Welding Hope

Dennis. [13] Musician. Teacher. Composer. Gamer. Meditator. Trekker. Raver. Writer/Poet (Published under the pseudonym '13'). All posts without writer credits are original material even if you've seen them elsewhere. Thanks for reading.

[eternalhate]

Uninterested

I forgot to tighten my grip while you're slowly slipping away like oil through my hair draining from tip to root and root to neck. With that baffled look in your eye of an ill-drawn portrait wondering if I came any closer would it feel better or worse. You have lost faith in me A feather stuck to a tree fluttering carelessly you don't look up to me anymore I'm not what you seek. I would like to change your mind wrap you in silk and satin on a bed of fallen angels intoxicate you till you are poisoned bind you in wickedness you love and more. This heart's a mess this mess is a place where I keep your memory vague where I hold you tight to fill this emptiness because you are the only one who would understand and yet, you never do.

An old competition submission from DeepUndergroundPoetry (closed down 12th may 2025).

[eternalhate]

Hyper-Ventilation

What is the point of letting go

Of anger

When all that's left is disgust?

It is said that the satisfaction

Of victory

From matured hatred is never sweet.

A double edged sword

With both the victors' and victims'

Blood sharpening the blade.

How does one make peace with

Inner turmoil

Surrounded by constant reminders of it?

It is said that a disciplined mind

Stoic anchor

Can check the most volatile emotions.

The reality of fools

Disregarding expression, void of resolution

Cancerous thoughts will bloom.

Mediate between and within

The chaos

The higher self— left wanting, waiting.

Accept the death of the heart

The madness

Surrendering to the injustice of existence.

Blessed are the ignorant, the arrogant, the vile

Shape-shifting into the folds of a tilted universe

Awareness is a curse that only a few can recognise.

[eternalhate]

Dilly-dally

My bag has a lock on it.

Not where you'd expect.

The main compartment hosts

-an umbrella

-a shaker with protein powder already in it

-2 water bottles, a liter and half

-"what if" by robert munroe

it was a birthday gift from my cousin

I'm about 1/8th of the way in and it's a great read for me

wish I could have told her that before the cancer took her

-a travel pouch with toothbrush and toothpaste

when my dad was admitted after the stroke, I would shuttle back and forth staying over at nights when he wasn't in the ICU, helped to have at least that on hand

it's was just 10 days and even though he's gone, this remained

-an ID card for the public pool

it's been almost a year since I've visited, I even managed to teach myself how to swim back when I was a regular, though only a little

not enough to save myself, let alone another.

The second compartment hosts

-a mobile charger (plug type A to C)

-a micro USB cable

because I'm from a generation that saw the transition of box PCs to handheld world dominators

I still have devices that need it

-trail mix

-a capo

an old habit of carrying it around when my steel string guitar was alright

I'm happy that it wanted to keep dad company and left with him, almost poetically

-hand sanitiser

-dry tissues

-a piece of 100% dark chocolate compound

because it's not real chocolate until that bittersweet, grainy, texture and rich cocoa fat hits your palate and explodes into a mad rush of flavours both coming into and going out of existence in the flash of a neuron

-a pill box with vit c and bromelain

immunity boost and eye floater control

-a pack of oil absorbing sheets

someone precious told me to use it for my face but I can never seem to remember I have them when it's needed

-blue light filter glasses

because screens are everything in this day and age but my eyes are not

The front pocket has...

shit, look at the time

I've gotta stop dilly-dallying and get ready for work.

[eternalhate]

Frame

as the passage of time eroded my shell after years of indolence and apathy rewrote my name while countless stars had been earning new ones I was sat, within, expecting the reversal of entropy

that, as i hoped with every exhale the next one in would reveal something new the cost of desperation laced with disappointment left me aghast, a lifetime had passed

with nothing to show but a lonely throne the chaos, anxious to take me in its throes mental asylum, demolished in an ocean of synaptic errors a critical crash of form and function ensues

a waste of precious commodities unavailable again the imagined 'self' progressively deteriorating in silence time allows you to experience gravity in more ways than one perhaps my frame will last longer than my name did.

[eternalhate]

Darkness

And I'll leave it at that. let you ponder what else it could mean if it even needs to mean anything else at all parting skin and faith tomorrow; a dream short lived. Entrenched in defense of a home soon to be demolished of a love yet to be admonished of a betrayal premonished. breeding cycles of constant noise behind the veil of a capitulated sigh my thoughts race in-between bloodletting and a foreboding sense of chimeric fear. what am I to entropy, but a figment of a fragment inherit my disposition and set me free. there is death echoing from the valleys I dare not visit anymore; called to action. And I'll take it from here.

