not your average ballerina

Este Salina || 28 || Aries || Crescent Returnee || NYC is home ♡

[estesalina]

sofie-monroe​:

WHO: @estesalina​

WHEN: 9/29/2020

WHERE: Road trip shenanigans

Sofie was a woman who craved escape. It was easy to lose herself in her art, in passion, hate, and at one point in time, drugs. However, none of that was cutting it this time, and Sofie watched the sun starting to sink and was struck with the idea that she too would like to sink away. “Let’s get out of here, Este.” She spoke to the woman at her side, Sofie already pulling her car keys from her purse and uncrossing her legs to stand. She was on a mission and taking Este with her. “And before you ask, no I don’t have a destination in mind, but I know I want to take the back roads. Get a little lost-” Sofie wiggled her brows as she walked backward. “Find a bar somewhere and pretend to be someone we aren’t. I can be Veronica, and you can be Heather- or who the fuck ever. I don’t care. Let’s go.”

“Heather?” Raised brows in disbelief, Este snorted at the thought. “You’re hilarious! Let’s go with..” Her mind raced through potential aliases as she walked around the car to get in the passenger seat. Este had a few codenames she used in bars when she wanted to get away from annoying men - Kyra, Lexy, Madison.. But for this trip, she wanted to change things up. This was an alias of freedom, not deceit. “..Marena.” The minute the name crossed her mind, it felt right. “Now that I think about back roads, let me prepare our playlist for these shenanigans.” Este buckled her seat belt, whipped out her phone, and prepared the tunes for their adventure. She was happy to go anywhere with Sofie - they both deserved a getaway. Este had been going through it with her mom’s digs during their first few sessions at the hospital and she couldn’t take it anymore. Thankfully it was her dad’s turn. And now Este was outbound to who-knows-where, with one of her besties, knowing she could forget her worries for the foreseeable future. Life felt good. “As long as we stop somewhere to get snacks. It’s not a road trip without snacks.” Indulge now, hate self later. Este sat back and enjoyed a comforting breeze across her face as they cruised with the windows open. Este curated a playlist with an amazing build up. They were all set. “Let’s do this.”

[estesalina]

gabethegolden​:

Gabriel wished he had the ability to speed (and slow time so he could soak in the good moments longer), because this was practically unbearable. Sitting here, having to wait. Because now fifteen minutes felt longer than that one year. Time was a weird concept.                                                                          

For the most part, Gabriel was confused. Beyond confused. He soaked in all of what she said, repeated it over and over again in his head because quite frankly, he was at a loss. Words kept dying on his mouth, only incoherent mumbles and croaks were coming out.

“Este, baby –…” 

He could hardly stop himself. No use in feeling shame, so he just skipped past it. But he did stop himself from reaching forward to stroke a strand of hair behind her ear, wanting to comfort her and take away the sadness she was currently feeling.

“You were destined for success,” Gabe said belatedly, unsure of what to feel. Unsure if this answer even satisfied his year long curse of not knowing. “If it wasn’t for, you know…” There was a long pause as he gulped heavily, letting silence fill the air. “You’d be on top of the friggin’ world right now. And I knew that. I wanted it for you, even though it meant you spending less time with me.”

Heaviness settled into his chest in a way that felt almost suffocating. It wasn’t as bad as the break-up text – but it was damn near close.

“More than anything in the world, I just… I wanted… I just wanted you to be happy.” A heavy sigh escaped him. “And now…”

It was hard to hear him say her name again. Immediately throwing Este back into all those feelings she had a year and beyond ago. Even now, still as supportive of her as ever. She knew she didn’t deserve his kind words, the opportunity to explain herself, or even talk to him again. She didn’t deserve this chance and she sure as hell didn’t deserve the thought of getting a second chance with Gabe. And yet, it was now at the forefront of her mind. Reminiscing on the good times as they flashed before her eyes. How could she have let this go just like that?

