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thanks for following me but you’re gonna regret it later
The Unrealistic— I’m not real enough for you?!—Adventures of Pennywise the Dancing Clown
Summary: After being defeated by the Losers Club Pennywise the Dancing Clown is stuck in a human body and has to learn how to be human. A Crack AU about human Penny. Don’t take it too seriously. I get bored okay. And I think it’s funny.
Word count: 884
Thanks to @ me for finally writing something
Tag List So Far: @ravishmeclownboi @honk-honk-bitches @lizzy-chan24 @cryptiquenightmare @ijustwannafloat @theloriequeen @smileysam13579
Part One
Part Two
Part three
Part Four: Rainy Days
“Fuck! Fuck, fuuuuuck!” Pennywise growled when his car broke down on the side of the road, unwilling to turn on as he hit random objects. To make matters worse, it was pouring rain, soaking him through and making his reddish brown hair flop all over his forehead. He self consciously touched his forehead, spewing curses at Penise for calling him a six head. He did not have a big forehead! Lies! He had a perfect good size forehead and anyone that said otherwise could eat rat shit.
“How do humans work this shit, it’s all fucking stupid as hell,” he hissed, crossing his arm and glaring at the machine before him. “Turn on! Or I’ll eat you too!”
The car refused to listen to him.
“I’ll put you on the list, shit car!”
Before he could throw a rock at the car, another car pulled up beside him, honking. The passenger side window rolled down and a female human with long brown hair and hazel eyes poked her head out, waving him over.
“Hey, mister, do you need a ride?”
“No!” He hissed in anger. He was not about to get help from a mousy human.
“It’s raining really bad,” she said looking at his soaked body. “Come one, I promise I’m not a killer.”
He twitched in annoyance. His house wasn’t far from here, but did he really want to risk walking all the way there and getting sick. He had gotten sick before—from eating too many strawberry ice cream cones—and he did not enjoy that experience. He had spent the entire time at work moaning in pain and cursing the existence of strawberry ice cream. Some things were just too good to be true.
“Fine,” He decided, tugging the door open and going inside the small car. He regretted it instantly. The car was small and his 6 foot 4 tall body was cramped in the small space provided . He felt like dying. He didn’t have his regular flexibility—he could fit in a small fridge if he really tried—and it hurt to cramp his long limbs into something so small.
“This is great,” he muttered as she began to drive away.
“So, where is your house?” She asked, glancing at him.
“You human are so rude,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest and staring out the window.
“Oh, sorry, I’m Vivian,” she offered her hand and he swatted it away. Don’t touch me human.
“Robert,” he offered instead. She shot him a look of amusement.
“You’re not from the States are you.”
“No, another universe.”
She laughed, shaking her head at him. “Oh, a joker, too. I’m visiting family here and maybe moving here soon. I don’t know yet. Where is your house, Robert?”
“29 Neibolt Street.”
“Oh, I heard that place was haunted by a monster.”
“No, just me,” he smirked.
“You must be really brave buy that house and stay in it.”
“It’s always been my House,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“Oh, must be a family house then,” she shot him a smile.
“Hphm,” he looked away again, ignoring her for the rest of the trip. Humans were weird. Always trying to make conversation with him and learn about his life.
Was he married?
Did he have family?
Did he have a girlfriend?
Why did he live in that old house?
Why the fucked did they care? Maybe he wanted to live in that old house! Fuck, 20 more years of this shit and he would be free to go terrorize kids and adults. He just wanted his powers back! He was regaining some of them—too slowly—but it wasn’t like he could have much use for them. What were shapeshifting powers useful for if he could t even read minds or levitate shit? He wanted to be able to mess with people’s heads again.
“…..you’re really an odd one, hey, are you been paying attention ?” Vivian cut in, waving a hand over his eyes.
“What! Don’t do that!” He shoved her hand away, glaring at her.
“It’s really cool what you can do.”
“What ?”
“That eye thingy you do,” she gestured towards her eyes. “Make them go in different directions. It’s really cool trick. I can’t even cross my eyes.”
“I’m full of tricks,” he said, slump I’m against the door and trying to move his legs. Fuck, it was almost as bad as that one time his dumb ass thought it would be funny to scare the shit out of the sickly brat by coming out of the fridge. It was funny, but his muscles and bones hurt after that particular stunt.
