I am going to churn this out before I go to bed, and before I forget.
That moment has FINALLY ARRIVED. I’ve been digging at this hardcore for the past couple of years, trying to obtain that elusive Fe, which if you understand the system, INTP has it in the blind spot, the inferior function.
And I’m sorry, INTPs. I know just how much you want to understand Fe, to obtain it, to… feel it. Fe is the ultimate goal for INTPs. We understand the definition. We understand its function in society. We kind of hate it. We kind of begrudgingly accept it as a necessary evil. We also really kind of REALLY want it.
And you can’t get it on your own. I’M SO SORRY. You have to talk to people. A LOT of people.
BUT, the good news is, we are seeing Fe as a bigger monster than it is, INTPs and ISTPs.
Fe is the desire to communicate with another person.
Fe says, I am drawn to you, so I want to talk to you.
Fe does not need meaning. Fe only wants the simple pleasure of connecting.
Why can’t FJs say this? Well, I learned today, just what having Ti in lower stacks really means… they really suck at it.
Ti… really is the opposite of Fe.
Ti says, if there’s nothing important to be said, then there is nothing to be said.
Ti says, we can’t be drawn to each other unless we have something of interest, something that matters.
Ti focuses on what it means. Connection without meaning is meaningless, therefore useless.
For INTPs and ISTPs, Fe cannot ever occur without Ti. Ti must be present in order for Fe to exist. ENTPs and ESTPs are a little better with this, but still, they are also TPs for a reason; ENTPs and ESTPs will still prefer Ti over Fe. TPs are going to be naturally competent at a lot of things (Ti) because TPs need to be in order to connect with people (Fe).
For ENFJs and ESFJs, Ti cannot ever occur without Fe. Fe must be present in order for Ti to exist. I thought INFJs and ISFJs were better at this, but I now understand why Personality Hacker labelled tertiary as 10, and inferior as 3; not much better. FJs are naturally going to be really good at connecting (Fe) with a lot of people because…
FJs need to connect with another person (or people) before they can discuss what they are competent in (Ti).
I could be the only dumbass who didn’t understand this, but I sincerely doubt it. We INTPs are pretty blind until we really understand, and Fe is not easy for us to “get.” To be honest, FJs do not make this easier on us, but I can’t even blame them anymore. But FJs, you could give it a little more energy.
In trying to understand, let’s think of this as… like toll gates. I’ll set up the scenario.
First toll gate will cost $10 (Because Maryland, you thieving JERKS! And I’m being nice).
Second toll gate will cost $4 (Because Delaware is a little more reasonable).
Third toll gate will cost $1 (Eh.)
Fourth toll gate will cost $.50.
We’ll be carrying exactly $15.50.
A person will spend $10.50 at the first toll gate. Then $4 at the second, and $1 at the third. By the time the fourth gate has arrived, they don’t know where the $.50 has gone. they’ll search and search, but for some reason, they can’t find it. The money they should have saved up for the last toll gate, they paid it at the first toll gate.
The cheapest toll gate, is the most expensive, because we cannot pay.
For ENFJs and ESFJs, first, there must be connection (Fe). Then there must be some mutual observations (Ni-Se or Ne-Si), and then maybe after ALL THAT, there will be meaning (Ti). So for FJs, if the connection works, GREAT. If not, oh well. This works for a while, until they realize their Fe lives are a bit unfulfilling and they don’t know what they really think. They feel they know what the truth is, but everyone seems to have a truth, so who knows which is real? And since most of the time, they never get to Ti, how can they ever clarify it? They sit in frustration and silence, wanting Ti and hating it at the same time for being so elusive.
For INFJs and ISFJs, Ti is tertiary, so they’re going to talk about meaning a little more easily; they’ll try to get to the point quicker, but still, Fe overrides Ti, so what they want to say is still mixed in with a lot of just attempts to connect with the other person. Ti is just as frustrating for IFJs as it is for EFJs, only MORESO for EFJs.
For INTPs and ISTPs, first, there must be the truth; what this all means (Ti). Then there must be some mutual observations (Ne-Si or Se-Ni), and then maybe after ALL THAT, there will be connection (Fe). So for TPs, if the truth is in fact the truth, FANTASTIC; it applies to everyone. If not, there’s more to go back to. Yay, TP can keep working on it. This works for a while, until they realize they’ve not talked to anyone for a week. They know so much about a lot of things, but they can’t seem to make an emotional connection with anyone! So how are they going to ever get laid? They sit feeling isolated and disconnected, wanting Fe and hating it at the same time for being so confusing.
For ENTPs and ESTPs, Fe is tertiary, so they’re going to do this a little more easily. They’ll connect with people faster, but Ti overrides Fe like Fe overrides Ti in IFJs. so truth must still win over the connection, and they will sacrifice the connection over their truths. They’re not itching for Fe like INTPs and ISTPs, but they know they’re not that great at it, while feeling relatively okay with where they are at.
