The Unrealistic— I’m not real enough for you?!—Adventures of Pennywise the Dancing Clown
Summary: After being defeated by the Losers Club Pennywise the Dancing Clown is stuck in a human body and has to learn how to be human. A Crack AU about human Penny. Don’t take it too seriously. I get bored okay. And I think it’s funny.
Thanks to @ me for finally writing something
Tag List So Far: @ravishmeclownboi @honk-honk-bitches @lizzy-chan24 @cryptiquenightmare @ijustwannafloat @theloriequeen @smileysam13579
“Fuck! Fuck, fuuuuuck!” Pennywise growled when his car broke down on the side of the road, unwilling to turn on as he hit random objects. To make matters worse, it was pouring rain, soaking him through and making his reddish brown hair flop all over his forehead. He self consciously touched his forehead, spewing curses at Penise for calling him a six head. He did not have a big forehead! Lies! He had a perfect good size forehead and anyone that said otherwise could eat rat shit.
“How do humans work this shit, it’s all fucking stupid as hell,” he hissed, crossing his arm and glaring at the machine before him. “Turn on! Or I’ll eat you too!”
The car refused to listen to him.
“I’ll put you on the list, shit car!”
Before he could throw a rock at the car, another car pulled up beside him, honking. The passenger side window rolled down and a female human with long brown hair and hazel eyes poked her head out, waving him over.
“Hey, mister, do you need a ride?”
“No!” He hissed in anger. He was not about to get help from a mousy human.
“It’s raining really bad,” she said looking at his soaked body. “Come one, I promise I’m not a killer.”
He twitched in annoyance. His house wasn’t far from here, but did he really want to risk walking all the way there and getting sick. He had gotten sick before—from eating too many strawberry ice cream cones—and he did not enjoy that experience. He had spent the entire time at work moaning in pain and cursing the existence of strawberry ice cream. Some things were just too good to be true.
“Fine,” He decided, tugging the door open and going inside the small car. He regretted it instantly. The car was small and his 6 foot 4 tall body was cramped in the small space provided . He felt like dying. He didn’t have his regular flexibility—he could fit in a small fridge if he really tried—and it hurt to cramp his long limbs into something so small.
“This is great,” he muttered as she began to drive away.
“So, where is your house?” She asked, glancing at him.
“You human are so rude,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest and staring out the window.
“Oh, sorry, I’m Vivian,” she offered her hand and he swatted it away. Don’t touch me human.
“Robert,” he offered instead. She shot him a look of amusement.
“You’re not from the States are you.”
She laughed, shaking her head at him. “Oh, a joker, too. I’m visiting family here and maybe moving here soon. I don’t know yet. Where is your house, Robert?”
“Oh, I heard that place was haunted by a monster.”
“No, just me,” he smirked.
“You must be really brave buy that house and stay in it.”
“It’s always been my House,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“Oh, must be a family house then,” she shot him a smile.
“Hphm,” he looked away again, ignoring her for the rest of the trip. Humans were weird. Always trying to make conversation with him and learn about his life.
Did he have a girlfriend?
Why did he live in that old house?
Why the fucked did they care? Maybe he wanted to live in that old house! Fuck, 20 more years of this shit and he would be free to go terrorize kids and adults. He just wanted his powers back! He was regaining some of them—too slowly—but it wasn’t like he could have much use for them. What were shapeshifting powers useful for if he could t even read minds or levitate shit? He wanted to be able to mess with people’s heads again.
“…..you’re really an odd one, hey, are you been paying attention ?” Vivian cut in, waving a hand over his eyes.
“What! Don’t do that!” He shoved her hand away, glaring at her.
“It’s really cool what you can do.”
“That eye thingy you do,” she gestured towards her eyes. “Make them go in different directions. It’s really cool trick. I can’t even cross my eyes.”
“I’m full of tricks,” he said, slump I’m against the door and trying to move his legs. Fuck, it was almost as bad as that one time his dumb ass thought it would be funny to scare the shit out of the sickly brat by coming out of the fridge. It was funny, but his muscles and bones hurt after that particular stunt.
Then he got speared through the head. That had fucking hurt!
“Well,” she said, pulling over to park outside the Neibolt house. “Here we are!”
“Fucking finally,” he thanked as he opened the door and got out. He took a moment to stretch his legs, not minding the rain. His legs felt stiff from that small amount of time inside the humans car.
Fuck, was he getting old?
“See you around!” She told him cheerfully as he slammed the door close and strolled to his house. Pennywise found himself staring at her car as she drove away. He felt himself smiled faintly before he scowled and slammed the door close.
[Super short Snippets of the AU. Different from my 5,000 words ones. You’re welcome. Any spelling mistakes in there i apologize.]
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