Originally published 25th Apr 2025 on DeepUndergroundPoetry

[eternalhate]

Shadowborn

and out from the dead reanimated anew unsightly and unabated surreal visage inviting annihilation bound by servitude now embodying nurtured hate swallowing all pain

a final respite from suffering kill and grow indestructible eternal soul accursed to slavery stolen from the grave darkest depths distance between damnation

unable to feel murderous intent purveyor of death towering trials impossible reality break the rift dungeon of despair slaughter everything and arise shadowborn

Originally published 22nd Feb 2025 on DeepUndergroundPoetry

[eternalhate]

Undress

You wore my skin You swallowed my name You bled my strength You fed me despair

if living means to lose then is dying a win?

the lake of tears is overflowing the crown of villains is tilting all that energy in motion marching to its desolate end snap the heart strings rend the tired tendons slow descent into the abyss running out of air; of a voice

does dressing up a mistake make it feel like it isn't one?

I neglected a promise I was inconsiderate in my care I abandoned what I cherished I was shameless in my regret

Originally published 21st Feb 2025 on DeepUndergroundPoetry

[eternalhate]

Why Bother?

It's simpler to just stay here, stay put. nothing ever happens the way you want it to in life. there are always some elements that interfere with the intentions you've shared with the aether. you've been told many great things about how rewarding overcoming the challenges can be and such, but in the end you've been had. forced to conform to the normalcy, the inadequacy, of the circumstances unfolding before you. a stronger infusion of the tea of opportunity, forgetting that opportunity was the prize and instead becoming merely a tribute to what you truly wanted. "Expect disappointment and you'll never be disappointed" feels all the more comforting to believe in now. there is little to convey that things will change without external stimuli, that you alone are enough to make that change. but within lies another demon that won't fucking die. the emotional asshole that won't surrender its influence over the forces of thought and attraction. something poisonous and yet mesmerising, devastatingly beautiful. "Eat your heart out" and you will still feel it. filling your veins, every nerve's end, erupting from every pore, a radiating aura that extends an arm to catch you only to cut it off once it's got you. The sweetest deception, born from selfish need, from anxiety and apathy, from misery and humility, agony and depravity. "Energy in motion." fuck that person that coined this. Not my cup of 'opportuni-tea.'

In over my head, with this. a victim or was i a slave? would the distinction have mattered if the outcome remained the same? who would split those hairs and drive the nail in? keep the roots separate with hope and prayer, with words and wisdom, folly and fermicide. another coffin for the better half that governs the darkness. but what of the dead man? the mountain that shattered the unbroken line, actively passive, a shade under the sun. what killed the embers when the fire calmed down? a wet blanket of weakness and a box of broken dreams. intuition rife with vices unfit for gargoyles, permeating sense and senselessness alike. choices and the lack thereof, paving the way to a dismal future. no one asked for this, and yet no one avoids it. a nonhereditary self-imposed curse. one like the oceans and forests suffer, the land embodies, the air acknowledges. puppets of the grand conjuring, the vital remains of motion, tattoos of time, penetrated and bound by energy that makes up all, all is one. it's exhausting, this comprehension of connections and limitless possibilities, divergence and convergence, infinity and the void. submit to the need of the hour and once again return to the cesspool of souls.

"That's enough of that, thank you." makes my stomach turn, the hole, the 'philoso-fear' of it all. broken promises birthing pestilence and hate. delicious despair stuffing the corners of the casserole of cruelty. Self-inflicted, of course. How are we supposed to teach ourselves the meaning of hopelessness? if rational thinking never reared its head, 'th-e-motive' of the cosmos would have remained a mystery until the end. we only have ourselves to thank and no one else to blame. infuse the chemicals in the atmosphere with love and light and wait for the rain to deliver it to an unsuspecting martyr of existence holding on to the optimism of a leper. getting ahead and out of myself. nauseating and unbearable, i find myself to be. somewhere in the middle of losing hope and my mind, i decided to give up. began hating everything and myself. blowing rings of smoke to hang myself from. imprisoning my feelings seemed like the right thing to do. what have they ever accomplished? the imbalance, the serenity, the catastrophe, the harmony, everything boils down (to the) inside of me. this world i adorn with my truest desires is often demolished by my cowardice and intolerance.

