cannibal queen

a life without her is no life at all

[cnxsato-deactivated20161230]

highway to nowhere

[cnxsato-deactivated20161230]

against better judgement, he squeezes in one more question, avoiding her gaze as he mentally braces for the backlash. “also, uh, why do you need my clothes?”

[eunbinxyf-blog]

the latter’s talking sounded more like an incessant bee’s buzzing to her, as if he was a bee that thought she was a flower moving too fast in the wind, one that he had to catch because he just needed to. and she tried not to put him at fault for this; she pulled him out of the blue and cornered him into accepting a situation with a stranger that knew this one thing about him even though they’ve never spoken before. and above all, he was a boy, and eunbin didn’t expect much from any boy, especially intelligence. so eunbin accepted it, accepted it in the way that she wouldn’t have swatted away at the bee no matter how annoying it was being.

“did i not say i couldn’t explain right now? it’ll be easier and faster if you just do as i say, wangja.” eunbin usually did well in terms of masking her feelings, but even then she couldn’t deny that she maybe wanted to have the annoyance seep through. “the deadline for this is much sooner than that of our relationship, so it’d be nice if we finished this asap. much nicer for your pet, at least.” with the last sentence mumbled, she stopped in front of the bleachers near the baseball diamond and climbed up the steps, to the very top so it wasn’t obvious they were alone.

after sitting down she got her first proper look at the boy, the one she would have to publicly claim for only god knows how long. he was handsome enough in that eunbin wouldn’t be embarrassed to show him to her grandparents, but wasn’t handsome enough to stir anything inside her. with a sigh, she waved him up silently and leaned back against the railings of the top row, already exhausted from their expedition-to-be.

a second proper look at wangja and she thought to herself, with a twinge of pleasure, at how he would react had he known he were in this situation because she accidentally put a ‘0′ in front of his name, making him at the top of her contact list.

[eunbinxyf-blog]

things about her

profile / excerpt thing

second year baek ho initiate 

closeted homo (mostly to herself everyone else assumes eventually bc she can’t hold herself back ok girls are too cute for her to resist)

cheerleader

blackmailer

on the yearbook team – “what the fuck did you just say? you know i can replace your pictures with a pig in the yearbook, right?” (she can’t)

will prob fight you within 10 seconds of your first meeting if you look at her too long

she’s not as tough as she acts but you’re never going to see that …. maybe ….. who knows

plots/relationships – none of these are set in stone anything can change if you want it to!!

(cheerleaders/yearbookers/baek ho students/other initiates) – so many infinite plots; bullying within the teams/other initiates, hazing plots, cute plots abt spending all night practicing the new cheer or perfecting the pages for the next yearbook, drunken celebratory nights!! so many plots!! so many!!!

(teacher) you keep trying to play teacher’s pet but i’m not buying your bullshit i know how you act outside of class 

(teacher) getting pwo duties don’t stop you? fine i’ll keep an extra eye out for you and make sure you get them every week

your little sister has a lot of fun stories about you and now suddenly i have the upperhand

frenemies

someone trying to figure out why she needed to go to three middle schools 

pwo buddies three weekends straight and they’re not stopping now you cause shit together just to get pwo duties together 

yeah you can have the remote if you can sit through the next two seasons of say yes to the dress

i know you’re not on the cheerleading team but everyone else is gone for the weekend, i need to learn this new routine and i can’t learn alone

[kmsalad]

Visit Original Link

원더걸스 (Wonder Girls) - Why So Lonely

[eunbinxyf-blog]

O.M.G

the familiar buzz of the crowd rang throughout the cafeteria and in eunbin’s ears as she used the pad of her forefinger to transfer a number from her friend’s phone to her own. the term friend being used lightly since eunbin didn’t see him or his group outside of the occasional lunch when she wasn’t in practice or at a meeting or with other people she’d enjoy the company of more. even so, it was a mutually beneficial relationship – they got eunbin’s tolerance, and eunbin got number’s of people that crossed her path the wrong way in second period.

though that isn’t what eunbin told them. she needed the girl’s number because they were partnered up for a project and, silly little eunbin, forgot to ask for it! good thing her friends claimed to know everyone in school, right?

eunbin was at the last few digits of the number when the guy next to her asked why she looked so angry typing the digits in. her brows loosened and she gave a breathy laugh that would have been all too obvious had her “friends” been any smarter than they were. she looked up as she typed in the last number and her finger pressing the 4 instead of the 5, her focus compromised with her need to reassure the boy she was just stressed about the project.