“I wanted you to be happy too.” She interrupted, cautiously reaching out to him and resting her hand on his forearm, staring into his eyes. “I should’ve just talked to you instead of thinking I knew what was best. I was scared. I..” Her voice trailed.

She sighed with a hint of frustration at herself. “And now?” She repeated back, wondering where his head was at.

Before he could answer, she felt the urge to continue. “I want you to know that I regret it, Gabriel. I regret ever thinking I couldn’t have both things I wanted the most.”

[estesalina]

gabethegolden​:

Gabe almost had half a mind to tell everyone to leave right now. But he was not that kind of man and could never bring himself to be. Fifteen stinking minutes after waiting a year for answers. That, he could manage, though it seemed impossibly hard now. He found himself cleaning the counter multiple times, trying to distract himself from looking at the clock that he swore was moving at a snail’s pace. Not only that, but he fiddled with the toppings to make them more… aesthetically pleasing, somehow, not that it mattered to anyone, but him.

Pace yourself, pace yourself, pace yourself.

Sitting down on the chair opposite Este, he put one leg on top of the other, then repeated the action several times as he kept switching gears. His ex-girlfriend, a label that he struggled with, but it kept repeating itself over and over again. Not once did he ever imagine this kind of situation, having painted their story as one for the stars, like a fairy tale to live out. And it had been until the end.

“Don’t,” Gabe said with a sense of conviction in his tone. “Don’t tell me you’re a shitty person. Remember what I said, Este? We don’t pity ourselves in this house. You’re so much better than that. I know you are.”

If only he followed that advice after the fact. 

Biting his lower lip, he kept trying to think of the why but came up blank. There wasn’t anything that seemed to fit. He truly had no idea what to expect, taking in a deep breath. “Okay, uh. I’m ready. I think.”

It was just like Gabe to try and remind someone of their worth even when he was upset with them. Este could only feel worse for hurting someone with a good heart like his. She was finding it more difficult to make eye contact, unsure how he would react to her reasons or understand where she was coming from at that time. Wondering if she had hurt him too much to potentially reconcile any aspect of their relationship. There was too many unknowns and it was terrifying; to finally have to confront this face-to-face.

Este took a deep breath to prepare herself, not wanting the words that escape her to sound like a cliché or lame excuse. Here goes.

“I have never cared about someone as much as I cared about you. And the way I cut things off was a half-ass way of showing it, but it was also why I had to ignore you.. because ending things was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

Este paused for a moment, her lips swirling to the side as she fought off their tremble. With a long exhale, she continued.

“I felt like I was not able to balance the time you deserved with the time I needed to dedicate to the company, and that scared me.” Este paused again, allowing Gabe to process the information. Thinking about it now, he probably would have understood and given her the time and space she needed, but Este one year ago was too overwhelmed to see that.

[estesalina]

If you could be immortal, would you like to be? Is there anyone you’re not biologically related to that you consider family? Are you afraid of the future or are you looking forward to it?

Yes, I would. After seeing what my mom is going through right now with her treatments and nearing... I don’t want that kind of worry.

Already answered the others :)

[estesalina]

What is a color that best describes your personality?

Red 100%. Fiery

[estesalina]

How do you say “I love you” without really saying it?

If it’s not through your words, it’s through your actions. Prove it to me. And if I can use other words to say it, I’d say your name, @gabethegolden

[estesalina]

What is the worst thing you have ever done to another person? Do you regret it?

It’s a toss up between starting the anonymous twitter account that spread rumors about Leslie or ghosting Gabe after breaking up with him. I don’t regret anything done to that bitch, but I still care a lot for Gabe and completely regret how I acted.

[estesalina]

9 & 10

9. Is there anyone you’re not biologically related to that you consider family?

Any of my closest friends have been more like family to me than my own family. Mostly Sanem.

10. Are you afraid of the future or are you looking forward to it?

The only scary thing about the future is aging out of ballet. Otherwise, I’m ready for what life has in store for me.

