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@enchantednights
Falling back into a destructive mindset after being okay for a while is exhausting and upsetting.
“Most people who struggle with chronic emptiness had adults in their life who were incapable of giving them emotional intimacy. As a result, their inner world did not feel seen, heard, felt, understood or validated. Not only did this wound them, it made them subconsciously conclude that there must be either something bad there or nothing there at all. Emotional neglect is the cause of the inner void. When an adult does not understand what emotional needs are or how to meet them, they cannot meet the child’s emotional needs. The adult is essentially unitentionally invalidating the importance of their child in their life. This child does not feel seen, heard or felt. There is no intimacy in the relationship and so this child lacks the knowledge about how to form intimate relationships. When a child is shamed for having emotional needs and wanting to have them met by the parent, the message the child receives is, “There is something fundamentally wrong and unlovable about me”. This child grows up being completely blind to his or her own emotional needs as well as being very afraid of his or her own emotions. Most people who suffered emotional neglect, either keep their suffering entirely to themselves or go from psychiatrist to psychologist trying desperately to figure out what is so wrong with them. Most are drowning in a sea of self-condemnation because they can’t see what it is that caused them to feel the way they feel. This is because emotional neglect is not what you see. It is what you don’t see. It is the encouragement that didn’t happen. It is the comforting that wasn’t given. It is the loving support that wasn’t offered. It is the loving words that were not said. It is the sense of belonging that was never granted. It is the understanding that was never reached for. Emotional neglect is so hard to recognize because you can’t see what isn’t there and so you can’t remember what isn’t there and until you see what could have been there, you wont even know something was missing. Emotional neglect often goes hand in hand with an unhealthy style of availability in parenting, which leads to insecure attachments in adults. If you were talking to a psychologist they would say that instead of developing a secure attachment, a child who experiences emotional neglect often develops either an anxious preoccupied attachment or a dismissive avoidant attachment.”
— My Raw Yet Pristine Paragon
sometimes i just want to scream that i’m fcking traumatized!! cut me a break!! i’m trying my hardest but i never learned how to have a healthy relationship i never learned that i’m valuable i never learned what it’s like to live with a healthy brain please please GIVE ME A BREAK IM TRYING !!!!!
someone: repeating things that reinforce a negative self view and world outlook such as the oh so popular tumblr niche of nihilistic ‘i want to die and everything is awful’ “jokes” me, in recovery, trying not to get dragged into that with them:
My mom sent this to me and i’m howling
I need to sell this at work 😂
when you’ve mastered the art of being quietly mentally ill, especially at a young age, being loud only ever feels wrong
My heart will always be soft. I will never stop looking for the good and love in everything. You can’t take that away from me.
When people tell me, “Trust your gut! Follow your intuition!” Like, bitch, I have anxiety. My “gut” is usually telling me that everyone hates me and that I’m going to die. I can’t trust what that motherfucker tells me.
back when i was suicidal in high school the tiniest things would make me want to kill myself but also the most trivial things would stop me
i remember looking at a bottle of sleeping pills and going “i’m going to kill myself. i’m not going to get out of this town. i’m not going to be able to get into a good college” and then i would go “but wait! if you die tonight, you won’t be there when they invent time travel. what if you die tonight and aliens land tomorrow and you miss it. the entire world would change and you would miss it.” “ah, yes. good point. i’ll wait until next week to die. once i’m dead i’m dead, so i can wait a little longer to see if something cool happens before then.”
it never did but it brought me back from killing myself until i started seeing a psychologist and got on antidepressants
people are re-blogging this and i dont mind b/c they’re relating to it so that’s nice if it’s helping ppl understand
the whole “you have so much to live for!” idea was nice and well intentioned, but i felt like people were just spouting bullshit at me because i didn’t. i didnt have any friends or dates or talents. i had nothing to really live for.
but things like “oh, well if you die now you won’t be able to find out who jon snow’s mother is” did help. because i went “oh, well i’ll finish this book to figure out if my theory is right first.” because i was going to die anyway so a few more hours wouldn’t hurt and by the end of the book i felt less suicidal.
also years later i found out i was right about my theory.
This exact thing has helped me so much. Things like, “Well you can’t now because it’s Thanksgiving and you’ll ruin it, wait until after” “well now it’s almost Christmas so do it next year” “Well you can’t before you see how Game of Thrones ends” “Think of all the cats you haven’t pet yet” the trivial things have always helped me more than the whole, “people will miss you, you have so much to live for”
Find something to make you hold on a little longer, even if you take it hour by hour or day by day. Even if it’s just something like, “Well if I die tonight I won’t get to eat my leftover Chinese food tomorrow” it helps.
this post needs more notes and attention!
having parents that were really angry and petty and abusive when you were young is weird, because it makes part of you grow up to want to be kind, to generate good things, to be a source of peace and wellbeing for others; but it makes another part of you grow up to be quick, and sharp, and spiteful, and that’s always the part that shows itself first in a hard situation, so it’s a struggle between your hateful gut reactions and your wish to not add any more misery to the world. it’s a hard balance, and the people who really, really know me - i know they see that anger flash in my eyes before i quiet it, if i quiet it…i want to overcome years of conditioning, and with gentle, constant force, i know i’ll mellow it. it just takes time.
Always struggled to put this into words…
Legit
hey pls send me anons if you want to!!
i love when i’m being irrational and know damn well i’m being irrational and i’m just trapped internally begging myself to calm down while an inappropriate level of emotions tears its way out of me
The Skype call ringtone noise activates my fight or flight response
this is the mood for 2018
i like to pretend i’m emotionless but i have at least 200 mood swings a day
I’d like a refund on life because breaking down at every minor inconvenience is really fucking annoying