Ignorant student

Fake diary of Erik Farmhouse. A (not so true) studyblr. 22yo graduate student in history

[erikfarmhouse]

November, 12-15th 2020 - 6-9/100

In my last post, I hoped that thursday would be more active. Well, I have to admit that this week was hard to go through. 

I was tired and not so attending in terms of studying. But here is the stake: the problem is not so about motivation but taking an habit. 

To sum up I did not work on thursday, nor on friday. Well, not exactly: I studied for a tiny hour before going to bed on friday, just to set me in the mood for saturday. 

I do not know if it is influenced by the rainy weather, but my current mood is not suitable for hardwork... On second thought, it might just be my inner potato finding excuses to stay in bed. 

Considering this disappointing week, I made a strategy on saturday morning. I quickly did a to-do list, underlining in red all the things that I had to do in emergency. So when I started to fall asleep on the article I had to read, I put aside my desire to take a nap and did tasks that did not needed to be focused. This method enabled me to cross some duties, so sunday would not be too busy. 

Somehow, I had enough will on sunday, so I surprisingly found myself in a workout session (????). I then begin studying, and at the end of the day, I did almost all of my tasks, leaving some unimportant things.

Let’s see how next week will turn... 

Take care, 

Erik 

Also, about being a “potato” and procrastination: I must introduce a youtuber that I really appreciate => Rowena Tsai. 

She talks a lot about self care and how to grow up accepting our vulnerabilities and knowing our strenght. As the good socialist boy that I am, I am not nuts about self-development, as it is often a way to erase all the determinisms that we carry, and a tool that often delegitimate mental illnesses... but she succeeds at being nuanced, which results in really good quality content. Here is a video she made about why we procrastinate, explaining that nope, it is not only a question of being a lazy and bad person. 

[erikfarmhouse]

November, 9-11th 2020 - 3-5/100

Without any surprise, these last three days were not so productive.

Well, I was not exactly doing nothing: I have to work from home each morning. That is what I did on monday, tuesday and thursday, wednesday being 1918 Armistice’s celebration.

On monday, going out to the grocery store burnt all my energy. Then, I lazed and talked with my brother. As usual, what was supposed to be a quick conversation about one specific topic... transformed itself in a 2 hours call. I was motivated enough to practise music right after.  I tried to begin a new piece by myself. It is way too hard for my level, but rather fun to discover. This led me directly to dinner. I was finally able to do some homework: only two hours.

Tuesday followed the same pattern, I had to work from 9am to 3:30pm. Then I just... do not remember what I did. I did my daily music practise, a few chores, but did not studied.

Wednesday was a mess. After a week of not going out (excepted for necessary needs), I did my 1hour-1kilometer-around-walk. I am lucky to have an appartment next to a small forest, that is exotic enough to make me feel like an alive tiny human. After that, I was in a couch potato mood, and did nothing with my day. I was tired and sad: maybe I needed some rest. At 9pm, I was already in bed, lights off.

Now that it is thursday: I hope that I will be able to go further in this strange world of hard work.

Take care, 

Erik 

[erikfarmhouse]

November, 8th 2020 - 2/100

As expected, the second day was not so productive.  Well, at least I worked before lunch... but fell for nap. 

I did not work in the afternoon: I fell (again) into a long and crazy phone conversation with my brother. We decided to send silly packages to each other, putting everything that we could find in the enveloppe. 

I caught up after dinner, finishing the second article that I intended to read today.

I did not took any advance, but at least, I did the bare minimum.  

Good night, 

Erik. 

[erikfarmhouse]

November, 7th 2020 - 1/100

I woke up at 9am, dragged around and did few chores in the morning. 

I made myself a rather nice breakfast: green tea, a banana, whole bread and my food supplement pills. Yes, I am this kind of annoying vegetarian. Cooked for lunch too (way too much cheese: France got me). 

I did not studied before 2:30 pm, but managed to work during almost three hours in the afternoon. It has been a long time since it happent. I should be happy, but the perspective of all I have to do does not make three hours enough. Anyway, you’ve got to start somewhere, isn’t it? 

I did get back to work after dinner, which was unexpected. I hope that I will be able to be as efficient as today tomorrow. As my friends use to say: Inch !

Good night

[erikfarmhouse]

Productivity, you said ?

Note: Erik made up his mind... Well, it was not so much a question of motivation: he had to work. Soon, his supervisor would reach him to kow what he had done during the semester. 

And unfortunately, on November 7th, he had done almost nothing. Also: the semester was almost finished. Consequently, he had no other choice to turn towards the fantastic world of HARD WORK.

At this time, France was confined since October 30th. Erik still had to work from home, which represented twenty-four hours a week. He was also playing music regularly, so he had to practise at least one hour a day. Besides other adult responsibilities (as well known as: chores), Erik had the rest of the time to cram. 

But he had (almost) no self discipline. Knowing that he was the kind of boy that was mainly pushed by the perspective of being loved (and consequently, the fear of rejection), he decided to use tumblr as a motivation. That is how Erik Farmhouse began his 100 days of productivity. 

[erikfarmhouse]

Prologue - Who is Erik ?

Erik Farmhouse was a 22yo student. Born in Bonn, Germany, he came to France at the age of 18. Craving to discover the world, he managed to apply in a foreign university. So here he was, in a provincial institution, trying to learn how to study history.

He was a rather good student. But eventually, he discovered that his work was limited to do what he was asked to. It worked while he was just an undergraduate, yet, being now in a master: all was falling appart.

Erik felt like a moron. He simply couldn't work anymore. He was bored, lost the little self-discipline and autonomy that he managed to gain as an undergraduate. He passed first year with a good grade, but knowing that he had to catch up during summer. Obviously, he did not. Maybe it was the break up with his girlfriend. Maybe he just wanted to enjoy summer. Deeply, Erik knew that his lack of work was him running away from nice perspectives. But were they so nice? Did he really aspired to become a college professor ? An intellectual specialized in his field?

Erik did not knew, and as a result: second year was a mess. Not loving himself at all, he tried desperately to forget his worries by being always among others, never saying no to a night out. He also fell in love with the sweetest boy in town. He was and still is happy with this human being, but can't find a balance between his own aspirations and pleasing his high quality boyfriend.

So as you can tell, second year was not so productive. Indeed, Erik had to ask one more year to his supervisor.

And here we are, in what Erik calls "third year" as a joke (there is no such thing as a three years master). He has been studying history for five years, but did not remember so much. In fact, he never red a history book. He just managed to learn every lecture, with the only perspective of passing the exams.

Yes, you red it: he was still ignorant. And this year, he figured out that studying only what he was given was not enough. Erik wanted to be passionate, and follow this French aspiration of being able to take a critical approach.

This year was his last chance... But it was already November and he had done nothing. He had not talked to his supervisor since February, and thanks to the French administration (combined with an extreme tendency to procrastinate), he was not even registered at the University.

Will Erik be able to kick his own butt?

You'll know it following his journal.

(Yep, it is a studyblr. And yep, I am hiding behind Erik Farmhouse... Who does not exist for real.)