Enthusiastic Sobriety Abuse

Enthusiastic Sobriety Abuse Alliance (ESAAlliance.org) is a survivor-lead nonprofit organization working to end Enthusiastic Sobriety Abuse through advocacy, awareness and survivor support. Please fill out our Anonymous Mass Complaint Form to file a report.

[enthusiasticsobrietyabuse]

Enthusiastic Sobriety Abuse Alliance

Enthusiastic Sobriety Abuse Alliance is a Survivor-Lead Nonprofit Organization. We aim to expose and report all Bob Meehan affiliated Enthusiastic Sobriety Programs. Survivors of The Group may contact ESAA for support and cult recovery resources.

Visit our website for more information, news articles, survivor stories and calls to action! 

[enthusiasticsobrietyabuse]

Dear current staff member, 

 I wanted to reach out to let you know that you can walk away from the program today. 

I assure you nothing I write here is meant to harm or cast judgement on you as an individual; I’ve been in your shoes. 

You are not “fucked up” for exploring this message, you have every right to hear this, to ask questions, to challenge your own thinking. I know you don’t think you’re in a cult, I certainly did not when I was there. 

 This message is for anyone who may be on the fence, who may be having thoughts about getting out, or simply curious about exploring a way out. When I left, I wish someone had sent this message to me. A message of support, and hope. 

That you can leave and you will not die. You can leave and you will not relapse or you can leave and choose to drink alcohol. You can leave and you are not broken, you are not spiritually bankrupt, and you can have healthy, meaningful relationships where you set the boundaries of your personal life and the relationships within it, not your boss; which is super weird if you really start to drill down into that one. 

You can have unwavering success away from the program, it is not some spiritually superior entity. The leadership tells you that someone like me is just an angry disgruntled former employee who can’t own their life. I’m here to tell you that aside from being a former employee, I am none of those things. I am happy, and free, and successful. I don’t hold a grudge, I don’t feel anger or resentment towards the program. I just remember what it was like for me. 

Living in fear of going to purpose, having to share every “insanity” or strange thought I had to large groups of people only for leadership to weaponize that information in order to use it against me later. I made today’s equivalent of $774 per month and was told I was selfish when I asked for a raise. 

When you work there, you sort of have to live two lives. There was the image we presented to the world; young, motivated, drug and alcohol counselors who overcame our demons to share this amazing concept of enthusiastic sobriety with the world. 

Then there was the other life; the one where we dissected each other’s lives, often in cruel and hurtful ways, where we openly discussed how the white race was superior than other races, where homosexuality was a sickness that could be cured, where women existed to serve men, where we chose our parents at birth to work out specific issues, where being sexually assaulted was somehow our own fault, where engaging in non-spiritual activities opened us up to catastrophic events occurring in our lives, and where western medicine was mostly shunned resulting in heartbreaking outcomes for people who really needed help. 

Looking back, it was exhausting. I am who I am today and I cherish not having to pretend anything. When I left, people looked at me like I was broken and I believed them. I was 20 something and had nowhere and no one to go to except for my parents who I had effectively cut out of my life for years. I had no other friends or support, it felt hopeless. 

But I took a true leap of faith and landed on my feet. Today I live a life that is not dictated by groupthink, is not influenced by what someone else determines is right for me. I make those calls and I think I do a pretty decent job of it. Please reach out if you need any kind of support. 

I know that this time is especially trying for you because of all the negative attention the program is receiving. I imagine leadership is trying to circle the wagons and tamp down any dissent and they’ve probably encouraged you to not read or watch anything regarding the program in the media. I’ve been there too and it’s awful. I completely understand how scary it is to even consider leaving. I was so afraid and terrified because I knew I would be shunned. 

When I walked away, it felt like the hardest thing I’d ever done. Everyone on staff immediately stopped talking to me, I heard the whispers about how fucked up I was, that I was destined to be dead and on the streets, that I couldn’t take true ownership of my life, that I was playing the victim, that I was unreachable, unloveable, and spiritually sick. 

I’m here to tell you it’s all bullshit. You’re not fucked up, you’re in a cult. And you can just walk away today. You can also take your time and explore this on your own; you are not wrong to refrain from discussing this with anyone there, I’m certain you already know what they’ll say.

 Keeping this from them does not make you dishonest or fucked up or wrong or whatever bullshit they tell you. Believing so is what allows them to continue to hold power and exert control over others. 

 Maybe I’m over simplifying your situation, I get that, but I’m also here if you need anything. There’s an entire network of support you can tap into right now; you can leave today. I wish you the absolute best. 

 -Former staff member

[enthusiasticsobrietyabuse]

@ESAComplaint | Linktree

The Mass Complaint for is for ALL survivors. Individual Complaints are by State.

If you would like to file an Ethical Complaint against any or all of the Enthusiastic Sobriety Programs, please click through our linktree to find out more about this process. 

All complaints will be sent to State Licensing Boards and Governmental Oversight Agencies. 

[enthusiasticsobrietyabuse]

Re-post from r/MeehanSurvivors Reddit Community. An Enthusiastic Sobriety Counselor Survivor Story.

TW: References to child pornography, conversion therapy, homophobia, masturbation, and sex.

I would love nothing more than to preserve my admiration for the program, if only for the reason that it would be easier to do so, but after years of being deceived, I find it utterly absurd to disregard any contempt on the basis of the misplaced gratitude that it saved my life. While the program undoubtedly contributed to my success in a number of ways, it has nevertheless become clear that I’ve walked away with trauma that, even after all of this time, I fail to wholly understand. What I do know, however, is that my disillusionment with enthusiastic sobriety is heavily rooted in how I was treated, as the people who claimed to love me evidently made it their mission to eradicate who I was and, likewise, transform me into a duller, lesser version of themselves. I will never know who I could’ve been had they honored the parts of myself that needed nurturing, only who I am today and the damage I’ve since been left with.

From the moment I joined the program, I knew exactly what its expectations were. It was made abundantly clear throughout the treatment process, where I was bombarded with endless conversations about what it meant to be a winner - a concept given context far beyond a sober individual working the twelve steps. I was not only told how to behave, but what to believe about every area of my life. It did not matter if those areas were deeply personal, as evidenced by the countless discussions related to sex; in fact, I would not only learn who we could and could not fantasize about while masturbating, but what we could and could not do sexually - as if we could not be trusted to determine for ourselves the actions we take in our own bedrooms. I also found myself on the receiving end of many conversations revolving around whether or not it was acceptable to shave one’s own pubic region, as was a commonly held belief that a shaved pubic region was not only unnecessary, but a product of one’s own vanity that, incidentally, mimics child pornography. Perhaps more disturbing, however, was the ideology surrounding pornography, in general, that we were ordinarily subjected to. We were first told that no self-respecting woman would want to be with a man who’s actively watching porn; then, we were told that it alters a man’s behavior so much that women will be able to recognize whether or not they watch it. The possibility of romance was used as a weapon against us by the counselors, as well as group members, to conform to their principles, rather than allowing us to establish our own and when that didn’t work, personal attacks were their next best option. I remember being asked if I really wanted to be the guy who’s strung out on porn the rest of his life, as if it was some kind of crippling addiction that would keep me from getting anything I ever wanted out of life. Even more importantly, however, it was through these frequent exchanges that I became familiarized with “Pavlov’s Dog Theory,” a scientific study so bastardized by the counselors that it existed solely to explain away the possibility of any non-heterosexual orientation. Being insecure with my own sexuality, it was of course music to my ears to discover that my attraction to the same sex, a perversion as I then recognized it, was the result of watching too much porn and could be easily resolved by the work outlined by the program. For the next few years, I would work endlessly to alter my sexual orientation back to “normal” and apparently did so well enough that I was eventually asked to attend the Meehan Institute of Counselor Training.

When I was in counselor training, most of what we discussed had very little to do with counseling; in fact, the information required to pass the state-mandated test was tossed aside in exchange for the radically inappropriate teachings that came directly from the program itself. Examples of this, of course, include the explanation that non-heterosexual orientations were not only “unnatural” but an expression of one’s perverse desire for instant gratification, usually resulting from either their addiction to porn, as I had already learned in outpatient, or their unresolved childhood trauma. It was also reasoned that an attraction to the same sex was often a natural consequence of being in an abusive relationship with a member of the opposite sex, a belief supported only by the theory that the person, in question, had unlikely resolved their own fear of getting hurt again. Some people were just “pussies” that had decided to seek the “easier, softer way,” an almost comical assumption given that there is nothing “easier” or “softer” about being queer. I would actually be referred to as a “pussy” while sharing to one of the program's many directors that I had sexual thoughts about other men. His solution for me was that since “there is nothing romantic about two men butt fucking each other,” I should spend the time wasted fantasizing about that on where I would like to take a girl on a date. It’s these ways of thinking that we, who’s families spend $5,600 to send us to counselor training, learn for the three months that we’re there. It’s these three months, where we are taught that absurdity is a natural substitute for science, that earn us the right to then counsel others, many of whom are children. I never could've imagined the abuse that would follow, despite the seeds that had been sown throughout the better part of my recovery.