Then he got speared through the head. That had fucking hurt!
“Well,” she said, pulling over to park outside the Neibolt house. “Here we are!”
“Fucking finally,” he thanked as he opened the door and got out. He took a moment to stretch his legs, not minding the rain. His legs felt stiff from that small amount of time inside the humans car.
Fuck, was he getting old?
“See you around!” She told him cheerfully as he slammed the door close and strolled to his house. Pennywise found himself staring at her car as she drove away. He felt himself smiled faintly before he scowled and slammed the door close.
Humans were weird.
[Super short Snippets of the AU. Different from my 5,000 words ones. You’re welcome. Any spelling mistakes in there i apologize.]
Reblog for nostalgia 🎈
You can always start again. Clean out your social media. Create a new account for your new taste in music. Study or work in a new city. Start socialising with new people. Choose a new signature scent and style and purge the outdated parts of yourself. If you don’t like where you’re at, but you don’t know what to do about it - try starting again.
princess boo
do u ever remember all the horrible offensve things u said when u were like 15 and u literally feel ur soul detach and turn 2 dust
your fave is problematic: yourself
Basically, yeah. That’s kind of the point – you always have to look back on yourself and be mortified and resolve to be better. Shit, the stuff I said just five YEARS ago (and I’m almost 33) makes me cringe like a motherfucker. Burn in mortification. Rise from the ashes and be better. Lather, rinse, repeat for the rest of your life.
This is why purity culture doesn’t work!!! We’re all shit! We can all grow and do better!
Yeah, that is so true. But most of the stuff I said was out of pure honesty, if I see something, I will call you out on it and i try not to be offensive about it, but not many people can handle the truth.
tfw you have no inspiration and when you do, you’re in too much pain to do anything with it
Looks like it’s time for the
only a fool could look at star trek and star wars and go “but which one is better 🤔🤔🤔” instead of “oh boy, TWO space adventures!!!”
Anyone else remember that one episode from the Haunting Hour where that kid was terrified of clowns and then it turned out he is a clown genetically bc his whole family are clowns too, that was wack as fuck man
I’d be terrified too
in all RPG games, the final boss is either your dad, God, or some sort of furry Abomination that everyone draws explicit fan art of
in Greek Mythology™ they are all the same person
With disdainful vendetta in my voice: Zeus…
Could you imagine if edward had just been some regular dude like fucking around with bella and she said with the utmost confidence “i know what you are…..you’re a vampire” and he’s just out there alone with her in the middle of the forest like
Way too many parents need to learn the difference between “a child being disrespectful” and “a human person expressing an opinion that differs from theirs”
my mom had a nice technique for this. when i’d give her sass, she’d say, “i don’t speak rude, what’s that in polite-person-ese?”
basically, she’d encourage me to rephrase my opinion without the attitude. so “UGH, you NEVER let me do ANYTHING!” would (often after quite a bit of bitching and grumbling) turn into “it feels like every time i have a fun idea, you say no, and i just end up sitting around the house.”
and at that point we could troubleshoot like civilized people. she could explain that she didn’t want me to go to jimmy’s sleepover because jimmy’s dad creeps her out, and i could suggest maybe i could have andy over instead, and she could say sure, why not call peter and stacy and brianna and have your own party, i’ll pop some popcorn and rent a movie, and i could add what if we put up tents in the back yard and have a bonfire and roast marshmallows, and she could laugh and say don’t push it.
I really like this technique because it addresses the OPs comment but recognizes that the two can coexist. The problem is often the child is expressing their opinion in a rude or disrespectful way. And as humans we automatically become adverse to opinions we feel are aggressive toward us.
This is good parenting.
if you relate to having an idea for a story for 4 to 8 years with almost zero progress towards actually writing it down, clap your hands
This post kicked down my door, came into my house and publicly shamed me in front of God, my mother, and my cat.
*deletes Tumblr account*
*leaves social media*
*leaves country*
*moves to The Himalayas*
*pigeon comes with a note*
*opens note*
the fuck is a stan
those ghost dudes that follow u in jojo
Uncle Grandpa from gravity falls
It’s sloppy but I love it