; ON FAMILY & SELF-DISCOVERY an interview with Four of Spade, Evangeline Santiago
Tell us about how Eva feels about the resistance!
Eva is sprawled out on the floor, arms reaching out for the armadillo wandering around the barracks. Chupa makes a beeline for the Shifter’s welcoming arms and proceeds to make itself at home on Eva’s stomach. A furrow is forming between her brows, but she answers easily.
“I’m not against them, but I’m not for them either. I’m…curious about them. I’ve heard about them from all sorts of people and I get why the resistance is so appealing. Honestly, I almost considered joining them back when I was still a Club. Mostly ‘cause I heard they helped any lowranker who had nowhere to go. It was right after that gang I was part of left me for dead.” She rubs at the scar that peeks out from under the collar of her Spade uniform. “I figured I’d fight for any cause if it meant I didn’t have to live like that anymore, but that was then. Now, I have goals and dreams that don’t line up with the resistance. At least, not the way they go about it. I like the way I’m doing things…and between you and me, I worry ‘bout the idea of the resistance becoming something to me like that gang was. I can’t go through that again. I just can’t…Anyway! Next question! Lay it on me!”
Did finding out her parents were involved with that group change her opinion of them?
Eva startles at the question. Her eyebrows raise in surprise, a flash of hurt showing before disappearing behind a small smile.
“Wow, asking the hard questions, huh? Umm, I’m not sure. I think it’s made me want to know more about the resistance. Not join them, but figure out what exactly they’re fighting for. If I learn more about them will I learn more about my parents? Will I get to know what they were like, what they believed in if I know more about the resistance? I don’t know if I can say my opinions changed because I still don’t know enough…but mom and dad must have believed in them for a reason, right?”
What about Anton and Mallick’s involvement?
Eva sits up slowly with Chupa cradled in her arms as she moves to the bed. Her long hair masks her face. Armor that resembles the armadillo’s own starts to form on the Shifter’s skin, but she doesn’t seem to notice. It’s quiet for a moment. Eva speaks quietly, so unlike her usual, vibrant self.
“TonTon…TonTon had his reasons. I’m sure of it. He was a good person; he always looked out for me, and we always got up to trouble that we could laugh about later. I trusted him and if he—if he were still alive that wouldn’t change. No matter what the resistance stands for, TonTon deserved better than what happened to him. Instead, everyone trash talked him. And I had to listen to all of that. And not once…not ONCE did I hear the resistance speak up for him.
“Maybe I do have an opinion about the resistance.
“And Mallick? What is there to say?” A angry glint crosses Eva’s expression when she finally lifts her head, eyes unseeing but still managing to appear as if she’s seeing something far off.
“How can I have an opinion on someone who abandoned me? Mom and Dad trusted him and he left me with someone who he may have trusted, but turned out to be a jerk. If Mallick was a leader for the resistance…if he was part of the group that claims to help lowrankers down on their luck, why…why didn’t he help ME? But…I’ve heard all the good he’s done. He’s helped others so he isn’t a total jerk, right? I just…haven’t figured out how I feel about Mallick yet.
“…It doesn’t matter now. I have family and friends now who I know will always have my back. I love them and they love me and I’m never going to be alone again.”
Does she blame the resistance for taking her parents away from her, or will she seek them out for answers?
“Yes,” Eva answers without hesitation. Her hands are curled in her lap. Chupa cuddles closer to her in an attempt to pacify the agitated Shifter. “I blame them. I blame the resistance, but I’m not a kid anymore. I know better now. I know my parents made their decisions, that they chose to join them, to leave me. I blame the resistance, but more than anything I blame my parents. And between you and me…I’m still angry at them. I act like I’m over it because I don’t want anyone worry over me, but I’m so angry at them.
“But just because I think the resistance has some fault for my parents leaving me doesn’t mean I won’t go looking for answers from them. They owe me that much, I think. I deserve to know what caused mom and dad to walk away from the life we had together. I deserve to know what part the resistance played in making the hole I feel when I think about my parents. Don’t I?”
