Medic! @entr-alex - Tumblr Blog

entr-kirk-deactivated20130917

Family

Alex was more than happy to get out of the shuttle, leaving everyone else behind as he walked away from everything for a few minutes. Khan? Khan had been on the ship, and in the back of his head, he felt like the one person he thought maybe he could trust could be with him on this. But there was another smaller part of him that said that that one person knew he had been there, and had kept it a secret.

There was a certain rage that Alex felt when he thought of Kirk and Pikes death but he always kept it in. He was supposed to be with Pike that day, he was supposed to be playing chest with him as they listened to some old music that Pike was obssessed with. He was supposed to be with his godfather, not Jim Kirk. He should have never been in that meeting, should have stayed with him.

But behind the rage there was always guilt. Kirk had to see Pike die and he let him have a death with dignity. He tried to save the man, he really did and Alex could never be mad at Kirk for anything, not for long. The man had held someone he held dear to his heart just as close. He felt kinship to the man, he felt like the man was a part of his family, just like any other of the crew.

It was this kinship that made him halt and actually look at Kirk as he was led to him in rage. He was all for punching him and demanding to know what he wanted to know, he was all for making the man feel the pain that filled his heart. But one look at his face, and the rage was cooled by the snow.

" Captain… Kirk.." Alex took a deep breath, and looked at the snow. " Jim need some help with the hut?"

entr-kirk-deactivated20130917

It wasn’t as if Jim didn’t know about Alex’s relationship with Pike, but it had been a constant thread underneath their conversations. Words tugged at it, tore it as it frayed. It always felt as if he were on a tightrope when they spoke, and at the current moment, the last thing he needed was someone to throw their passive aggression toward him. But it was what was happening. And in his time since becoming a captain, he’d learned to cool his temper.

It rolled off his back, like a lot of things did. They always rolled off, but they pooled underneath his feet until he drowned. Pike had been arguably the only person he had at that point. At Tarsus, he was the one willing to work with him. In Iowa, he had been willing to do it all over again, like he was twelve once more. He’d died under his gaze, and no death matched the way it tore his heart apart.

Yet this doctor consistently felt as if Pike was ‘his’, he’d noted. As far as he knew in the file, he had parents. Had, currently having one, but had, for some time. Caring ones. An only child. Loved. Spock had told him once, during a meld, that he could often ‘feel’ love in the blond’s head, but the word never really manifested itself properly. It was always adoration or affection; occasionally it was infatuation. Love, though, was incredibly vacant. That could’ve been accounted to how little Jim managed to get of it before Pike stepped in to fill the void, which had been subsequently emptied with his death and filled as he rose to captain and grew close to Bones and Spock.

Pike, still, left this tiny hole, that neither them nor any member of the crew had managed to fill. As he worked, he paused, staring back at Alex. “I’m fine, thanks,” he said, politely, with that trademark smile, “go take care of the crew. Bones probably needs you.”

He could address it, the tension. But he wouldn’t, not today, not in his state and like this. But it certainly didn’t mean that the emotions struck him hard, natural empath he was. Again, there was the vacant feeling he was being kicked while he was down and crawling through the dirt to pull himself up.