A few weeks after I graduated from counselor training, when I was working the Step One shift, a couple of the program's directors took me away from it to smoke cigars with them. It was there that they talked to me about how I needed to work on developing more masculine qualities, perhaps by engaging in a hobby that was, according to them, “outside of my comfort zone.” Later on, one of my coworkers would lecture me for the way I had reached out to a girl in the group, explaining that she, along with others, might think that I’m gay for agreeing to watch a “chick flick” with her. Another coworker would make fun of me for crying to a song that reminded me of my dead parent, for the reason that it was, according to her, a “gay” thing to do. In one of the monthly purpose meetings, the director made jokes about me being “inside” of another male counselor - something that was received only with laughter. Bob Meehan himself would even tell the training class following my own that while I deserved the upmost respect for taking everyone’s shit, I was probably gay. When I would share how I felt, in reference to these incidents, I was told that my options were either to “change it” or to “own it.” I began to internalize all of this and, due to my own desire to be accepted, I began working even harder to change these qualities that had been deemed unacceptable by those around me. I would later be celebrated in a purpose for denouncing a dramatic television show for the reason that when I watched it, it made me feel like a “faggot;” however, even that wouldn’t satisfy those around me, as my sponsor, who was also my coworker, would suggest that I stop watching Friends, as well, due to the fact that it was the kind of show his wife watched. I would experience similar criticism from yet another coworker who suggested that I only liked “girly shit” for “shock value” and that it was nothing more than my ego attempting to differentiate myself from everyone else. If by now you’re wondering why I even participated in these conversations, all I can say is that it was always in pursuit of becoming a better man and I trusted that the staff had those answers. I couldn't have been more wrong, as I can't help but notice today that what I was subjected to is in direct opposition of the very laws that protect employees from this kind of treatment by their employers; however, in the program, what’s illegal is classified as “spiritual.”

For years, I felt relegated to a subclass of human existence and for what reason? I spent years working on the things that made my life unmanageable primarily because the people around me decided that it was. Furthermore, I was promised that if I stopped watching porn, which I did for years, my brain would rewire itself and I would no longer be attracted to men. As stupid as that sounds now, why wouldn’t I, as an 18 year old, believe what I was hearing from who I only presumed to be trained professionals? I trusted them and really worked hard to take their every suggestion, going as far as becoming a member of Sexaholics Anonymous, despite the fact that I had never even had sex at that point. It was nothing if not incredibly painful to do the same thing over and over again, only to be told to get up and try again by the very people who would describe that as insanity in any other case. I was never once told that what I was doing wasn’t working for me; instead, I was told to try harder. In all of the time I spent in the program, I was never even given the option to try something different until after quitting, when someone told me that my sexual orientation, whatever it may be, was perfectly acceptable and far from a determining factor in my ability to effectively work a program. It took years to hear that, the majority of which were spent somewhere that I definitely should have. That is not only unacceptable but they should be absolutely ashamed of themselves.

Alas, the problem I have with the program is not necessarily that they’ll never apologize to me, but that they lack the self-awareness to even consider it. When I shared my concerns about the program with one of their counselors, he dismissed them with the statement that it’s a perfect program ran by imperfect people and that I should judge them not by their actions, but by their intentions, which coincidentally, contradicts the program’s reliance on a quote from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous that states exactly the opposite. He also told me that I was angry and resentful, despite the fact that I was neither. When I shared my concerns with another counselor, he dismissed them with the suggestion that perhaps the counseling I received, in regards to my sexual orientation, resulted from how I presented it to the staff. His feedback was not only highly insulting, but a complete bastardization of the facts. Not only was I brutally honest about that area of my life, so much that it's all I spoke of, but I was the client and it was far from my role to ensure that the counselors did their job. I was little more than a child at the time; nevertheless, the implication that my negative experiences were all my fault only served as evidence that any attempt to cooperate with the program, and convince them of the ways in which I was harmed, is futile. Why would I want to, anyway, after years of watching any criticism of the program be rationalized as the delusions of “bailed kids” or “disgruntled ex-staff?” The only answer would be to prevent it from happening again, although to think that outcome is even a possibility appears naïve at best. They’ve made it abundantly clear where they stand, that they’re right, everyone else is wrong, and there’s no reason for them to change anything - lest of course it threatens their credibility, which in that case they only become more insidious in their transgressions.

TLDR: The program not only intrusively dictates the sex lives of their clients, but has proven itself to be particularly unloving toward those who are LGBTQIA+. It is a cultural issue that can not be reduced to a few examples of bad counseling. It is clear that they see no reason whatsoever to change this.

[enthusiasticsobrietyabuse]

I was In Crossroads in st.Louis from 2001 to 2005. My time in the program seems to fuck with me more as time goes on. Are there any Facebook groups, or shared so social media groups of of ex members? It’s comforting to see similar stories and relatable experiences, just knowing I’m not the only one…

Hey! Yes. @enthusiasticsobrietyabuse on instagram and r/MeehanSurvivors on reddit. Send me a DM on Instagram and I can get you hooked up with our survivors community.

[enthusiasticsobrietyabuse]

What you need to know about “The Parent Game” - A Starter Guide. 

What is “The Parent Game?” 

In Outpatient, or in one of their very first Staff appointments, group members are taught “The Parent Game.” 

The Parent Game is an intentional strategy that is taught to Group kids in order to manipulate their parents into letting them do anything they want as long as it was with or for The Group. 

They are told that sitting down for dinner, cleaning your room and saying “I love you” and going to The Group religiously are simple things they can do to get whatever they want out of their parents. 

An Insight Survivor Explains: 

It was basically taught to me like this: parents freak out about things they don’t need to, so you (group kids) only need to tell them the stuff they need to hear (the positive, legal things and absolutely NOTHING about what happens in OP.) 

Even if you hate your parents, you have to act like you love them, and act thankful, and act like being sober is the most important thing to you. 

That way they’ll let you stay out as late as you want, they’ll let you do what you want and what we tell you to do, and so they’ll give you money. (Which eventually ends up going to The Group via shop purchases, Second OP, function fees, etc.) 

An Insight Counselor Explains: 

The parent game is the long term strategy the group teaches kids to use on their parents: give them what they want (love, gratitude) so that they’ll give you what you want (freedom, money.) 

Regardless of how Staff might defend it, in no way, shape, or form was it an effort to help kids repair or develop a healthy relationship with parents and family; it was almost explicitly advice to manipulate and perform for parents. 

The outcome is that the group gains more power over the kid and, perhaps more importantly, the parents. 

An Insight Survivor Explains: 

Literally just manipulation of the parents in order to gain full control over the child. I have no idea what is said behind closed doors in order to convince parents to set their kids loose in the group. 

I went from my phone being confiscated when I first joined, to spending the night at adults apartments the week following. Not sure how they managed to convince my parents of that. 

How does the parent game work? 

Staff scare both parents and kids into believing that imminent death is right around the corner. That the rules, boundaries and general parenting is what caused the kid to become an extreme and out of control drug addict. 

Even though 62% of survivors believe they did not suffer from substance abuse. Some had never tried marijuana more than twice. 

Combine this death threat with the encouragement to “love bomb” parents means a mixed and powerful results of this program. It’s both a miracle that your child’s life has been “saved” and within days kids are telling their parents “I love you.” 

Seems harmless, right? 

After witnessing such a miracle from this program, and constant pressure and reassurance from Parent Groups - Parents find themselves with strong allegiance to The Program and Staff. 

When kids realize they are experiencing more harm than help in The Program and try to communicate these abuses to parents, they are often not believed. 

Staff has done a number to sew distrust into family relationships. And this program has saved their child’s life and their kid has friends and are saying “I love you,” so how can this be abusive?

That is because parents are barely informed or involved in the actual treatment process in Enthusiastic Sobriety Programs. It is a red flag that a program encourages such a “hands-off” approach. 

Transparency and education are hallmarks of good mental healthcare generally; and definitely of Substance Abuse Disorder treatment specifically. 

In the program’s literature, Parent to Parent, it is a red flag to encourage or imply that families in The Group cut ties or distance themselves from other families who are not in The Group. 

This is an intentional suggestion to isolate families from “outsiders” that might sow doubt or raise concerns. 

For Questioning Group Parents

Please visit our website and the linktree in our bio. 

There are resources, guidance on questions to ask yourself or your kid, and alternative options to Enthusiastic Sobriety Programs. 

We want kids who need help to get safe and appropriate help. 

But these programs have decades of pervasive and consistent abuse allegations since they started in 1971. The founding principles of these programs are all Bob Meehan’s ideas - and these programs hold those toxic ideologies as a sacred doctrine. 

[enthusiasticsobrietyabuse]

Enablers Of Enthusiastic Sobriety.

Taken from leavingdharmaocean.com

Although they’re often seen as lone predators– charismatic cult leaders, strict authoritarians– manipulative spiritual leaders cannot function without enablers. Enablers are those who support abusive leaders by excusing their behavior, legitimizing or normalizing abuse, and/or abusing others to preserve a leader’s power. You may have heard enablers referred to as flying monkeys.

Enablers cause harm in abuse fallout. Common behaviors include keeping up appearances, assuring that conditions are normal or no harm has been done, aiding in character assassination and distrust of people who have chosen to leave the sangha or speak out about abuse, and recruiting new members.

Enablers, while often victims of the same abuses as other group members, may receive more rapid cycles of love bombing and shame/punishment, be given increased power and social standing from their enabling, or derive their sense of identity from being able to handle such a temperamental or difficult leader.

Enablers play a unique role in community, as they both receive and perpetuate abuse. When an enabler leaves an abusive group, they must often go through a difficult, two-fold process: first, addressing the ways in which they were abused by the leader or group, then coming to terms with the harm they perpetuated.

How to spot an Enthusiastic Sobriety enabler.

Enablers often conform to a general pattern of behavior. Be on guard for:

Victim blaming: Are those who have come forward with their own abuse stories being blamed in some way for causing the abuse? Being called a nuisance or a distraction from the Program? Or even being blamed for the pretend downfall of Enthusiastic Sobriety?

Character assassination: Similar to victim-blaming, character assassination portrays survivors as being fundamentally flawed. Is someone being labeled as untrustworthy, a person who relapsed, overly negative, or insane, simply because they’ve spoken out about dysfunction? Or as neurotic, because they’ve deviated from the group? Are bailed kids inferior to graduates?