[estesalina]

[estesalina]

icandiceriley​:

Candice was well on her way back to the nurse’s station to monitor some more patients when she felt someone behind her. Turning, she almost bumped into Este and held her hands out thinking that they were going to collide so she could steady herself and the other woman. She caught the look from the younger woman before looking back at the older one and giving her a smile. “We definitely have a few options.” she smiled to both before moving back to the nurse’s station with Este in tow. She could tell that the brunette needed an scapegoat so she helped her out. It was common for family members to get uncomfortable during these sessions or even emotional. Perhaps, that’s why Este came away so quickly. “We have some orange juice, electrolyte water, saltines, and applesauce. Patients tend to feel nauseous afterwards so those are pretty easy on the stomach.” she explained pointing out the snacks.

The nurse smiled as Este begged to see their movie collection. “It is pretty large, but I will say the movies are dated. I’m talking pre 2000s so if you have any favorite classics, then you’re in luck here.” The movies were donated by members in the community usually when people were cleaning out their houses or attics. Candice did have to admit that she had some faves in the collection, but she knew that younger people would probably find it boring or make fun of the graphics that were innovative in the nineties. She moved over to a medium sized wooden shelf and gestured to Este that that was where the movies were located. She was about to leave the woman on her own before she spoke about and revealed the strained relationship the mother and daughter shared. She couldn’t help but chuckle at her joke and nod. “You’re not the first strained relationship that has walked in this ward believe me.” Candice looked around and crossed her arms over her chest. “You could grab a few movies and keep the talk strictly about those. Patients do get tired pretty quickly so your mom could end up sleeping.” she shrugged. “There are plenty of patients that need companions to talk to as well, but that might get you into a bit of trouble with your own. How about rearranging and changing out magazines and books? I’m not sure that it’ll take four hours, but it’s something to fill the time.” she offered. “May I ask why it’s so hard? Being with your mom?”

Este appreciated the woman’s kindness and for playing along as she stalled to her heart’s content. The snack and movie options were all great and it would be so easy for her to grab them, return back to her mom, and work on rekindling that connection. Yet, her feet wouldn’t move. So here she stayed, with Candice. It was comforting to hear that this wasn’t her first rodeo when it came to estranged families. Regardless, she was happy to hear there were some volunteer options so she wouldn’t be here so long. She could take the movies and snacks to her mom, let her know the nurse needed some help and lie that she would be right back. It’s not that she didn’t want to support her mom. It’s just challenging to be there for someone that never had your back. Este had every intention of returning to her mom during the session - she was just hoping it would be closer to the time where she might be dozing off.

“Well,” she began, unsure of how to answer the nurse’s question. Este grabbed a few saltines and juice boxes to carry back to her mom’s station as she gathered her thoughts. “I guess you could say I lived in a home of expected perfection and even when you think you’re meeting that, you’re not.” It was vague, but the message was clear - Este always had to give more than 100% to be seen as worthy in her home. Even though Candice was acting kind towards her, it was still hard to get into the details. The moments her mom would belittle her or give her a backhanded compliment. The times she compared her to others or questioned her successes. It was a lot and it was something Este was trying to avoid thinking or talking about with her mother as they likely were going to sit in silence. “I’m sure that’s typical too, family not always getting along. You probably see that a lot.” Este nodded, in an attempt to change the subject away from this. Her eyes darted to the movie cart as she skimmed for some options. Her eyes happened upon 10 Things I Hate About You, which felt fitting. Este grabbed the movie, not planning for a backup option. “I’m going to take these things to her and then I’m happy to rearrange books or whatever for even like half an hour. Just to give the medicine some time to start doing it’s thing.”

[estesalina]

veritydedominicis​:

Verity couldn’t help the smirk that played on her lips as Este gracelessly avoided outright naming Leslie, as if speaking the two syllables could conjure her into existence. “I won’t tell her your business,” she affirmed with a slight shrug. She’d never bothered asking how exactly their rivalry had come to be — mostly because it involved talking about feelings with the blonde, which was neither of their specialities. As she silently regarded the woman beside her, however, Verity had to admit that there was some benefit to a friendship with someone that was a bit more in touch with their emotions, as discomfiting as the current situation was. 