“thanks for the number, i owe you one!” she said with her smile back, leaving the group with a sloppy excuse of having to do research for a report, or something. the second she was out of the cafeteria, she pulled her phone out and texted the number, an ignorant satisfaction settling within her.

[ SMS → 2ND PERIOD ]

what was that you said about me not ever figuring out your number?

you think you’re the only one with friends in this school, bitch? you wanna repeat what you said to me this morning, now?

[eunbinxyf-blog]

her over flowers

[chaeanne]

Dohee wanted to say more, but failed to find the right string of words that would encapsulate how she felt towards Eunbin as of that very moment.

[eunbinxyf-blog]

this was usually the part where the voice in eunbin’s head turned into venom, and told her how disgusting she was for ever thinking a girl was more than just the cute kind of cute you call other people, but don’t mean anything by it. she was on the verge of succumbing to the self-hatred that required such a thing to be a usual, but then dohee responded to her and looked so happy doing so that eunbin was struck into silence.

“that’s...yeah you’re right, we can get it from someone else.” eunbin cleared her throat softly, as if to gather her thoughts so she wouldn’t have to keep rephrasing herself like an idiot. once her backpack was properly packed, she stood up from her desk and put it on. she busied herself with the straps much longer than she needed to just to keep herself from staring at dohee. she was scared that the second her she looked at the girl again, she wouldn’t be able to take them away, not with the way that dohee was looking at her and not with the way that everything about her seemed to glow. it was cliche and kind of gross, so she cleared her throat to dismiss the thoughts, ignoring the way her peripheral vision seemed to focus on nothing but the latter.

“what were you doing all day in class if you weren’t paying attention?” she brushed a strand of hair away from her face as she asked, her eyes settling on dohee for only a second before looking around the classroom. how could someone be that mesmerizing in only a sliver of a glance?

eunbin wanted to ask more than what she was doing (and would have rather she didn’t, so  there was no chance of it being asked back) but she didn’t have many questions to choose from. she couldn’t ask if she liked holding hands or staying up late until three in the morning talking or if she liked to look at stars or watch movies or play records and let the time float by.

she couldn’t ask if she was thinking of doing these things with eunbin the same way she was thinking of doing them with her.

[eunbinxyf-blog]

just tonight

[yfxjinhwan-deactivated20180821]

(his lack of being able to say no is affecting his daily life. he really should learn how to.)

[eunbinxyf-blog]

eunbin was used to using her big eyes and even bigger cheeks to her advantage, getting other people to do things for her just because she was cute. though she wasn’t sure if it was her cuteness that worked on the latter or some other factor eunbin didn’t bother to consciously exercise. being cute alone seemed like it worked on the elder, but she didn’t know if he was that kind of guy, not yet.

honestly, she didn’t know much about jinhwan at all other than the fact that he took photos for the yearbook and that his name was, in fact, kim jinhwan.

this bothered eunbin for the mere fact that she liked having dirt on people, just in case the opportunity of needed blackmail presented itself. where other people spent their times on their phones updating their twitter profiles or instagram feeds, eunbin spent almost every last second trying to dig dirt on whoever it was, even if all she knew about them was that they take photos and their name was kim jinhwan.

she looks up from her phone after sending a ‘know anything about kim jinhwan? third year?’ to a small group chat she owes a great deal of her blackmail-worthy info for, to answer his question. “i was in the middle of doing one, until i saw you! i figured you were better at doing it, anyway, so why should i? i left my answer there if you want to continue it, though.”

her shoulders lifted when she gave jinhwan a smile, as if she was doing him the greatest favour of all, to let him keep her two sentences of practically plagiarized words from the textbook. when her gaze moved from the elder to her phone, it having blown up with excited messages from her colleagues, her eyes shone as if they were the stars lit up in the sky themselves.

“jinhwan,” she started, her voice sweet and the apples of her cheeks brushed pink as if her next words were giving her a high, “you didn’t tell me you had such a great first year here.”