Making excuses for the leader: Painting abuse as a side effect of genius. Enablers will refer to Bob Meehan’s gift of sobering teens up and explain that it is the power of his practice of unorthodox methods that really work, or that his particular racism or homophobia is excusable or doesn’t effect the program. 

Love bombing: One of the core elements of control and manipulation, long-term abuse is not possible without demonstrations of affection, even love, meant to influence or sway the abused. Enablers may elevate you in contrast to previous members, telling you that you and/or your group is special, more mature, ready for the teachings, or different from how the program “used” to be. 

Gaslighting: A tried and true method of perpetuating abuse, gaslighting undermines a victim’s account by making them doubt their own experience, i.e., “that’s never happened before,” “you just sound resentful,” “you could have left if you didn’t like it.” 

Dismissive apologies: Using some apologetic language without taking accountability, acknowledging that actual harm was done, or actually apologizing, i.e., “I regret that in the end some people felt they did not have a good experience,” “I’m sorry that people feel they were hurt by Bob Meehan,” “I’m sorry you were offended,” etc.

Group-splaining: Using variations on Group teachings to help an abuser avoid accountability, i.e. no victims-only volunteers, coming out of love, pushing you to grow, telling people that Bob Meehan is the father of drug abuse and his methods are the only proven way to work on teens. 

Eliciting sympathy (for themselves or for the leader): Shifting the conversation to what a burden it is for the enabler to manage, be in relationship with, or work closely with the leader, or how hard this event has been on the Group. 

Control of information: Making it seem dangerous, unnecessary, or unacceptable to hear multiple perspectives about an event or situation. Enablers may subtly discourage you from speaking with victims or past group members about their experience or even discourage you from researching the history of Enthusiastic Sobriety abuse. Enablers have also worked hard at Enthusiastic Sobriety programs to hide community conversations about abuse in accord with the wishes of the spiritual directors. 

Citing their own experience to dismiss abuse: To promote the image of a harm-free Enthusiastic Sobriety, some enablers refute abuse claims (“That has not been my experience”)– even when they have, indeed, been abused by a leader in the organization, and even if many others have witnessed it. If you encounter a group member, staff, or parent using themselves as an example to minimize abuse, do some research. Is it true? Or is it an act of loyalty to Bob Meehan?

Inaction: Enablers stand by and do nothing as others are abused. They may be afraid or be spiritualizing the abuse, but they do not intervene, challenge, protect, or stop harm from happening. 

[enthusiasticsobrietyabuse]

To The Parents who are still in the Program (and those who have left) - OnTheEmmis.com 2004

There is a thread on the other message board that I think the parents need to be informed about. This is about the harm that is caused to the children from parents that are still in an ICECAP program. These are true stories (not edited) just copied and pasted for you to read. What Bob AND Joy teach parents about "tough" love and their version of "unconditional" love are just that "their version". Does this seem as though families are being brought together and healing to you? This is a great example of the pain that is caused when one person in the family (the child) wants to leave ICECAP and another person (the parent) believes the lies that they have been taught (that they are or will get high, can't live without being in the program, etc.) They, ICECAP, breed the fear that you as a parent have when you see them making choices that YOU don't like. What is the true meaning of letting go? Or the true meaning of unconditional love? This is not to make any parent feel guilty for their time in an ICECAP program. I truly believe you thought you were doing the best thing. You were also a victim of the cult and it's way of thinking. That is the very reason I am posting this thread. To show the harm and hopefully save some pain for others. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Author: Bailey [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Date Posted: 13:27:44 12/22/04 Wed ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Getting kicked out of your house by your once all loving supporting do anything for you family As most of you know my family is ALL involved in Crossroads and sense ive left its been hell, Thursday night my dad and step mom freaked out on me and my dad started pushing me and threatening to "lay me the fuck out" My dad has never so much as spanked me before we used to get along great until x-roads we got high together went to concerts movies dinner and what not, But now its as tho i dont exist to them they call me ungrateful bitch and many other names after all that happened he told me to pack a bag and he didnt want to see me anymore, Luckily i see a therapist and he talked to my dad and calmed them down they still want me out of the house tho. I cant leave now because i belong to the state until me 18th birthday which thank god isnt far off but if they kick me out or i move out i have to spend the next month and half in juvenile again, this has happened to many of my friends who have left too they end up homeless because if there not in the group they cant be at there house, i was just wondering if anyone else's parents went crazy after they left and if it does get better? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] [> Subject: It happened to me Part 1 Author: Hollywood [Edit] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Date Posted: 17:59:18 12/22/04 Wed ------------------------------------------------------------------------ I lived threw this every time I left the group, but especially the last time. The last time I left I bailed the group with a guy, I knew from prior experiences that my parents would not tolerate me living in their house and not be in Pathway. So I did what I knew how to do, and hopped on a bus to California. When we got there we had no money or anything. At that point and many points throughout my time in Pathway I was willing to be a street person rather than be involved in the group. To say it didn't last long was an understatement; he was scared and refused to talk to anyone. His parents agreed to fly us back to AZ. I almost did not go because I knew that upon arriving I would have no place to go. Mind you at this point I had over a year sober. I did not bail because I wanted to get high. When the plane touched down in PHX he had people from the group waiting to take him back. They shunned me. I had been in the group for about 5 years at that point and they could care less if I had a place to go. I now know it was because my parents would not shell out even more money for me to go into IOP (that would have been the third time). I truly did not know who to call; I had been in the group since I was 14 years old. Not many people I knew had left and were around or willing to talk to a program drop out. I finally gathered enough courage to call a friend of mine that had left the group, I knew she was getting high but at that point I didn't care. The streets of Phoenix were a lot more cruel than the streets of Hollywood. Her mother answered the phone, she did not sound very happy to hear my voice, on a previous runaway trip I bailed the group with her daughter and a few other people and we stole her credit cards and over $1000 dollars cash if my memory serves correctly. So this was a lady that I had fucked over to say the least. This kind woman opened her home to me. More than what my own family was capable of at that point. She allowed me to stay at their house and helped me try and find a job. At the same time unknown to me she was in contact with my parents trying to convince them to take me home, that I was actually doing fine and wasn't what the group was telling them about me. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] [> [> Subject: Re: It happened to me Part 2 Author: Hollywood [Edit] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Date Posted: 18:00:08 12/22/04 Wed ------------------------------------------------------------------------ For some reason on Christmas Eve my parents called and told me I could move back in, but I had to live in the garage. They would set up a cot in there. I would not be allowed to use anything in the house, except the bathroom but my parents had to escort me to and from it. I agreed I didn't care; I just wanted to see my father. When we were driving to my parents house the kind mom who allowed me to stay at her house explained to me that this was all my mothers doing, my father wanted nothing to do with my and had informed her that I was dead to him. It was because of him I would be sleeping in the garage until I could find my own home (mind you I was 18 and had never held down a job, paid bills, etc.) I lost it, this man, my father, my hero wanted nothing to do with me. This was a turning point for me. This is when I decided in my crazy still experiencing the effects of Kool-Aid that I needed to get high in order to get in the house. Because, try and follow this it is way crazy thinking looking back, if I just got high I would have something to cop to, the group would take me back, I could make amends and therefore my father would allow me in his life again. Crazy I know. Well living in the garage lasted about 2 hours before my parents (read mother) got sick of it. My father sulked in his room and wanted nothing to do with me. Christmas Eve with all the family and Christmas day were rather awkward, to say the least. My father still did not speak to me. I believe that year they even attended the round robin. I sat at home. I soon got a job and almost immediately began getting high, smoking speed, snorting coke, and shooting heroin. This went on for about 2 years. I worked therefore my parents didn't care. They had both left the program (details of that have never been disclosed to me, I do not know why or how). And my father and my relationship finally started to re solidify. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] [> [> [> Subject: Re: It happened to me Part 2 Author: Hollywood [Edit] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Date Posted: 18:01:09 12/22/04 Wed ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Except by this time I was strung out on heroin. Believe it or not I did go back to the group. After my parents discovered my horrible habit and asked me to check myself in to a detox center, I made an appointment with the then OG counselor. He told me to that I was going to die, that I needed to go into some Step something or other. I told him I had no money. He told me to sell my cars, I told him he was on crack my parents would never let me do that. At the same moment I was absolutely terrified they would. I told him to call them and if he could convince them I was willing. From what I understand that counselor did call my father and my father told him he was full of shit. That was the day my father became my hero again and not some brain washed ego maniac. I wound up getting off heroin a few months later. My father and my relationship has been wonderful ever since, for Christ sake we even work together. My mother is still struggling with the fact that I drink . But her and my relationship is better then it ever has been my entire life. Sorry this was so long and detailed I never knew I would share all of this. I hope this helps you to realize to hear that some else has been threw a similar nightmare. Good luck and if you ever need anything or need to talk about the ‘rents and the evil things they can do when they are still slugging down the Kool-Aid but you are not, email me. I am more then willing to listen. Also if a parent reads this who is considering throwing their child out on to the streets because they are no longer in the group, let me tell them from being that child: They have no place to go! The situation that they are in worsens, they feel abandoned, and the people that they turn to are usually using drugs much heavier than they are or ever have! PLEASE DO NOT BUY INTO ICECAPS TOUGH LOVE- this is what killed Bob’s son, this is what almost killed me, and what almost killed or even did kill many people I knew. Hollywood [ Post a Reply to This Message ] [> Subject: Re: Did this happen to anyone else Author: michele [Edit] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Date Posted: 22:27:49 12/22/04 Wed ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ok bailey, i know you've already heard this but there are some who haven't... the first time i left stl i was 16. i lived on the streets and 20 dollar hotels and at my old sponsee's house. it was bad but didn't compare to when i left atl. that time i was 18. my dad had driven a car down for me. i eventually got myself kicked out. i knew it was coming. i packed up my car with at much crap as i could and then i left. i went to stl then kc. stealing gas the entire way, oh yeah and wrote a bunch of bad checks. i had to go back down to atl to pick up more of my stuff. so i took a friend with me. i got there and packed up more crap. i made it all the way back up to nashville, then my car broke down. to anyone who lives in there car it's the most important thing to you. it's your bed, your transportation, your only way to and from work. it makes your whole life work. my friend's parents wired her money and left me 60 miles south of nashville, in manchester. i took what i could from my car and started walking. i hitch hiked from there to kc. it took me 3 days almost. i looked like complete shit when i got home. think the garage is bad? my mom made me sleep on the back deck for 3 weeks. like a dog. i woke up went to work (walked my happy ass) came home and then when my mom got home from work she would let me in to go to the bathroom and shower, then i got kicked back out. when i finally proved my self she let me in the house. well that's the most important parts i guess. there's more but i wanna go to sleep. point is that things did get better. i just had to fight so hard for it. i've never had to fight for anything harder then to survive. but i'm still here. and to everyone who will ask, i never touched a truck driver, and they never asked. actually the fed me and let me sleep. [> Subject: Re: Did this happen to anyone else Author: Jen from AZ [Edit] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Date Posted: 02:27:25 12/23/04 Thu ------------------------------------------------------------------------ It's stuff like this that really gets me riled! It bothers me that the "Family" (talk about dysfunctional families!) pushes parents to treat their own flesh and blood like animals! I'm sorry - but tough love is bullshit! As parents, we are to care for our kids - whether we love them or not - they are a gift from God and these parents ought to be damn grateful that they have children! Do these parents not realize that there are LAWS about this?! As long as their kid is under 18 they are required BY LAW to give their kids food, clothing and shelter. Parents, if you are kicking your kids out of your house - YOU DON'T DESERVE TO HAVE THEM! I will NEVER turn my back on my child! I don't understand how any parent can do that! How can a parent look Their child in the eye - no matter how old they are - and turn their back on them? How can they sleep at night not knowing if their child is dead or alive? How can Bob and "friends" push this kind of treatment?! This is just totally beyond my comprehension! My blood is boiling right now! I would give ANYTHING to have more kids at home! I cry almost every night because I want a houseful of children! Yes, I love my son with all my heart - but yes! I also want a houseful of laughing - hell, even screaming - children running around! And quite frankly it fucking pisses me off that parents treat their children like this! Sleeping in the fucking garage? On the damn patio!? Wake up you parents who are in ICECAP! I don't care if you believe the Bible or not - I do and I believe it with all my heart and it says in there that "whatever you do to the least of these, you have done to me". Guess what parents! When you treat your kids like this, you are treating God like that! I pity you! I pity the fact that one day you will have to answer for the way you have treated your kids! And I pray that you get the justice you deserve! Sorry webmasters for going off and for using the language I used. I haven't talked like this in years, but this is a hot button for me. I get into a lot of trouble when I'm out and about in stores and see a parent yelling and/or cursing at their child. One of these days I'm probably going to get punchedt - but I will not keep silent! The treatment that ICECrAP pushes parents to do to their kids is abuse - pure and simple! And I refuse to hold my tongue when I see it going on! To those of you who are experiencing this treatment or have in the past - please know that I am thinking of you and praying for things to change. Especially that your parents wake up and seek your forgiveness for the treatment they have given you! NOTHING a child does - NOTHING - warrants throwing your kids out on the streets! The atrocities that are out there... it just makes me shudder! And want to scream and rip out Bob's eyes with my bare hands. Not much gets me this worked up.

