jared hopworth did nothing wrong

web conspiracy theorist, jon apologist, and monsterfucker. sorry for vastposting.

[lunehowls]

maybe i would finally feel like me in a suit of arbour

[mycoffeisblue]

The Door

[lukewarmtomatosoup]

thought about him a bit too hard the other day and felt physically ill. send help

[semtitulo]

which one is funniest

a) elias didnt bother to wear gloves for the brutal pipe murder, but daisy didnt bother to collect fingerprints or dna evidence bc she was so sure jon did it

b) elias didnt bother to wear gloves, daisy found elias' dna/fingerprints and decided to blame jon anyway

c) some time during jon's conversation w leitner, elias put gloves on in preparation

d) elias wears gloves all the time, for fashion, so he didnt need to prepare

[tattoo-shops-scare-me]

e) Elias just straight up doesn’t have fingerprints

[archivalhaven]

AITA for reaching into a stranger’s mind and eating their traumatic supernatural experience? 

I (32M, avatar of the Ceaseless Watcher) saw a woman (40F, marked by the Buried) waiting for her date at a coffee shop. I was really hungry, and the muffins weren’t very good there, so I sat down at her table and asked for a statement.

She didn’t really have the choice not to feed me, and she started crying which was really weird but it made people stare at her which added to the experience of the meal so I didn’t mind.

Anyhow, she gave a statement to my estranged situationship (31M, pledged to the Lonely) and now all my lesbian employees are staging an intervention.

Am I the asshole?

[astridianmayfly]

At least jon and martin didn't have to walk through the U.S. during the eyepocalypse. like how many square miles do you think Mr. Beast's domain was

[gay-little-isopod]

im so sorry

[cityelf]

Ruh-roh Raggy, rit’s the ruhpocalypse!

[alleesaur]

angel of the hunt

[chobagoooo]

boy put those peepers away

[hadesmediocreart]

Beholding (s2 John when he starts to go silly)

[mag184]

man i dunno

inspo^

[theyellowmistress]

🎶 If you want to view Paradise, simply look around and view it 🎶

Original painting by JC Leyendecker, which come on. It’s Elias.

Plus a Green Version

Rainbow Print Green Print

[frontierpsychopomp-deactivated2]

statement 42069. regarding the incident with your mom last night.

[es-mentiras]

[tag by linafication: #statement regarding an encounter with the entity known as 'updog']

[es-mentiras]

[reply by @orificial: statement of joe bofa, regarding… deez.]

[riso-wizo]

[questbedhead]

Listen. Listen. All headcanons are valid but I am very protective of ‘Jon’s descent into inhumanity was also his accent on the hotness scale’ Becuase. look. It’s like, Jon has a nice enough face. He has the kind of face that, if your friend were to point him out to you at some sort of establishment and say ‘I think that man is attractive’, you would be hard-pressed to find an objection. 

It’s just that season 1 Jon dresses so god damn boring. If it weren’t for the scowl, he looks like he could have just walked out of the artfully diverse stock photo on the ‘join our team!’ page for literally any corporate site. He wears plain ties. He has an Haircut. When he first got hired he googled ‘professional business attire’ and bought four (4) of the first semi-affordable jacket he saw in two (2) different colours. He looks perfectly fine. He just doesn’t hold your attention. 

But season 2 Jon? With the scars? The manic energy? Suddenly, you are paying attention. Suddenly you are looking back and thinking ‘oh, he actually has quite nice cheekbones, doesn’t he? Quite a nice nose? Shame about those scars….’ but then after a few minutes thinking about it, your not even sure if it is a shame, cause tbh they are Intriguing. And those eyes. You aren’t even sure what it is, is it something about how they’re so bright, even when he clearly hasn’t slept? Something about them is magnetic. You are Looking and it’s hard to tear yourself away, even though you know it’s rude to stare. 

And then, Season 3 Jon? Oh, boy. Season 3 Jon is when he has completely given up on dressing the part. Season 3 Jon’s wardrobe finally has personality. He’s running around in well-loved cast members shirts, merch for old indie bands you’ve never heard of, a few weird print shirts he and Georgie used to co-own when they were dating, all under an old canvas jacket that used to be his grandfathers and yet is still somehow the least old man thing he owns. He looks like someone that would have interesting stories to tell and those fucking eyes man, those eyes draw you in. Makes you want to tell your own stories. You feel like you might drown in them, gives you moths in your stomach. How could you not stare? 

