I’m sorry you’ve come to feel that way about kftf and fic in general. Kftf was one of those fics I had opened on my phone and set aside to come back to on a bad day (I love vampire Keith) and I’m a little disappointed that I waited too long to read it but that’s on me, not you. And I get it. I’ve recently started college and it sucks. I don’t know what I’m doing and it’s not fun and I hate it. So as a result I’ve started relying more and more on klance because they’re the only thing 1/
that makes me happy anymore (even though that’s probably not going to be sustainable much longer) and I’ve started trying to write stuff for them because I used to find writing fun when I was younger and it’s so difficult to write and not worry that it sounds bad or stupid or will be something that people judge me on, when in reality I know it’s probably fine but it just never feels like my writing’s good enough. My standards for myself are too high and I’m scared I’ll never reach them. 2/I’m worried this is beginning to sound like I’m trying to make you feel guilty for deleting for kftf or I’m dumping my own problems on you, neither of which is my intention here. I love your writing and I think you’re really talented and I have no doubt you’ll go on to succeed at whatever you try your hand at. I’m a little saddened by your decision, yes, but I totally understand and I support you. I’m sure you’ll get published and it’ll be amazing and I wish you the best. I’m sure we all do. 3/3
Hey anon, you’re absolutely fine no need to apologize. I knew that my decision would inevitably hurt some people, especially those who have been asking when I would go back to it. When I deleted KFTF, as dramatic as it sounds, it really did feel like ripping something out of me. So it was quite physically, a heart wrenching decision to make, and I’m sorry. Thank you for understanding.
I’m really sorry to hear that college has been hard on you. I know, in a way, how that can feel. Again, I loved my uni, but some of the hardest moments in my life happened during my time there. And I want to tell you as someone who survived those moments, it does get better. I hope it gets so much better for you anon. I hope you discover what you’re looking for. You will make it through. And if you discover that college isn’t for you, that’s absolutely okay too. It’s not the one path in life you have to follow. Do what’s right for you.
The thing that carried me through was writing for klance, so if writing and klance are your solaces, write with all your might. The fear of being ridiculed, the fear of not meeting your own expectations and being disheartened by it, are all really relatable and valid to a lot of writers. But I want to tell you that the people on AO3 are unbelievably kind, and I’ve been incredibly lucky with my readership. I know that a few other fanfic authors haven’t been as fortunate and have had a few questionable commenters, but posting on AO3 under a username, where no one on there knew who I was or what I was going through, was really liberating. And it gave me hope, it gave me strength, to keep posting my words. And I felt so happy with the readers I had that I felt comfortable enough to share aspects of my life and my struggles, and even though I’ve made this decision today to not write for fandom anymore to save my mental health, I will always be so, so, so grateful to every one of my readers who gave me the courage to begin pursuing my dream.
So I encourage you to write, and I encourage you to share your work. It is nervewracking and terrifying, and there may always be a layer of anxiety to it. But if you love writing then please continue writing. Don’t let anyone stop you, most of all yourself. Big expectations are daunting, but it will keep you hungry and ambitious and you will get better the more you write and the more you read and practice. You will meet your own expectations without realizing it, and after you meet those expectations, you’re gonna set even higher ones for yourself.
So give yourself a chance, please. If there’s anything I want to leave behind as a fanfic writer, it’s knowing I was able to encourage other people to start writing too. I’m wishing you all the best anon and cheering for you!!
And thank you for the well wishes too ♡
