shaking the wings of your terrible youth.

  "what lies behind us   and what lies before us    are tiny matters compared      to what lies within us." ind. aos rp. elizabeth ward.

[clavka]

               she presses the doorbell once — twice.                              … and waits.

[escapistol-blog]

     joan jett and the blackhearts are at full volume on      her stereo; she barely hears the tinny chime of her      apartment's doorbell. she grabs at the stereo dial      and drops the sound to a dull murmur; she's in her      pajamas, she wasn't expecting company, but she      hurries to the door in her oversized t-shirt and big      checkered pants with a glass of red in one hand all      the same, pulls it open with the hand unoccupied      by alcohol.

                                          " ---- hey. what's up?"

[clavka]

1. Pick one of your muses. 2. Fill in the questions/statements as if you     were your muse during an interview. 3. Tag five people to do this meme.

Tagged by: clavka

1. What is your name?

elizabeth grace ward.

2. Do you know why you were called that?

no.

3. Are you single or taken?

single.

4. Have any abilities or powers?

you should see me in the courtroom. and i make a mean bloody mary.

5. Stop being a Mary Sue!

a -- sorry, what?

6. What’s your eye colour?

brown.

7. How about your hair colour?

brown.

8. Have you any family members?

less than i used to. more than i'd like.

9. Oh? What about pets?

never had any.

10. That’s cool I guess, now tell me about something you don’t like.

losing child abuse cases. sorry. that's a bit drastic. i'm not overly fond of nineteen kids and counting either.

11. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing?

not specifically. i enjoy reading -- spending an evening with a good book and a good song and a stiff drink. i used to do gymnastics. sometimes i go for runs. but there aren't any real activities that i'd consider hobbies. my job is my hobby. sounds dull when i put it like that, but i do love doing it.

12. Ever hurt anyone before?

yes.

13. Ever…killed anyone before?

no. haven't tried to, either. i've planned to, but -- always fell through.

14. What kind of animal are you?

probably a cat, honestly.

15. Name your worst habits.

i drink too often. i pass judgment too quickly, too easily. i don't forgive. i always wait until the last minute to file my taxes. i can't leave well enough alone.

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

my mama and papa — and my brother, despite his flaws. i admire my students. they’re all so … bright, so unique. i’m proud of them.

17. Gay, straight, or bisexual?

lesbian.

18. Do you go to school?

i did.

19. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?

no.

i mean ---- i won't rule out the possibility for myself. i don't like closing doors; i keep my options open. but... no.

20. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls?

nobody likes lawyers.

21. What are you most afraid of?

going back.

22. What do you usually wear?

professional things, mostly. either a button-up shirt with a blazer, or a thin sweater, or a camisole with a cardigan, or some other combination thereof. slacks or a pencil skirt with tights if i'm working, usually slacks. jeans if i'm not. manageable heels.

23. Do you love someone?

my brother. well, one of them.

24. When was the last time you wet yourself?

i'm fairly sure there are regulations on what is and isn't legal to ask in an interview.

25. Well, it’s not over yet!

good lord.

26. What class are you? (High, middle, or low)

upper middle. criminal law pays.

27. How many friends do you have?

a few. one, at least.

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

i have no thoughts on pie.

29. Favourite drink?

vodka.

30. What’s your favourite place?

home. the one i made myself.

31. Are you interested in someone?

no.

32. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?

i say again -- regulations.

33. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

the ocean.

34. What’s your type?

girls who don't ask too many questions.

35. Any fetishes?

i'm going to google interview regulations.

36. Seme or uke?

i can't find a specific law on overly invasive interview questions regarding sex and bodily functions, but i seriously doubt it's legal.

...i don't know what seme or uke means.

37. Camping or indoors?

indoors.

38. Are you wanting this quiz to end?

do you want would be a better way to phrase of that question.

yes.

39. Now it’s over! Tag five people.

whoever wants it.

[clavka]

                        ’at least i know if all goes south, i have                          a great lawyer to back me up, yes?’                 she sweeps past her, smile turned on in an instant.                 ( like a light switch — to flip when she pleases. )                                          ’got any gin?’

[escapistol-blog]

            "criminal prosecutor, sweetie, not defendant.            i'll give you some kickass legal advice, though."

     not her usual style, but it's ruth.

                             "i should. it'd be in the cabinet                                  over the sink. the left one."

[clavka]

                ‘           praying. so i don’t sock somebody in the jaw.’                nevermind that she’d likely break her hand in the process.                               that’s what baseball bats are for, right?

[escapistol-blog]

           "oh. good call. avoid assault charges."

     she hasn't prayed since she was nine,      but hey -- whatever helps you cope.

                          "you need a drink?"

[clavka]

                 ’sh’ma yisra’eil adonai eloheinu adonai echad        ’

[escapistol-blog]

                           "yep."

     she has no idea what she's agreeing with.