[enthusiasticsobrietyabuse]

Reposted OnTheEmmis.com from the Parent’s Message Board. 12/23/04 - TW Language

Put very simply, this is how your child is most likely responding to ICECAP's idea of 'unconditional love': When I was 17, I had absolutely no desire to quit getting high. My parents discovered Meehan and his ways, and so I was confronted with the ultimatum that we are all familiar with: Go to ICECAP or hit the road. Well, I certainly was NOT going to be eating out of trash cans and scrounging up tree branches for warmth. I was a typical ICECAP kid; from a middle class family and hardly beyond experimenting with drugs. So, as a teenager in full-rebellion mode, I found myself cornered, coerced, actually forced to submit to the ICECAP program, or face the brutal alternative. Blackmail sucks, and rarely benefits anyone in the end. So, what I did is I pretended to subscribe to the WHOLE ICECAP thing. Except it wasn't really working. I still wanted to get high. I fumbled in my attempts to do so, not being able to account for my whereabouts at times, continuing to be a jerk, still wearing all black and listening to very questionable music. So I got caught with some pot, just as ICECAP counselors had predicted would happen if I didn't get outpatient. Again, I was given an ultimatum: OP or starvation. So I went to outpatient, which believe it or not was the ultimate answer to my dilemma. In outpatient, I was taught a little thing called the 'parent game', which by one name or another is to this day taught in ICECAP treatment. No other lesson or way of thinking is given more time or energy within ICECAP treatment than 'The Parent Game'. The Parent Game involves teens being taught how to please their parents. They are told that sitting down for dinner, cleaning your room, saying 'I love you', and going to ICECAP religiously are things worth the unlimited freedom your parents would be willing to offer if you just did them. So I tried out these new lessons. Sure enough, my OP counselor was right! I said 'I love you', smiled a lot, sat down at the table for dinner, gave out hugs and wore 'ICECAP' attire (not so much all the black, but a cheesy 'love round robin '93 t-shirt and blue jeans). As a result I was given unlimited freedom. My parents bought me cigarettes and gave me cash for the functions. They reported to my OP counselor and were very pleased with the fabulous results ICECAP was having with me. I was a new kid. I had been saved! In more ways then one, actually. You see, no matter what ultimatum my parents could have proposed, I wanted to get loaded. I loved smokin' dope. It was always a very hard thing to do...until I got into OP. My OP counselor, like just about all ICECAP OP counselors, was a caring, loving guy who was cool and funny and nice and neat and liked cool music and had long hair someone who didn't know the first thing about a kid getting high all the time. What OP had accomplished for me was the perfect route to get high virtually unhindered, and that's precisely what I did. My parents, on the direction of ICECAP staff (oh, so competent!) left me almost ENTIRELY alone. They 'trusted', did not 'get into my shit' and 'let me be a dope fiend kid'. Add to that I no longer had to go to school, get a job, or do anything except go for four hours a day to OP and throw McDonald's french fries at Kata 6. It was a pot head's dream come true. I went through OP, the group, and spent just about a year on steering committee...all the time smoking pot whenever the hell I could, which was just about whenever the hell I wanted to. When the truth came out (I eventually copped), my father simply stated, "If he has been getting high this whole year, if that is true, them I will personally buy him his dope". Of course he didn't really mean that, though it would have been nice, the point is that while ICECAP did nothing in regards to getting me clean, they did wonders in teaching me how to fool my parents. Many kids aren't such coniving little full of shit pricks like I was. Many kids, like yours, perhaps, are not going to fake it. It takes a lot of energy, and besides, most teens have a lot more integrity than I did. Chances are your kid, if they are determined to get high (or: in actual need of a little help, such as I was) if presented with ICECAP's ultimatum are going to tell you to shove your ultimatum up your ass, and split. ICECAP will work tirelessly to convince you to assist voluntarily in the starvation, exposure, and eventual death of your own kid. "Well, I would never..." You might say now...but ICECAP uses some great, very convincing, though false, rhetoric such as bold, self-riteous sounding phrases like 'unconditional love' and 'love is not accepting wrong behavior'... Well I have news for you parents...love is ALSO not abandoning every responsibility you owe to your child as a parent, and leaving the job to an insane weirdo like Mike fucking Weiland, who is I GUARANTEE better at explaining to your kid why it is your kids fault Mike was late for their appointment than having a shred of a clue on how to professionally, competently assist your child in dealing with his/her problems, the least of which (most likely) is their drug use. You think my story is isolated? Ask Jessica C. how long she was on SC before she copped to have been getting loaded the whole time. Ask the guy who I was on SC with the whole time, and getting high with the whole time, how 'isolated' my story is. The truth is, in ICECAP, you as a parent HAVE NO IDEA whether or not your kid is sober or blowing old men for crack on weekdays. The reason you HAVE NO IDEA is because one, your kid is conning you whether he/she is getting high or not, and two, because ICECAP completely hijacks your job as a parent. AHHH. The cult think is breaking through now...telling you how wrong I am...telling you that I am just a bitter ex-counselor, probably getting high, not MY kid, I would know if MY kid...really? How would you know? Honestly, tell me, how would you know? I guarantee that you do not. You have freely offered you natural role, that of a PARENT, to an unlicensed amateur. You have surrendered your instincts ('lack of trust') your experience ('your best thinking got you here') and your love for your child ('unconditional love') into the hands of one Robert G. Meehan. A self-proclaimed murderer with a dead son. WAKE UP.

[enthusiasticsobrietyabuse]

Exposing Enthusiastic Sobriety Programs ~ LIZ NICKERSON

LIZ NICKERSON is founder of the support site, Enthusiastic Sobriety Abuse – a resource for those who have experienced abuse in Enthusiastic Sobriety Programs...

The Insight Program survivor speaks out against Bob Meehan’s Enthusiastic Sobriety Programs with Mark on Talk Beliefs Youtube Channel. 