“Okay,” she shifted in her seat, unsure of exactly how to go about addressing the issues of the past. The memories had gone hazy with time, distorted by every reflection as the years had gone on. “My issue was that you were upset with me. So I fought back.” Verity gave a self-deprecating smile. “As one does.”

Este processed what was being said, her face coming across as blank, accidentally. She caught herself quickly, allowing a nod to force its way out to acknowledge Verity’s words. It made sense. Este was a fighter herself. The minute someone disagrees or comes at her, she’s on the defensive, no questions asked. It was easy to judge someone else’s communication before reflecting how you would react in that same instance. She realized she probably would’ve done the same thing, if not more intensely. She just didn’t understand why choose a side.

“I get it.” She finally garnered the words to say. Pausing momentarily at the sound of the apartment buzz. Thank god, she thought to herself. The pizza delivery dude just bought her a few minutes to think of her next move. As they got the order up and paid for, Este helped herself to a slice, making it look as though she was eager to enjoy it. She grabbed a fork and knife too so she could follow her ritual of breaking up the food to make it look eaten. She did manage to take a bite or two as their hangout continued.

“Anyway,” she brought it back. “I guess I wish we had talked it out. But you know how I am about.. her. Just felt betrayed in a sense.. I should’ve said it instead of blowing up.” Este tried to wrap it up. The way Este’s brain works is: ignore your feelings and let it build up, explode without explaining why, let it fester, then realize you need to explain yourself. Explaining yourself was her least favorite part. She took another small bite of her pizza as Verity processed her response.

[estesalina]

gabethegolden​:

“We close in fifteen minutes.”

The lie came out smooth like butter.  Well, almost.

Condensation formed on his forehead – he hated lying. More than anything in the world, he hated lying. It made him feel uncomfortable in his skin, like pins were poking from the inside out. So he made it a habit not to lie, a promise to his mother. They were like scars to the soul, she said. Scars that would destroy.

The hours were posted on the door. In actuality, the shop closed in two hours and fifteen minutes. He never changed on a whim… until now. 

“So can you please… stay?” The tone came out as pleading. He was a desperate man, after all. Not just desperate, but worried. Worried that she wouldn’t. “Please.”

Hundreds of dollars in business lost just to seek out answers that he had been searching for over a year. A selfish endeavor, he knew. But God, he lost out on the best thing that ever happened to him and he had no fucking clue why. Sleep had been fruitless as he racked up his brain to find that moment when everything changed.

Gabriel walked toward the door and turned the sign over, locking one side to hammer the message home.

And so he dove himself into work, hoping it would quickly pass the time. Because he made the terrible mistake of looking at the clock and the seconds seemed as if they were ticking too slow.

“Okay.”

It was all Este could muster up to say. Looking around, she found an empty table to sit and wait. And so she did - for what felt like hours each time the minute hand on the clock moved. Completely forgetting the reason she had entered the shop in the first place. Sorry, mom. It wouldn’t be the first time she disappointed her.

Este felt herself fidgeting a lot as the minutes suddenly started to race full speed ahead. She wasn’t ready, no idea what she was going to say or how it was going to come out. Don’t people usually have time to rehearse and practice these things? She was thrown into this situation and hated being out of control. It was a simple answer and she knew it would make sense, but it didn’t make it any easier. After all this time, it felt like a cop-out. But in the moment, it was what she needed.

And that minute hand finally reached the 12 and there was no turning back now. “..Do you want to sit?” She asked, gesturing to the other chair at her table as Gabe finished closing up, seeing disappointed customers read the CLOSED sign as they passed.

There was a silence as the gears started turning in Este’s mind, running through possible scenarios of how the conversation would go and where to start. “I’m sorry.” That was good right? Okay, keep going Este. “I shouldn’t have ignored you without giving you an explanation. I’m a shitty person.”

