The mind is a dark place

Just a journal for the thoughts of a young human.

[confusedwithhell]

[positivedoodles]

[Drawing of a purple ghost saying “Congrats on finishing your painting. You worked hard on it for a long time, and it shows. It looks amazing. You did a fantastic job.” in a green speech bubble on a blue background.]

[engulfedbythevoid-blog]

For the future..

[the-way-i-remember-you]

[mapclub]

[engulfedbythevoid-blog]

Feels right now..

[sexyandmagnetic]

[engulfedbythevoid-blog]

23/6/2017

My heart is being a fucking cunt and holding on to old memories, wanting them back. This sucks so much what the fuck. It has been a little over a third of a year already. Dear heart, you’re a pathetic sack of shit.

I need to get in.. to the place far away.. and move on. A change of environment will do me some good I believe. 40+ days til I’m free.. and another 40 odd days after that til I am gone.. hopefully.

I hope I get to leave and enter ‘Paradise’. The nights, the darkness, the silence, the emptiness. All that used to bring me comfort.. is now occasionally being invaded by shreds of light, from within. Painful memories of what could have been, what we lost. It needs to end.

Either find a way for the darkness to return fully and block out all light. Or find a new light and achieve the equilibrium.. 

[creepysilencebaby]

[i-alwayslikedstrangecharacters]

The Addams Family (1964–1966)

[paranoidinsane]

[law-of-abstraction]

[law-of-abstraction]

❈ Grim Aesthetics ❈

[engulfedbythevoid-blog]

:)

[horsesaround]

Corpse Bride (2005)

[law-of-abstraction]

❈ Grim Aesthetics ❈

[engulfedbythevoid-blog]

Update

1/6/2017

Feeling much better than my first post. Removed all 4 of my wisdom teeth yesterday. The wounds are swollen and annoying but I will deal with it. I cannot remember how I fell asleep before the Op. The whole process of the general anesthesia, a nurse said I might feel i warm sensation travelling up my arm. I remember feeling it as pain as it traveled up my arm. As every fiber in my left arm lit up with rejection, I could feel the very vein in my left arm. I told myself to see how long I would take to fall asleep but I only remember up it til the elbow. The next thing I was in the recovery room, out for a little less than 2 hours.

But that moment when the drug moved up my arm, the only thought I had was how it was like lethal injection. They even strapped me down before administering the drug which made it feel much more similar. Three solutions meant to ensure death. The first, a burning sensation moving up to cause unconsciousness or even death by lack of breathing. The second, A paralytic for the muscles that stop even the diaphragm causing asphyxiation. The lastly, potassium chloride for cardiac arrest.

I can only imagine the organs screaming uncontrollably inside, pulsating and cramping up. Hurting. Dying. The mind asleep and unaware as the heart crashes and its own death is soon to follow. If the mind was not unconscious then well, slowly killed by drugs being pumped in must be excruciating but at least it ends.

[a-half-hearted-smile]

[incorrectshakespeare]

Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?

Ophelia to Hamlet, Act III, Scene II or, Hamlet to Ophelia, Act V, Scene I (via incorrectshakespeare)

[grey-universe]

To destroy is to create…