[enthusiasticsobrietyabuse]

Transcript of 1979 60 Minutes Story on Bob Meehan with Dan Rather

Transcript of 1979 60-minutes follow up story on Bob Meehan "PDAP" DAN RATHER: P-D-A-P, PDAP, stands for the Palmer Drug Abuse Program, founded nearly nine years ago in the basement of Houston's Palmer Episcopal Church. PDAP first became known outside Texas when People magazine printed a feature about 15-year-old Carrie Hamilton, the daughter of TV star Carol Burnett and producer Joe Hamilton. Carrie had become a drug addict, and her parents sent her to PDAP, where she kicked the habit. The founder and leader of PDAP when we first broadcast this story last January was a former addict and alcoholic named Bob Meehan. To some, Meehan was a miracle worker, bringing God and clean living back to young people's lives. Others said he just got the youngsters dependent on him and PDAP in place of their former dependence on drugs and alcohol For Meehan himself, the message was: Do it my way, or leave. BOB MEEHAN: Now, I'm saying this is- this program works for a group of people. If it doesn't work for you, try another one. Don't tell me to change this one, because it's already working for this group of people. It's my way or it's the highway. Go find another program. There are 22 Mickey Mouse programs running around in our area. Go to one of them. You don't have to stay. We're not keeping you here. You're not in chains. You walk the doors, you live at home, you go to school. You're not in chains. You know, we're not controlling you in any way, shape or form. You don't like it, leave. RATHER: PDAP operates in meeting rooms donated by more than 30 churches in Houston; has branches in nine other Texas cities, and Denver, Colorado; and starting next month, in Los Angeles. There are no membership fees. The two and a half million dollar budget is raised from the community through an increasingly necessary fund-raising campaign. It is not a residential program. Youngsters live at home or on their own, except for a small number from out of town, like Carrie Hamilton, who stay with volunteer families. A substantial number may spend a month or more in a PDAP-affiliated hospital. PDAP is a drug-oriented, youth-oriented version of Alcoholics Anonymous. The members go to meetings: day meetings, night meetings; even a few times a year, 24-hour meetings. No drugs, no alcohol, as little contact as possible with anyone who uses either. It preaches a way of life, and that outside the chosen path lies disaster. GIRL (at PDAP): This is my 29th day of sobriety. (Cheers, applause) RATHER: The program's tools are peer pressure and peer support, laced with a heavy dose of getting yourself tight with God, with others and with yourself. All of it encouraged and directed by a staff of PDAP trained and paid counselors who are themselves ex-drug abusers. COUNSELOR: It's real easy to get into a negative place, you know. So what we do up here is we learn how to be positive. Does anybody want to share? RATHER: Members are told to steer clear of non-members, and to attend as many meetings as they can, meetings which combine the kind of public confessional popular in certain churches with a dose of amateur group therapy. GIRL: And yesterday, I was in a car accident. I wrecked the only material thing that I had that meant anything to me, my car. And it was the only thing I had that could get me to California. And I- I just sat in the car, and I wasn't angry, where normally I would be angry for what happened. And I didn't want to go get high. For the first time in my life, I did not want to get high. As far as I'm concerned, this is my first day here, because this is the first day I'm giving a hundred percent. I led a meeting yesterday on risk, and I haven't been willing to take that risk. I haven't been willing. I have thousands of people in PDAP that love me, and they- they don't even know me, some of them. And I'm willing to give it all. I'm finally willing. (Applause) RATHER: Some of these PDAP members are well into their twenties. But much younger drug users, some only eleven or twelve, attend other meetings. BOY: I've been having a lot- a lot of

problems, because I- I didn't admit that mind-changing chemicals have messed up at least part of my life. And I know that they have, because I've been stealing from my brother, and doing anything just to get high, you know. RATHER: At just about every meeting, someone gets a monkey fist-a braided leather ball at the end of a leather necklace. GIRL: Get a 30-days fist by staying straight 30 days consecutively in a row. RATHER: Kids who already have their fist bear witness. GIRL: You just came in my life at a real special time. You know, you kind of replaced a void that I was feeling, and I've just watched you grow a whole lot. You're real special to me, and I really like having a little brother. I love you. (Cheers, applause...chanting) MEEHAN: When one walks in the doors he must think that anybody that takes a drink, smokes a joint, is a complete loser. Pick winners is the- pick people that- that you respect, that you look up to, that- that offer you a way of life that you think you'd like. (On phone): See if you can get me Larry Layden. RATHER: Bob Meehan is a winner. From the depths of drunkenness and addiction, he has risen to head a multi-million-dollar program with a paid staff of more than 300 ex-addicts. Judges, ministers, company presidents, sit on his boards of directors and contribute to his programs. Meehan's income has risen as his program has grown from nearly nothing to more than $100,00 a year - in salary from PDAP and from consultant fees from hospitals and corporations as an advisor on drug abuse and its cure. And he says he's worth it. MEEHAN: I have a great head. I know more about this problem than anybody I know. I'm the most together person I know. And if anybody wants to know what to do about the problem in a business, they consult with me, they're going to get the right answers. And I am very expensive. If I wasn't making money, you wouldn't be here today, partner. WOMAN: May we have a few moments of silence. RATHER: Parents, too, are part of PDAP. Something less than half the parents whose kids are in the program are active. In PDAP parlance, these are the good parents. They also support the organization financially. Parents give 30 percent of the cost of PDAP. The other 20 percent comes from donations from corporations and foundations. MAN: God, I love you all. (Groups responds...applause) RATHER: Does the program work? Do the kids get off drugs and stay off? Meehan and his colleagues have repeatedly said that they are 75 to 80 percent successful-but when they are pressed, they day that those figures refer only to the percentage of kids who stay straight for 30 days and get their monkey fist. And when Meehan is pressed further, even that doesn't hold up too well. MEEHAN: What is success? What are we going to use as a definition for success? To me, it's one who has become a dues-paying member of society, has returned to school, no longer has a chemical problem-okay?-is moving on to enjoy life to its fullest, and being part of what you and I consider society. In that area, we are more successful than anybody I know of. What about the bottom line dry statistics? Fine. Mr. Rather, 60 MINUTES, if you care to give me $75,000 to do that kind of study and hire the statisticians necessary to do it, I will. RATHER: Are you saying to me that you don't have any data to back up your claim that you're 75 to 80 percent successful? MEEHAN: We have- the data we have is quite different from data anybody else has. And see, we don't keep records on people. You- if- if your children came to us, they don't have to give us their right name. They want help, they stay. They don't, they leave. RATHER: But- pardon me for interrupting-but that- that's part of the problem. MEEHAN: No stats, yes. We- RATHER: Again, you see, I find that an absolutely astonishing thing, that you would say, "Mr. Rather, I don't even know the names of most people who come into our place." MEEHAN: That's right. We're not here for names. We're here to show people a better way to live. RATHER: Okay, but- MEEHAN: If you

want it, stay. You don't, leave. RATHER: You can't give me a figure: these are the numbers of people that we had come through our doors nationwide? MEEHAN: No, we don't have time. We get 400 calls a day from all over the world. RATHER: Okay. But you don't know how many are coming through the door. MEEHAN: No. RATHER: So, how can you day you're 75 to 80 percent successful? MEEHAN: Because of the times that I ran groups, I knew, when I knew the kids in the group, when I saw how many came in-when I was running a group myself-I saw how many came in, and I knew what it was. RATHER: Mr. Meehan, I don't doubt for a moment that you did that. But when you boil it down, what you've got is a guess. MEEHAN: Oh, definitely. Oh, you're right. Definitely, a guess. RATHER: Okay, so when you say you're 75 to 80 percent effective, you're guessing. MEEHAN: I'd like to say 70. RATHER: All right, let's say 70. Let's- let's take a conservative figure. Do you consider that to be conservative? MEEHAN: No. Conservative, 65 to 70. RATHER: All right, 65 to 70. MEEHAN: Okay. RATHER: I note that we're already down from 75 to 80 percent down to 65 to 70. MEEHAN: I- do- you haven't talked to me. RATHER: All right, you- you say 65 to 70. But I say, is that your guess as to how effective you are? MEEHAN: That's my guess. RATHER: When we talked to someone in Dallas, who was very complimentary about the program, but they noted that, in Dallas, that your people had said they had 2,000 PDAP members in the Dallas area, but when they actually got down to counting heads, it turned out to be 500. Is that true? MEEHAN: Very true. RATHER: You can understand how someone in my position, trying to be an honest broker of information, would come away with at least the impression, number one, their success figures are inflated; number two, their overall membership figures are inflated. MEEHAN: Yes, sir. RATHER: But it's not the truth? MEEHAN: It's really not. It's really not. RATHER: Your success figures are 65 to 70 percent? MEEHAN: At least. At least. RATHER: If Meehan's figures on how many come in, how many stay, and how many actually kick the habit are wobbly, that makes equally suspect his statement to us that he only spends an average $500 per year per member. And that dollar amount doesn't even include the huge hospital costs of an estimated 550 youngsters referred last year by PDAP to this hospital and other hospitals run by the same management company, a company which pays Bob Meehan $50,000 a year as a consultant. Average length of stay in the hospital: four to six weeks. Average cost: at least $10,000 per youngster. That's not paid by PDAP. It's paid by parents and medical insurance. That alone is twice the entire PDAP budget. In the hospital, the PDAP patients get bio-feedback, psychotherapy and other medical treatment. Few of them need detoxification. But what they also get is a concentrated dose of PDAP. PDAP counselors, whose salary is paid indirectly by the hospital, hold PDAP meetings daily. And they treat and manage patients right along with the more highly trained staff. Are all these youngsters really sick enough or addicted enough to need to be hospitalized? Susie Waters was a PDAP counselor at the hospital for five months last year. SUSIE WATERS: I think that the reason why most of those people were in there was so we could make a big impression on them right from the beginning. It's a way of isolating them, to only get PDAP from the very front. It was the troublemakers that ended up in the hospital. It was the people that wouldn't go by the normal rules, that wouldn't stick with winners, or that wouldn't stop going to concerts. It was the troublemakers that ended up there. And a lot of them were just little kids. You know, they were just out having fun. I remember thinking a lot of times, why is this person here?-you know. They weren't- I was just the same as a lot of them. RATHER: The hospital management flatly denies that the PDAP patients they admitted didn't need the medical treatment they got. And they said the