[estesalina]

gabethegolden​:

It was as if the world didn’t exist around him. That was her power.

Words from other customers in the shop became muted. The hum from the machines faded. His eyes stayed on her annoyingly beautiful face, harshly reminded of the way she threw him out like he was yesterday’s news.

Anger prickled his skin. Anger was easy – but he hated that. Spiraling into an endless cycle of feeling like the world’s heaviest anchor was laying on his chest. He had just turned the corner of finally feeling okay again, like he was the Gabriel of old. The sight of her changed all of that in an instant.

He wondered what went wrong. For months, he tried to pinpoint when it changed and he simply just… could not. He propped her up. Bought her gifts. Canceled plans to spend time with her whenever she asked. 

Was she that good of an actress?

God, he wondered. The question left unanswered put him at unease. He wanted to fix whatever went wrong, make sure he didn’t make the same mistake again. The eagerness to impress had been a staple in his personality for as long as he could remember – burnt toast with jam all over the plate had been delivered to his mom in bed when he was five.

“You can’t –… I have…” Words were foreign on his tongue, a rarity for a man who found them easy. “We’re not doing this, Este.” He inaudibly cringed. “You can pretend, which… God, I hate and admire, but I can’t.” There was a long pause as he swallowed heavily.  

“So you can either tell me why or leave.”

It was upsetting to see him like this - something she was able to avoid when she ignored his calls for closure. Este knew it wasn’t fair, but it was the only way she thought she could move on without changing her mind. Gabe is charming and handsome and possibly the closest thing to perfect she had ever seen in her life. Which says a lot as Este is a perfectionist. She hated herself for hurting him, desperately avoiding that thought each day she deleted a text message from him. It was a lot harder to ignore now, face-to-face, with a demand for an answer. And to think she was here trying to do her mother a favor - another strike towards repairing that relationship. Este felt out of control and she knew that meant falling back into her bad habits the minute she leaves this shop.

The pit in her stomach deepened, but from the outside you wouldn’t know. Her body language was relaxed and inviting, with every intention of being approachable. The last thing she wanted was for this to feel like an ambush, though that’s hard to avoid when neither of them expected this moment to happen.

“Gabe..” she began, reaching for his arm but retreating slowly. Este looked away, combing back the few pieces of hair that fell into her face. Returning her gaze, her eyes screaming an apology from within, Este sighed. “Can we do this somewhere else? I want to talk, but..” She looked around nervously as it seemed this was a busy time in the shop.

[estesalina]

gabethegolden​:

Gabriel internally chastised himself. 

He should’ve fucking known. 

Her behind was all too familiar and it gave him pause before he brushed it off. Surely, he was imagining things because he missed her. God, he missed her so much it physically hurt to think of her, let alone see her in the flesh. So he had tried to forget her (which included moving away from New York at the pinnacle of his career)… as if that was possible.

There was just absolutely no way she would be here. No fucking way. Except that she was. 

Este Salinas, the woman who had broken his heart into a million pieces, and then stomped all over them. The icing on the cake was being ignored after as if he hadn’t existed from her life, like he was nothing.

The smile, that a model scout once said could power a whole city, immediately dropped from his face. God, she was beyond insanely beautiful that he forgot to breathe for a second. And in that fleeting second, he remembered the first time he laid eyes on her, thinking how lucky he was to exist at the same time as her, a fresh eyed boy ready to sweep the dancer off her feet.

He wanted to ruminate in his bitterness, but his heart hung too heavy. So instead of answering her question, he asked one of his own in a voice so quiet he barely heard himself, but he desperately needed to know. “Why?”

His question sent a pain to Este’s chest. She felt her mouth start to open, trying to speak, but nothing was coming out. Smiling nervously, her mind was racing, How do you approach this question, in the middle of a froyo shop, with other customers around? When you haven’t had time to prepare because you didn’t expect to see your ex again anytime soon - let alone in another state!

