyone), and now you decide that we are unqualified to assess our own students. If we are that incompetent, surely we have done more damage to the Pandemic Cohort in the 1-2 years we have taught them, than the 4 months of less than stellar home learning.

To the parents of students who have received their results and are now worried about their future - your children worked hard (not everyone, but the majority). As their teachers, we worked hard to support them not just over the last few months, but since they first stepped into our classrooms. We care about our students and are devastated that they have been let down so badly by our government. But things will work out. Telling them that grades don't matter, you never achieved anything and are now the CEO of a Fortune 500 company does not help. It. Does. Not. Help. Our young people are suffering now, and for many, this is the first time their efforts have had any major consequence and bearing on their future, and they do not know what to do. Stop giving them platitudes and start supporting them. Appeal the process, look into alternatives and give your damn child a hug. They need to know that they are not a failure or less worthy because of this.

I am so sorry for the rant, but i've spent the last two days of my holiday (i'm back working next week) chasing results, emailing students, reassuring and celebrating with them, but apparently i'm not competent enough to do so.

We need education reform now.

[emmafestudy]

Trying to combat boredom during lockdown and the Easter Holiday from the college, I've been practising my painting skills and learning some new things about lighting and colour mixing.

Scenes from Studio Ghibli's Kiki's Delivery Service and Spirited Away.

#studioghibli #studioghibliart #watercolour #painting #spiritedaway #kikisdeliveryservice #art #artistsoninstagram #teacherofart

https://www.instagram.com/p/B-0JyMZnlnY/?igshid=11lic73kb7f4t

[emmafestudy]

[emmafestudy]

Excuse me whilst I go and cry somewhere.... this is the result of a year's worth of work, tears and tearing my hair out. Let's see if it was all worth it...

[emmafestudy]

One last hurdle

It has been a while since I posted anything, but now I have just over a week to go until my dissertation is due. I have 2343 words to go and after two weeks of feeling inspired to get it done, I'm now struggling with the last little bit. I need to get through this. I need the peace of mind and the relief that comes with getting it done. I want my life back.

[emmafestudy]

Dissertation time! 

Current word count: 4682 (24/06/18)

Total word count: 20,000 by September 2018

So.... i’m panicking. Like a lot. Due to a severe relapse into depression at the start of the year, it’s only now that i feel able to tackle my dissertation, and it’s nearly hand in time. I have so much to do. I’m having to create a series of artworks alongside it as the data collection (my dissertation is about the development of my teaching identity since working at the prison) and having writers block + artists block at the same time is utterly shite. 

My motivation for this work is totally gone, despite how panicked I am. I wanted to aim for 500 words a day (minimum), but i’ve screwed that up already.  If i ever complete this, and pass it, i swear to god i’m taking a very, very long break from education.

[emmafestudy]

This is a snapshot (or 4) of the last two days of my life. Today (18th May) marks the day I hand in my final normal assignment for my Masters Degree (not including my dissertation due Sept.) I’ve barely managed to scrape anything together for uni this year, and it could have something to do with my new job, my new house, my depression and anxiety or a combination of all of them.  I have spent ages trying to write something coherent, but i’m not confident that I managed. I’m not confident it will pass. I realised as I clicked the submit button today that I am exhausted with education at the moment (personal learning rather than teaching), and although I plan to do my PhD, It won’t be for another 10 years or so. I want to enjoy being me for a while, not constantly working towards the next goal.  I’m suffering burnout, and i’m not sure if i’ll even manage to complete my dissertation, but i’ve tried. I can’t wait for the day when I can wake up and see an empty schedule for the first time in ten years. I can’t wait to walk into my beautiful garden and do some gardening, because I no longer feel guilty about not studying. 

After I submitted, I looked over all of my open tabs - all 85 of them - just for this short, 3000 word essay. The satisfaction and relief that I felt as I clicked the little X button on each one was indescribable. Seeing the dashboard on my laptop completely clear of open windows and random files on my desktop is a really lovely feeling...

I’ll give myself a few days and then i’ll hit my dissertation hard. I’ve not written a single word, and 8 months have already passed. My supervisor is going to kill me. 

[emmafestudy]

I spent months making myself a lovely office area in which to work, but now that the spare room is complete I've migrated into there and am now using the spare bed as my study space. Clearly old habits die hard!

[emmafestudy]

Things have got really bad recently for me in terms of managing my depression and anxiety and today my doctor prescribed me Sertraline. Anyone have any experiences or thoughts they want to share about taking Sertraline?

[emmafestudy]

Back in my natural habitat, attempting to kick the butts of depression and anxiety, and trying to be as productive as hell since I have two essays and a 20,000 word dissertation due in a few months!

[emmafestudy]

Back at uni this weekend and I have a 20000 word dissertation, and two 3000 word essays on the go. My brain is a pile of goo at the moment but at least I had a calm, quiet (but quite chilly) library to work in today :)

[emmafestudy]

I'm really struggling at the moment. I had the most horrendous anxiety attack on New Years Eve which left me with chest and joint pain and feeling completely disconnected from everything and everyone. I feel as though it has plunged me back into a fairly serious episode of depression and that kind of scares me. If I'm still feeling this way by next weekend I'm going to make an appointment to see my doctor. It's making it difficult to study or work or be around people including family and I cancelled my uni class on Saturday because I just couldn't face it. I feel like a failure at the moment and I know it'll pass but god it's hard to accept that. I did have a few small wins this week however, I managed to write 600 words towards my dissertation draft and an outline on Wednesday and my new violin arrived. I've decided that this is the year I want to learn how to play after wanting to for years and years. It's the little things.

[emmafestudy]

Happy New Year to all my lovely followers! I hope that this year is the year you achieve your goals, look after yourself more and enjoy life as much as you can ❤️

[emmafestudy]

For the first time in....well forever, we've had a significant (for us) amount of snow. We have over a foot and it's still snowing. Spent the day having a snowball fight, visiting our new local park and playing games with my boyfriend. Studying can wait a little longer, this is a rare opportunity!

[emmafestudy]

I'm sadly back at work tomorrow after having a few days off for the holidays. Today I'm not feeling very well and can barely eat anything, so I'm wrapped up on the sofa trying to nail down some bits for my dissertation. My supervisor wants me to combine my teaching and my talent for illustration to create a very different sort of dissertation- an illustrated book exploring my identity as an female art teacher in a male prison. It all feels quite complicated at the moment and I'm struggling to get my head around just what my supervisor actually wants. He currently has me producing a creative brief for myself. I wish I'd postponed my dissertation by a year now :(