Story of Her Life

I'm just a person trying to survive in this crazy mixed up world we live in

[harrypotterconfessions]

#confusingthemuggles . I love it. I found this on facebook, its too distorted to see who originally posted it so if you know, let me know!  but I like it >} also its a great thing to do on the Twins’ birthday lol

but remember if youre going to do it, make it as believable as possible! its not about cosplaying characters, you gotta do it like youre actually part of the wizarding world. Wear whack ass things like they did in GoF, thinking they were blending in with the muggles lolol. xDD or long robs or pointy hats, carry your wands!  man. I am going to need all the pictures after this thing.

[erinmichelle1218]

This would be so funny to see!

[erinmichelle1218]

Mirror

I should probably smile at her to make her feel more comfortable.  She's smiled back, a shy smile but a smile none the less. 

Her eyes are green, a beautiful striking green with little specks around the iris.  Her shy smile makes them light up and shine with the beauty they hold, behind the long and thick black lashes. 

Under her eyes are dark shadows, the shadows have a story to tell.  Shadows that darken the face and show that things aren't as bright on the inside as they appear.  Her eyes now hold such a heavy weight on them.  There's something holding her down, it is breaking my heart to see.  A mind so sweet and so soft with a weight pressing down and she can't see it. 

On the girl's back is a bag of bricks, no wonder she is so tired.  Who could ever carry that much?  There's a man standing behind her, a man with blood red eyes and a wagon filled with the bricks you can see on her back.  Without her noticing he is grabbing them and placing them each in her bag to carry the weight that is nearly crushing her. 

What's that? There's words on them. 

"Failure" "Boring" "Fake"

He keeps setting bricks with these awful words on them in her bag, so that she can't even muster the strength to shrug the bag off.

A tear escapes her face, She's forgotten I'm here.  Why hasn't she cried for help?  Can't she see me? Who else has seen this that has just walked away? 

I press up against the glass, I try to help her.  I'm screaming out.  "Someone Please Help!  This girl needs help! 

Silence.

Wait, there's a new man coming up behind her. There's something different about this man.  He is like no one I have ever seen before.  He takes the wagon away from the wicked man with blood red eyes and begins to remove the awful weight from the girls back.  The more he empties it the better she looks. 

But taking the weight away isn't enough, she is still tired... she still needs more help. 

The new man slides the bag off of her back, and takes the bag that he's had on his own and replaces hers with it.  This bag is obviously much lighter, while there are still some items inside.  You can see out of the side there is a water bottle in the side, and in the front pocket is a book.  "Sword of Truth."  Maybe it's supposed to protect her against the evil man.  He continues to put things in her bag, but this time there are different words written.

"Loved"  "Precious"  "Worthy"

The girl's life is beginning to show back in her face.  It is obvious that this is helping the girl.

The man is beginning to walk away, while taking the evil man with him while he carries his wagon and carries the bricks on his own back.  The girl is now free, and she has not noticed the presence of either man.  All she can see is she no longer feels a heavy burden, and her eyes are filled with life.

It is at this moment that I realize, this whole time, that the girl in the other room...

Was always me.

[erinmichelle1218]

After "------" things will be better!

"After I study for all these tests I'll work more on my faith"

"If only it wasn't for this thing that's holding me back, then I would be a stronger Christian"

Who hasn't said something like that before?

I think I can safely say that the majority of Christians have gone through some period of time where they've thought something along the lines of, "If it wasn't for [fill in the blank here] then I would read my bible more" or "As soon as [fill in the blank here] then I will be the person I've always dreamed of being."

I'm guilty of it, I do it all the time!

"As soon as I am not living in an environment where my roommate hates me for everything I am and used to be, then I can move forward comfortably and be the person I've always wanted to be."

It's not easy to move forward when there's something that is seriously pressing on your heart.  I say this from experience. 

But from experience I can also say, that as soon as that struggle is over, something else is going to get in the way.  Things will NEVER be perfect.  Ever.  God knows this too.

God doesn't call us to get out of our current situation to THEN come to him.  He wants us to come as we are right NOW!

Now don't get me wrong, he still wants us to work on what's going on, but not of our own strength.  He wants to be there with us through and through every step of the way.

How does this happen?

Simple.  We let him in now. I follow him first, and I strive to be the person I've always wanted to be DESPITE the fact that in my roommate's eyes I live in the shadow of my past. 

It's time to move forward!!!