consultant fee they paid Bob Meehan was for his advice on drug abuse, and had nothing to do with the fact that PDAP referred so many patients. Meehan couldn't see the connection, either. And they pay you $50,000 a year. MEEHAN: At this time. RATHER: What do you mean "at this time"? MEEHAN: Well, I plan to tell them I'm worth a lot more, because they've made an awful lot of money at what they- what- because that they listened to me. And- and I think I'm worth more. RATHER: Right on the surface of it, there is a conflict of interest. On the one hand, you sit at the top of the PDAP pyramid. On the other hand, you have a personal service contract with the hospital for whom you are directly-not just in effect-directly supplying patients. MEEHAN: No, sir, I am not. The counselors that work for me are going to put their patients, or are going to refer, to hospitals that they think are doing the best job. RATHER: You don't see a conflict of interest? MEEHAN: I really don't. BOB GAFFNEY: Bob Meehan is just- sits on the right hand of God to most of those people. And to me at one time, that's the way I looked at him. RATHER: Bob Gaffney was a staff counselor for PDAP. He spent five years in the group. This man, who asked that we not give his name, was in PDAP four years, rising to the high staff post of director of the Dallas branch. Does the Palmer Drug Abuse Program prepare these young people for reality? MAN: No. As a matter of fact, we're led to believe that we can't make it without the program, which I think is a- one of the greatest disservices that's done to anybody that goes through the program. Because I think many people who leave, who naturally leave and who could be considered successes of the program, basically fail because the message is there: I cannot succeed without these people and without this program. RATHER: Is that what is said on the inside, from Bob Meehan right on down? MAN: Yes. RATHER: That you cannot succeed without the program? MAN: Yes, yes. RATHER: Well, that makes it never-ending. MAN: Yes. RATHER: They are two of dozens of former PDAP staff members with whom we spoke. They are all sober and straight and feel the program helped them; but equally, they feel, the program has serious flaws. MAN: Power has become as intoxicating to some people as perhaps drugs were several years ago. RATHER: By "some people", do you mean Meehan specifically? MAN: Yes. MEEHAN: I don't even like power. I am a powerful person. That is to-- personal power. RATHER: Well, among the strongest powers is the power to persuade. MEEHAN: That's right. I have that power. I certainly do. I've been a con all my life. I've just- now I'm using it in a good way. See, that's the only difference. (Laughs) People come in to me and want to sober up, I don't say- they say, "Boy, it hurts when you do that." I don't say, "Don't do that." All right? They come in and they try to act cool, I say, "Hey, don't come in here acting cool. Cool people never get to see me, partner, you know. Cool people out there are making it, so don't come in here telling me you're cool. You know, you got problems or you wouldn't be here. Mama didn't bring you in by the back of your neck because you're cool." That's a con. It's using words he's going to understand. It's communicating. What is my purpose? To get him to think for himself, to be his own man, and make him see where he really is. In that way, I am powerful. GAFFNEY: They don't look at it like you're coming into this program to recover and move on. They look at it like you have stepped into a better way of life than everybody else in the world has. That's the problem. And if you want to leave, you know there's something wrong with you. Bob, I think, thought that I was really going to be in the gutter with a needle in my arm or something because I was leaving, you know. And they really think that way, you know. To them, when you get to PDAP you have arrived. MAN: It comes down that major decisions in people's lives-you know, continuing an education, getting a job, getting married,

going steady-all involve other people and what they think about it. Basically, you can- you can lead your whole life in the program and never have to make a decision, except that you're going to let somebody else make decisions for you. MEEHAN: That's a lie. It's very upsetting. I don't know if these people are getting high again and have the need to somehow knock us. I don't know what their situation is. I think if you go and talk to some of the people that are making it and doing fine, you would hear another story. But remember, they're out there making it. They're not sitting around chewing on my tail. They're doing their thing. They don't have time to sit around and talk to 60 MINUTES, because they're trying to stay on the dean's list. You're going to have to hunt them down. Well, you don't have time to hunt them down. So who do you pick on? The losers that are lurked around hoping to get on 60 MINUTES. RATHER: Well, I gather that you're concerned about the line of questioning? MEEHAN: Oh, yes. RATHER: Why? MEEHAN: It's my baby. It's my baby. I know that everything that happens here is the most positive- one of the most positive moving forces in this whole nation today. I know that, without a doubt in my mind. I know that just from the shows we did with Carol Burnett and some people, the calls that we've gotten, that people finally took back control of their homes, told their children love does not mean accepting wrong behavior, threw the dope out, took some hot- positive moves in this country that haven't been done in years. You know, I know what we're doing. My problem is, and my mistake is, I've gotten too successful. RATHER: Being too successful did turn out to be a problem for Bob Meehan. After we broadcast our story, the PDAP board of directors decided Meehan should no longer be the head of the program, although they continue to pay him in his new role in setting up a branch in Los Angeles. The board also banned consultant fees paid to Meehan and other officers of PDAP by the hospitals to which PDAP refers youngsters. However, the organization did accept a-quote-"loan"-unquote-of $325,000 from the owners of those hospitals, a loan which PDAP will pay back by charging the hospitals for counseling their outpatients. They continue to maintain that there is no conflict of interest. As for young Carrie Hamilton, she has returned to her home in Los Angeles and is active in the PDAP chapter there.

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The Group Chat Podcast - ENTHUSIASTIC SOBRIETY ABUSE

Unpacking and Unveiling the cult-like inner workings of Bob Meehan's Enthusiastic Sobriety Programs.

Survivors of Enthusiastic Sobriety Programs unpack the bizarre and harmful philosophies of Bob Meehan’s teen drug abuse programs. Former Counselors and Group members speak on certain subjects or come on to tell their stories. Co-Hosts Liz and Jaqueline are survivors of The Insight Program in Greensboro, NC and Atlanta, Georgia. 

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Cult or Cure? Bob Meehan featured in The Press Democrat, May 2nd, 1985

“Your unborn child has as much chance of getting a drug problem as getting chicken pox. Walk into junior high school today and half the kids there are getting loaded. I AM NOT ACCEPTING THAT BEHAVIOR!” 

Edging forward on the couch, Meehan underscores the message by grasping your arm and boring in with his eyes. He delivers his words with the same passion he says he once had for shooting heroin. He demands your attention. 

“These kids were primed by Cheech and Chong. By age 10 they were primed to smoke a joint as you were to drive a car.” 

He finishes in crescendo, with a clenched-fist flourish: 

“They (pause) caaAAN’t (pause) WAIT!” 

Drug addict, thief, ex-convict, con man extraordinaire, drug-abuse counselor and now author, Bob Meehan, 42, says he is all of these. He fancies himself as equal parts Elmer Gantry, Mother Theresa and P.T. Barnum. 

He has been praised as a hip and gifted teacher whose lesson rings true to drug-plagued kids because he has “been where they are.”

But Meehan has also been criticized as an egomaniac out for money, power and glory; a slick operator perpetrating the ultimate con job on desperate and vulnerable families by replacing drug dependency with a dependency on him and his group.

Meehan, who “shot dope for 10 years and banged on the penitentiary door until they let me in,” lacks academic credentials. He proudly proclaims his diploma from the school of hard knocks.

Meehan is the founder of Freeway, a self-help drug abuse program that holds meetings in community centers throughout San Diego County, and of SLIC Ranch, his “Sober Live-In Center” in the remote foothills near Lake Wohlford.

Even his toughest critics concede that he is highly successful at getting kids off drugs. They say it is his powerful personality and absolute influence that they fear.

“There is no way a person coming down off of this is not going to lean on someone,” said Meehan in the living room of SLIC Ranch. “You’ve removed their best friend - the chemical. It has worked for them every time.

A con is one who can manipulate, who is charismatic as hell - I don’t take credit for that, you’re born with it. I’m also bald and ugly,” said the wispy-haired Meehan, who chain-smoked and drank coffee from a 16-ounce tumbler throughout the rapid-speak interview.

“But the real con is how I get them off of me and the group and into themselves, into whatever God is to them,” said Meehan, who based the Freeway and SLIC Ranch programs on the “12 Steps” of Alcoholics Anonymous that seek to restore self-esteem and sobriety through a relationship with a “higher power.”

A half dozen years ago in Houston, Meehan created a successful drug rehabilitation program through moxie, fast talk and innate ability to get through to kids on their own level.

Carol Burnett’s daughter, Carrie, was Meehan’s prize pupil and the famous comedian toured the talk-show circuit with the wiry and naturally wired Meehan, singing his praises.

Tim Conway, Burnett’s old TV sidekick, has had two of his five sons treated for drug problems by Meehan. Conway and Meehan appeared together on a TV show to plug Freeway and the ranch.

Sister Mary Vincent, a San Diego marriage and family counselor, knew Bob Meehan when she was also working with troubled youths in Houston. She referred drug abusers to Meehan’s group in Texas and continued to do so after she coincidentally moved to San Diego.

“I referred people to Bob because I saw the effectiveness of his program in Houston,” said the Roman Catholic nun known as “Sister Vince.” “But a little over a year ago, I began hearing stories from parents going through nightmares and afraid to speak out because of the power Bob and Freeway held over their children.

There is a cultish situation. Bob is a slippery eel and he has many people conned,” she said. “To me, it’s truly frightening.”

Meehan was “removed” in January 1980 from his $50,000 per year consulting job in Houston after newsman Dan Rather pointed out a conflict of interest (Meehan’s salary was paid by the hospital to which he was recommending patients from his Palmer Drug Abuse Program) on CBS’s 60 Minutes program.