But there was still that pain in her chest. The pain reminding her of how difficult it was to cut things off with Gabe, one of the few people that really understood her and took care of her. She missed that. She missed him. It was easier back then to block and ghost his post-breakup messages. Este knew if she ever contacted him again, she would have caved. He was easily one of the best things that ever happened to her. If only he knew everything she was struggling with right now.

Este decided to take the route of acting like she didn’t know what he was intending with his question. It was easier to play dumb and look innocent. She knew he wasn’t asking why she wanted to be a taste-tester. And truthfully, she was still in shock from seeing him. She needed to warm up to the idea of a real conversation.

“Well, I heard it was only a select few customers that get to try, but I’m a sucker for summer flavors.."

[estesalina]

angel-emmerson​:

“Ah well assuming you are then you’re on my list, assuming you’re not I’m sure we can find it in the budget to fly you back out,” he told her with a smirk. He knew how badly she wanted to get back to New York but selfishly he hoped she would be here for the opening. He let out a snort of a laugh at her Brad, Chad and Thad joke, pointing at his friends as he roared with laughter. “Ah man, see? She’s the fucking best and y’all are going down so get those wallets ready.” Ángel nodded along as she spoke. “Bouncing is for bitches, I agree. I think we say bouncing is only one cup but I think that covers it. And we like to do something that gets us especially fucked up and that’s every three cups losers take a shot. So I hope y’all are ready to be fucked up,” he told the other team, clearly confident in his and Este’s ability. He had no issue believing that she was probably good at everything. He let her go first, smiling wide when she made it in no problem and just to be an ass, he closed his eyes as he threw his first one and it went right into a cup towards the back. “Alright, alright, that’s how we get a part started!” He held up his hands to give Este a high five. The other team missed their first shot and when Este got the next one and Ángel missed, he was still triumphant in watching them have to take the first shot. “How does it feel to get your asses kicked, boys?”

Once the rules were clarified, Este was ready to kick some ass. She was feeding of Ángel’s energy and enthusiasm. The balls were being shot perfectly into the cups one after the other. The excitement was there, but she tried not to get ahead of herself or jinx their momentum. All it takes is one mess-up and you’re the one downing shots. Este could handle her liquor, but she couldn’t handle losing after talking a big game. The high fives and laughter ramped them up, especially seeing them take the first shot. “Aw, do you boys want us to ask them for chasers too or can you handle it?” She teased, patiently waiting as they downed the shot so the game could continue. Este brought herself eye-level with the table, pretending to be a math wizard and calculate some angles to throw the pong ball. She over-exaggerated some stretches as if this was about to take a big toll on her. She made the cup, thankfully. It would’ve crushed her to do that big act for nothing to sink in. “Alright, Ángel. You got this one. Let em know who’s boss.” She hyped him, wanting him to reap some of the bragging rights glory too among his friends. Sinking another ball, they cheered together, dancing around in excitement. The guys on the other side were able to make both of their cups, but it still wasn’t enough to get Este and Ángel to take their first shot just yet. “I’m getting a little thirsty over here,” she responded as she tossed the ball, missing her cup. It was a great excuse to be off her game while also messing with the guys’ egos. Este and Ángel had two cups left to make, while the guys had four. “Poor guys need a chance to catch up.”

[estesalina]

gabethegolden​:

tagging: everyone @crescentstarters​

location: his froyo shop that he pretends he doesn’t own. what a fool.

“So, I got a reeeeeeeal quick favor to ask you…” Gabriel sidled in with an ever so present grin, laying on the puppy dog eyes thick. “The owner is thinking about adding two new flavors to the shop and you have been blessed to be the very lucky few that get to try them out! This one is strawberry lemonade.” He set down a sample cup filled with dark pink froyo for the other person to try. “Soooo, whaddya think?!” He questioned before they even had a chance to say or do anything.

