Blame it to the pandemic.
No, I shouldn’t blame him because once I blame something that I can’t control, that means I blame the One who controls everything. But also, no.
All the blame should be directed to the sin. This is the effect. I am completely aware that I’m living in a sinful world. It simply means all the misery, sadness, disappointment, sickness, madness, and you continue the list, happened, and is still happening. This is just not my home. It will be, one day, in the future, when everything is made new.
But now, it is what it is.
Let me take you back to 2011. I was 17 at that time. Couldn’t say that I was living a nice life, but it was also not miserable. If I looked back to it, there was zero intention of getting myself into applying for TC UPH. But somehow, there was a force, that I didn’t understand a few years back, and now that I do, I must admit it was God who pulled me in that way.
Fast forward to 2015, I graduated and got placed here, in KV. For as much as I love being in this school, I also learned a strange dynamic that privileged the expatriates more than the nationals. Not to mention another caste of society that happens in the building.
That fact led my mouth wide open of disagreement, yet still, I found myself doing nothing about it. I played it safe by following and accepting the rules and the decision made.
Speak frankly, seeing injustice happened in the building bothered me greatly. It happened to me on my first and second year, but again I played it safe and away from the conflict. For the past 4 years, fortunately, I was only on the winning side, thus made me pity those whose life affected, yet at the same time, I did zero action to show my disagreement. Life was too smooth for me, and I indeed took it for granted.
This story continued to 2 weeks ago, when I got a call from the leaders, stated that I’d be reallocated cause of the changes that happened in regards to this pandemic. This virus is the only thing to put the blame on, but we’re not going that direction because my 1st paragraph said it clearly.
Two weeks later from that call, which is today, all I can say is that the school is a mess. A big mess. The leadership team, in my honest opinion, is incompetent in making and communicating their decisions. By incompetent, I meant, terrible. I am one of the personnel that got affected by their poor treatment. Of course, I hold an Indonesian passport, which made me less favorable to them.
It is not the ideal situation, but I’m sure if they are more competent, better decisions are possible.
But it is what it is, and they wanted me to accept it as it is. This time, I chose to speak up and stand for myself. That process leads me to the thought of leaving KV. It is just the best way I can think of to get out of this total mess. This is my 3rd and last week of searching the open door(s).. I prayed, a lot. I cried, a lot. I prayed while crying, a lot. Been searching here and there with high hope of getting accepted somewhere else.
Until today… a revelation.
What if God closes the door of getting out? What if He wants me to stay? What if He wants me to obey Him for His plan? Maybe that’s it. Perhaps this year is the year for me to learn about Obedience. The big reveal is that God is really keeping me in this school to teach me to obey Him.
If that so, that’s what I’m going to do. I am going to obey Him, with the strength He provides me. Staying in this school doesn’t hide all my resentments to the leaders. It doesn’t mean I agree with their decisions. It also doesn’t mean that I support the injustice that happened and still happening in the building.
No. Staying in this school means that I want to respect God who brought me here. It means I’m going to trust He who called me to be here. Of course, it also means I want to obey Him no matter how rocky the road is. Obedience.
