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text âžť michael
Noah: ... h my god no no no NO STOP
Noah: Write it with hearts between the number trios where you'd usually put dashes :') it'll bribe him that much more.
Michael: Oh come on you know you want it, you know you want it because your a good boy...
Michael: I will. I bet that's just the little touch that will get my number in his phone and me in his bed. I was born for that trophy spouse life...
Text: Mike
Paige: Omg please be Mariah Carey and then sign lots of stuff for me.
Paige: That’s…really good advice, actually. I’ll try that. Thank you, Mike, you’re my favorite right now.
Michael: I have just bee playing with all of you the whole time, I am indeed Mariah Carey. And they said that I couldn't act. I showed everyone!
Michael: You're one of my favorites too Paige. You've been nothing but nice to me and done whatever you can to help me. Your the best.Â
Text: Mike
Paige: I’m sure they aren’t paying you enough for your fabulousness.
Paige: I…yeah…yeah I know that part…I’ve…I’m practiced in this. My dad he was…he had the same thing as she does. And I just…I’m afraid that she feels like she’s automatically glued to the same path that my father walked, like that she’s doomed to end up the way he did. And I don’t know how to…dissuade her of that notion.
Michael: Yep, looks like I'm have to become a heartless CEO if I ever want to be recognized for all dis fabulosity... or Mariah Carey... I prefer Mariah.
Michael: Oh... well I don't know what is best but I know what I would do. I would show her all the things she does that are different that what he did, show her how different she is, and tell her that while gene can determine some characteristic our choices are what determines how we end up in the end.Â
Text: Mike
Michael: Then your sleep will truly be watched by angels.Â
Michael: Oh, tell your guardian pan sexual immigrant all about it Paige, I’m right here for ya with folksy wisdom and irreverent humor.Â
Paige: Guardian pan sexual immigrant…omg…that’s the best title I’ve ever heard in my life.
Paige: I…it’s just…my sister just called from the hospital and she sounded so…she cried a lot. She sounded so…lost…just utterly hopeless. It scared me to hear her like that. And to know that I can’t fix it for her.
Michael: It is so hard being so fab Paige... people just really can not handle this.Â
Michael: Oh... Paige if there is one thing I know it is that people are not machines. There aren't wrenches and oils and monkey wrenches that magically make us better or make our problems disappear. Â We are all damaged dut we can never be broken. What she needs you to do is be there for her and always be there for her. Tell her that's she's doing good, that you are proud of her, that you support her and back it up with your actions: Be there for her, do nice things for her and make her smile. Then you will be helping her become the wonderful person she truly is and that is what she really needs from you. Then you will be helping her become healthier and become the person she wants to be. If you do that you will be helping her and then she won't feel hopeless.
You’re adorable, so so so adorable. It is a very hipster land. Home of all the pretentious hipsters. Tea… tea cozies? What even are those? Yeah.. not at all.
Thank you, I think it's because I was a teddy bear in a past life. Tell me is the dream of the nineties truly still alive in Portland? They are special hand knit mugs for your tea, gosh don't you like know like anything. She be honest wench.
I’m leaving this fucking place for two weeks, two weeks of not seeing all of your fucking annoying ass faces. I’m actually excited about going to Portland! Portland! Hellooo?
Fare thee well young maiden on thy long journey to mysterious environs of hipster land... I mean Portland. May you blessed with much tea, tea cozies, and receive many a visits from Mrs. Mary Jane Holland. Think of us fondly... or rather not at all.
text âžť michael
Noah: I"m proud to say I have more of an ass than she does :') She's a wrecking ball, not a train wreck, get it right.
Noah: ..... bow chicka wow wow you want the Beck-dick!!!!!
Michael: Hillary Clinton has more of an ass than she does. :P My apologies to Her Mollyesty.
Michael: Oh please, he clearly wants the Anderson ass, at least that's what my dreams tell me.
text âžť michael
Noah: MILEY CYRUS is crazy as fuck but I love her for it she's my bitch
Noah: God fucking I KNEW I WAS MISSING A LETTER. It's always the H. Always. The. H. I bet you wanna kiss the fuck out of that pretty soccer player, shhh, just admit it. Maybe threesome with Shakira.
Michael: Watching her is like watching a train wreck in slow motion... if the train wreck had a pixie cut and absolutely no back side.
Michael: I always remember the H because it makes him sound like the delicious piece of meat that he is. I have never met someone who does not. Nope, I would just start stammering and laughing and would just watch them while I ate popcorn. I live that awk life.
text âžť michael
Noah: Is the force code name for a drug
Noah: ......... I want people to rain down from the sky and crash land into the earth, then I want David Beckam (sp?) to go up to the women and ask them if it hurt when they fell from heaven.
Michael: Nope, though the only reason I know that is that Miley Cyrus has not referred to it in any of her songs.
Michael: I am European and hence know how to spell Beckham and you are very close... If fall from heaven he better ask me to cause I bet it hurts like hell (pun intended) and something needs to make it better. Him or Shakira.
text âžť michael
Noah: I've actually never seen Star Trek... Star Wars...? Whatever Yoda's from, oh god, my not-nerd is totally showing.
Noah: Maybe I should just... well, not come back good God
Michael: It is fine young padawan I hall become your jedi master and teach you the ways of the force.
Michael: Oh but then you will miss my rendition of it's raining people. That would be a tragedy.
Tweet: I won’t stop tweeting Obama until he follows me. #goals
Tweet: Tell him you are with child and his. That seems like a good idea.
text âžť michael
Noah: ARE you Yoda. Your syntax is very Yoda-ish.
Noah: When AREN'T people horny in that town tho
Michael: Mm, much intelligence and promise have you young padawan.
Michael: It would take a flood to quench dis thirst.
text âžť open
Noah: I think I'll finally be back by Monday, kinda miss LP weirdly enough. What new shit's been going on that I've missed, or do I wanna know?
Michael: People be horny, much moving trucks, and much much questionable behavior have we... at least I would guess, I kind of live in textbooks right now so I wouldn't know.
I just lived out of a moving truck for three days and I should be receiving an award in the shape of lunch. Anyone?
You have made me realize that the struggle i indeed real m'lord and I will once I figure out just what the shape of lunch is I will consider it. Is it in the shape of a sandwich, soup, a monkey... I do not know.Â
Marcus is my baby brother, and I don’t think he’ll be able to control anything just yet.
Oh, it's a child... I never did like those things. Is he... not broken yet...
Marcus just spit up on me and that’s probably the grossest thing that has ever happened to me.
Who is Marcus and why is he spitting on you? It sounds like he needs to learn how to you know... control his bodily and physical functions better..
Walking down the street I hear people talking about “how cold it was”.
Wimps. You don't know what real cold is until you are next door to a glacier.
