Deep Emotions

Welcome to my insane roller coaster. How my dark insides and my mind twirl. What I can't share. Here it goes. Here is my outlet.

[emotional-21]

My life is falling apart. Maybe not my life but my body falls and then everything falls. I can't go on like this anymore. I just want peace please. Please! I can't do this alone! I can't fight anymore! I can't take all this pain and suffering. I am done. I am failing work and my home life. Guess if I'm gonNa fail I can't even do that right. God please. Take me for peace is awaiting right. Please. I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to be scared. Please. I can't count on myself so I should just go right?

[emotional-21]

My walls were torn. As so called life started caving in on me. I lived in my own shadow. I couldn’t breathe. As I had one wish. I wished to be… Free of pain. The fight to have more energy. As questions became unanswered. My battles lost, I lost to thee… The exquisite sadness. The darkness that I let take over me. Promises broken as my trust disappeared. People became a distant memory. As hope faded. I didn’t want to believe… That I was changed. Into a person that was empty. The person who once cared. Caring too much became to wear on me… So I stopped…I stopped and believed my epiphany… That this world…this world will be the death of me. My simple explanation. For how I became this legacy… The one to pretend. To smile through the painful memories. To cry behind closed doors. But to laugh and try to believe. To scream in the shower. But walk tall in front of my enemies. The lies of happiness, I let people think that I am as happy as anyone can be. Silence becomes more, as words start to fail thee, The thoughts that I let take over, and become a part of me. My nightmare of a soul. As I believe that God has failed me. Did God fail? Or am I failing he? This world so dark, the light I can no longer see. But one day, one day I will start to believe… That giving up, giving up on me… Will make this world disappear, for a place where I will be free. For heaven is real?, can I believe? That after this week, I will be happy? My friends and family, failed to see… To see through, through the mirage of me. The stupid people ,For the lies are told so easily. So one day, it will be too late for friends and family. For this lie, this lie will kill me. Life will go on, without a she. But in the end, I will finally be free. Free of this torture, I will be… But remember, remember when you see… My grave, the story was written right in front of thee, So when life, repeats its history… You will learn, learn for the memory of me. For one day, this world will be… Free of the, the enemies. People break others, and I broke so easily. So please remember, to show mercy. For others battle, something you know none of thee. My walls were torn, as so called life started caving in on me.

Unknown (via emotional-21)

[emotional-21]

Once upon time…there was a little girl. This little girl wasn’t scared of anything. She was the living proof that you can walk on sunshine. Her presence was all you needed. This little girl once walked up to a stranger that was sad. She wanted to be her friend to make her happy. This stranger took her home and corrupted her spirit. For 3 years this stranger took some of her sunshine away. Once upon a time there was a girl…her dad came and gave her much love but didn’t know how to handle her. He handled it the wrong way. Locked her in the basement,hit her, screamed at her. For 7 years he took some of her sunshine away. Once upon a time there was a troubled teenage girl…she met a boy. She loved him. He abusively loved her. He took something from her she would never get back. Her purity was vanished. For 2 and half years he took some of her sunshine away. Once upon a time there was a young woman…she met a a best friend…a sister. She loved her and gave it her all. She cared one more time. She ripped her sanity open and took her self worth. (For what was left.) for less than a year her sister took the rest of her sunshine away. Once upon a time there was a woman…who was ill. Her mind destroyed her soul. Her soul destroyed her body. All that was left was a broken soul and body ready to be put at rest. Once upon a time there was a little girl…

(via emotional-21)

[emotional-21]

Hospitals I'm tired of....

[danger]

[emotional-21]

Dear butterscotch, You were right. You were always right. I will always be nothing. I will always be stuck into somebody who is sick and continues to be sick. Then I get frustrated and scared and don't take care of myself. I make things worse. I will always make things worse. And I don't know how to stop. I push everybody away. I don't know exactly why I do it. Maybe because I don't want them to see that I'm scared. Maybe it's because I don't want to ask for help. In sorry. You were right. You were wrong to hurt me like you did but I see why you did it. Because things are just continuing to get bad. In going to die. We are all going to die. But I guess some people don't want to watch how we cope with life. Because I do a terrible job. I will always be more of a nuisance. I know that now. And I'm sorry. Bubbles

[emotional-21]

I was in the hospital for 6 days just got it. And I have to deal with my uncle. Nobody understands how horrible it is to be in there unless they have been sick and been there themselves. I can't. I realized who really cares. I can't do this. I can't keep doing this. This freakin sucks. I'm scared. I feel alone. So alone. This isn't who I really am. The person I'm becoming. I want to give up again. I'm being pushed to the edge. But the edge is scary. I can't do this. I can't. All the medication I have to take right now. This isn't fair. I'm crazy and sick. Not a good combination. I am ment to be alone I realize. Can it just kill me already. I'm done with this. I feel like that sometimes but I know it's not rational. In not being rational. I need help. But I don't know where to get it. I am a lost cause. And I always will be. Funny how life shapes you tell you hit your breaking points. Guess I just keep going. You keep going tell your body can't anymore. And that's just want I am going to do.

[emotional-21]

Why do we live if we're just gonna die?

[fraeuleinrabenschwarz]

I’m not “overreacting”. I’m reacting to my feelings that are just a lot stronger than yours.

[pd-tweek]

Me: *avoids everyone and hopes no one talks to me* Me later: *is offended that no one talked to me*

[bpd-recovering]

*watches video with myself in* wow,,, who is this person,,, their hair is cool,,, they seem like they’re having fun,,, wow i should completely change my personality and become that person they seem fun,,, *realises I’m quite literally watching myself*

[thelovejournals]

It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams… that is being naked.

Rob Bell (via wordsnquotes)

If only I could do the other half. One day I will find someone to open my heart too.

[sheholdsyoucaptivated]

If I had a nickel for every time I said I was going to get my shit together and then proceeded to not get my shit together, I wouldn’t even need to get my shit together because I’d be rich af

[poems-and-words]

[poems-and-words]

Book of the day: I Am the Messenger by Markus Zusak

Get the FREE Kindle Reading App

[addictedto-xo]

I'm so loyal, that even if we break up your secrets are still safe with me.

[emotional-21]

September will always be remembered. The only month I will remember those horrific memories. One month out of the year....I'm allowed to be sad. One month out of the year I will allow myself to remember. The other 11 I will be able to breathe. So let out the screams. Let out the night terrors because next month, next month will be peace. I will remember the pain. But next month I will be at peace.

[wordsnquotes]

Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Less me. Because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to be too much or push people away. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be cared for and valued. I wanted to be wanted. So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, I suffered. But I’m tired of suffering, and I’m done shrinking. It’s not my job to change who I am in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter. My voice matters. And with or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth. Even if it makes people angry. Even if it makes them uncomfortable. Even if they choose to leave. I refuse to shrink. I choose to take up space. I choose to honour my feelings. I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met. I choose to make self-care a priority. I choose me.

Daniell Koepke (via wordsnquotes)