[eunbinxyf-blog]

i’m not going to be posting anything for a few days so here’s a tracker for ya:

i have to do replies for @yfxjinhwan, @yfdohee, @yfxsong, @yfxjihoon, @yfxhanbyul, @yfxjihye and a starter for @yfxten

[fyeahclc-archive]

[eunbinxyf-blog]

the reckless and the brave

prompt: sound & profanity

what was that thing sylvia plath wrote in the bell jar? something about baths and relaxation, or something? eunbin raised her voice and asked a few people around her, someone passing by her, and even the bartender while she ordered her drink, but everyone looked at her like she didn’t belong so she shied away from giving herself anymore attention. well, whatever it was, sylvia plath’s never been to a gangnam club like this.

eunbin considered it her first home despite the fact she wasn’t even allowed to be in there. but the laminated piece of plastic listing her down as 22 years old instead of 17 was a home itself; a home in her hands, a home in her wallet, a home in the way that everyone glanced at it for only a millisecond before letting her do as she wanted. her plump cheeks, big eyes, and pink eyebrows were enough to sell her out of her fake identity but she had a feeling no one really cared, anyway. her parents’ names were known around this district’s streets. she was invincible.

or maybe she wasn’t.

and there was no reason for her to feel like she was, anyway; her parents hardly gave her a second glance. there was a reason she was never comfortable talking about her parents and it was because they were hardly her parents at all. the bartenders were more responsible guardians than those two, so it was no wonder eunbin thought of the bar as more of a home than the house she lived in.

though the only pity party she would ever throw herself tonight would be due to the fact that the bouncer from earlier came back and decided to take a second glance at her I.D. card, taking her drink for the mean time.

five minutes later and she was being shoved in the way of the exit, her legs flailing around like a child throwing a tantrum (which, technically, she was). her hands were balled into fists, drumming against arms twice the width of her face. her own voice rang in her ears, impossibly drowning out the thumping and indiscernible music playing in the club, the vulgarity leaving her mouth a plethora of colours and showcasing a teenager’s creativity.

when eunbin’s eyes found the boy’s, everything stopped.

and by everything, it was everything. or at least it felt like everything. eunbin stopped fighting and just narrowed her eyes towards the boy, the anger inside her turning the tips of her ears a deep red. the all too familiar face caused her cheeks and chest to burn, her heavy, deepened breathing not doing anything to calm her down.

eunbin lifted her knees higher than before and pushed them up into the guards’ stomachs, continuing to swear and hit them all the while pointing towards her schoolmate. “you stupid incompetent fucking shit heads! you’re kicking me out, he’s fucking younger than i am. that guy. THAT GUY!” she shoved one of the guards in his direction when they wouldn’t respond to her (though, in their defense, they were still recovering from having their guts kneed up into their ribs).

ten minutes later and she was facing the front of the club, the chilled night air causing the breaths she was pushing out of her nostrils to become visible. she didn’t know how pointing out another minor in the club or calling the guards stupid incompetent fucking shit heads was supposed to help them ease up on her and let her stay inside, but one night of feeling home again is all she wanted, and she was desperate for it.

at least she wasn’t kicked out alone.

her eyes then found the boy, and narrowed like they were when they first saw him. eunbin knew he had nothing to do with her getting kicked out and instead had everything to do with him getting kicked out, but she wasn’t up for claiming the blame tonight.

“you’re a piece of shit, fucking song wangja, no one needed you to be at this fucking club fucking tonight. fuck.” another huff underlying a final defeat, she span on her heels and walked away from the scene, going through the list kept in her mind of any other clubs she could sneak into for tonight.

“just as long as that fucker isn’t coming along.” she mumbled under her breath.

[eunbinxyf-blog]

everything’s not lost

the blackness of the backs of her eyelids wasn’t enough to block the library’s overhead lights, nor was it enough to keep the light from flickering; the cause of hands that spoke just as much as their owner’s mouth, she concluded. but she decided to keep the thought to herself, and drummed her fingers on either side of her face. picturing herself as she was – elbows propped up on the table, chin resting in between the heels of her palms, her hands framing the bottom-half of her face – she decided she could be cute enough to get out of the tutoring lesson. maybe. maybe.

okay, maybe not; she’s tried before and it’s never worked out. eunbin’s face scrunched in as she closed her eyes tighter, as if doing so would make her eyelids more opaque. when that didn’t work, she gave up and opened her eyes, staring at the boy across from her with an expression that was so soaked in her boredom that she could imagine drops of it falling off of her face and onto her notebook. with a childishly loud huff she sat up straight and crossed her arms over her chest. “i don’t get why we have to learn korean language at all, or why i have to get tutored on it! doesn’t me being a korean citizen count for anything? i grew up learning korean and nothing else, why wouldn’t i know the lang–”

eunbin’s phone buzzed three times in a row, vibrating against the table so harshly that she gave a small giggle in amusement of it. the hilarity in her expression fell as soon as she saw the messages on her screen, her mouth opening in comical offense. “did you hear what this bitch in first year was saying about me? i’m going to kill her.” she sat back in her chair, her eyes back on the elder. “after this lesson, at least. i’m going to kill her after this lesson.”

