I DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE.

heavens forbid a girl throws a deepfryer at the customers.

[everycashierofburgerking]

Hello, Tumblr.

Unfortunately, we're now on this site.

We're Every Catherine, we work EVERY SINGLE JOB at the local T Corp. Burger ErlKing. It is Not fun. Multidimensional suicide would've been better than minimum wage and scraping corpses off of the toilet stall walls.

We also offer services at the backdoor of the restaurant. These range from piercings (lobotomies included for free), amputations, abortions, relationship advice, custom nail artwork, gender affirming surgery, hostage negotiations, syndicate fight recording, criminal investigations, tarot reading, baking classes, stand up comedy, drug deals, spying, dog walking, dog fighting, shi association contracts, human traficking, experiments preformed by the ring, interior design, arranged marrieges and selling of gay burgers. Dont tell anybody tho.

Our delivery boy is also stupid as shit, he travels by horse. Do not ask about it. We'd rather you didn't even have to see him. He's embarassing.

DNI if you're:

- Kromer from the Five Guys restaurant. Actually nvm I don't really hate this one so much

- Those bloodfiends who sell icecream

- Inventor of pocketless pants for women. You know what you did.

- The weird cockroach from the bathroom who wont die no matter how much raid spray we throw at it. NEVERMIND OUR NEW HIRE KILLED IT

- MCDONALDS. (Not Faust, you can come anytime <3)

- ERLKING'S WEIRD HORSE. Ok so after careful consideration, Dullahan IS allowed. The girl, not the horse.

- Whoever keeps slashing the tires of our customers' cars.

- The mutts who keep licking me

Heres the blogs of the burgerlking staff (that i know of. I think.)

- @burgerlkingofthewilddelivery my bitchass hushand

- @burgerlking-dullahan the horse (not a horse anymore tho? Idk)

- @johnburgerlking our trusty homunculus

- @janeburgerlking the diversity hire (we needed more women)

[burgerlkingofthewilddelivery]

Catherine suggests throwing things at Linton, which item should we barrage him with?

Eggs

Tomatoes

Dullahan

Voting ended onJul 5

[everycashierofburgerking]

Ah. Yes, I did do that. <3

[burgerlkingofthewilddelivery]

Sir. the feral McDonalds employees are back. And they're doing some kinda cult ritual in the female bathrooms. - Janitor Linton ( @burgerlkingjanitor )

well call Catherine I ain't invited to girls night.

[burgerlkingjanitor]

fine. @everycashierofburgerking can you deal with this, perhaps?

[everycashierofburgerking]

I have all these people hired specifically so I don't have to deal with things like these, Linton. I thought you'd be capable of guessing that much.

Anyway no I'm busy playing fortnite on the cash register.

[everycashierofburgerking]

One cheeseburger and a medium size cup of water

-Meursault Limbus

sorry we don't serve fr*nch people. Not even during pride month.

[everycashierofburgerking]

sister. burger. please.

-Random ass Hindley

You tried to gamble away the house. No burger for you. Unless you pay for it, in which case id be quite concerned on where you managed to get money. Please do not mug the customers, we need them to keep coming so we can keep scamming them.

[everycashierofburgerking]

It is pride month, @burgerlkingofthewilddelivery . You know what that means.

[burgerlkingofthewilddelivery]

boss do you know when my birthday is

You are a cog in the machine and are worthless.

it's next month, specifically in 2 weeks.

[everycashierofburgerking]

How come you remember the homonculus's birthday but not mine. This is why we're fucking divorced.

[burgerlkingofthewilddelivery]

i can't believe i just fell for bait fuck my stupid burgerlking mod life why cant farmwathc id be real

[everycashierofburgerking]

// mod i swear to fuck if youre talking abt what i think youre talking abt. //For everyone else, here's the context that this DUMBASS believed in.

[everycashierofburgerking]

awww,,, little guy,,, this one is NOT going in the deepfryer.

[everycashierofburgerking]

WOULD YOU SMOOCH A GHOST?

I AM a ghost. Dumbass.

[everycashierofburgerking]

my apologies miss, but what did you expect, I am a sopping wet twinkboy. -Janitor Linton

this is why I chose Heathcliff over you. Even though you're both sopping wet. Moist.

At least he's a little Less sopping wet than you though. I bet I could pick you up and shake you around like a sheet of metal and you'd do that fwbwbwbwbwo noise.

[everycashierofburgerking]

Ma'am, when I mean they I mean it's the Mcdonalds workers again. theres 24 of them

and they stole my rapier. - Janitor Linton

For fucks sake. Sometimes I'm surprised you're capable of being more pathetic than Heathcliff. It's a hard enough task, you know? He can't even deliver twelve burgers without managing to drop his greatsword into one of them.

Speaking of

@burgerlkingofthewilddelivery go do something about this, I'm watching the football match rn

[everycashierofburgerking]

Ma'am they created mustard gas in the staff bathrooms again. my lungs are unequipped to deal with this.

-Janitor Linton

it's okay boy surely you can tough it out. If you clean that place up I'll stand next to you for 2 minutes without Heathcliff in the room or smth

[johnburgerlking]

some dude just sold me something he called "The Wild Blunt" in the parking lot, this aint shi

fgufclk dide is that a g ho st

[everycashierofburgerking]

No dumbass that's just me. Now stop smoking shit quality weed and get back to work.

[everycashierofburgerking]

28293910238… 8471939206767926193

-District 8 Sweepers

alright. anything else you people are gonna order or will that be all? if so then hand over like, half a million ahn.

[everycashierofburgerking]

*shoots you with a gun*

,

Ow?

Rude? Mean to me?

@burgerlkingofthewilddelivery kill this guy.

[everycashierofburgerking]

I have a question I hadn't spotted being answered here before, but how did you get involved with working at a Burger King? How did Erlking get involved?? How did any of this logically occur??

I'd ask your husband but I think he'd just cuss me out or smth and idk you seem nicer to talk to sometimes (don't tell him I said this because I like both of you but I dont need him wallowing in sorrow anymore) :P

Also fanart progress is certainly going. :D (my cat shut off my pc when I was working on it)

ok first of all i am Not nicer. appreciate the spirit but ive literally thrown boiling hot fryers at him before. second off, we started up this place because. um idk, for the shits and giggles i guess.