I'm tired. "i'm a coward. i'm dumb." things i never thought would define me. things that i don't deserve to be associated with. and yet like the rivers that cut through valleys and canyons, shearing rocks and felling trees, my resolve that once felt unshakable, was carved out by a stream of unchecked emotion running amuck across my ill-equipped facilities. the easy way out, the shortest route ahead, the shape of comfort, my guiding stars. a blind man that gave up choosing while choosing to give up. then cried over why things never got better. scorned at the inability to be himself. died knowing that he was the cause of it all.

Originally Published 4th Feb 2025 | Edited 17th Feb 2025 on DeepUndergroundPoetry

[eternalhate]

The Fine Line

There is a fine line between making an attempt and thinking of it. The divide will see you sleep eternally or writhe countless hours in misery.

There is no solace in the silence between the seconds ticking away. Ears still ringing from the maelstrom raging within your mind's abysmal chasm

Don't slight it. There is hell to pay. Expect it and prepare. Wait for your heart to burn.

Pray for your sanity to stay.

What little hope remains can yet be salvaged if you can stomach the reality of what's left.

What is left to feel now but agony and despair? Surviving, now, is a sin tattooed deep beneath the skin.

Originally Published 12th May 2024 on DeepUndergroundPoetry

[eternalhate]

Going Out

I sat alone at the table waited on by a lab technician in a hazmat suit. The kind of situation that would seem normal if I was ordering weapons-grade uranium to-go. His muffled voice could barely cut through the triple layered protection designed to keep him immune to even the wrath of god. A few awkward chuckles and invisible faux-smiles later he was on his way to the reactor to retrieve my lunch. I notice the only other person bold enough to brave the new world like me a few tables to my right. His gaze is sharp and full of intent. Like a pet dog on a leash that in spite of the nudge would rather be choked and hoisted than turn away from his target. I see him casually alternating between the 'glancing somewhere else' look and the 'all too well timed' nods almost immediately as I look in his direction. The bomb diffuser had just arrived with his order and spared me any further interaction beyond a wave.

I had gotten used to the quiet. To listening to the trees breathe, the birds sing, the breeze wheeze. To not having to utter syllables out in the open for fear of the wind carrying them to unconscientious ears. But I was feeling lazy and decided to take a day off and explore this concrete wasteland now abandoned by the fear mongering of those we entrusted to rule us. And so far it doesn't seem like we're all too happy with how things have turned out.

Out of the vacuum chamber comes the physicist with my pork salad. The chemist refuses to accept my dyed cellulose and insists that I satisfy his concerns related to finance electronically. On my way out I bump into 'Mr optical sex' coming back in with a complaint regarding his order. Funnily he didn't even notice me this time round. A joke about one night stands came to mind and I chuckled as I waited arm outstretched for a taxi. The forensics investigator stopped in front of me and inquired, then accepted the fare. On the way home I saw the ones entrusted to protect and serve punish and enslave.

Originally published 6th Sep 2020 on DeepUndergroundPoetry

[eternalhate]

IYI - All That Murder Offers

So finally in your despair you fall from grace broken and bare. Now sleep with my knife tucked in between your teeth while I try to remember what it means to be free of your lies your manic pretentious beliefs make me wish I had died before you took over me. Now lost within your darkest fear don't give up hope I need you here. I screamed to the skies like a child at prayer believes one wish will suffice to keep you forever with me in my own tragedy I lay you'd call this love or is this hate? ("Jealousy is not only inbred in human nature, but it is the most basic, all-pervasive emotion which touches man in all aspects of every human relationship." — Boris Sokoloff, 1947, Jealousy: A Psychological Study ) I searched for happiness at the razor's edge I searched for sanctity out on a broken ledge I searched for hope and help in the hearts of wailers and scoffers I searched for a reason to live and all that murder offers. Pain grows as love dies hate flows caught in a lie.

Originally Published 15th Apr 2020 on DeepUndergroundPoetry

My third track with this amazing artist. Released in 2016. This time venturing into a more personal side of life. Did not expect this to turn out the way it did, and so beautiful. Using the initials of the working title (atmo) to come up with a theme and lyrics is something that still baffles me. But I'm truly grateful for these random spurs of inspiration.