But season 4 Jon is were things get maddening- Jon has been in a coma. Most people around the institute thought he was dead. He should look like shit, and he certainly looks disheveled, but… just, here he is, waltzing back into the institute, with his mussed-up hair and five a clock shadow and flagrant dress code violations, and is this really the prat who used to get huffy about people playing music in the breakroom?? Is this the fucking nerd who rants about emulsifiers at the drop of a hat??? Is this That Jon, lying on the ground in the courtyard, flicking his gold zippo open to light another cigarette to add to the halo of buts circling him on the cobblestones??

He looks like some kind of grunge-punk tortured bad-boy you’d see on-screen at a 90′s independent film festival. He looks like the kinda guy you’d meet in a hole in the wall bar and fantasize about having a torrid one-night affair with if you weren’t afraid you’d end up as a song lyric for his casual but locally loved amateur band that dominates open mike night. He looks like he rolled out of whatever burgeoning subculture is gonna be the hip new thing to bastardize right before it started to become gouache. Everyone is infuriated and confused and horrified by how well this works on him. The rest of the Institute is having an existential crisis. Only the combined work of the Lonely and threat of the Extinction keeps Martin from melting when those fucking eyes are starting deep into his, telling him how much he was missed. 

Thankfully the rest of the Institute is spared the emergence of season 5 Jon, because this is where the real kicker is; this is where things get serious; This is were Jon gets nice. 

Season 5 Jon is the ultimate hotness because he is the exact mixture of ‘poetically haunted by violence and cruelty’ and ‘poetically domestic and adoring’ that everyone’s inner 13-year-old edgelord secretly craves. Season 5 Jon is peak Gothic Romance softened by the gentlest of gay yearning, and if he hadn’t accidentally ended the world already the sheer human tenderness exuded by this scarred and inhuman Avatar would have torn a hole in the fabric of feasibility and created a black hole of Allure that not even the Lonely itself could have withstood. 

The fact that Martin has survived so long in his presence is a testament to his big dick energy and the reason why so many Fears keep trying to hit him up. The fact that no one else gets to experience Maximum Hotness Jon would be a tragedy, except for the fact that Martin is petty and jealous and hoarding that Hotness is what he deserves. Season 5 Jon is a vision, that absolutely light of Martin’s apocalypse, and his asexual ass is 100% oblivious to the effect his looks has had on literally anybody, ever. 

Anywho this has been your PSA about Hot Jon Rights, please direct your criticism towards Martin K. Blackwood, Archival Assistant at the Magnus Institute, London, for an ass kicking

[clementine-kesh]

i think during season 3 slaughter melanie era she and elias were constantly embroiled in a roadrunner-esque back and forth of melanie trying to murder him in increasingly elaborate ways only to have it backfire on her comically. she would set up a trap where a piano would fall on his head as he walked into the institute but because he’s a manlet he’d be too light to trigger the pressure plate and when she went to test it it would narrowly miss falling on her instead. no one else in the archives was aware of this but it went on for several months

[lemondoddle]

i cannot stop thinking about jared hopworth and just how fuckin funny he is

like at first you think he’s that “bully messes with supernatural thing and learns the consequences” trope and that we wont see him again, that he probably died from getting boneturned himself and thats the end of that

but we see him again and he’s suddenly a giant hulking butcher, just casually pullin bones out of a corpse and braiding them while feeding one of the many meat pits in this series. how did he get there? who is he working for? why is he braiding bones what the fuck?

except we never get an answer because now he’s running a gym almost exclusively for flesh monster amalgamations. he offers genuine advice about body image to that one normal dude going there. he’s wearing a Tracksuit with an embroidered “J” on it that makes me lose my mind every time i think about it. who made that? hes too massive to have just bought it, did he give his mom some arm bones back and did she make it for him? did he himself sit down and put his initial on it?? why does he want his initial on it in the first place? i love him

and then there’s the whole thing of him being in helen’s corridors and the whole Rib Ordeal which by far is one of my favorite moments of the series solely for the fact that jared just straight up vibe checks jon’s bones. he pulls the first one for jon out and he’s like “yeah. s’good rib right there.” and then he fuckin. pulls out the other one for him and is like “hm. this one’s not as good but ill take it.” like bro what do you mean!? do you want to trade ribs with jon so you get the good one you probably could! what makes a rib good or not i have to know

and finally after all that he gets epic pranked by helen and walks out of her door and into a river. incredible.