Ladies and gentlemen, no one can find their $.50.
When an FJ and TP communicate, TPs are communicating with the FJs with the ASSUMPTION that the FJs are there to discuss what it all means. And FJs are indeed, so pleasant and accommodating, and seemingly easy to please. You just have to say something, and they’re telling you how amazing you are. But TPs… we’re accurate folks. It only takes a few tries before we figure out that FJs don’t seem to really mean it. THIS HURTS. TPs know how much work they put into what they learned. TPs always mean what they say (to some extent, although we try to hide it in humor and sarcasm to protect our own vulnerability and respect their vulnerability), so it feels like the FJs don’t really trust us. TPs decide that the praises the FJs give us isn’t worth its weight. Plus they’re so inaccurate about everything; that really triggers TPs. Not only are they giving out empty praises, they don’t even know what they’re talking about! TPs decide that they must now protect themselves from the upcoming negative feelings which will NEARLY KILL US, as it does every time (and we don’t like to admit this), and begin to put up walls to protect ourselves. They will also begin to discount FJs’ contributions because the TP has determined, FJ’s actions have no meaning behind them.
FJs are communicating with the TPs with the ASSUMPTION that the TPs are there because there is some mutual attraction (not always sexual, but any kind of connection, really). They have to connect before they can talk about how they really think. So in giving out pleasantries, they are attempting desperately to connect with the TP. TPs are so brilliant, always knowing exactly what they think, saying exactly what they think, and doesn’t ever seem to say anything that is wrong. But FJs aren’t really sure that there is a connection. FJs are putting in a lot of effort into making the connection because they desperately want to tell the TP their own truths and want to know if what they are thinking is correct. FJ is sure that TP will know what the truth is, but they have to have a connection before they can say it. FJs decide they must give out more compliments, more empty words (FJs have told me that they only say what they feel, so apologies on that), and connect, while feeling more unsure of what is going on, their mind clouding as they see TPs behave differently towards them. Their feeling alarms are going off, and they don’t know what to say to bring back the TP. They feel resentful that the TPs aren’t opening up to them. so they can tell the TP what they think. Everything FJ says seems to push the TP even further away.
This is what is happening. This is the FJ-TP dynamic.
In words, we know what all this means. In reality though, we don’t know how it really applies.
FJs’ need for Ti is not much at all, despite their desire for it. Their reputation as being teachers and preachers are kind of misleading because it just means they are struggling to figure out what the most relevant information is, and so, are saying everything they know in hopes that something hits. So yes, their words are jumbled, filled with inconsistencies, contradictions, and are basically a mess. I’m not gonna lie. It is TP nightmare. It has the effect of reaching out to many people, but it is also dangerous; FJ communication is unclear, and because FJs do expect others to kind of “get it” without clarifying it, there is a lot of room for misunderstandings and hatred can result from it. FJs’ confidence in Ti gets destroyed, and FJs decide that all they should do is connect more.
TPs’ need for Fe is also not much at all, despite their desire for it. Their reputation as being cold robots is also misleading because it just means they are struggling to figure out what to express to connect with someone, and so, are mimicking everyone in hopes that there is a connection. So yes, our expressions are robotic, doesn’t always suit the occasion, and are subdued. It is FJ nightmare. It also makes TPs less likely to be trusted; TP expressions are robotic, and because TPs expect others to see they mean well without connecting, there is a lot of room for people to feel confused and to distrust the TPs, who only speak up when they want to help and provide the correct information to help others. TP’s confidence in Fe gets destroyed, and TPs decide it’s not worth it to speak up or even contribute at all.
When I realized just how desperate FJs felt about their Ti, I truly felt sorry for them. Ti is a piece of cake for me, and I use it really well. I don’t have to think about it, I don’t really waste any energy with it. I know exactly what I mean when I say it. I can somewhat get most theories given a few days, and I could talk about it with other people and be competent in it. In fact, I am always trying to stop myself from saying the first thing that comes to my mind in hopes to prevent Fe riot that results.
Even a simple statement like, “This is X, not Y.” can be difficult for FJs IF there has been no connection made with the person. I don’t need to have a relationship with a person to tell them, “Hey, this happened, this needs to be addressed, this is the problem, and this needs to be fixed.”
BUT FJs DO. Even if TPs and FJs have learned the same information and know the same information, they must have established some emotional connection with the person before they feel they can say why they’ve created that connection.
And this, my lovely readers, is the beginning of the great Fe-Ti divide. This is where all of the heartaches and misunderstandings happen.
I hope you do too, because FJs can’t tell you this right off the bat. Why? They haven’t connected with you yet. LOL.
dailybridgerton
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