How has this changed her perception of her parents?
The anger is still visible, but there’s an unmistakable air of sorrow and fondness mixed into her voice.
“I love them. I always will. But now some of those very few memories I have of them are tainted. Certain things I heard around them, from them—they make more sense. It makes me wonder what exactly Mom and Dad were doing that they were able to keep their very hungry Shifter child alive for five years, if just barely. That blood I always associated with my dad’s scent…it’s hard to wrap my head around what that scent actually was when that scent is mixed with the memories of his soft singing and deep laughter.
“And Mom? I’m pretty sure she worked at the Forge…at least I think she did. She always smelled of fire and metal. Her armor was rusted…a metallic stench would sometimes cling to her. She didn’t like me hugging her when she smelled like that. She’d get so upset and even if I cried she wouldn’t come near me until she cleaned herself off and the smell wasn’t so strong.
“…I’m afraid that the memories I have of them, that all of them are being ruined by what I’ve learned so far. And I’m so scared that the more I find out, the more likely I’ll end up hating my parents.”
Of herself and her place in Kadeu?
This question seems a bit easier for Eva to answer. She smiles and it’s warmer than it’s been for most of this interview.
“I don’t think my parents’ life has to define me. I do think, though, that learning what I have about them haas changed how proactive I am in my own life. All my life, I’ve depended on others to help me, even if I wasn’t consciously doing it. Sparrow, Rook, Hilo, Anton, Shu-Ling, Ara, Prospero—they’ve all helped me to be who I am today. But after seeing what happened in Clubs three years ago and discovering my parents involvement in the resistance, I realized how helpless I was. I wanted to be able to stand on my own two feet like Mom and Dad and all those Clubs. To make decisions for myself even if they weren’t the right ones.
“I have to thank them for that. If I hadn’t gotten that push I never would have trained as hard as I did. The Spade highrankers would have never noticed. They’d never have offered me a position at the Triage as a non-magical healer. I love that job even more than I did the administrative work because I can see—well, not see, but you know what I mean—all my hard work, my parents’ influence paying off. I’m doing more and I’ve never felt prouder of myself.”
How have these revelations affected her relationship with Prospero?
The smile that had bloomed on the Shifter’s face dimmed at the question. She ducked her head to press it against Chupa’s armored body. The armor of Eva’s skin which had nearly disappeared during the previous question returned once more. She whispers:
“Prospero…hasn’t been very happy with me. We got into a fight when I first started looking into my parents and the resistance. He called me, and I quote, ‘a foolish brat who finds trouble in the sewers if she can’t find it in the sky’. Lilith got upset with him, but I couldn’t say anything. He wasn’t wrong. I always cause problems for him, but…but I couldn’t just give up on the only lead I had about my parents. All my life I’ve had questions I thought I’d never get answered, and now they’re right there in front of me, so close I can almost grasp it.
“…But I think I’m making Prospero feel like he isn’t good enough as a father. He is, I swear! I love him just like I love my dad. Well, not in the same way. Dad is dad and Prospero is Prospero so I love them both in the way they’re them if that makes sense. But I know I’m not being a good daughter. I keep hurting him. He doesn’t talk much these days. Spends most of his time in front of the fire with his drink in hand. When I try to talk to him, there isn’t any banter anymore, just grunts and grumbles. Sometimes he talks to me first and that’s when I know he still cares because he’ll tell me not to forget my coat or to have Lilith pack me a meal. Lilith says Prospero always asks after me to see how I’m doing, but that grumpy old Strongarm is too stubborn to ask me himself.
“I just want Prospero to stop being angry at me. He has to be angry. I want my grumpy, but sassy dad back…”
The interviewer thanks Eva for her time. Eva waves off the gratitude with a forced smile, stuffs the interviewer’s hands with pouches of dried fruits. She waves them off from her barrack door until they’re footsteps no longer even echo. She quietly shuts the door and huddles in bed for the rest of her day off. Eva can allow herself one day to cry, right? Then she’ll be happy again in the morning.