Este had been tasked with picking up a sweet treat for her mother on her way home from the studio. She was staring between the chocolate and raspberry flavors when she realized she couldn’t even pick out what her mother would like. She sent a quick text letting her know the available options, tapping her foot impatiently awaiting her response. And that’s when she heard his voice - talking to a customer on the other end of the row of flavors. How had she missed him when she walked in? Her face felt hot and red of nerves, knowing they hadn’t seen or spoken since their breakup last year. It was too painful.

Este took a deep breath before turning and cautiously approaching Gabe. “Does the owner have any objections to one more taste test?” She rubbed her arm nervously, forcing herself to make eye contact with him. The left corner of her lip curled up in an effort to smile, as if she was asking his permission.

[estesalina]

icandiceriley​:

Candice smiled and nodded at the younger woman as she looked at her with some shock and confusion. With the way her mother spoke of her achievements, Candice thought Este would be used to people telling her that. Perhaps, it was not the case. Candice licked her lips as the younger woman looked at the older woman who made a slight joke to lighten the mood. “I’m usually in the Emergency Room, so taking care of two people at once isn’t something that’s completely foreign to me.” she chuckled softly winking at them both.

She nodded as Este told her that she was going to stay with her mother throughout her chemo session and wrote it down on the chart. “That’s perfectly fine. It should be some great time to catch up with your mom. Her session will be about four hours. We have some magazines available and you can always watch the television in front of you.” Candice said pointing out the location of the magazines and television. Each patient had their own television that sat on the wall in front of their chair that they could control and watch whatever they wished during their time. “We have some movies that we can pop in at your request and some iPods that you can borrow if necessary as well. Listening to music seems to get the time to pass a bit faster.” She hoped that helped them both out, though the mother seemed interested in interacting with her daughter. Este did not.

Candice moved everything that would be necessary over to the chair that Mrs. Salinas was sitting in and put her gloves on before wiping her arm and inserting the IV carefully. She taped it to hold it in place gently before setting the drip and taking her gloves off and throwing them away in the hazard bin. “Just make sure she is relaxed and doesn’t move the arm that is hooked up to the IV too much.” She put a finger clip on her finger that would monitor her heart beat and moved the remote around for both of them to see. “This is the magic remote. It controls the TV and me.” she grinned a little. “These buttons are for the TV and this button is to call me over if something is wrong or if you want to chat. I’ll make sure to come over as quickly as I can. And that’s about it. Any questions?”

Four hours. Este didn’t hear much after that short, two word phrase escaped from Candice’s monologue about today’s session. Fuck. Este wasn’t sure how to engage with her mother for four hours, even if she wanted to - which part of her did. It was just something so foreign to her. Despite her distraction, she was able to hear some murmur about movies and the call button if they need assistance. A smiled appeared across her face as she had an idea. “Movies, how great. Mother, why don’t you take the remote and flip through the channels and I’ll follow Ms. Candice here to the movie selection in case there’s anything good.” Este handed her mother the remote before she had any time to object and got up to follow Candice, regardless if she was allowed to or not. Her eyes had a hint of pleading in them to share the hint with the nurse. “I’ll be back. I’m also going to look for some snacks, maybe something you can have after today’s treatment.” Este directed that at her mother, hoping she could at least buy herself about 20 minutes mom-free.

Este followed Candice out of the room, eager to be out of her mother’s sight so she could just breathe. “Please tell me you have a heavy movie selection that will take me a while to search through.” Este chuckled nervously, only half joking. She raised her arm, scratching the back of her neck nervously under her flowing hair. Looking around, avoiding Candice’s gaze for a moment. “We, uh, have an odd relationship so spending this much time together is weirding me out. Clearly.” Este rolled her eyes at herself. She wasn’t the type to be so open about her feelings, but she felt a comforting vibe from Candice. And she felt a strong need to explain herself for acting like a freak back there. “Or,” she began, pleading. “If you have some crazy emergency and need volunteers around here, I’m happy to help out. If I push that call button, just know it will be a cry for help.” Este was one for the dramatics when she was uncomfortable. Hated feeling out of control. She knew this wouldn’t last and she would have to face her mother, but if she could cut down the amount of time that would take today, she would be happy.