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I Promise I'll Make You Proud - 00:44 Weekly Vlog Eps.44

Trauma or Just Fixed Mindset

So, today I attended a free webinar. I just randomly got the invitation from Fellexandro Ruby’s Instagram story this afternoon and randomly signed up for the webinar.

Okay, I wont’ tell you too much detail and TMI

Long story short, there was one question that asked hw do we managed our trauma and move on looking for a new job.

Analisa and Ruby’s answers was total legit.

I can also relate so much of this question. I tend to leave and didn’t really solve the issues. I know my self is not really good with responsibility.

But I just can come and go that easily know. I have to end what I start. Especially now that I can’t leave an institution for 10 years.

They answered that

“A man do the job according to his limitation, but a great man do his job beyond his limitation.”

also

“Make sure that is it really a trauma that has to be treated by professional or is it just a fixed mindset that prevent you from growth?”

You! are the one who only can answer this.

Now it’s up to you, aight? 😉

Logging in

Hi

It’s been a loooong time since the last time I created a content on my tumblr.

Nah, I’m not forgetting you, I’m just, I mean I was really damn hell busy last year, so I kinda didn’t have much time to write a blog, and also my laptop was broken, so I couldn’t access this account

well yeah, that’s it. That’s for today’s greeting

bye

I'm just glad that everything is over, 수고했어요

me said to myself while smiling in front of mirror

If I had the chance to erase the cache on my brain, I'll definitely do that. thus I wont' get traumatized and stop dwell on the past also keep moving forward confidently

The only thing that possible is moving forward

no no november

I just realize I didn’t post anything on November. Well, since I got the sport nutrition stage I became really busy with the real life stuffs. Yet on the free day I spent my time to relax and tried so hard not to ruminate.

But yeah, by the time I wrote this, It was one of the most depressed stage. Today I cried because I felt so sad and devastated. But I became stronger and relieved. I might cried everyday while going home. That’s okay, that’s totally fine, as long as it makes me relieved. By the time I wrote this, the one who made me strong was SKZ, I know I know, this shall too pass. Please pray for me at least I can pass this stage alive and in a wellbeing state.

Hey, I am the one who read this on the future. I know you’ll smile or even laugh. You’ll be miss this devastating time but you don’t wanna repeat it :) smile while you can

Dum spiro spero, there is a hope, there are hopes, as long as you’re alive

view from third person perspective

So apparently I just re-activate my twitter account and I saw some of my following just liked a thread about someone who shared her past of how hard her life was because she was jobless. Then I found out that so many people are on it right now. Some people just graduated, the other already jobless for 1-2 even 3,5 years. I don’t know dude. Maybe I’m lucky enough to already got a job fast, to be able to pursue another degree... but on the nest year I have to look for a job again, a real one

What make us to stay sane, keep trying, keep swimming just like Dory from Finding Nemo said?

Our spirit, we should keep trying, no matter how tiring, how fucked up, how depressing it is

Our hope, that someday we’ll make it, it’s worth it

Our feeling that we are not alone, we’re in this together,

I am with you, let’s hugging each other, let’s holding our hand together

It’s a long journey, this train still o it’s way, keep doing the process, keep making more progress, yet remember to have fun, remember to enjoy the scenery

Yes, you’re welcome to stay by my side, in this long journey called life

🐥🐻🦊🐶🐰

Lonely

No matter how loud I scream that I feel alone, no one care, no one really care

nama name ireum

daisy

daffodil

daylily

sereno

serenata

serenade

haru

jun

jae

han

Cristopher

I'm off when I'm broken

I often feel so broken and malfunction. I’ve been feeling this for years. I already deactivate my instagram acc, and now twitter even only for temporary, also I refuse myself to open WhatsApp, cause I’m scared someone might contact me

Twitch is the world's leading video platform and community for gamers.

My current everyday happiness. My world nowadays is a lonely one. Jae’s existence by streaming for hours almost everyday is my coping mechanism to face the loneliness.

“jae virtual hug 🤗 (just a thread with timestamps) 200927 timestamp: https://t.co/UKIbTVgR7L https://t.co/2BsX94gMVh”

I rarely got phisical contact. It’s not a real physical contact though, yet it feels so real, when can I get a hug from someone I adore?

Jae, thank you, I feel less alone

Psychological Counseling

Just did my second online counseling ever and I cried during telling my story background of my problem. yet, still managed to do great then. seems like it was fine doe 🤔

Just hope I never met my psychologist in real life.

Thanks to

To the boys who always be ambitious, to the boy who always try his best to juggling between school and work, to the boy who striving and struggling the college life, to the boy who fall in love in marketing, service marketing, to the boy who got A and B+ in every marketing's subject, to the boy who always need to be appreciated,. I will living your spirit in me. I won’t make you disappointed at me, I tried.. I am going to try.. I will always try.. I try

There is no happy ending. Ending is the saddest part. You've given me a very happy start, then please give me a happy middle.