Cross country season is upon us my friends. But sadly, for the first time in 7 years, I will not be partaking in the sport. My high school and collegiate careers have come to an end, and I'm entering into graduate school in a few short hours. I've seen so many tweets and Facebook posts buzzing with the excitement of preseason, and much like when my final season ended last Fall, I am depressed.
There is a heavy, heavy weight on my heart today.
The summer before my senior season I came down with mono. My negative attitude about the diagnosis prevented me from fully embracing my responsibilities as captain, and not only did I let my team down on the leadership end, but I went from being the projected #2 runner to barely making varsity. Clearly, things just didn't go as planned.
When I didn't make the regional team as an alternate, I was crushed. And I'm still pissed at myself for not being more supportive of those who did. But I've done a lot of growing since then. After I got over being upset, I continued to practice with the team even though it wasn't required. It was probably one of the best decisions I made that season... I set my pride aside and was humbled by the fact that my teammates wanted me there. It made my lame season worth it.
Looking back on my collegiate career, I saw so much potential in myself. I had a lifetime best in my junior season, and had I not gotten sick the next year, I would have dropped minutes, not seconds, off that time. I also remember being a part of Storm women's cross country history: Placing 4th at the conference meet, the highest finish in nearly 2 decades (doesn't sound like much, but our conference is ridiculously tough).
Those races, my teammates, the rememories of highs and lows are on repeat in my head today. I know I should be closing the yearbook on all of this, but I can't help but ache for a run out to Pickard Park on the bike trail, or doing an out-n-Brad to "Suburbia," or sprinting the "Ethan Morgan Hang Over loop," or coasting during a long run with some of my best friends.
I miss Simpson cross country.
I've taken this summer off from running to get over some long-enduring injuries, but every day I see someone in Nashville running, I take a deep breath and hold in my urge to cry. And knowing today is the beginning of preseason for my team, hundreads of miles awhile, is almost unbearable.
Reflecting on these feelings can only mean 2 things:
Running is like an addiction. You can get by for a little while without having a fix, but once you start to detox, it's all you think about. You crave it. You need it to keep going.
Storm cross country has forever changed who I am. Without it, I wouldn't have met some of the most amazing friends I ever could have hoped to ask for. Not getting to see them every day has me in a perpetual funk, and I'll never at home without them.
This blog is about doing things you love as a way of discovering who you are. I knew I loved running, but what I didn't know is that it now totally and completely defines who I am and who I have been. I can't see what my life would be like without it. And for that I am thankful.
Hello. I am a runner. And I love it.
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