moths space

she/her 25yo, feminist, communist, lesbian and into philosophy and psychology

[epicmoth]

my grandmother died recently and there was a sad ceremony at the local church, I cried a lot, but something stuck up to me about catholicism specifically, now, I'm not at all religious but I do believe that, if there is a god, he is the most forgiving and loving being we could ever have the luck of knowing, and I entirely disagree with the whole mercy and forgiving of sins thing because he would simply receive us with a warm hug.

At least I'd like to imagine my grandma went into those comfy and loving arms if there's a god.

[epicmoth]

I've recently read that they say the one who is in love is the winner, but i don't feel like I'm winning AT ALL. in fact I think I am losing so much time it could be spent with her, I'm missing unshared kisses, touches not completed and I irremediably feel like a loser, and maybe I am. Maybe the enormous love I have for her it's destroying my brain from the inside out, it's making me miserable with no chance to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I want to spray her pillow with those dumb lavender mists, scratch her back, hug her all day and I just can't. If it's not torture it definitely feels like it.

[epicmoth]

so I've been thinking about a conversation that bothered me at work, and really bothered me because this happened like 2 weeks ago, but anyways, we were discussing how 'weird' people are getting more common in public spaces and how we should react to them, I personally don't mind weird, in fact I love weird and freaky people even if it makes me uncomfortable, because I understand those are MY feelings instead of how I should act, wich I know can be separated. But there i was having an oddly complicated discussion with my coworkers and one of them, an older woman started saying that this 'boom' of weird people started out only recently, and it bothers her that she has to normalize certain aspects of other humans because we share the same common spaces.

So it bothered me because it clicked she wasn't talking about people that consciously make an effort to abandon societal norms, but she was talking about gay, trans and non binary people, and it really fucking hurt because I am a lesbian who doesn't share that info in the workplace (won't deny if asked though) because of people like her, people who think they have the right to make the decision to allow someone to exist in the same spaces, it was really rough to think about it, because you're not 'normalizing' shit, you're living among humans, diverse and rich humans who will act different than what you expect!! people do not have to ask for permission to live how they want to.

[epicmoth]

I've recently finished reading 'Atmosphere' by Taylor Jenkins Reid, the third book I've read of hers and when I tell you I loved it falls short you have to believe me.

I'm a lesbian, and this story embraced me in a way I couldn't even describe it well enough, because I understood the not getting/wanting romantic relationships with men without assuming you like women (I've been there) so much, every character is so complex and well thought it just feels like I grew up with them from the start of their training until the last mission they went to, I understand the innate disinterest Joan has for men, the need of others to comply to societal rules as the case of Barbara and the need of building a family no matter how hard it seems.

I loved how the world expanded (and space) for Joan after she realized she loved a woman, how it truly felt like shedding a skin she didn't belong in anymore, because love makes you understands the Beatles and every corny joke you can hear.

Also the space parts really made me feel nauseous because I have a phobia of space, but I was so invested in the story I had to look up how the space shutter worked in its days to picture the scenes, and I'm not complaining, I love learning.

Another thing I noticed (obviously the point of the book) is it says: A Love Story wich is not false, but it falls short to the forms of love Taylor presents to the reader, wich is not only love for a partner, but for family, for wanting good and mostly to life.

Finally, I have to say, I've read TJR books before (Evelyn Hugo and Daisy Jones), but this level of writing and handling such delicate themes was new to me, she did amazing and I'm probably never forgetting this book.