[escapistol-blog]

once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 85-ish truths about you ( like 20+ were deleted so i re-added a bunch B] ). at the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. you have to tag the person who tagged you.

tagged by: niightniight

Elizabeth Grace Ward

• WHAT WAS YOUR: last beverage: coffee. last phone call: a client. last text message:  'you can't have a cat you're asthmatic,' to ruth lehnsherr. last song you listened to: dear catastrophe waitress — belle and sebastian last time you cried: can't remember.

• HAVE YOU EVER: dated someone twice: no. 
been cheated on: yes. kissed someone and regretted it: yes. lost someone special: if choosing to leave counts. been depressed: yes. been drunk and threw up: yes.

• LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS: purple, red, and orange.

• LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU: made a new friend: yes. fallen out of love: no. laughed until you cried: probably. met someone who changed you: yes. found out who your true friends are: found that out a while ago. found out someone was talking about you: not that i can remember. kissed anyone on your FB friends list?: no.

• GENERAL: How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life: everyone. Do you have any pets: no. Do you want to change your name: only my last name. What did you do for your last birthday: went out with a few friends. What time did you wake up today: six. What were you doing at midnight: sleeping. Name something you CANNOT wait for: the winds of winter coming out. Last time you saw your mother: almost sixteen years ago. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i'd like to see my brother more often. my little brother, thomas. not the other one. What are you listening to right now: nothing at the moment. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: there's a tom at my office. we're not close. What’s getting on your nerves right now: i can't remember where i put my phone charger and it's about to die. Most visited webpage: facebook. Nickname: liz. Relationship status: single. Zodiac sign: sagittarius. Pronouns: she/her. Hair color: brown. Long or short: long. Height: 5’9” Do you have a crush on someone: no.  What do you like about yourself: i’ve come a long way. i'm proud of that. Tattoos: no. Righty or lefty: righty.

• FIRSTS: first surgery: appendix, age eight. first piercing: ears, age fourteen. first best friend: can't remember. first sport you joined: never did sports. first vacation: does running away from home count? if so, age 13. first pair of trainers: no idea.

• RIGHT NOW: eating: corn chips. drinking: nothing. i’m about to: finish up some case files. listening to: nothing. waiting for: chinese takeout.

• YOUR FUTURE: want kids: maybe. get married: maybe. career: i like being a criminal prosecutor. think i'll stick with that.

• WHICH IS BETTER: lips or eyes: eyes. hugs or kisses: hugs. shorter or taller: shorter. older or younger: doesn't really matter. romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous. nice stomach or nice arms: arms. sensitive or loud: sensitive. hook-up or relationship: hook-up. trouble maker or hesitant: trouble-maker.

• HAVE YOU EVER: kissed a stranger: yes. drank hard liquor: only in bars and on bad nights. lost glasses/contacts: god, all the time. sex on first date: yes. broke someone’s heart: maybe. arrested: a few times. turned someone down: yes. cried when someone died: no. fallen for a friend: no.

•DO YOU BELIEVE IN: yourself: fuck yes. miracles: no. you earn the good things you get. love at first sight: no. heaven: i used to. santa claus: not since i was little. kiss on the first date: depends. angels: used to.

tagging: anyone who wants it honestly. idk.

[faithlehan]

[scottarchive-blog]

          “——aye. morgan scott.”

    back to staring out of the window like a hopeless case ; all she wanted      to do was see a lawyer regarding starfleet trying to justify their shitty as     hell choice to send her to a desolate planet without food. she just wanted     to see if she could even bother filing a suit of unfair treatment.

          “i can wait, if you need me to. take your time.”

[escapistol-blog]

     she shakes her head a little -- she doesn't make a habit of      making clients who've actually scheduled an appointment      wait -- and puts a finger up, hold on for a second ------

                         "i'm sorry, i have an appointment.                                     i'll have to call you back."

                                                                ------ and she hangs up.

              "miss scott. how can i help you?"

[niightniight]

                              her question makes him smile, and he bobs his head                               in a quick nod. something about her makes him feel                               safer than facing the other strangers in the sandwich                               shop. there’s something in her face, in the way she                               talks to him, that makes him feel like, of all people——-                               she might understand.                         it feels silly to think, since they don’t know a thing about each other.                   and then she says her name and his heart stops, right                   there at the table, gaze snapping up to stare at her as                   though he might be able to see it in her. ward. ward,                   ward, ward. here it was, here he was, lurking even in                   the bloody sandwich shop. he doesn’t remember to                   breathe until his lungs ache with it, gulping in a lungful                   enough to gasp out:                                   ”excuse me.”                             and he pushes himself to his feet, abandoning his                             sandwich at the table with her to go to the door.                             he pulls hard, mutters a curse, then pushes,                             stumbling out into fresh air so he can choke down                             air ( because choking is all he ever really does                             anymore ). he feels awful for abandoning her there                             without warning, but panic rushes in like the tide,                             and all he can do is try to keep his head above the                             rising sea.

