So this is a topic that’s always hard for me. I am trying hard to embrace what I truly am deep down and as a species. Vampire. I’m in the physical Fictionkin category still, because the vampire I am, is more in that category. For example I turn into a vampire bat (just a bigger one), I need blood, and other reasons. I’m not the same as human living vampires. (Yes that’s a Disclaimer because they are entirely different. As they put it, they are humans who have an energy deficiency. So not the same thing and will not taint their information). No I’m NOT undead. Very much alive and living. No I do not turn others so don’t even ask. I am though, slower aging. I am not immortal. Yes I have many Fictionkin forms. But my true being first and foremost is vampire (and vampire bat). I feel like I can’t embrace it because of the abuse I went through. I first changed into my bat form when ten.. that is my form as a vampire but yes my human form has fangs. Always has. But when I did change, before I could embrace it, I was used in a very wrong way by my stepbrother feeding in ways most vampires don’t. Then it went on to both him and my stepfather. When I started to embrace it at 17, that’s when my stepfather took over and used me the same way. When I confided to my grandmother I was a vampire, was starving for blood, ( risk of loosing control), she sent me to a psychiatrist. I convinced him really easy that it was a joke gone too far. But as time went on, I was still open about what I am. Until one of my uncles basically was like, it’s not nice to tell people you’re a vampire so stop. Treating what I am like a moral value gone wrong. I was still starving, getting sick again ect. I did find someone later but still had to hide from my own family. So over and over I ran from myself because I fully had it drilled into me that what I am is not nice. It’s why I would change constantly. But in therapy today, it was a hard subject to talk about. But she actually gave tips. And how I can cope over time with what I am. I have people around me who are willing to feed me also. After I feed, I don’t need human food as much. Not large amounts of it. So no binge eating, my headaches decrease, I’m not low energy. My depression and anxiety also decrease. I’m stronger. Downside? I become nocturnal even if I don’t want to be. But my therapist gave some tips for nocturnal life as well. So while I have many Fictionkin forms and therian identities, this is me. This is the me I have a real hard time with. But I feel with help, I can embrace this now without feeling like a monster. When I need to cope, (because I’m clique in many ways like turning into a bat), I watch what we do in the shadows, so I can make fun of myself. I’m learning to cope and not trying to run and hide. Today helped a lot including therapy. I can do this.