[charmly-blog]

trouble

“hey!” she yells as she gets near, voice shaky and unsure “leave her alone!”

[eunbinxyf-blog]

yes, eunbin had two grown men talking to her as if they were scaring her in the least bit with words eunbin knew was all bark and had no bite to it. and yes, they smelled bad and were blocking her from the sun she hardly got to see in the past two weeks due to practices and catching up on homework. so yes, eunbin was a little more than annoyed, especially since these men were supposed to be men and not just aged versions of the boys she saw at school.

but even so, eunbin decided not to speak out of turn. mostly because she didn’t want to open her mouth while theirs were open too (the bad breath was so unbelievable that she was left to wonder how long someone would have to skip brushing their teeth to get to such a state, all the while worrying about sharing air with such mouths).

she was caught mid-thought about what toothpaste was made of and the difference between branded and non-branded toothpaste when the elder showed up and was, as eunbin decided, standing up for her. not that she ever usually asked for defense and not that she needed it right now, but eunha was a baek ho member – one that already knew her and didn’t hate her. if this wasn’t a gift from god eunbin would have to tell her mother to switch religions.

eunbin’s bottom lip pushed out, her eyes growing wider and her steps moving to stand closer to the latter. “i was just trying to relax out in the sun when they started asking me ‘how much?’, i got scared and told them to go away and they started yelling at me!”

her pout circled around each word as she now looked at the elder, “you can do something about them, can’t you? i’m only a kid...this shouldn’t go unpunished.”

[ellenpagehelps-blog]

Does your muse

[xkwhaesoo-deactivated20161214]

eat pizza bites while they’re hot OR wait for them to cool

come to a complete stop at stop signs OR does a california roll

set their alarm clock for the time they actually will wake up OR set it early and hit snooze a bunch

fall asleep on their phone/laptop OR stop using electronics an hour before bedtime

floss twice a day OR only floss the week before they go to the dentist

hold their jacket in their lap until everyone is boarded OR put it into the overhead compartment right away

run straight into the ocean OR slowly let their body adjust to cold water

run marathons OR marathons TV shows

consider french fries to count as a veggie OR make sure they have something green on their plate

set a timer when cooking OR constantly check and taste until it seems good

[cnxsato-deactivated20161230]

highway to nowhere

“who are you, exactly?”

[eunbinxyf-blog]

the quick thumps of her heart against her chest echo in the hollow vessel of her limbs and her mind because she’s left stunned and staring at the front gates of sunhwa wishing everything wasn’t so black and white but knowing there was no life standing where the gates themselves belonged. the dips of her palms sweat profusely and she let herself be human, let herself sweat until the face of the boy she assumed was on the other side of her messages first appeared.

she watched him approach with both distaste and relief and the tough facade coated in her texts came back and injected itself in her bloodstream so there was no difference between a mask and who she was. there was no protecting herself when it came to this, when it came to the only two people that would ruin her life in a way she wouldn’t be able to stand. and a boy’s spider among all things was meaningless in comparison to her reputation, to her dignity, to her life.

“moon eunbin.” she tightened her grip around the phone encased between her two hands and took a step towards him, a cautious attempt at familiarity that she’d rather set on fire and never look  back on but knew she had to tolerate for the time being. be nice, is what she reasoned in the time that she stood waiting for him; he’ll cooperate either way but a boy’s not going to be a pleasure to be around unless you’re nice to him first.

“look, i’d love to explain everything to you right now but my grandparents are expecting a message from me before lunch and i said i’d send at least two photos.” a pause, a collection of silence and still air to breathe and assess the dreadfulness of her next god-knows-how-long in this godforsaken act. after holding back a sigh she gave him a once-over, “i really hope you brought more than just that outfit,” and turned on her heels in her haste to get things over with for the day. 

[eunbinxyf-blog]

her over flowers

[chaeanne]

Slipping a few almonds past her lips, Dohee looked up at Eunbin once more and asked, “No homework, Eunbin-ssi?”