All vocals and lyrics done by me. The man himself - https://www.facebook.com/hasjarll Artist page - https://www.facebook.com/IYI-561261253936958/ Bandcamp - https://iyikwandyn.bandcamp.com/releases

[eternalhate]

IYI - Reign Of Insanity

"Heed my warning! You will learn the error of your ways or perish. The time of reckoning draws near. You cannot change the world from where you stand. It is only a matter of time now. The day of judgement is at hand. No glyphs, no laws, no thorns will alter fate this time. Repent! Repent in fear before it is too late. The second coming! The second coming is nigh..." ____________________   His death was all in vain   the sacrifice left nothing to gain   A lesson that was never learnt   only sacrilege and scorn remain.   The embers of a forgotten past   never linger, never meant to last   empty dreams of a sacred heart   this fucking sea, will never part.   Do as he commands, I command you   etched in stone, your utopian world   A conspiracy that you unfurled   old revelations, born anew.   ____________________   Find your faith in the heretic within you   the blood of weeping idols can never sate you.   ____________________   A book of lies, disguised as the word of God,   written by man.   Preying on the minds too weak to comprehend.   The Reign of Insanity!   ____________________   Plagued by the sanity of man's desire for self destruction   we prayed for madness in the light, as we turned to face the vile.   In the darkness reunite, only hatred will survive,   preach your sins to stay alive.

Originally published 15th Apr 2020 on DeepUndergroundPoetry

My second song with this amazing artist. Released in 2014.

Vocals, lyrics and bridge arrangement [ only bass and drums b/w 2:58 - 4:19 ] done by me. The man himself - https://www.facebook.com/hasjarll Artist page - https://www.facebook.com/IYI-561261253936958/ Bandcamp - https://iyikwandyn.bandcamp.com/releases

[eternalhate]

More Than...

What you think is enough, it will never be. I'm dumb in your care. Breaking and reshaping. Changing, but not. Drained by your absence and swollen by your glow. Resisting your nails yet craving your scars. In me you'll be the sun of my perfect dawn, everyday. And I'll burn and bleed like sinners unworthy to bask in your enamouring light. Till you've scorched away this decaying shell of a man I've become And reveal to me my perfect self in this imperfection that loves you. My own. My precious soul. My life. My death. You are more than all of it.

Originally published 11th Oct 2017 on DeepUndergroundPoetry

[eternalhate]

What is it that you want?

to simply teach a lesson unleash an assault undreamt of before inextinguishable visions of chaos inviting ominous omens and dissuading hope there will be none left

slice through the epidermal armour gestate within the unsuspecting layers of arrogance and ignorance that makes up this fragile shell barely holding in, the freak of nature, the strength of god-like beings overflowing in the madness of existence watching multiple realities unfold, absorbing countless possible futures, laughable ludicrousness, chapter 1

and before the cacophony dies down return to the beginning with promise of enlightenment and rebirth of the beauty of death, the death of free will a simmering migraine on the edge of normalcy the new way forward, the morals of eternity laying the ground work for the next reset calling it redemption, selling the rapture only to rip faith from its roots and reveal it was all a lie.

[eternalhate]

Love (edit)

The arrogance of affection boasting and scattering tidings as if there is nothing else important in the world left to admire; That is love.

An affliction of desperation and slavery, manipulative and overbearing in the wrong hands. Yet its mesmerizing lull woos hearts tougher than stone.

To some, a weakness to others, a strength a responsibility for all meant to refrain/retrain thought and will.

Hypocrites thrive here as well confessing and digressing at the drop of a hat love lies at home while lust ploughs the fields emotions aren't real, just an excuse for conversation disagreements are blisters only dissolution can heal.

But honest love is hard to find everlasting love is rarer than Astatine Sometimes these feelings are purely external But true love? That is eternal.

Originally published 5th Nov 2013 on DeepUndergroundPoetry

[eternalhate]

Influcks

Here we are, out of control   eating our lips to keep us tame   lodged in crevices   waiting for the dark   there are eyes spying from the skies   when we look up, they cry     So now, we are beyond control   tying our wrists to keep us sane   lest our hands play tricks again   despite our frivolity, we are remembered   as spineless worms of the under-world   squirming here, in our own filth     See, how we cradle hope   sawing our ears to keep us dumb   only lies fuel this furnace   and yet, the congregation thrives   lo witness! the second coming   still only coming     Finally, control is lost burning our legs to keep us here in prisons with no steel or mortar no guards or ghosts to haunt yet we are gaunt when hope fails nailing our knees to feed disgrace.

[eternalhate]

Serve's up

the scent of you enough to break through raise the mast high wave that flag of white spread eagle below anxious in the undertow

the tides rush in the possibility of a win rise to the occasion an insatiable temptation between the troughs up my gears, rough

take control and fetch the crest you'll sketch chop the swell before these buttons turn sore give the order to fire macking the desire.