[erinmichelle1218]

Working at a Camp

I came to a conclusion this morning.

After you work at a Jesus camp you will never be the same. 

Why is this?

Is it the amazing staff you wake up to every single day?  Is it the long days that come and go that there is always someone there by your side to help pull you along?  Is it the experience of being responsible for a group of little children who think that you are the most amazing person in the world?  Is it the amount of times you're told that you will be an amazing parent in the future?  Is it how much you learn from these little kids that come to mean the world to you?  Is it being in an environment where there is no way that you WON'T encounter God? Is it God's work in you every single day of your life?

Or is it all of these together, and more?

There are just too many reasons, and too many ways.

But I do know one thing for sure. I am not who I was and I am better for that.

[erinmichelle1218]

It's Actually Important

It wasn’t until this moment that I truly realized how important it is to be doing what I am working towards doing.  I am currently working towards a degree in speech-language pathology and hoping to work specifically with those that have neurogenic speech disorders.  I am leaving my mind open to be swayed to focusing in any area, but at this moment that is where my heart is set. 

It wasn’t until this moment that I realized what I am actually intending on doing.  At first it was about getting a job, working towards my degree, and getting hired at a place where I could make a decent enough living to get by.  But not until now did I REALLY realize what I will be doing.

These individuals that I will work with will be relying on me.  That person that walks through the door for my services will be putting their communication in my hands.  Communication is truly a foundation for our society, and without it we would really be nothing.  That person that comes in to see me will have accepted the fact that they need help the fact that their communication is impaired in some way.  Speech-sound disorders… language disorders… in some way their communication is weak and they need help to get by in life.  They will be putting one of the most important parts of their life in my hands.

With that being said, how can I not try my hardest to help them?  How could I not become as informed as possible so that I may serve them well?  How could I not do all that I could to make sure I KNOW what they need and I KNOW how to help to the best of my ability? 

If I don’t it is dishonoring to them.

What I’m doing actually means something…

It’s actually important.

[erinmichelle1218]

What's holding you back?

Philippians 3:12-14

"I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."

I've made my fair share of mistakes.  I've made mistakes that I feel like I can never recover from them, how can someone forgive me for that?  I think to myself.  But God already has and that's the beauty of it!

These verses were written by Paul, which so many people just accept without thinking much more of it... but let me remind you who Paul is

PAUL KILLED CHRISTIANS!

That's what he did! He killed Christians, and he was pretty passionate about it until Jesus changed his heart. 

So think about it, if God can forgive Paul and use him in all the ways that he did, what's stopping him from using me?

What's stopping him from using you?

[erinmichelle1218]

On A Day Like This...

"On a day like this, On a day like this I (CLAP) Need (CLAP) The Lord (CLAP) To help me!"

This is a line to one of the most annoying camp songs that I have ever known from my time as a camp councilor.  The song gets stuck in one's head SO easily and it repeats that same line over, and over, and OVER!  

Now I had been lucky enough to not get this song stuck in my head once, until a few weeks into camp one of the other staff members came up to me and started singing this song.  It was stuck in my head for the next week.  I was thrilled.  (Not really)

But now that I look back, I look at this encounter as a good thing.  As annoying as the song was, the words within it held something people can easily forget. 

Through this past semester at college, any time I have had a bad day this song (for some odd reason) has jumped right into my head on a loop!  I didn't really understand why until the second or third time this happened and then I stopped. 

On a day like this.  On a day like this.  On a day like this, I need the Lord to help me.

On those days things got crappy, and this song would jump in my head as a reminder that it was those days that I need help.  Every day actually, but especially those days. 

The most annoying little things can be a blessing in disguise! 

[erinmichelle1218]

Broken

It's days like today I feel alone. 

It's days like today I look back and regret the past.

It's days like today I wonder if they're right.

Maybe I'm that person I've been told I am.

Maybe it would be better if I went somewhere else.

It's days like today that I "know" this isn't true... but I don't really know it.

I regret so much.

But I guess I know they're wrong. 

I guess there's hope for me after all.

[mixedposts]

[that-mouthy-christian]

Wow.

[fitnessmadness]

[erinmichelle1218]

You never know how close you really are until you're there.

[erinmichelle1218]

Why I don't do New Year's Resolutions

This is the time of year where people come up with a list of things they are going to do in the next year in order to change for the better.  Some people want to loose weight, some want to go to the gym more, some want to do better at their job... everyone wants to change something and check it off their list. 