[eunbinxyf-blog]

ask eunbin what today’s lesson was on for today and she’d say “i don’t know...almonds, or something.”

almonds for the shape of the girl’s eyes that looked so bright once the artificial lights beaming from above caught them in the right way. she was looking at eunbin with such a look that made her feel like she had to give her comfort, or reassurance, or something to make them even brighter, even more beautiful. not that they even had to be; almond shaped eyes that defined the word beauty itself, there was no need for it to become more than they were.

almonds for the shade of her skin despite the redness in her ears and almonds for the ones passing by the plush of her lips in a way that would bloom envy in eunbin had she been any more juvenile than she already were.

still, what self-proclaimed maturity she labelled herself with wasn’t enough to prevent her from watching dohee’s mouth as she answered. “i...i wouldn’t know, i wasn’t...paying attention,” the smile she gave as she finally looked up at the latter was sheepish. but moon eunbin and the word sheepish were never paired up. neither when it came to smiles nor attitudes, she was always strong in her feelings but this was different. this...eunbin knew what this was and she refused to acknowledge it with anything but disregard.

but it was hard when the girl was so pretty and looked so kind and was looking at eunbin with regard rather than fear or hatred or disgust like most the other girl’s in the school did.

“it won’t be hard to find it around here...right? we could even try and do it together. if you want, at least. i wouldn’t mind.” both eagerness and sheepishness are words that moon eunbin isn’t associated with. but when the girl is this pretty...

[eunbinxyf-blog]

@yfdohee your people are astounding. we should walk in the park for your next meal so you can save a few bucks.

[eunbinxyf-blog]

things about her

profile / excerpt thing

second year baek ho initiate

closeted homo (mostly to herself everyone else assumes eventually bc she can’t hold herself back ok girls are too cute for her to resist)

cheerleader

blackmailer

on the yearbook team – “what the fuck did you just say? you know i can replace your pictures with a pig in the yearbook, right?” (she can’t)

will prob fight you within 10 seconds of your first meeting if you look at her too long

she’s not as tough as she acts but you’re never going to see that …. maybe ….. who knows

plots – none of these are set in stone anything can change if you want it to!!

(cheerleaders/yearbookers/baek ho students/other initiates) – so many infinite plots; bullying within the teams/other initiates, hazing plots, cute plots abt spending all night practicing the new cheer or perfecting the pages for the next yearbook, drunken celebratory nights!! so many plots!! so many!!!

(teacher) you keep trying to play teacher’s pet but i’m not buying your bullshit i know how you act outside of class

why is this unknown number sending me mean texts i didn’t do anything at all? am i really being bullied because she got the number wrong???

your little sister has a lot of fun stories about you and now suddenly i have the upperhand

[eunbinxyf-blog]

more plots/relationships

teachers pls ones that hate her and ones that think she’s an angel

frenemies, actual enemies, #truefriends

someone trying to figure out why she needed to go to three middle schools 

pwo buddies three weekends straight and they’re not stopping now you cause shit together just to get pwo duties together 

yeah you can have the remote if you can sit through the next two seasons of say yes to the dress

look eunbin you just hate art because you’re bad at it let me teach you the art ways

i know you’re not on the cheerleading team but everyone else is gone for the weekend, i need to learn this new routine and i can’t learn alone 

wow nice phone album of you and a bunch of girls (someone out her for being a lesbian i need it)

[eunbinxyf-blog]

easy as all that

eunbin’s eyes squinted under the sunlight, her pouted lips set into a frown that did all the complaining for her as the incessant heat caused sweat drops to roll down the sides of her face. the back of her free hand had done close to nothing to keep the sweat at bay and she gave up all but two minutes into dabbing her face with her sleeve. she tried not feeling as if the sun had personally chosen to antagonize her out of all of the people watching the baseball practice, but with the unbearable weather plus the even more unbearable sport, it was hard to think rationally.

“anything else would be just as boring as this,” eunbin said to one of her friends asking to go inside and find something else to do, receiving a mumbled response of ‘yeah, but at least we’d have air conditioning’ which she chose to ignore. honestly, the problem wasn’t in the fact that anything else would be boring (she’d rather watch paint dry than sit through another inning of this match), but that a cheong ryong member was sitting mere feet away from her and she couldn’t let a potential interaction slip away because of a little heat.

it’s not like her and the jihoon didn’t already know each other – they did, they talked frequently for someone that wasn’t already in baek ho. but still she had no position to sit with him, not until she really was in baek ho, and she couldn’t get in without a few connections.

she didn’t know if it was the way that she gave him a just-a-bit-more-than-a-longing-glance when whoever was up to bat hit a foul ball that allowed her to pretend she was just watching it fly, but when she heard her name she couldn’t help but break out into a smile. she ignored her friends calling after her as she left them, and reminded herself that connections were more important than friendships.