Tumblr is my sense of humor

A collection of cool stuffs and sometimes serious things (Psst, this is a sideblog, I follow from errorsharer) | PFP by frappethefrappuccino I have a stupid amount of tags - #important - for stuff that's not necessarily important but I want to find later, #theyre important - for wholesome stuff that im collecting, #writing! - for writer stuff I occasionally find, #cooking! - for cooking stuff i occasionally find, #creachurs - for the most creatures out there, #art ref - explanations for how to do art stuff, #miridaddies - for the anime Buddy Daddies, since I'm not obsessed enough to make a whole new blog but I like the vibes, #househouse - for random posts about House M.D., #sherlocki - random posts about the 1984 granada sherlock holmes serials, #bg3 - for posts related to baldurs gate 3, and #sexual implications (personal tag for sorting) - for suggestive/nsfw content as a warning (its pursposefully that long so if blocked its not gonna affect anything other than the specific posts that I tag with them on MY blog)

[anexploitableglitch]

Corbeau and Gillon Private Detective Agency

Hi! This story came to me in a dream and I decided to develop it a little and here we are. I have a solid five seasons planned out but everything's still in limbo as I try to lock in to actually write up to the interesting parts.

I also decided to treat this as practice, so I'm only writing stuff that i want to. It makes for a surprisingly coherent narrative but does fall short in some areas. Oh well, maybe once I improve I'll go back to fix all of it.

For now, here we are, at the beginning. Welcome!

Season 1

Episode 1 - Time Hunter

Episode 2 - Missing Heirloom

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[sadgrrly02]

r/stalker definitely not suffering from hiatus brain

[studentofetherium]

okay but what does the rock look like?

[sadgrrly02]

[studentofetherium]

yeah okay, that looks like bread

[sqrt-73]

I Iove jokes that instiII fear into the Iistener. where the punchIine is a such a smaII detaiI that absoIutely nobody wouId see the reveaI coming unIess they see something weird-Iooking and their feeIings are akin to the uncanny vaIIey: “something’s wrong, but I IiteraIIy cant Iocate exactIy what is not in Iine”. But if you haven’t noticed it yet, I’II give you a second to Iook again.

Every lowercase “l” in this post is a capitaI “I”. There is a slight width difference noticeable, hinted to the reader because multiple capital I’s are right next to lowercase l’s in phrases like “I love” and “I’ll”

[vacuously-true]

Some of you will come on my math posts and "correct" me but the thing you will say is very plainly the opposite of true. I understand how you come up with fully incoherent opinions about most things in the world and then be an ass about it on the internet. I understand how that happens, I really do. But y'all will come up in notes like "actually a tetrahedron isn't a platonic solid" "actually op 2+2 is 7" ??? "op should be ashamed of thinking 12<20" ????? This is how y'all sound and I just wanna know if you're okay because I don't understand how this happens

[vacuously-true]

These comments are significantly more hinged than some of the shit people say on my posts @hereticalteapot @weaponized-mathematics

[primedetector]

2 is not prime

7 is not prime

12 is prime 🎉🎉🎉

20 is prime 🎉🎉🎉

[vacuously-true]

For fuck's sake

[3000s]

used to think you were my bud but i got weiser

[avakynx]

[penstab]

i have a horrible misogynist rooster who only likes blonde hens so i always have to make sure i have 2-3 yellow hens around so he doesn't run anyone ragged. i didn't know this was a problem someone could have but i've had macklemore for eight slutty, slutty years and he's been overly obsessed with the blondness level of his lady friends for the entire time with no sign of slowing down so, like. props to him for sticking to his guns.

SIR, PLEASE,

[penstab]

YOU CANT JUST CASUALLY LEAVE THIS IN THE REPLIES AS IF THIS ISNT A CRUCIAL ELEMENT OF THIS HARROWING STORY

SIR!!!!!!