[escapistol-blog]

     concern presses itself immediately into the lines of her      face as fitz rises, staggers from the table, struggles with      the door for a moment before he manages to escape out      into the open air.

     there's a horrible sinking feeling in her stomach. something      set him off, clearly -- but all she said was her name. liz ward.      elizabeth ward. elizabeth ward, it was her last name whose      utterance tore the smile from his face and moved him out the      door. her name, her face -- brands of a family she would like      nothing more than to break away from entirely. 

     she looks nothing like thomas, nothing like the only member      of her family she'd like to associate herself with; tommy is all      mother, and the rest of them have father written and rewritten      across their faces. she has eyes like her father's, eyes like her      brothers' -- a jawline like grant's, a nose like grant's, she looks      so like grant. one time she cut her hair short and couldn't look      in a mirror for months because she looked too much like grant.      she knows. she knows.

     ...no. it couldn't possibly be that. he couldn't. what are the      odds? no. it was something else, it must have been. still,      she hesitates -- could the sight of her make things worse      for him? but in her experience, it is almost never best to      leave someone alone in a state of panic, so she pushes      out her chair and gets up, hurries to join him outside.

                       " ---- hey. breathe. deep breaths."

[quotethat]

If flowers can teach themselves how to bloom after winter passes, so can you.

Noor Shirazie, (x)

[larmoyante]

The only thing I know is this: I am full of wounds and still standing on my feet.

 Nikos Kazantzakis (via killianns)something

[niightniight]

              going into public continues to stress him, the pressure               of a collection of stares weighing on him like gravity has               gone up to 120%, and he might as well actually be on               neptune, aside from the gravitation pressure of presence.               to fit in and be who he should be provide such a standard               of impossibility that each step feels like he sinks himself               further into an alien atmosphere. he doesn’t know his own               planet anymore. and he’s realizing his mistake too late as               he turns in cautious circles to try and find a seat, holding his               sandwich with tremulous fingers.

                             and then there’s a voice that rises from a corner,                              drawing his gaze just as he’s wondering if he’ll                              remember how to breathe anytime soon.

             ” oh. oh. thank you. ”

                    and he eases into the empty chair, setting his plate                     with a shaking clatter. it makes him wince, his hands                     flattening on the table for a moment, before he dares                     to look up at her. there’s something about the curve                     of her face…

                                                                             ” fitz. leo fitz. thank you, again. “

[escapistol-blog]

                 "no worries.                       you go by fitz?"

     curious choice, to choose to introduce yourself last name first.      found most often in workplaces and among james bond movie      enthusiasts, but unless he's hiding a passionate love for action      spy flicks (and somehow he doesn't seem the type to her), this      is neither. maybe he just likes it better. personally, she really      isn't fond of her own last name, but who is she to judge? and it's      certainly not the strangest thing. she knew a girl named daphne      in college who liked to go by daffy. as in duck.

     he seems -- unsettled, this stranger. you spend enough time addressing      people on the witness stand, you start to learn how to read people; even      if she didn't have that expertise, she thinks she'd still be able to tell. he      reminds her of a nine-year-old she worked with in an abuse case just a      few years back (sweet kid. completely traumatized. she checks up with      him from time to time), or of the iraq veteram in her ptsd support group,      the one who took a bullet to the head and barely survived and sometimes      forgets where he is.

     if he gives more her reason to worry, she'll       ask if he's okay. until then, she won't pry.

                                            "elizabeth ward. people call me liz."

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

But…as bad as it was, I learned something about myself. That I could go through something like that and survive.

[jesperfahey]

[memoryserved]

   ”Oh. That. That sounds — mh. I’ve never worked in a kindergarten or a murder case so I’ll admit that I’m — a little out of the loop.”

[escapistol-blog]

               " ---- well, kindergarten's not that bad.              but defense attorneys and reporters are creatures of hell."

     she cracks a weak smile, shakes her head.

                     "sorry. you've got your own problems."

[wisekelp]

“I’ll tell them how I survive it. I’ll tell them that on bad mornings, it feels impossible to take pleasure in things because I’m afraid it could be taken away. That’s when I make a list in my head of every act of goodness I’ve seen someone do. It’s like a game. Repetitive. Even a little tedious after more than twenty years. But there are much worse games to play.”

Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay 

[lifeinpoetry]

I’m not a girl anymore, I’m a woman and my heart beats like prizefighter’s fists, and I have not stopped yet, I will not stop.

Daphne Gottlieb, from “carpe noctem,” 15 Ways to Stay Alive