There also was complaints from his flock of former substance abusers that Meehan’s idea of a cure was to shift their dependence from drugs to him and his self-help program.

Meehan’s group in Texas was described by some former members as cult-like in its demand for total allegiance and its distain for more than cursory contact with the outside world. “We’re led to believe that we can’t make it without the program,” one of Meehan’s former followers told 60 Minutes.

Meehan folded the operation in his native Texas and settled in San Diego about four years ago. He quickly established a drug-abuse program at the now-defunct Centre City Hospital and the self-help network Freeway, which is thriving.

For more than two years, he has operated SLIC Ranch in a sprawling 4,000-square-foot hilltop ranch on 10 acres.

Meehan insists that the Freeway program and SLIC Ranch are entirely separate entities. “If I’m at one Freeway meeting a month anymore, that’s a big deal,” he said. “Freeway does its thing and we do ours.”

Freeway is a group of more than 500 recovering teenage drug abusers, including most of the 150-plus graduates of SLIC Ranch. They meet several times a week to talk about their drug problems under the guidance of young counselors - former abusers themselves.

Freeway is one of several self-help groups parents may turn to for help when a child is abusing drugs. When the problem is deemed particularly severe, Freeway refers the child to SLIC Ranch for an intensive 30-day program.

While the child is undergoing treatment at the ranch, the parents are indoctrinated into the Freeway program through a series of meetings for newcomers (Freeway is non-profit, but donations are strongly encouraged). While at SLIC Ranch, the child spends evenings traveling to Freeway meetings and inevitably becomes deeply involved with the group, along with his parents.

At the end of the 30 days, the child usually will leave SLIC Ranch and take up residence at the home of a “Freeway family,” one whose child is sober, thanks to the group, and whose parents are true believers in Meehan and his method.

Even if the newly sober child returns home after a few weeks with the Freeway family, according to Meehan, he generally will not return to school for a time and will disassociate himself from classmates and old friends in favor of his new Freeway friend.

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Survivor / Ex-Counselor Testimony.  Originally posted OnTheEmmis.com Oct. 2004

in my case, i was a true believer. i did the things that i did, because i was fully convinced that my actions served a greater purpose; although, it was a greater purpose that i never fully understood. at that time, i believed that i just didn't possess the spiritual aptitude to fully "get it." i remember, shortly after one particularly brutal purpose, i came to the realization that bob, clint, dl, and others were just better men than i. i just wasn't born with whatever they possessed. i was lucky just to have a wife, job, etc. moreover, i realized that i might ultimately lose these things because...why should have them, i didn't deserve them. meehan and his wife continued to drive this point. any time that my self image began to improve, they trumped up some kind of charge and put me back in the hot-seat. i didn't have a poor self-image when i met bob. i was an honor student, an accomplished musician, and I had reached a number of personal goals in my early recovery. i had planned to become a journalist. however, meehan began chipping away at my confidence shortly after i met him. he was highly skilled at this form of abuse. incidently this is the primary reason, in my mind, that the "rape analogy" fits so well. in any event, by the time i was fully in the phx mix, i was expending all of my energy attempting to "get it." at times, i thought i did "get it." then i would go talk to bob and joy, they would inevitably berate me and send me away crushed. in addition to destroying my self-image, they destroyed my reputation. over the years, bob and joy created a dark profile and attached my name to it. they then systematically sold it to the entire icecap staff, as well as many of the parents and group members. they branded me a "woman-hater" (which i have never been), a "control-freak," and a "cult-leader". sound like anyone we know. they convinced people that innocent playful acts were really "attacks, " insidious attempts to harm people and take control. every move i made had a deeper meaning, somehow designed to control, intimidate, and harm others, especially women. they convinced my wife of these things, as well. at one point, i had to make amends to a young staffer for removing some excess salad dressing from my daughters salad after she had accidently poured on too much. why the amends? because this was obviously an act of terrorism against my wife (who was also at the dinner table). therefore, the staffer, who was eating dinner with us, had been the victim of poor role-modeling and this legacy of abuse would surely be carried on to his children some day. this was a serious matter which required my being harshly abused for at least 2 hours at meehan's kitchen table. these kinds of scenarios were never ending. once my daughter asked to take a picture of my wife and i together. of course, i was seen as a vicious culprit in this scenario. clearly, i had "set-up" my daughter to ask for the picture in an attempt to "manipulate" my wife into bonding with me, when she "needed" to pull away from me. every question i asked, every statement i made, if i worked too much, if i didn't work enough...these things were always under scrutiny. anything i said could and was used against me. i wasn't angry at bob and joy; i knew it was my fault. i was "toxic", as one former icecap director had put it. that said, there came a point in time when i began to realize that meehan was acting, at the expense of others, in his own self interest. this happened in part because meehan began to confide in me. "we take care of our own." "it's about the money." i began to realize that the harm that had been perpetrated upon others--i wasn't thinking of myself as having been harmed--were not acts attached to a higher purpose, but acts designed to make bob's life, and the lives of the rest of "us" better. prior to that time, i had also believed that people who were mistreated--not my term for it then--were being acted upon in ways that would ultimately help them. meehan knew i had a high degree of compassion and empathy, he would not have allowed me to believe others were being harmed, until i had connected with "my true sociopathic male self" (meehan's words). his awareness of my compassion was also the reason he chose to brand me as a woman-hater, an effective way to destroy my self-esteem. when i realized that we were harming others, i decided to leave icecap. i could have walked away right then. i almost did. i knew i would lose my wife and daughter. i knew they would marry-off goody 2 shoes as quickly as possible, and i knew that my daughter would grow up calling some other guy dad. i even had a short-list of whom they would choose to marry my wife. i decided to take-off and not look back. i was literally on my way out of town. i didn't want to leave my wife--who was my true love--but i didn't even recognize her anymore. the thought of leaving my daughter broke my heart, as well. then i thought i could leave, fight meehan, shut him down, and get my family back. but, i realized they would probably have 2 shoes married, and possibly pregnant, in order to avoid this scenario. maybe i should have left. perhaps that would have been the right thing to do. instead, i chose to stay and work on getting my family out with me. subterfuge became my game. that decision meant that i continued to participate in icecap and continued to harm others--though i made a concerted effort to try to get an anti-mind-control message through, especially in the training classes i taught. i stayed for another year and finally left with my family intact...somewhat.

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Survivor Testimony Originally posted OnTheEmmis.com Feb. 2005

I "bailed" from Cornerstone almost two years ago now. I left because I had a problem in my life that had nothing to do with drugs - and i went to my counselor for help because i trusted her. She couldn't help me. She had no idea what to do, so she denied my problem. I lost all support from people that were supposed to be my friends, and i was completely alone. Everyone told me that i was just making up some elaborate story to get attention. So i left. I got through one of the roughest obsticles in my life without the group and without any friends. I did get high when i left. However, i found my way back to sobriety and happiness. I am able to do things today that i never thought possible... I just recently graduated from highschool instead of getting my GED like suggested in the group, I am in college, and i hang out with whoever i feel like-whether they get high or not. I make my own decisions in life today, i don't ask permission to do anything. I make decisions based on my own judgement- not what someone else thinks is the right thing to do. I don't get horrassed if i miss a meeting and i'm not scared to get out of bed today because i might get ripped off for something i did the day before. Cornerstone taught me a lot. Mostly it taught me what not to do, and how not to be. As far as i am concerned, the only positive things about that program are all things that they have ripped off from AA. Today, I am able to walk through my fears and live my own life the way that i want. Not to say that my life is perfect now, i still make mistakes, but at least they are my own mistakes, and it is my life.

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Survivor Testimony: Staying Sober After The Group.  Originally posted on OnTheEmmis.com circa 2005