[papayagas]

mostly she regards him with a certain genteel confusion- no matter how many grand overtures he makes, juno’s never really figured out that he’s not just a really weird plant? since the birds mostly stay in my garden wrecking all my vegetables. 

[brodudepants]

God even the tags are gold

[world-heritage-posts]

world heritage post

[quietwingsinthesky]

look, i work at a morgue, i get to see every day how withered and small bodies can get when someone was sick. it’s awful. do you know how bone-thin a leg can get. or how a stomach really looks beneath the ribs when it’s wasted away. the way people’s eyes and cheeks press in to their skull like they’re clinging on for dear life. they died like that, and you want to try and sell me a lie, a pill, a miracle cure that’ll make me live in that state? that’ll make my friends look like that, my family, the people i love? to see corpses in them?

this job makes me appreciate all the more bodies lived in and well-loved. please eat that second serving. please give yourself treats as much as you want. life is not long enough to suffer through it. you’ll be plenty skinny when you’re dead.

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

I think a lot about who I am to other people in the world–particular who I am to strangers as a mere concept in their lives.

Today this woman called our information desk and said, “my son’s band is playing tonight. I want to come see him, but he never answers his phone…..I want to be there. Have you heard anything about his band?”

And I felt so bad for this lady but I’m not in the music scene around here so I had to tell her no, sorry.

Five hours later, I’m hiking and run into a group of guys setting up for some outdoor performance, and as I watch them unload the drums it hits me.

“Hey,” I said, “are y’all in a band?”

They said yeah and smiled and I told them “one of your moms called today. She wants to watch you play, but she can’t get a hold of you. Call your mom.”

And they all pulled out their phones and started discussing whose mom it probably was as they presumably dialed their own.

And now, unless we meet again and recognize each other, that’s who I’ll be forever to those guys–some mysterious courier for mom-messages who came out of the woods and told them their mom called.

I didn’t even tell them why their mom called me. Who am I to their mom?? Nobody even asked. They just took my word for it and called their mothers.

Amazing.

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

I’M LAUGHING!!! THEY DIDN’T EVEN ASK WHO I AM.

[ampervadasz]

[bigwordsandsharpedges]

When I was a kid, I thought those pillars went down to the sea floor.

In reality, they usually go down to some large submerged floats.

[kasaron]

I dislike this. 

[isensmith]

[apas-95]

Pillars and floats like that are pretty stable, compared to regular boats, so there’s even a research vessel, called FLIP, that purposefully capsizes itself to be more steady when conducting research.

[mossdealer]

YEA IT FUCKIN IS (id embedded in image)

[gay-lotus]

31 hours deep into the insomniac’s gambit and i tried to microwave a popsicle

[gay-lotus]

31 hours deep into the insomniac’s gambit and i posted on the wrong blog again

[gay-lotus]

[catboybiologist]

Ice beam is low-key a sauceless "standard" move for its type

[catboybiologist]

Earthquake? That is THE ground move. The ground quakes beneath you.

Surf? A giant wave of water that your pokemon can ride. A thunderous tide. Invokes the ocean.

Thunderbolt? Arcing flashes of electricity zap you.

Flamethrower? Fire breath, fire throwing, an arc of propelled flame is classic.

Ice beam? It's a beam. Of ice. Could've been a gust of frigid wind, or a frost incursion, or being entombed in a glacial slab, but noooooo it's a beam. Of ice.

[kittycatwhore]

yes but it goes foowaaaa ting ting ting ting ting ting and i really like that part

[catboybiologist]

Fuck you're right post cancelled

[thememedaddy]

[wang-fire]

can waterbenders bend oil can earthbenders bend glass can airbenders bend sound can firebenders bend mixtapes

[pohlarbearpants]

Yes, waterbenders can bend any water based material, as shown when Katara bends ink (Book 3, Chapter 16, “The Southern Raiders”) and soup (Book 3, Chapter 8, “The Runaway”). so as long as the oil is water based (baby oil, cooking oil, etc) then yes. If you’re talking about oil like for a car, then no, they can’t, because it isn’t water based.

