I would like to start by saying that I always thought I liked guys, of course I always found certain women fascinating however I always thought it was nothing, but lately I have been getting close to a girl who is close friends with my cousin...and this cousin of mine is already engaged, and all three of them are very close to each other, however this girl, let's call her C always seems to be trying to compete with my cousin's boyfriend, E, for my cousin's attention, and I really want to scream, i already did it..in the cushion, a lot of times..it's so embarrassing but it's the truth.
Since i came to stay with my cousin and her family, i've had many fun experiences with them, and I've gotten very close to all three of them which i am very happy, however..i've noticed that i have many mixed feelings because of all this.. I find myself staring at this girl and trying to fit in among them, i tend to get pouty when i finds out my cousin and C are out together and i have this feeling eating me out, and i feel a weird feeling in my stomach when i tend to notice how she looks at my cousin, i think she's attracted to her and i don't know what to do, and sometimes it makes me so dreadful because what if she knows? what if, there's so many what if.. and what about me? what about this thing she makes me feel? What i have to do? I don't know where to place it but i hold it so close to me, it feels like it is mine but...I don't know, but i can share what i seem to like so much about her, I should mark them down at some point, so...i really seem to love the way she laughs, when it gets so loud that my smile widens when i hear it, to the point of finding myself following it when i catch the sound of it, her sassy personality..her witty comebacks! or when she fix her hair behind her ear or blows them out from her eyes, or the way she talks so excitedly about her favorite hobbies, they seems to be swords , which is a really interesting choice, i love her sarcastic side too, and the way she cares about the details..the way she cares so much for them in her own way and people seems to misunderstand it, oh...and i really like how she can lift/twirl me around, she did it two times and oh my gosh, she left me speechless when she placed me down, she seemed so proud of it and everyone (my cousin and her boyfriend) pointed it out how i seemed to like it, which made me gasp in an "how did you betray me!", she can be so confident, both a teaser and proud of herself, god, i never want her to stop when she seems to tease me, but she do and i just stand there not knowing what to do, when i see her moving away to walk towards my cousin, i glance away and i don't know why, but i feel so hurt, to the point of sobbing in the late night.
I come from a small town, and i've had one or two female friends, but truthfully, i never felt like this before.
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