Now don't get me wrong!  These are all awesome things, and if you are striving to do these things more power too you! I just have found a trend among many people who make these resolutions. 

By the time February hits, they're done.  At least... the people I know are like this, and I am as well.

So, some people may look at this and think, Okay because she hasn't succeeded before she's going to just give up??

But that is not how I am choosing to look at it!

You see, instead of making big resolutions at the beginning of the year that seem so far away, I prefer to make smaller goals when I feel that I am ready to make the steps to reach them all throughout the year. 

At the start of this semester, I am going to keep everything organized into separate binders for each subject and keep it that way. Goal one.

When I feel organized at the end of each day I will pick one of those binders to focus my energy on to study for an hour that day, and then increase as time goes on. Goal two. 

When I know my schedule and am set in the rhythm of it, THEN I will go to the gym at least ONCE a week. Goal three.

If I don't set goals that I can see the finish line for, I am likely to give up half way through because of discouragement.  I am aware not everyone is like this, and not all goals should be like this (such as graduating college), but in the mindset of New Year's Resolutions this is how I will go. 

[erinmichelle1218]

I love Blimey Cow, and this really puts things into perspective.

[erinmichelle1218]

The Cycle of Self Hatred

Sometimes I look at myself with hateful eyes.  I think of every reason I am a terrible person and why I don't deserve what I have.  I hide good things in life from other people out of guilt for having them at all.  Sometimes I want to take things and use them to inflict pain on myself because I obviously deserve it, or to get rid of the pressure inside my head and bring myself where it's dull enough that I stop caring. 

At these times all I want to do is soak in the endless cycle of self hatred. 

When I first thought of writing this post all I wanted to do was write about every reason I hate myself, and why I don't deserve the love from the friends I have, but then I came to a realization.

WE CAN'T DO THIS!!!  I am not alone, and I know that this is going to apply to more than just me. 

If I was to write the post "Why I hate myself" it would be easier.  It would allow me to vent and then probably eventually exhaust myself with my poor mood until I fell asleep, but it would only allow this self hatred to continue. 

No one truly wants that.

Instead I need to realize something.  (As do many others)

I am more than that.  I am more than the poor choices I've made.  I'm more than the sum of my past mistakes, and I am more than the problems I create.  I am a daughter of the most high God, and he loves me.  It breaks his heart to see me every time I break down and cry.  It breaks his heart when I strike my skin in self harm. 

And it's not just him.  I forget sometimes how much I'm loved. 

So next time you want to disappear remember this, it may be hard now, and you may feel like you don't deserve to move forward, but you are loved more than you could ever know.  The past doesn't matter.  There is a point that you have to address it and take care of it, but the most important thing is that you realize your worth.

Next time you feel the desire to focus on the reasons you dislike yourself keep in mind that it won't do anything for you.  Though it may be easier, force yourself to think about why you shouldn't hate yourself.

God bless anyone who reads this and takes it to heart.

[erinmichelle1218]

Some days I absolutely hate myself. 

I am selfish, I am inconsiderate, I am inpatient, my heart and mind are a mess, and so much more. 

Some days I do nothing but put myself down, and at the end of the day there I am.  A mess.

That isn't how God looks at me, or anyone for that matter.  We may be a mess, but we're a beautiful mess. 

(What... I'm beautiful... and a mess?? How am I beautiful when I hate myself so much?)

One of the most beautiful things about a person is Christ living inside of them.  At the end of the day I may be carrying a ton of pain, the weight of my mistakes, and the pain from life.. but I am not carrying it alone!

Jesus Christ DIED so that we wouldn't have to carry our burdens alone.  On the days I look at myself in disdain, he looks at me in love.  Christ has given me life in a new way, so that I may not be weighed down by all of my shortcomings, and that is BEAUTIFUL!

You are Beautiful!

[erinmichelle1218]

Starting Up

Let me tell you about myself.  I am a junior/ senior in college (who knows what I really am?) and I am just trying to figure out what I am doing with myself.

I love Jesus Christ, and I go through struggles just the same as anyone else.  There is nothing special about me aside from the love that Jesus has given me and where he has brought me.

Some days are good, where I am striving to see God first in ever aspect of my life, where some days are less than great and I put him in the back seat and ignore what he says and take the wheel for myself. 

I will not pretend that I am perfect, no one is, and I am very far from.  Though I will say that I am a work in progress.

Welcome to my life.