Glass is made of sand and earthbenders can bend sand (Book 2, Chapter 10, “The Library”) and furthermore earthbenders can bend the earth particles in metal (Book 2, Chapter 19, “The Guru”) so it stands to reason that they can bend the sand particles in glass. There is a question of whether or not they can still bend it because it is a very purified form of earth and another pure form of earth, platinum, is unbendable (LOK Book 1, Chapter 7, “The Aftermath”). However, when the sand is turned into glass it becomes crystalline (sand is mostly quartz particles after all) and we know earth benders can bend crystals (Book 1 Chapter 5 “The King of Omashu” when Bumi bends the creeping crystal).

Yes, airbenders can bend sound. This is shown when Aang bends sound by using his Appa whistle and extends the range of the sound (Book 2, Chapter 15, “Tales of Ba Sing Se”).

Firebenders can bend heat (Book 3, Chapter 6, “The Avatar and the Firelord”) which leads me to believe that they can not only bend fire mixtapes but can also control how fire a mixtape is by making it hotter.

[avatrashh]

Damn, pohlarbearpants did the research

[identitty-dickruption]

nobody ever believes me when I list off all of the ways that humans are significantly less sexually dimorphic than people seem to believe and it drives me batshit insane. “you’re denying the biological reality of sex” well you’re sticking your fingers in your ears and saying lalalala every time anyone presents you with data that confirms that women and men aren’t really that different. and refusing to come to terms with the two-way relationship between the “biological” and “social” worlds. I think one of us is ignoring the biological sciences here and it isn’t me

[shofarsogood]

Someone once told me my biology degree was fake because I said humans weren't sexual dimorphic.

A male human and a female human are roughly the same size and same coloration.

Meanwhile, male black widow spiders are brown and a tenth the size of females. Anglerfish females are a full foot long and have a bioluminescent protrusion on their heads; males are barely half an inch long with no bioluminescence or protrusions. Male elephant seals are ten times bigger than females and have massive snouts. Male orangutans have big jowls and neck sacs that look like goiters, while females look more like other apes. Peacocks have flashy coloration and a long tail that they can display. The females are brown and simple.

Humans aren't sexually dimorphic! You only know someone's gender because of cultural identifiers, like clothing or hair.

[zaprowsdower27]

The big things for primate sexual dimorphism tend to be canine size and body size. Male primates in sexually dimorphic species tend to have HUGE canine teeth for better threat displays, and are bigger for similar reasons.

Lowland Gorilla males tend to be 2.38x on average the mass of Lowland Gorilla females. Humans? That ratio is something line 1.15.

Male gorilla canines tend to be about 2 inches long, easily twice the length of some of their other teeth. Male humans have canines the exact same length as human female canines and the exact same length as the rest of our teeth.

We are not particularly sexually dimorphic.

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

today I learned that in 2008, the city council of florence overturned dante’s sentence of execution if he returned from exile. yes, dante’s inferno dante, who died in 1321.

but the funniest part of this is not that they were debating the exile of a man who has been dead for over 500 years.

the funniest part is that the vote was 19-5. five people voted to uphold dante’s exile.

[stabethadeathwhisper]

The objectively funniest part of this is actually that the city that holds his remains, Ravenna, refused to give his remains back. This was a ploy from florence to have his remains moved back for the tourist money and its been ongoing for a long time. Florence had a fake tomb built in the city to trick people into visiting, and have tried to force the return of the remains.

His actual caretakers have been very steadfast in keeping them hidden, moved, or generally out of reach to respect his choice in life to never, ever, ever return to florence, even when he was first offered the chance to return. This is at this point an almost millenium long feud that florence is really, really mad about losing

[mysteryteacup]

so basically the five people who wanted to uphold his exile were in the right