I want to start off by saying that I wish to remain anonymous on this website for the time being as there are a few potential real-life consequences to my being exposed in here and I ask that if you think that you might know me that you not expose my identity publicly in this online forum. If you wish to contact me, please shoot an e-mail to the address that I have provided and I will gladly respond. Now that I've got the self-centered paranoid disclaimer out of the way, I'll tell you why I'm here. First, I want to thank tremendously whoever launched this website, I think it is a great service. It really reaffirmed for me that I wasn't the only sane person who thought that all was not necessarily right in that place. I am posting my story here because I want anyone else who finds themselves in a similar position as mine was early on in sobriety to seriously consider the ramifications of joining the group, getting a different perspective on the matter, before making any such decision. I was offered sage advice early on, but I chose to ignore it. After a brief exposure to AA in 1998, without any real tangible practice of the program in my life, I quickly decided that I wasn't alcoholic and went back out - only to suffer more self-inflicted torture from the hell that is alcoholism. After several months and some tremendously painful life experiences, I sheepishly crawled back to the program of AA, determined that I needed to stay sober at any cost or that I would die. About the time I had 90 days, I felt the same disillusionment that I had felt in my first AA experience, but I was at the painful jumping off place - I knew that I couldn't live like this anymore, but I also knew that drinking wasn't a viable option either. In my return to AA, I had latched on quickly to some fresh graduates from an ICECAP program, and I was very attracted to their apparent enthusiasm and zest for life - I desperately wanted whatever they had. Seeing the emotional pain that I was in at three months sober and the struggle I was experiencing, one of the graduates suggested that I try out the ICECAP program for 30 days. Secretly, I had already had the inclination to check it out, but due to my own self-loathing, I was too scared to inquire about it. But as soon as the validation came from a graduate that I might be a suitable candidate, my eyes started to glow, and the future looked bright. After a few weeks of ICECAP meetings, functions, "wedging," one-on-ones, hugs from attractive girls, and a wild Round Robin, I was sold. Well, almost. I still hadn't broken off totally from AA yet, and there was one person in particular fighting to keep me out of the ICECAP group, a girl who had spent some time in there a few years before and had some tremendous resentments and hostility towards the group. She prophetically advised me that if I went in that we wouldn't be allowed to be friends anymore and that my Higher Power would become the group, that I would be resigning my will over to the group for the direction I would take in my life. I thought she was being hysterical and making up wild black-helicopter, Branch Davidian type claims about this seemingly very pleasant and loving group. They seemed far more rational than her (keep in mind, I was barely sober), and she was so angry with me that it was not hard for me to dismiss my friendship with her when I decided to be a part of the group exclusively. I don't have any dramatic horror stories to describe about my experience in the group over the next 2.5 years, but I remembered everything my AA friend had told me before I went in - that I wouldn't be allowed to go to concerts, that I would have no control over my own dating situation and when given permission to date, that the group would decide who I would be allowed to date, that I would be discouraged from contacting any old friends, even completely normal ones with good jobs and college educations, that I would have no sort of independent social life, that my status on the social totem pole would be dictated totally by the whims of SC and the staff, and the list goes on ad infinitum. I thought she was insane, that nobody could possibly exert that amount of control over me. But all of these things and more came to pass, because I let them. My entire sense of self was dictated by how the group and the staff perceived me, and even though I often questioned my desire to remain a part of the group (I never once questioned my alcoholism), any real dialogue with which I attempted to engage with a sponsor in the group or a counselor was always spun to make me feel as if I was spiritually bankrupt and that if I decided to leave that I would probably wind up getting drunk, even though my intention had always been simply to return to AA meetings and to find an AA sponsor. Leaving the group before getting the "official" pat on the butt to go from the director was not approved of under any circumstances, based on my experience. If you were in OG, any desire to detach from the group would invariably mean that you would be homeless if you lived in an apartment (with five or six other people, lying to your landlord about the number of tenants completely with the endorsement of the staff, even though this is illegal), that you would lose any romantic relationship if your boyfriend/girlfriend was still in the group, and that you would be ostracized by the group at the subtle suggestion of staff (they would never blatantly tell anyone to shun those who "bailed," but they had no problems letting you know that they thought that people who bailed were "pieces of sh*t"), that you may lose your job if it was obtained through someone in the group or someone in parent group, and that if the staff had gotten in deep enough with your parents, that you may face homelessness at the suggestion from the counselors that your parents should exert "tough love" and not let you live with them. Because I was too much of a chicken sh*t to break free, I stuck around until they let me graduate, because I was terrified of the social consequences of leaving sooner. Hell, they even threw me a bone and let me be on SC for a little while after I showed enough devotion to the cause. During that wonderful period of my ICECAP experience I had the joy of sitting through those meaningful purposes where someone invariably got called out as the "f*cked-up" one and it would quickly turn into a big sobbing mess. I was too timid to ever get myself into that hot seat, so I just shut up and did what I was told - but it wasn't because I was doing so much better than the others - I just hid my stuff well enough that no one could ever really call me out on it. But I witnessed it all the time. I was terrified of being "that guy," so I never challenged or questioned anything - but in my gut I did all the time. Because of my tremendously low self-worth, the staff always knew that I would be a loyal servant and fall in line with whatever the direction was and never question anything - in truth I questioned a lot, but I was way too insecure to ever voice my sentiments. Since having graduated a few years back, I've discovered 2 kinds of graduates - those who have serious resentments towards the group, and those who are in denial about their serious resentments towards the group. At first, still being the highly sheepish type, I clung to my fellow graduates and some prior graduates that were still "loyal to the cause." It wasn't really what I wanted, but I was so socially retarded by living in the pretend world of the group that I didn't know what else to do. During the graduation process, we were advised that there were many people in AA who, not having had the privilege of our "more sober than thou" experience, would be ill qualified to be anything more than casual acquaintances at meetings. We were told that most AAs lack real depth of "principles" - they go to concerts, hang out in the city, associate with people who may have an occasional drink, don't like G.W. Bush, don't need to go on four dates to hold hands, share romantic feelings, become involved in outside activities, pursue non-treatment related careers, talk to licensed psychologists, etc. - these people were shallow and lacked a "real" program, we were told. Their sobriety was "unattractive," and we should avoid them at all costs. We should stand in judgment of them from our moral high ground. We were "first-class citizens." What a load. With some time and experience in AA, I've slowly started to let go of a lot of the old ways of thinking that were burned in for two and a half years. Much of the resentment has subsided, though not entirely. I have learned a lot about myself through all of this, and haven't had to drink over any of it, though I was close at times. I've watched as most of the people that I graduated with have slipped out of the program - some because they realized that they weren't alcoholic, some because their alcoholic resentment toward the group pushed them to drink. I don't feel sorry for those who left out of resentment towards the group, because AA offers a wonderful program to help overcome resentments, if one chooses to follow it. And those who discovered that they weren't alcoholic and who choose to drink occasionally are no less moral than me. Most will just go on and live their lives - some very productively. As far as me, I hope to stick around the tables of AA for some time to come because I definitely think I belong here. I've got a great AA sponsor who has never had any affiliation with the ICECAP groups and is totally willing to let me fall flat on my face without passing judgment on me - he's a man who shares his experience, strength and hope with me and shows me how to work the steps of AA (not some twisted hybrid), but never expects anything from me whatsoever. And he is clear to let me know that anytime I want out, I am free to go, no love lost. So today, sobriety really gets to be my choice. I still have a lot of ties to a lot of people from the group, and even a degree of affection for some of the people still in the group and even (gasp) on the staff. Some of my fellow graduates are more detached from the group than me, some less, and our feelings about the group are pretty varied - the general consensus for most of us, however, is one of gratitude for the fact that we're here and not there anymore. I'm still learning a lot about people, AA, the Steps, life in the "real" world, and how to trudge the road everyday. I'm also still unlearning a lot of things like judgmental thinking, comparative sobriety, racism, arrogance, and closed-mindedness. I've got a new Higher Power that doesn't sit in judgment of me when I occasionally flirt (ICECAP translation - "game") with a girl or choose to occasionally indulge in less than pure thoughts. I've got new friends, both in and out of the program, who have no connection whatsoever with the ICECAP groups. I'm going to a fairly liberal school which is showing me perspectives and ideas that I never even knew existed. And I've finally gotten enough balls to go to a concert again - the laughable irony about that is that most of the people that I'm going with are also graduates of the program who have solid amounts of time sober, and whose principles, in my esteemed opinion, are entirely intact. Pretty soon, a fresh crop of graduates will get pumped out into AA, the ones not quite "gnarly" enough to go to training. Within a few years, more than half of them won't be in AA any longer for whatever reason. The truth is, in my humble estimation, for all the so-called "silver platter" sobriety one gets in the group, once they come into AA, they have about as much a shot at long-term sobriety as anyone else out here, which is not much at all. The disease of alcoholism is cunning, baffling, and powerful, and any sort of band-aid one tries to use to avert the pain will only be temporary - as my sponsor says, eventually we must stop trying to go around the pain and just simply go through the pain. There is a sober life after ICECAP if you want it - and it will be awkward, embarrassing, humbling, and sometimes painful - but it gets a lot better. And you get to live your life without wondering who's watching all the

[enthusiasticsobrietyabuse]

Survivor Testimony circa 2004. Originally posted OnTheEmmis.com

I began the program in 1988 at Crossroads in St. Louis. I remember those being the most fun days of my life. I still love those memories. I met some really great people. If only I would have stopped there!!!! Clint Stonebraker called me in 1991 and asked me to come be a counselor at Atlanta Insight. It took me about a millisecond to accept. This was my dream. I thought I could never be happier. I learned some serious life lessons in the years to come. I never realized how much of a luxury food, electricity and toiletries were. Looking back, I really can't believe we were convincing people that true happiness included living in poverty and turning your back on your family. I moved around to Houston and Phoenix. It was all pretty much the same story. We actually did start getting a little bit of money, though. After none at all, it seemed like a fortune! Well, 1997 rolled around and I was extremely burnt out. I truly realized that I was not happy. I was terrified to leave. Here I was 24, no education, no money, no skills. ( I never even had the privilege of the ICECAP training). The worst part is, I truly believed that everyone else in the world was f-ed up in the head. I was convinced that these people in the program had the only answers to happiness. I was hopeless because if I can't survive being truly "happy", then my only choice was to self-destruct. I moved home to St. Louis. Go figure, my family, who I had completely alienated and treated like crap, welcomed me home with open arms. I began drinking immediately. Within two months, I was smoking crack. I was angry, had no self esteem and often contemplated suicide. I got completely plastered one night and walked into a liquor store with a 9mm. Thank God that I did not kill anyone. I was arrested and was facing up to 10 years in the Illinois State Pen. Thanks to my Dad, who I didn't talk to for 4 years while I was in the program, I received some pretty good representation and I got a suspended sentence. I have a very boyish look and I don't think I could lasted too long in the Pen. It took the death of the most beautiful soul I have ever known to straighten me up, my mother. She wrecked her car in 1998 and died of a chest injury. God, I want to throw up when I think of the things the program made me believe about my beautiful Mom. I miss her so much. As devastated as I was, I chose to deal with it by fixing my life. I met one of former co-workers from Atlanta and he introduced me to three other friends who, literally, saved my life. I stopped drinking and smoking. I even started working out, I had ballooned to over 200 lbs!!! I expected my new friends to tell me exactly how to live my life. I would talk to them constantly about everything in my personal life and I was so afraid that I was ?spiritually unfit'. I'm sure sometimes they thought I was crazy, I guess in a way, I was. My life is pretty simple now. I truly believe that as long as I don't hurt myself or anyone else that whatever I do is pretty much OK. And if it isn't, I'll learn that. I talk about my problems when I WANT TO. I tell people what I WANT TO TELL THEM.