Hi.
I feel the need to reiterate that trans women are women. If you’re using my trauma as a means to justify or illustrate a point counter to this, fuck off. Go be a fool somewhere else, far, far away from me.
Thanks.
NASA

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Today's Document

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@enoughdonegone
Hi.
I feel the need to reiterate that trans women are women. If you’re using my trauma as a means to justify or illustrate a point counter to this, fuck off. Go be a fool somewhere else, far, far away from me.
Thanks.
I'm still alive. He's been in my head a lot. I try to work his thought out, but my brain feels safe in misery .
trying to explain why i like horror to people who don’t: ok so you know how it’s fun to be deeply disturbed and unsettled
Trying to explain why I don't like horror to people who do: Ok, you know how your life was deeply disturbing, unsettling, and unsafe for over a decade...
My darling is having a rough patch at work. My heart hurts for her.
I worry about future prospects. I want her to retool. Mostly I just want her to be happy, and she's not.
She needs benefits for her medications. I've never been a breadwinner; I never even thought that was a possibility for me. But I will work toward it to let her rest.
He made me feel worthless. I still feel that way.. but I'll get up, put on the mask and fool em all for her.
Rebellion
We're sitting in bed reading together in the warm glow of a little lamp she bought me.
When my brain drags me through the dungeon of memories with him, I will think of times like this.
When the world seeks to crush me again, I will remember I got the privilege to enjoy these moments.
my mind hand touched a hot memory stove
9 Xmases outside of the home house of horrors we he built.
9 years since the night he left me to struggle through an abortion by myself.
9 years since cold water was (proverbially) thrown on my face and I had a moment of clarity, brief as it was.
The gift that keeps on giving
The anxiety I used to feel using the washroom when he was home has left me with pelvic floor issues.
Wonders never cease.
Two years ago today, my divorce was finalized. Back then, I still wanted to believe he could change, even though I knew I couldn’t. When t
it’s okay to mourn lives you will never get to live even if you’re grateful for the life you are living now
Trauma Season 2025
Life Is good and bad and fast and slow.
I'm tired and sad and happy and furious.
The spectrum of my world has grown brighter and softer as the years away from him stack up.
I'm still learning to be myself again.
This ship is sinking.
This used to be true. Lately Ive been too burned out and stressed and sad to even post.
This somehow feels more dangerous.
Not telling children of abusers that their parent is an abuser actually does not protect the child. I’m not saying read the court transcripts to your child but a simple “Daddy is in prison for hurting children.” or “Daddy hurt mommy very badly.” is much better than lionizing an abuser or saying nothing, allowing your child to create a false image of their parent that will be heinously shattered when they realize the truth. I understand that sometimes fear of parental alienation claims hold a parent’s tongue but children should be told when a family member is not a safe person.
Family is wild.
I have been in an absolute black pit recently, so I took, what I'd call, a pretty self-indulgent day today. I slept until 11, got off 3 times and then went for a massage.
This is what everyday is like for the rich, isn't it?
Today is not a good day.
I'm trying to talk myself through it. I'm trying to temper my mood. I'm trying to remind myself that there are hormones and brain chemicals at play, and that tomorrow could be completely different.
But it's not sticking today.
forgetfulness is wild because sometimes its "oops silly me i left the house without my wallet again" and sometimes its "my friend is trying to reminisce on a thing we did together and the fact its jogging nothing in my brain is genuinely kind of distressing"
Crash
Per the usual, I've gone too far.
I've been putting in 12 - 14 hour days between my two jobs some days. I'm exhausted. I'm thinking about work when I'm home.
I've been having nightmares about my new job. It's minor things; I didn't complete a graphic; I can't get all of the verbiage on it without breaking corporate standards; I posted the wrong thing; I'm behind schedule.
It's keeping me up. I'm having to shake myself awake at three in the morning to say that I don't need to do it right now. I can rest.
But I don't, not well anyway.
So now I'm sick. I'm hot and cold at the same time and I'm coughing so hard my ribs hurt.
I didn't sleep last night and I probably won't sleep well tonight. I'm too worried about how it looks that I had to leave work (and work from home, mind you) within my first 90 days.
My body has said, "if you won't allow me to rest, I will force you to." I'm still fighting her.
There are some things I had learned in my 13+ years of survival mode that I just won't be able to heal from.